Saturday, May 31, 2003
the evil demon
the horns under the halo
deception
perception
i should be in alaska
by now,
travelling towards Nome
but i am not
a blessing in disguise
asking me not to turn away the problems
and face them bravely,
like a shielded warrior
waving a rusted sword
but now,
i see no problem
no trouble
life goes on even my exam results
disappointed me
even that, tomolo,
i will so busy that
i may drain myself out
i have a job at hand
and the deadline is up soon
but it wasnt my fault
if i cant finish my work
ahhh.
this is life
isnt it?
*winkz*
watched amazing race 4
wish i were one of the 12 pairs
trying to drive out of the stadium to airport
taking the cable up the snow-capped mountain
deciding on which road block to take
and running down white snow for my next clue
not knowing how u would end up
first, or eliminated
frens and foes
to help or ignore
yeah,
that's so life
no wonder it is a reality show
is this reality, my dears?
but wat the heck!
i just wanna be in the fun!!!
woohoo!
12:23 AM |
|
Wednesday, May 28, 2003
silly me,
to fall in love all over again
just one photo,
and it keeps me happy for the rest of the nite
but it feels good,
though alittle sad,
but the feeling is different
as compared 4 yrs ago,
haha
maybe it is just another eye candy
yet,
deep somewhere,
i wonder if it will come back to me
or really,
it is not meant to be at all
-cant help thinking that way i guess, just human, but i already know the answer. but there's always hope, a hope for nothing to happen, this is funny!!!-
1:50 AM |
|
happy memories are here to stay
bad memories are just constant reminders
am i part of ur those bad
or the good ones?
is it pain u see
or do u smile?
i wish i can make u smile
even if it is painful
for u to see me again
1:33 AM |
|
my darling wrote
"leopards never change its spots"
and she continued to say
"its always be the same thing over and over again"
i guess every1 knows it
it takes 1 to understand it
enlightenment doesnt come from others,
it glows from within
others can only guide
u have to walk the path,
urself
maybe, in the end
no matter how much u have been thru,
how much u have suffered
how much u have gained
it adds up with ur age
with those wrinkles
along with those grey hair out of ur head
but who cares,
"he made me sees what Life is,
and what Death signifies,
and why Love is stronger than both"
y not?
1:21 AM |
|
Monday, May 26, 2003
somehow,
i really started to believe,
some crush will last a lifetime
and damn he is really cute
till now,
i see him,
my heart races,
my senses are all set to high mode
and all i feel is happiness
and all i see is him
i have only eyes for him
that all other things are out of my mind
boy, does he make my troubles go away
=oP
10:33 PM |
|
(my last blog b4 i call it a day,
just listened to a few songs,
making me feel,
alive)
dance with me
dance with me
ur body and mine
intertwained
into one
ur eyes locked mine,
we move to every beat
every count
we arent us anymore
just the beat
just the music
let's dance the nite away,
under the starlit sky
let's fall in love,
on the dance floor
romancing u with every move
romancing u with every touch
romancing u with me
just dance
just romance
just love
i give u my heart,
i give u my soul
and tonight,
i give u my body
let it go,
freeze every second
with ur lovedance
melt me every moment
with ur body heat
just dance with me
to the end of time
like there is no tomolo
3:24 AM |
|
listening to lifehouse's take me away,
sounds good,
the music i mean
just finished giving my galfren some relacon advice
so weird
suddenly, u see pple in greater pain,
u feel nothing at all,
to ur own problems
then somehow,
maybe this is how i help myself (yes shao, this is for u)
my darling joanna just felt neutral
but for the next few days,
it would be crucial to her,
so as to speak
but let it be
wat comes will come
u can deal with it then
settle with the present
and maybe
i am feeling better
somehow,
getting too jaded isnt good at all
u just feel,
stupid
but every1 always feel dumb
so, being is the thing
smile, my frens
i love all of u
it's ok to bitch
sometimes,
it makes u so imperfect,
then u still can grow
it is a consolation,
u still can grow and learn
just remember,
educators,
wat should be learnt cant be taught,
we can only guide
show u the path
the decision lies in the beholder
the beholder of his or her life
3:03 AM |
|
strange but sweetly bitter
two person meet
they fell in love
happy moments
then when ideas clash
love fluctuates
slowly,
it started to die
the flame of love
gone forever
love comes,
love goes
it is not just fleeting
just, only for the moment
if u can
cherish the arguments
cherish the quiet moments
cherish the promises
cherish the verbal abuses
coz in the end,
at that while
u did,
coz u care,
coz u loved
2:39 AM |
|
Sunday, May 25, 2003
being peace
no matter where u r,
the sky is still blue
the sun still shines
no pt hiding
no chance to run
accepting urself
is the start of the love
for the world
smile for urself,
becomes smiles for others
when it comes to u,
it goes to others too
action
reaction
it goes round
12:36 AM |
|
Saturday, May 24, 2003
bittersweet symphony
love isnt charity
maybe it is
love is everywhere
but too bad
so sad,
alot dun see wat i see
in the end,
i have to play with their set of cards
coz majority wins
i love u
to who may stumble across this
thank u for being here
maybe
all is in love
right now
this precious moment
slipping
crashing
everbeing
1:46 AM |
|
Friday, May 23, 2003
just finished American Idol 2
clay and ruben,
fantastic,
they are already idols,
haha....but i prefer clay
yet ruben and his soulful voice
arghh..tuff choice
but from watching this gruelling 4 months of competition
it is a dream tat all aim to have
some cut for it
some just dun
some have the luck
some just dun
but getting to this pt,
i realised how tiny sometimes, problems are
as compared to ur dreams
sometimes,
certain decisions will make u lose things
but also, u will gain
it is just how u value ur own judgement,
ur own life
live
congrats to ruben and clay
they have made thus far,
they have won milllion hearts
they made us grow up with them
they made us have an attachment to them
they have,
completed a dream
starting a bigger one
12:04 AM |
|
Thursday, May 22, 2003
(watching ah seng, it tok abit on buddhism
really felt a sense of calm when they did
religion, a means afterall to attain peace)
everything is so,
love equity
tranquility
serenity
maybe that universe
that box u jumped out,
only lands into a bigger entity
maybe it never exists at all
could it be just an illusion?
life
death
a cycle
inevitable
luff it off
smile
u have both
at the same time
1:47 AM |
|
(watched matrix reloaded
interesting concept they have
the way they tok
the way they live
the humans
the machines)
it is a matter of choice,
u have already made ur decision
u r just trying to understand ur own decision
u want to find a reason for ur choice
if humans were to choose b4 understanding
if humans choose not to understand
if fate chooses u to fail
if ur destiny gives u no choice
but u r still alive
is it the future lures u to keep it running?
is it the past makes u believe u r stronger?
is it the now that allows u to feel alive?
lies or truths,
somehow, it's an excuse
u have walked thus far
u have held on
no right
no wrong
no reason
no logic
no feelings
just be
coz the perfect thing about u,
is ur imperfections
totality
hope
ends all
1:42 AM |
|
Wednesday, May 21, 2003
�ޣ�����
�̣�����
Ц���Ƿ�
�����ң�
�����£�
�����Ķ�
����
���
����
����
���죬
��ҹ��
����ƽ��
�ޣ���Ϊ������
Ц����Ϊ�˽���
�̣���Ϊ������
1:38 AM |
|
(listening to simply red's sunrise
the music makes me feel good
but i am not.)
how i?
it is interesting how life has to turn out
when pple say u r self-centred,
living in ur own world
u change
when u start to think of others,
placing them b4 urself
pple dun help u anymore
and u have no 1 to run to anymore
becoz, only u can help urself
is this change for others, or for urself
i am still pondering
in the 1st place, was i ever self-centred?
in the 1st place, could i ever be the only universal?
in the 1st place, have u, ever reflected ur very own actions?
torn between change, and outcome
i knew i wanted to do it for the better,
but when i have done it,
at this very moment,
in the end, it seems not to matter?
dun want to think
dun want to bother
dun want to care anymore
i live for myself
i live for who i am now
i live for who i may want to be
but i am still me
i am still alive
12:38 AM |
|
Tuesday, May 20, 2003
just took another online quiz
You are Jean Grey! (x-men)
Beautiful and smart, you are still just beginning to fulfill your potential.
You have a strong sense of right and wrong,
but are open to discussion and changes of opinion.
Unfortunately, when it comes to love
you are often torn between two options,
and can never seem to make up your mind.
haha...i am a mutant but then again, it is quite interesting
sounds pretty true ah!!!
1:34 AM |
|
Monday, May 19, 2003
i am RENEWED
hahaha
somehow,
when everything is so clear to u
that it is pretty weird to feel
ur old self back alive
but it is good
it is wholesome
2:47 PM |
|
Saturday, May 17, 2003
"a friendship may be fading for ur life
and june's new moon only serves to highlight the problems
that have been going on for months
unfortunately there's nothing you can do
about the situation except protect yourself
family relations are a source of comfort right now
spending quality time with your family members
will help recharge your batteries
and get you back on the right track"
libra horoscope from the mag "seventeen" in the month of june
somehow, it is freakingly accurate
yeah, i guess i cannot do anything about it
but to treasure and cherish wat i have now
a true test to my sentimentality, isnt it?
*looking at some1*
June isnt here,
it felt as though that i have already walked thru it.
right
-maybe now is just the prelude and it is already eating into me..wow!..gotta find out where the editor got the source from!!-
2:10 AM |
|
tonight, it has been very nutty
i started to think i am a nut
and ask my frens to crack me
some said it actually meant crude
but hey,
i just think i am really a nut
a groundnut
dunno anykind of nut
only becoz being a nut,
u know, u can say anything
do anything,
pple just think u r crazy
(matchbox20's unwell)
but too bad, i dun think there is anything wrong with it
i tok to myself,
i make frens with non living things and hear them speak
but so, i am not afraid of admitting
i dun run away from who i am,
i am just me
nothing is wrong with me,
u just never see my mind at all
i have never lost my mind
it's u who cant find it.
1:55 AM |
|
Friday, May 16, 2003
totally blown away
about to burst into tears of happiness
madness
yeah,
gosh
stranger, i never knew u
but really, i wish i will never know u at all
u r so perfect still
so beautiful
so darn,
complete
3:36 AM |
|
dear, remember me saying i wanna to fall in love with a total stranger?
somehow, i have found him
complete, and so perfect
yeah...he is a total stranger
still is, coz i know him he doesnt know me
sounds ridiculous that just by reading his interview on his songs and life
i am already in love with him.
totally,
really,
he swept my feet off the ground
into a bed of rose petals
(if u wanna me to describe in ur sense)
- a man that shares my dreams "just the pursuit of happiness right now. that's love to me. but whatever or whoever gets in the way i'll ask to dance usually" and more-
3:26 AM |
|
great song that is
though i dun understand part of the song
it is like some kind of tongue twister
but the fantastic words come in the chorus
and maybe,
i shouldnt worry my life away
and it is a comedy for it is serious
and when i fall in love
i will take my time
coz i am still going to shine so fine
for i am just taking my own time
- Jason Mraz's the remedy, haha, wat a song -
2:57 AM |
|
Tuesday, May 13, 2003
sometimes,
fate brought pain
watching a drama serial
"loving some1 should be happiness,
but loving u only brought me pain and more pain"
yeah, i agree totally
to love some1, it is supposed to be happy
"so wat do u think i will choose,
some1 who loves me or some1 who sleeps beside me who is loving another woman?"
in the end, wat do humans need?
men need women they loved and dear so much
women need men who care and love them so dear
so who says love isnt simple and clean
in the end, it seems one-way traffic
but yeah, to make it sound better
it is just give and take
dear, dunno if it helps u, no 1 can help u except urself
sometimes courage to face it is the hardest,
coz truth always hurt, doesnt it?
but it only makes u stronger,
if u believe in a better present.
all is just smoke to ur eyes,
it makes u cry,
it makes u blind.
but it doesnt matter,
coz it is just a smokescreen
as long as ur heart isnt crying
ur heart isnt blinded,
u r free
u r very free
coz u have allowed urself to let it fly away,
away from u.
in ur own world,
only u and him are fighting,
but he isnt there to fight with u,
so u dun have to fight with a shadow,
just u only
- to my darling: may peace be with u. calm ur heart, peace is always with u-
3:23 AM |
|
Piano lessons
everytime i go for lessons,
i will always feel very sane
very sane
in that world of music
piano playing
i am me
no who
just me
dunno why but it feels so great and sane
on my trip home,
my spirits are back and high
tapping along and enjoying the ride back
and everytime i alight the bus,
i will just look up and smile at the nite sky
"it seems that u r both mad and sane when u play the piano,
yet it keeps u rather sane that u see siaosiao huihui at work again"
guess wat that is wat my piano teacher said
dunno, it is rather miraculous?
maybe that is y i never wanted to give up piano
maybe
-cheers-
2:55 AM |
|
Sunday, May 11, 2003
i had a dream yesterday
i dreamt i was a mutant
i dreamt i got pregnant and had triplets
2 girls and a boy
i freaked out completely
coz i was pregnant by some1 i dun like in the dreams
yeah, it was spilt into 2 parts.
1st is to save the world
2nd the mutant getting pregnant
wat is this?
hollywood movie?
i am, still feeling freaky
it's cool abt the mutant part
not the pregnant me by some unlikely guy.
damn, i shouldnt have changed the position i am sleeping in
2:25 AM |
|
Saturday, May 10, 2003
my darling galfren wrote in her blog that she wanted to get married
i also wanna get married (WEIRD)
the funny part is,
she has a guy that she yearns to marry
but i dun
i just wanna get married?
but to who??
WEIRD....
think it is 1 of those crisis...i am having...all at a time
2:43 AM |
|
just took an online personality test
You are enthusiastic
You trust your intuition
You yearn for romance and prize meaningful relationships
You seek your true self and dream of attaining wisdom
You pride yourself on being loving, kindhearted, and authentic
You tend to be giving, trusting, and spiritual
You are focused on personal journeys and human potentials
You are an intense mate, nurturing parent and an inspirational leader
NFs(intuitive, feeling) are rare, making up no more than 8 to 10 percent of the population.
But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm
and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.
hahaha..right....so stranger...know me better now?
2:29 AM |
|
Friday, May 09, 2003
i have to get a hold of myself
looking back at all my posts
it is rather pathetic to see,
how i have not changed that state of mentality
i am too tired to go round and round again
maybe it is high time not to be an ostrich
when i am ready,
when i am ready,
i will
maybe others may not understand,
keep asking me not to think too much
but if i think it is a problem,
how can i not deal with it?
no b4, not after
but now
it seems rather painful when u cant tok to any1 anymore
not becoz they dun listen
just they dun seem to get wat u mean
when it seems no 1 understands
only u can, but u have to be objective
very objective, till u r not the problem anymore
i wish i can give myself that strength
that wisdom
to learn something that no1 can teach me:
to live a happy life and believe in it
2:11 AM |
|
this is getting too unbearable
wat the heck am i feeling so, lost, so, gone?
maybe he is right, i need to go backpack,
to see more things, and then i will see that direction
that i have been looking for
listening to celest chong's wo bu hui fei
i know, my heart sings this song heartily
it is interesting how i am trying to find solace
tapping my fingers in this regular beat,
as though i am a nun, chanting
i am indeed having a 21st yr old crisis
i need time
dunno when it will end.
i wish it would go away
the sky cant drop,
only u can fly towards it,
then it will seem to have fallen
-sigh-
1:13 AM |
|
Wednesday, May 07, 2003
it is interesting to actually listen to 1 song that speaks ur heart
listening to our lady peace's life
the lyrics set me back to life
yeah...maybe i am able to relive
thank heavens!
2:10 AM |
|
Tuesday, May 06, 2003
at this stage,
who matters so much as much as u matter to urself?
it just poured outside.
it is so darn cooling
i wish i can go out for a walk, with my arms wide opened
taking in watever this goddamn earth has offered to humans
i still believe,
i have to walk alone
i have to stop being sentimental
but i just cant control myself, can i?
can u?
maybe i just have to let go
set it free
then i wont harp over my stubborness
thank god
maybe i still have a chance to relive
2:14 AM |
|
2.30am
this is the time when stars shine so brightly
like light bulbs in the sky
it draws me like a moth to the lamp
total stupefication
aweing in simple admiration
within this universe, there is me
there are the stars
i am insignificant to them
they are rather puny to me
but both of us, just look at each other,
interlocking those gazes of longing
we wish we could hug each other,
giving that comfort so soft, that u feel,
big
so big,
that u have become the universe
we have the same origins
at this time, we shine together,
so brightly,
maybe,
tomolo i would forget who u r,
but never erase that mode of admiration
u and i,
burning for tomolo
for eternity
2:02 AM |
|
Monday, May 05, 2003
my best fren has decided to write an autobiography,
of me.
she says she wanna break up with me.
she says she wanna leave this place with me.
just watched a movie,
wanna fall in love with some1 i dun know at all,
yeah,
a stranger.
some1 i just meet along the streets
so in the end,
am i just a piece of artefact that i moulded out of nowhere?
listening to 3 doors down's When i'm gone.
if u have a chance, go read the lyrics.
{
blind
somehow, i believe, i am blind,
blind at heart,
blind at soul.
i cant be who u want me to be,
i cant erase my past in ur mind.
can u still see me in a different light,
everytime i walk towards u?
i rather u treat me as a stranger,
than some1 u love so dear.
i dun want u to see the past,
i want u to see wat future lies in me.
stop killing me by ur eyes,
like if they were the jury.
stop judging me,
like if u were to cage me forever.
}
12:22 AM |
|
Sunday, May 04, 2003
religion
wat is religion?
is it faith, or something to fill up ur empty spirit?
maybe, u dun believe in spirits, souls,
but somehow, sometimes,
u feel empty, a certain void somewhere,
that just makes u think, u need more.
faith, something u advocate.
faith, something u have.
faith, sometimes, is misleading.
faith, maybe could be harmful,
if u took too much of it into urself.
coz in the end,
too much of 1 thing, turns into obsession.
a passion that has gone overboard,
losing 1's grip onto the present, reality.
a balance in everything is my religion.
yeah, i am an extremist,
but i am also a libra.
i try to reach out for the both ends,
hoping to reach another balance from the ends
attaining equilibrium isnt an easy task,
just like trying to keep that faith always at hand.
maybe in the end,
religion is just another guideline to how u should live ur life.
that religion is ur very own faith that allow u feel loved,
feel important,
feel alive,
feel as a part of a bigger presence.
we do lack self identity,
self confidence,
self dependecy.
at least, this is one way out to reach out to this bigger meaning to life.
a way that has been laid from the days of human.
to me, religion is just wat nature is giving us,
something to comfort ourselves.
we cant fight nature, nor can we over come nature's powers.
in a bolt of lightning, u r very fried
in the trembles of the earth, lives are perished.
maybe it is high time, that through our different religions,
find a better way out for urself and ur loved ones.
find a pretty tomolo, to live on each day,
with wat nature showed us,
with zest,
with calmness,
with adaptions,
with evolution.
-maybe religion is to teach us good, but with complications of the human brain, a simple meaning, has turned complex. so in the end, wat is good?-
2:38 AM |
|
Saturday, May 03, 2003
the man is the head of the house,
but the woman is the neck,
and she can turn the head wherever she wants.
-"my big fat greek wedding", Toula's mum said that to her, haha...this is really ...satisfyingly, interesting-
2:43 AM |
|
Friday, May 02, 2003
on my own
i will be on my own
to look for a fren.
i will on my own for once,
though i will be scared,
and i know pple will worry abt me,
but i am on my own now,
and i will make it thru,
coz
i believe.
give me a chance to try,
for i am trying to grab that opportunity.
thank u for worrying abt me,
but pls dun, to let me go away in peace.
though far and unseen,
i am always on ur heart and mind,
for u have held me so close and so dear.
i will survive
u will too.
coz
we believe.
-my darling told me that she cant survive with me 2 weeks in europe....but maybe...she can coz i am always there, in her heart, and maybe coz i may travel alone, i am indeed on my own-
2:17 AM |
|
Thursday, May 01, 2003
strangers all around us,
they always give the most truthful, uninfluenced opinion abt u.
the very u that different pple viewed and judged.
interesting.
at this point, i am speechless.
have u ever tried listening to some1 and get stupefied to wat one have to say?
something that u havent heard b4, that rocks ur very own beliefs,
and sending chills down ur spine, in a very persuasive and possessive manner,
challenging u to drop wat u have held on so tightly, and adopt the new baby right away?
radical opinions
multi-facades,
stranger
let us raise the toast of life up high,
that we have met across all timeline and boundaries, right here
maybe we have nothing in common except being flesh and blood,
life does have its beautiful side to it doesnt it?
-fate, it does play joke on u sometimes-
2:50 AM |
|
wat brings us together?
the stride towards perfection
to be in contact with humanity
a giant leap in polishing relationships?
how perfect this clueless, helpless and flawed world can be.
totally out of box, yet confined to its own limits.
it is indeed out of this universe.
3 sides,
there are definitely more than these 3
i am not sure, i cant count forever.
heaven and hell,
life and death,
love and hate.
i dunno wat makes me crap so much,
to romanticise abt life,
toking the art of reflection,
the meer ignorance of humans' knowledge
makes us look cute sometimes, sweet
yet stupid.
heck it man.
(hrmmmm)
y not just let ourselves indulge in empty promises?
since they are already said,
like spilt milk, u cant get them back.
enjoy
while knowing,
its just empty.
-after exams, i will always feel so empty, somewat lost, holidays are something i look forward to, but when it comes, it lost its mystery. *HUMANS*-
(abridged)
2:02 AM |
|
sometimes,
beyond those eyes,
wat do u see?
very tiring to be amusing and entertaining
very tired of bitching abt everything else
but i am just being me
wat's so tiring abt it?
a crush will go on forever,
for he is one that make ur pulses
accelerate
all the time.
i will not forget u.
u made one big influence on me.
everywhere u go,
u are always kept close in my heart.
-interesting..hehehe....got story from some1 close!!...interesting..it is so.....true-
1:57 AM |
|
|
|
