Monday, June 30, 2003
darling joanna,
i have no idea if i do like him(yeah..toking about u here lijie)
i have been asking
then i see no pt of asking anymore
i wont know till i see him again
i am not scared of losing some1 i never have at all
i wont regret
that's wat i see now
as for the trip,
dunno if lijie would see this
nothing to hide anyway,
i think it is not worth it anyway,
i would rather pick another good time where
at least frens can spend quality time travelling
and make it a lifetime memory
then rush into some unplanned thingy
lijie,
when u come back in dec,
we can see if we can go somewhere?
the most i would visit u in USA later?
yeah, and now, i am bloated with anger
yet i cant do anything except sighing
*taking a deep breath*
life strides slowly
take it easy
11:15 PM |
|
yeah, done....
darling,
looking for company is easy,
to look for a lifelong one,
u just gotta let that "i HATE TO" thing go
haha
i never know wat surprises i can give myself and pple around me
so far,
i hardly have
but somehow...in a few yrs time,
i would be
just that i speak my mind
yeah, frank, outspoken, straightforward
watever
communication is breaking down as u grow older
and i am trying to get out of there
since i realised i have gotten into this heap of cyncism
it is not that u r explaining too hard,
coz damn it, i never know wat is too hard?
when u feel like doing it u do,
BUT i wont pretend as nothing happen
nor being irresponsible to it,
coz i am being who i am
so,
r u getting too comfy of who i am?
wake up that idea...
i am not a habit
i am a human, ever changing
thank u very much
keep that in mind,
ALWAYS
2:34 AM |
|
b4 i head to bed for the good earned rest
just the conclusion i have reached so far
pple in this damned society are bored humans
they do things just for fun
and for the fucking moment
and after which,
they dun give a damn about it
and worse still,
they pretended it has never happened at all
nothing wrong with that
just that i realised,
i should see it long ago
and shrugs it off
y bother?
pple dun care,
dun give a shit
life is given to u
only u think it is meaningless
i still think this whole fucking chance to breathe
is not meaningless
and i am not letting such modernists get me and my ideas down
so wat if u dun give a damn about my life?
i do
so wat u dun bother at all?
i still do
it is not about banging on the same wall even though i know
i am already bleeding from it
i am not banging any wall at all
so y should i bleed?
i remind myself
i am not an angel
i am not a saint either
but,
gosh
so wat if all of us arent?
i still can be better
jadism isnt for me at all
coz i will never to be
just i thot i am(was)
u can live ur life ur way,
dun get in my way
but even if u try,
u arent in my way anyway
so dun even try and waste ur effort
use that to search ur meaning in life
and stop telling me that
to get in my way is ur meaning of life
u r just living ur life off me
how dumb!
HAHA
so sad,
u just turn out to be my puppet!!!!!!
2:29 AM |
|
and for the brand new tomolo
i will stop everything
no more operational moves
no more planning
i will cease to see things on their whole
and even to the smallest detail
let it be
let it be
crap.
i am not doing that by telling myself that
not again...
sheesh
okie
i cant be bothered
heck it
2:05 AM |
|
thinking so much for the past few days
actually
it is bad
dun think so much when i work though
hahaha
work is good u know?
shrugs
suddenly,
there is a loss of words to type
dunno wat to say
dunno how to put it
i just crap
and be super nonsensical
i am getting so crap
stop giving me ideas
okie fine,
i will stop thinking so much
i will
put an end to all the thots
i shant think too hard
i wont
and i will
NOT think
nope
wont think
not that single bit
i will stick to this promise
or watever it is called
(though i never trust a so called promise
they are never true only for the stupid moment)
i will keep in mind i will stop thinking
i will STOP THINKING
hahaha....
i need to get back to work
mind is drifting away slowly
nono...
it is sanity that is waving FAREWELL
hrmmmm....
2:00 AM |
|
CRAPCRAPCRAPCRAP
AM I SHY???
HAHAHAHAHAHA
i am getting super crap
told some1 i am a jaded person now
i cant think straight like hell...
hohoho!
wat the heck...
y am i like this?
y am i like that?
GOD KNOWS?
hahahaha....
1:54 AM |
|
Saturday, June 28, 2003
listened to carpenters again
yesterday once more
it was one of my fav songs
really
never dying
it touched me everytime i hear it
bring back so much memories
esp primary school
such song
says so much and tells so much,
u will just cry
not becoz u r sad, but u rememeber
every word that is so true
so real
it happens to u and me
every1
can just swing shoulders left and right
put ur arms around ur frens
and sing along
it is indeed yesterday once more
sing a long my frens
it is good enuff 4 every1
my dear frens
sing a song for u and for me
lalalalalalala
12:41 AM |
|
Friday, June 27, 2003
nothing is perfect in this world
coz it can never be perfect
do we never try hard enuff to make things work better?
or we just start saying
it is meant to be?
or
just conjure some out of this world theories
thinking how true it is till
when we realised it was never the truth
we hack it then
oh well........
out of sight, out of mind
but never out of heart
gotta let it go
if not, when it comes right back into ur face again
u r going to hate urself
continue blaming urself
and make a hell out of urself
dun make ur life more miserable
no more
12:14 AM |
|
yet another day
started to walk down orchard road
was feeling really
vexed
and i hate that feeling again
sat in front of the big screen
munching my hotdog away
then everything went blur
really blur
it is my contacts
or is it myself
the higher i climbed
the stronger i get
the less care i have got
higher is my position
and i know when i fall
i know it will be so painful
that i will never make another climb again
it hurts so much doesnt it?
when u make a fall
down so far
ouch,
maybe by then,
u dun even need to climb
u have risen
it is still a long way to go,
and now,
damn it,
my dajie is so right now,
it never exists
never
i wonder how many realisations
i would have to discover when i am turning 21
it isnt the key of freedom
it is the key of realisations
just so great
-dun bother if pple dun care, u can pamper urself, just indulge-
12:04 AM |
|
Wednesday, June 25, 2003
suddenly
it is so empty
so so empty.
it lay motionlessly,
it doesnt make a sound even if u shake it
it is totally lifeless.
nothing is inside.
just void
it is so empty
so darn empty
i hate it.
y must it be so empty?
how to fill it up?
how to make it be full again?
oh damn,
i hate it
12:24 AM |
|
nite walk
stepping out,
bag hanging off right shoulder,
with a few small skips in the steps,
stood out,
walked on,
taking a few good breaths,
glancing thru every others' faces,
invisibility shrouded me.
sight dun pick me up
feel
tired it may seem,
there is a sense of belonging
a strong bond
the soul of every life
even with those street lights,
they lit up not the roads,
but kindle every heart
feel
12:12 AM |
|
it is really nice
to walk down orchard after work
it feels incredibly weird
but it feels good
it is dark,
pple still strolling with frens,
me,
moving in the crowd,
though tired,
i wish i can walk along the orchard road
think will just do that on thursday,
and enjoy the nite that bit
though thinking of some1,
and have no idea for wat?
but it doesnt matter
will just do that on thursday,
the feel of walking in the nite
=o)
12:05 AM |
|
Tuesday, June 24, 2003
when i work,
a day passes like no 1 business
haha
oh great!
life is still crapped up.
lalala.
have decided to give up
yeah
give it up
haha
lalala
this time,
it is really about the
care bear STARE
not bad,
i have managed to master it,
not bad,
no longer jack of all trades, master of none...
11:56 PM |
|
YAWN!!
1:51 AM |
|
Sunday, June 22, 2003
guess wat?
the sky is starting to brighten up!
dear,
for once
today,
i think i will put on my make up(YUCK!!!!!)
coz i dun think i can survive w/o it
w the only-3-hours-of-sleep trace present all over my face
luckily
i am tanned and am still wearing specs for the time being
hopefully,
my dark rings arent obvious!
and unlike most pple,
COFFEE DOESNT WORK ON ME!
just great,
maybe i would grab some boosters,
hahaha
6:34 AM |
|
it is 6+ in the morning,
i have work later in the morning and i just cant back to sleep
it is hot (sis's sick, air con isnt on)
and my mind is having some sort of F1 race???
so much things running thru
insomnia
again.
damn
how to survive 12 hrs of work later?
think during my half hr break,
i shall take a nap at the staff lounge
but the music is great on the radio
that is the only comfort i have
wondering how would i going to take it,
but at this hour,
it is nice and quiet
and it is a sunday
so i guess,
not many pple are getting up this early
going to give myself a sumptuous breakfast
and a great cold bath
yeah,
that sounds so wonderfully,
REFRESHING
i need it
my brain is half dead
my back is craving for support
my lungs yawn
where is the DARN ZZZ BUG?
forget it, will get back to harry potter b4 work
think it would cheer me up
it has been great so far
ahhhhhhh....
=oP
6:23 AM |
|
Saturday, June 21, 2003
FINALLY!!!!
the 5th harry potter book!!!!
HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX
this is great, but i am so tired to finish it?
and i have to climb out of bed (hopefully the right side)
and go work at 10am-10pm?!
right
i am going to die of boredom soon
hahaha
sheesh
i'm losing it...
my madness
DAMN
11:11 PM |
|
wat to do?
all men are bastards and all women are bitches
humans are nothing but animals that crave nothing but only affection
untamed, yet want to be treated like a pet but never as loyal
with much misery, they would just walk out of the "owner's" life,
without turning back, ha, so much of, "u cant turn back time, and u cant turn ur head around too"
not bad, humans, as a thinking animal have learnt to understand and practice
so do humans practice self control and think? or just ignore all consequences,
and reject any consciousness knocking out all logic decided to walk into self-admiration,
and only allow false intentions to turn into individual comforts just to think u can enjoy,
and be something u never be
wat a malicious world, i am not submerging in self pity, but just sighing on how this tiny significance
could ripple hatred and igorance to the end of the universe
this world is only beautiful
when sun continues to rise
rain still falls
flowers will bloom forever things we take for granted,
never fail on us
is this how u see this world to be?
just becoz of our refusal to see things in a different aspect doesnt mean we cant change a thing
"the only thing i can compromise to, is that i would never compromise"
not becoz i never wanted to feel it to be, but i dun want it to become a habit,
and then slowly evolve to be an integral part of life
my complete rejection to accomodation
is to ensure my survival is based on, "how nice to be able to be still alive"
than, "i want to see tomolo's plans work"
coz complacency only kills concern, false expectations silence love
u love only for ur own sake, u care only for ur own happiness
u r selfish becoz u dun bother, let me cry out loud,
"love is to prevail, but where has it gone to? buried six feet down or sixty feet down?"
i cant find that shovel, coz u dun even bother to respond to my cry
i may be cynical but i think u r the biggest hypocrite ever,
i am not about to change u and remember, u cant change me either, if this world is that big,
this society has decided to eliminate the minority or even the outcaste then i would join that few,
who stand, whom is to show the world, that calm river of love and life that reflects only selflessness
2:03 AM |
|
have a fren leaving for usa tomolo morning
for a 3-week holidays with his auntie and family
so jealous of him u know.
i could have gone for the alaska trip
but,
it seems heavens rejected my wish
it was then when he was jealous i could go
now,
i am jealous of him
CRAP
cant i even get a simple wish?
hahaha...
wat is simple??
12:54 AM |
|
darling,
remember i told ya i saw some lookalike?
i think i really miss him super badly then?
i have no idea
but i dunno
it felt super crap when i start to keep quiet
and stare,
just thinking of that idiot lor
hahaha....
how much is too much?
and i dun see how am i to get him out
just to see him
i wont
no,
i wont
and i think i cant
hahaha....
12:25 AM |
|
Friday, June 20, 2003
i just need to have that feeling one more time
the feeling that is the truth
not becoz i serached for it
but it just came to me
that oneness,
that my spirit was lifted
that floating feeling
the,
i am everything and
i am happiness
it is shortlived then
becoz my back consciousness pulled me back
but i felt it
blank
nothing
being
u know,
it is a damn cool feeling?!
u felt nothing,
no worries,
no problems
nothing is,
coz u r everything
that u r just there
wow!
i really like that
1:06 AM |
|
darling(yeah.....to my dearez joanna)
i am really bored
alittle excited about the new job
but as usu,
the passion will die off pretty fast
*raise eyebrow*
it is a hot hot nite,
stuffy and pressy
it is suffocating me now!
and now,
i have been thinking of him again
nope, not my love in that place!!!
just that,
life without regrets,
aint a life at all.
becoz we are being so human!
we commit mistakes,
take a wrong turn somehow,
cant swim back to shore in time,
and hoping that some boat can save us from drowning
i am a big kid
and will always be
some pple say i act cute
but i am just so
coz y r u so conscious of urself and everything?
u r just u r.
u r fine
no need to impress me
no need to make me feel honoured
ur presence has made me happy
sometimes,
i would need a space to think and
be w myself
not about something wrong w u or me
just, to breathe la
lalala
i am nothing
but an actress,
that just strunts and frets about on the stage
making the silliest comments
but i am
just nothing
lalala
*grinz*
12:47 AM |
|
FINALLY!!!
i am to start work on sunday!
and suddenly
i am so bored
but so glad i have a job at hand
even though my galfren said it is really boring at times
but it is okie.
i can crap with the aunties working around me too!
=oP
i still have slightly less than 2 months of holidays
i am still wondering,
everyday,
each day passes by,
i still feel tired!!
i sleep like a pig, *winkz*
cant be helped la,
gotta replenish the lost sleep
and i still feel tired!
*looking at my dearest coz*
yeah, we need a peace of mind..
haha..maybe we should do something stupid?
darling...how?..stupid things like wat?
oh well..
if any1 is free, *looking at all my frens out there*
do come and visit me when u r free
sms me when u wanna visit me when i am working!
haha...
and become my potential customer!
*winkz*
12:27 AM |
|
Thursday, June 19, 2003
Which Magical Order Are You In?
You are a Mentalist. Your magic depends on strength of will.
You could be a memory-reading Mind-Mage, a lethally telekentic Force-Wizard,
or a helpful Transmage for your abilities are a result of sheer stubborn will
and intensely keen intellect.
Your mind has been honed by learning and practice into the perfect tool
for examining and dissecting reality and altering it to suit your needs.
You are intelligent and scholarly with a tendency to distance yourself from others.
hehe....i am supposed to be
comtemplative
intellectual
mysterious
lalalala.....
6:53 PM |
|
Wednesday, June 18, 2003
my gor said
"somehow, it seems the guys around u is making u hate men,
u need a REAL man,
and maybe one day, u will bring back a guy from ur backpacking trip"
how true would it get, ephriam gor?
putting this down,
to remember
and see if this comes true?!
not bad!
some kind of romance while travelling!
2:04 AM |
|
the man said
"i wont make the woman i love cry for me"
the woman replied
"but i will only cry for the man i love"
frankly speaking,
i dunno how to respond to this,
somehow i cant get it right
or straight
but yeah,
just decided to put it down
1:56 AM |
|
went shopping today!
was great in the end!!!
at the start,
watever u find, they just dun seem right to u at all!
i tried a super nice red dress at Zara,
it was rather steep for my budget,
but it was worth the penny
it looks really great!
the cut and everything
but i just, couldnt bear w that 99 bucks
nope, no pt at this stage to spend that kind of $
oh well, and i gave up on that pair of orange jeans,
my fren said it looks a little too loose,
DAMN,
it was orange?!
well, it was beyond my budget too.
but as time goes by,
u get really tired of walking and walking
and trying and trying
then u almost just decided to let fate decide
how to end ur shopping trip
then u actually get wat u want
at a very good price
imagine,
a short tennis skirt(bod nits) at 15?
a colourful top at 20?
a denim dress at a bargain of 15(A MUST GRAB)?
now,
that is wat i call,
good, well-paid off shopping.
in the end
it is only 50 bucks for all the stuff i bought
and proud of it
i can never understand y are lingerie
always more expensive than clothes that are
to be worn on the outside??
out of 2 shopping trips?
i spent 110
with the most expensive thing?
my orange bra, 40 bucks
while the clothes are all under 20!
now guys,
do u understand shopping now?
dun tell me u dun.
coz i realised,
guys are the same
but of different league
and sometimes,
i really dun understand the effect of
RETAIL THERAPY
=oP
12:42 AM |
|
Monday, June 16, 2003
*starez*
*spaced out*
*stunned*
*sianz*
*shoooooo*
1:47 PM |
|
Sunday, June 15, 2003
back to where it is
can u feel it?
it has flown back
can u sense it?
the moment is back again
can u see it?
that she has appeared once again
open up ur heart,
open ur eyes.
the renewed her.
the same old shell
but with a better spirit
r u game to know her again?
time is running short
as u know it,
it never stops
keep those sand in the hour glass
run ur time on the dunes,
vast,
beautiful.
where the wind blows,
pick ur shape
the sunrise, the sunset,
the stars and the moon.
inside,
outside,
do u have the courage to take the challenge?
2:57 AM |
|
"if u know how to love,
u would learn to let her go.
if u dun, u gotta stay alive and learn,
to love"
how true this can be?
could u truly give up everything for that person?
can u do everything that person asks for?
would u do it?
love her and let her go.
only her
just her man
haha.
darling,
i've thinking of alot of things,
while travelling to and back
so much, so much
everything is really here to stay,
but i am to move
walk,
run,
jump
fly
really,
move and unroot myself
he said," u r a happy person, thinking u r sad"
u know,
i think he is right suddenly.
and he is that stranger,
i truly need to meet,
and found it.
may peace and love prevail
may u triumph unhappiness.
YEAH!
2:16 AM |
|
Saturday, June 14, 2003
and u know wat dear?
i truly really wanna luff!!!!!
life has a comical side
not that is a practical joke
but it just make itself
sounds so hilariously funny
and u know wat is the craziest thing?
that it is,
indeed,
truly
comically funny!
hahaha
at least now,
i have found some1 who makes me happy
like u!
=oP
2:25 AM |
|
dear, replying to ur blog
sometimes,
it is not that i dunno who i am
i somehow, know who i am
i am just going thru a terrible phase,
that maybe, it is an identity crisis for now
i know who i am made of,
but i have stated that i am changing
last time,
i used to be happy,
even when i am sad,
i never cry, and just shrugs it off and
cont'd smile, from within
but now,
even when i seem happy,
i know deep down,
i am upset somehow.
the way we used to be,
may define who we are now,
but also it means,
we have to change
if u believe pple change
thank u for thinking of me as a wonderful person. a great fren
u r too u know.
but i still feel terrible on how i treat pple.
that is the point i cant compromise on,
weird it sounds, but yeah.
i dunno,
all the memories do keep me happy,
but at this stage,
i dun see how it can solve my problems.
memories are of the past,
for u to know that u have a future,
that's wat i think u know..
and now,
i dun wanna think so much
i am indeed having a tough battle with myself
but i will survive,
coz i have survived thus far.
not easy u know,
i wish i can go back to the really mad,
strong headed(very) huihui
but i think it isnt easy to get back
just evolve into some1 diff i guess
taking alot of deep breaths these days,
trying to tame my temper much more,
and keeping myself less occupied about
things i have done and said that somehow,
i felt it was mean or harsh on others?
this is the biggest problem i have
never be able to trust my principles anymore
my stand,
my pt of view
trying not to reject myself?
haha..
in mind and in spirit
i will always be here la.
just when in reality,
i am just lost,
and wandering
looking for the huihui now.
"que sara sara
watever will be will be
there is so much for us to see
que sara sara"
this is a song that wish i can find it once again
yeah.
heard it when i was young and fell in love w it.
i dunno how many masks one can wear.
dun even know if the face can support it
but we do wear different masks
sometimes,
not becoz we arent true to pple,
and not becoz we arent true to ourselves,
we just have to.
but i am still me
w or w/o that mask
coz wat is more impt is the character
the attitude towards life
i guess,
every1 is having those tuff times
it is indeed growing up isnt it?
some pple take shorter time to recover
some take ages to see the light
some just need that special some1?
i guess
all is different in that approach to find the "truth"
but i guess,
the outcome is to be the same?
i am still me
u r still u
guess this is wat life is teaching me now.
just gotta hold onto a belief
be it wrong or right.
it is always a better tomolo
nothing too serious,
nothing too plain
just the way u would like it.
coz it is always tomolo,
that u expect
that u can fantasize
that u can dream happily for
whether if u r sad,
happy
tomolo is a hope advocate
i will see u in tomolo,
wont i?
1:31 AM |
|
Thursday, June 12, 2003
a fren of mine's father passed away suddenly
felt really down then when i heard the news.
imagined, i just saw uncle last week,
very alive and bubbly
it is really weird
of how life works
when u r to go
u have to go.
nature would want u back into earth
she would just take u.
but i guess life goes on,
though sadness and grief would stay for some time
but be strong.
he may be gone
gone for good
but he is always there
never left a step away from u
let him go
but he always stays in u,
in mind
in spirit
with love
smile my dear,
through his last journey with him
in peace he will be
smile for him
let him know,
u love him
and u will smile for him
he will always smile for u,
everywhere u go,
wherever u go.
11:54 PM |
|
something lost
it seems ages, doesnt it?
i think i have lost something
never knew if it is dear to me
maybe i have lost alot those?
but maybe it never got into me then
humans' thirst for wants are endless,
u lose some,
u gain some.
it is gone forever,
but it was here to stay,
right there,
frozen
maybe i have lost u
but i gained my memories of u
maybe i have left u
but i received love from u
maybe i have not gained nor lost
but it was just gotta be.
"dun say u love me,
dun say u need me,
i dun need any promises,
just stay here,
and hold my hand
may that sunset lasts forever"
1:22 AM |
|
heart
when i am unhappy,
i dance
when i am sad,
i space out
when i am happy,
i am called mad girl
when i am mad,
that is when i have most mixed feelings.
finding the accessories to decorate my life
i search for them,
how do they look like?
sweet things,
nice to see,
hard to hold on long
but a hug,
a concern,
removed all worldly things,
just a heart
really pure,
really kind.
shouldnt have looked high and low
i just have to sit and look inside
that is the only accessory i need
something warm,
red and pumping
may it stay simply
1:08 AM |
|
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
finally caught the long waited movie, finding nemo!!
great animations!
great colours(really shown the colour world of the ocean,
though it is always dark deep down, besides the corals)
great music(hehe, that jazz piece at the ending???)
great facial expressions (the whale language that dory did..oh my!!!!!!)
great jokes(minemineminemineminemine)
great plot (though alittle...stale, but hey, parents, watch it man!)
i truly, madly, deeply enjoyed every single min of the movie
not advertising for it,
but yeah,
if u guys have a chance
catch it.
be SEAED by it
hahaha
*nemo*
*^5 with the lucky fin, dude!*
12:50 AM |
|
Just talked to crisann and I realised I never recieved any roses in a long, long time.
Life is getting sad.
I think I shall stop thinking.
roses?
oh well...
i wont ask u to go and buy roses for urself
coz alot of pple would find it pathetic
maybe u do
sometimes,
if it makes u happy,
juz because pple get u wat u want,
that's so u
just like the coin pouch
and becoz, now
no 1 would buy that for u,
u felt,
unloved?
dunno,
thinking isnt bad,
think rationally
u said u wanted to get back as the superficial girl again,
yeah,
it's fine, really.
but somehow, i wonder if u have realised,
that u r running away from ur problems.
pple around u cant tell u that all the time,
but when we need to say we say.
i guess that's wat i learn.
thotfully,
i truly wondered if i should have replied to ur blog
u always ask me to give u a soln/advice to ur problems
i always said, "y should i?"
coz human only take up the advice,
they are hoping to hear.
meaning, they have their own ans,
they just wanna pple to confirm for them
but i dun blame them, at all.
i cant.
it is still a choice.
even replying to ur blog,
i chose to do it.
cheers to life
u do have a life
just let me remind u something,
"within this conformity,
transform urself"
rules are meant to be bent,
not broken
to be antiflow,
isnt to go the opposite direction,
but just stay where u r,
and be.
12:28 AM |
|
Or maybe I'm just thinking of Andie Anderson in How to lose a guy in 10 days -
When your mom hugged me, she really hugged me.
It feels really good to be in someone else's arms.
No strings attached. I somewhat miss that sort of feeling...
sometimes, i wonder, if my thots is good but
let me comment on something.
maybe it is getting into u now,
or do u crave a hug?
there isnt a free lunch in this world?
aunction?
good luck
not being cynical,
just that,
open ur eyes and see,
learn to let go on
"DAMN I NEED AN UNATTACHED HUG??!"
maybe then,
u would be happier
and more simpler
and i am not sure if u misunderstood her meaning or
i misunderstood urs?
somehow, i interpreted as,
someone who actually cares,
not becoz of who i am to her ben,
or wat?
just that it was a hug,
that makes u feel loved.
haha,
yeah that was wat i felt she meant?
and let me pose u a question?
r u waiting for some1 to offer u a hug?
r u?
wat?..let fate do the job?
y dun u decide go and hug some1 else?
maybe i am asking too much for u to start thinking of others.
hug any1,
girl or boy
even a stranger
when u have done it,
tell me how u feel?
but let me remind u,
not him.
12:10 AM |
|
Monday, June 09, 2003
took another test
Emode's Original Inkblot Test:wat drives ur unconscious mind
You are driven by a higher purpose than most people. You have a
deeply-rooted desire to facilitate peacefulness in the world. Whether
through subtle interactions with love ones, or through getting involved in
social causes, it is important to you to influence the world.
You are driven by a desire to encourage others to think about the positive
side of things instead of focusing on the negative. The reason your
unconscious is consumed by this might stem from an innate fear of war and
turmoil. Thus, to avoid that uncomfortable place for you, your unconscious
seeks out the peace in your environment.
Usually, the thing that underlies this unconscious drive is a deep respect
for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own
involvement in it. As a result, your personal integrity acts as a surrogate
for your deeper drive toward peace and guides you in daily life towards
decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others.
Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Peace, there is much
more to who you are at your core.
hrmm.....this is interesting!!
but it would take a long time to complete it,
have patience...
3:50 PM |
|
there goes my kickboxing classes.
gotta sign up in sept instead..
all starts so late!!!
oh well
but i still can save a bit more!!!!
hehehe
2:34 PM |
|
did a test at emode
"wat renews u?"
this is me! it is VERY true
"For you, there is no better sanctuary from life's demands than some space for yourself alone.
That's not to say you're antisocial. It's just that you like to take time to know yourself,
to reflect on all your experiences rather than sweeping them under the rug to deal with another day.
For you, long walks, a cozy afternoon on the sofa,
or a luxurious soak in the tub might give you all the solitude you need to really look inward,
so you can better look outward toward work, family, and friends.
More than others, you need to take those moments to slow down, think, and dream."
hahha
try it out at
www.emode.com
under what renews u?
hahaha
2:23 PM |
|
"K, I not so cynical now, but still love is a delusion?
Its fleeting dear, so as long as you enjoy being with that person, don't think so much.
As long as you are happy for that fleeting moment, that's it dear. Remember?? "
qouting my darling
let me repeat wat u said,
and let me make sure u reflect on ur own words
u said enjoy being with the person and dun think so much
r u doing it?
u just think about it, haha
to me, i realise love is more than about fleeting
i can love alot of pple,
and stay with me for a long time
for u, maybe things come fast, go fast.
just like u said it is a bet?
and a bet never last long
(to every1)
to me, it is not about, how much u enjoy
becoz u think u enjoy
unless BOTH said u enjoy yeah
that is love
but in the end,
one side love both way it is still love
u dun get back the love u gave
it isnt that it is fleeting,
u just dun like the idea of losing it
and not having a reciprocation
oh well
this is human
love is selfless
love is,
somehow, never only about urself.
shrugs
that's how i feel now.
whether it is about thinking too much,
i guess we can never judge
i am not judging any1 now
i am just reflecting on the things all have said
the outcome
u decide
remembering, to me,
is about living in the past
not about for that moment
maybe in the end,
Zeno is "right"
everything is of infinity.
never able to start or end
it is just everbeing.
that is wat it is
and fleeting or not be it
u choose
11:03 AM |
|
Sunday, June 08, 2003
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2:16 AM |
|
somehow i felt that the moon (cresent)
is so mysteriously, enchanting
i have no idea y,
esp when it is sort of playing peek-a-boo with u,
using the red clouds and black sky as shield,
it adds that mystifying touch there,
yet so motherly, shining down onto u.
isnt it, so beautiful?
that sometimes,
u just awe at it, and heave a light sigh,
pondering how wonderful it is to be seeing such
a breathtaking view.
u never knew,
how a moon,
reflecting light from the sun,
could bring about that unarranged chance
that u never anticipated,
and makes u so happy,
so, light
and set u floating up to the sky to join the moon
yeah.
that was how i felt for the past few nights,
walking in the moonlit path,
instead of looking of where i was walking to,
i just lift my head up,
smiled at the moon and went,
"thank u, for being so beautiful"
time to do it to the pple around u
yeah,
to pple u care and love
maybe it is always hard to say it,
but do it i guess.
it is hard yeah?
but it's okie
bet they felt the same too.
but again,
it is okie
all will be fine
for the foul weather can only
bring pple together,
hugging for comfort
for the fine weather can only bring
smiles to every1
2:09 AM |
|
Saturday, June 07, 2003
just caught the show "how to lose a guy in 10 days"
there it seems that,
realising how much u love some1
is because of wat the damn person he/she is,
and not because how much he/she is sooo impt to u.
u just like each other's company
anything under the sun.
so darn comfortable that u just wanna stay in the couch,
arguing with that idiot/bitch, u named him/her
and u know wat is the most darn impt?
that no matter watever he/she has done,
u just want him/her, to be happy
yeah, happy.
remember: "coz u cant lose sometthing u never have" (qouting andie anderson)
and this is not bullshit.
2:19 AM |
|
Friday, June 06, 2003
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2:44 AM |
|
and i have decided to take up kickboxing!
FINALLY!!!!
have u ever felt lost and so empty that,
u feel u r just wasting time away like spilt water?
sounds like a catch qoute,
but it isnt
time to open ur eyes,
get off that comfy couch,
and start moving
find that time that u have never done or seen b4
do it.
have fun.
do it,
for a cause.
YOU
*winkz*
1:24 AM |
|
suddenly thot of a lot of silly things again
haha
look, i realised something while reading a book
"u need a cup of coffee to get out of bed,
so u got out of bed to get that cup of coffee"
interesting isnt it?
the cause within the cause and effect
think i am getting nutty over baby clothes?
went to get a discounted esprit top for Jervis(my nephew)
haha, wat a wonderful auntie i have become,
instead of spending the money on myself
i rather have it spent on him
sometimes, i think
i have rather, if anything happens,
offer my life for his.
looking at this world now,
globalisation or Americanisation,
is showing everywhere,
not about Macs
but look at alot of coffeeshops,
got into the franchise of food courts,
in the end, lost the uniquness of coffeeshops
i rather eat at hawker centres!!!!!
more interesting varieties,
at a better value!
finally, the Williams sisters are not in the finals for French open
or should say, not in any finals?
but think about it,
alot really hate the sisters coz they are somewhat invincible?
but let's take a step back,
without them,
the standard of women's tennis would not have be risen to another
more competitive
more determined stage
without them,
alot of current players never knew they could have done better
without them,
i would just stick to men's tennis.
-on the tennis field, there isnt the men and the women, only the competitors, the stronger one and the weaker one-
-in a battlefield, there isnt commoners or the armed, just soldiers, to protect ur country, to protect love ones, to protect urself-
1:16 AM |
|
Thursday, June 05, 2003
this is nuts,
haha
toking to a fren who went to visit old folks
he followed a fren who is a volunteer
toking about old folks,
pple who have done so much for the society we have lived it
provided every tree and road we have now.
i wonder how much we can give it back to them?
nothing too serious here,
just curious
just like
a couple, could be matchmaked,
or fell into the pool of love
worked super hard,
esp that kind of times, where u r not highly educated (mostly)
u slogged yet keeping life simple to start a family,
have 4-5 children (some) and making a life possible
out of somewhere
till, u reach the age of retirement
kids have grown up, and ur contributions to the family and society
are boundless
somehow
u get sick, or fall ill, and maybe choose not to depend on ur children
u and ur old companion live in a 1-2room flat
waiting for death to take u.
a life
so painstakingly, unmistakably,
purposeful
i wonder if i have the chance to see that moment
when i can sit down,
and reflect my life
and wait for my coffin to be laid nicely
hahaha
1:08 AM |
|
Wednesday, June 04, 2003
shall give myself a break
and give urself a break la
maybe it is hard not to think,
very hard, that i know and truly understand
convincing may not work, since u tried b4
confused as u r now,
just let it be la
wat come will come
sometimes,
the more u worry,
it will just make it worse for urself
somehow, u gotta find that out urself
i have had
u just gotta be calm and think of the best way out
1:21 AM |
|
Tuesday, June 03, 2003
at this stage,
i feel like thanking alot of pple
my family esp my dad,
then to my da jie.
dunno
everytime i do something happy, sad
they are the ones that make me cry,
real hard
too many pple liao
my primary school teachers,
esp that chinese teacher
always remember wat he said in class,
so naked and so true.
skipping sec, jc
to frens
MGS buddies man,
esp Sab and Chris and of coz
CHONNIE!!!!
haha and of coz cheryl and jiahao for making
frenships a little more weird?
joanna darling of coz,
how can i ever forget u?
haha....we never seem to figure out how we became so close??
=oP
afrum, who makes a fantastic advise giver!!!!!
and a few more close guy frens i have,
who care to make my life alittle more miserable,
oops, more amusing! =oP
(looking over at the seniors side....)
haha, of coz my crush.
my first experience of, liking some1 head over heels!!
of coz to a few silly girls and guys i know,
that make life more interesting w u guys.
dunno liao
who else?.
dun wanna mention too many names
not too nice too
=oP
thank u every1 who have been into my life
making influences in any way
hahaha
u have indeed made me smile or cry in a way or another!!!!
=o)
3:14 AM |
|
it seems only yesterday
it seems that i have re-lived that moments
it seems that i have grown up to the me now
it seems so weird, so weird
it seems so unbelieveable
it seems so impossible
it seems that i have really survived
it seems that i am still alive,
kicking
2:55 AM |
|
there u go, my dearies!!!
hehe
how is it?
jo, dunno this seems crappy isnt it?
events like this doesnt seem happy nor sad
but it just etch that memory so deep
i dunno wat kind of happy, innocent memories are
but so far, i have only touched on pri school days.
have yet to write on kindergarten, sec school, jc days.
even uni
yeah
u guys can judge,
of wat is good or bad,
happy or sad.
but remember,
it is afterall ur pt of view.
maybe valuable,
maybe not,
but it would just make a difference,
in 1 person's life.
really.
2:42 AM |
|
just read jo's blog
she is in quite an okie mood
back to herself
good good
more one happy person on earth!!!
*winkz*
was doing work today,
went for piano
and back for fav variety show
and now online
been thinking alot
sometimes
i truly wonder
wat is to be happy?
are u a happy person?
can u tell me wat is making u smile now?
are u contended?
are u satisfied?
i am still trying to answer those questions myself
but today, i'm more +ve,
meaning my fighting spirit is back
i will find that happiness back
dunno wat it is,
dun even know if it did leave me,
but yeah
i will search that happiness,
even if it was over the clouds,
under the ocean
it is somewhere out there.
(okie, either it is the American Tail's song, or Our Lady Peace)
remembered a fren said
"i earn to travel"
so do i.
that is my dream, dear.
i am to travel
born to travel
die a traveller
so dear, wat r u born to do?
yeah, glad i have a few frens,
still around,
allowing me to be in their lives
rather thankful
and really grateful
pple are willing to forgive
and see my good side
lucky to have pple who care,
doesnt it?
suddenly all my pri school memories came back
then my sec school days are back too
even my kindergarten scenes starting to unfold.
i will always remember a fren,
yeah forgotten his name,
though how "bad" he was to me,
to quarrel with me and even call me names,
still remembered that day,
when my body got some allergy and got all itchy,
with some big patches of skin out,
he actually said
"it itches like mad right?
go home quick and use rice wine to relieve it,
it does work"
it touched me then and i did just wat he said,
the swell and itch went down.
i never forget how he would care, dear.
no matter how bad we were to each other.
another fren, Swelyn
my pri 6 fren who sat beside me in class
we were loggerheads, always arguing
and my teacher would always comment me of being impatient.
yeah, i was, and maybe still is,
but when we had to take our PSLE prelims,
he needed help, coz his family gave him so much pressure,
expecting to get into top schools in singapore.
ended up, he was really upset.
i felt really bad and i offered to help him along in his weaker subjects.
we, in the end, became great pals.
though i never met him since i left mgs,
but i will always remember how him and my teacher,
made me a more patient,
and a person who is maybe willing to step back and care.
and it was in my primary school days,
that i believe, humans are good in nature.
there is some goodness in every1,
u just gotta discover it.
pple have their side of stories,
a reason maybe excuse
but, sometimes, let us be more bearing
and understand and maybe,
there would be less misunderstanding.
that would be another good start in a better world?
make urself a better person,
and the world around u would slowly,
get touched
though sometimes,
how irritating u may be,
maybe u really dun mean it.
maybe u just want piss off that person.
but hey,
i am sure u r made of something that's y u r here
dun worry if u dun get good results
dun worry if u cant find a gf/bf
dun worry if u cant find a job
dun worry if u dun have enuff to eat
dun worry if u dun seem to have a fren to pat ur shoulders
there is always a way out
there is always a brighter day
my da jie will always remind herself,
"when there is a will, there is a way"
and she proved it right to alot of pple
and i truly admire her spirit,
not for proving others wrong
but showing that she can do it.
inspirational figures will see everyday,
everywhere
and they are always close to u,
making u ponder,
wat makes them strong,
so strong to fight all evil,
to fight away fear
coz they gladly accept failures,
graciously welcome fear
coz they know their own strengths and weaknesses
and try their best to make the best out of it.
that's wat Life should be all about, isnt it?
no matter how hard this cynical world gets into u,
u still have to see and sense the warmth and care pple are giving u
even if, it wasnt targetted at u,
it was still there, for another person.
and u
yes u,
have felt it.
sitting here,
wrote quite alot
feeling very calm,
and somehow, a little tired.
i know my grammar sucks
i know my description isnt powerful enuff,
but as long as u can feel wat i am trying to imply,
i guess, this is wat this blog is all about.
frens or foes,
u r still worth wat u r here,
still alive.
2:37 AM |
|
Monday, June 02, 2003
maybe i am still thankful,
there are pple who still can tolerate me
thankful that pple,
still can stand my silliness
my insensitivity,
my oversensitivity,
my overbearingness
at least pple,
these pple exist,
and bother to listen
to offer help
to give me a pat on my back
but i, somehow, cant help thinking
i am letting these pple down
for the person i have started to turn into,
the weirdest thing
i am still thankful
i am, still, having these pple around me
these pple i call family,
i call frens
1:02 AM |
|
Sunday, June 01, 2003
how, heavens?
the taps of fingers are
getting stronger
getting louder
the 3rd voice says,
"learn to shut up,
learn to speak,
learn to pretend to be a devil,
and learn to be a saint"
let it go
let it go
tired of thinking
tired of nodding
tired of trying to consider all
better off an extreme
than turning milder
and losing grip
at least,
stronger in spirit
tougher on stand
2:08 AM |
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