for a world that doesnt exist
for a universe that stands still
contact:
relacon@gmail.com
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DAILY INSPIRATION:
this day, i pray
this day, i smile
this day, i wish u all the best!
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wat u want to abt me?
and why?
how much can u find out,
when i dun even know
who i am?
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Sunday, November 30, 2003
finally it is 12midnite...waiting for this exact time to come, and listening to slow music
but still prefer wat i hear yesterday at fareast
it was fantastic x'mas songs with that jazz touch
abit blues too
mymy
suddenly i dun wanna to think anymore
hahaha....but still find alot of things hilarilous!
hahaha
goodness.....
poof
cant wait for the celebration tomolo!
woohoo...jervis is getting super smart leh..
gosh
hahaha.....going to take a nice nice photo with him,
then will place in my wallet!!!
YEAH!
hohoho
12:17 AM |
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Saturday, November 29, 2003
suddenly, i feel so stressed....yeah..u must be thinking y the heck am i stressed??
exams are already over
but i realised i need to start to fend for myself soon, yeap
i am a spoilt brat who only takes money from parents and still lament
how much i dun have to spend...but i save as much as possible
parents are going to retirement soon, meaning, i would have to support myself soon
think i just take up tuition hur?
oh well....
i am feeling in total misery now,
cold and miserable are the only words to describe
and i have this very strong desire to eat something,
i really need something to fill me up
when u r feel miserable and cold,
and even when u reached home, hoping to see
warm food waiting for u, all u realised is
to cook a bowl of instant noodles that u r so totally sick of
and finished it, with tons of ants floating in it.
u then wish, how lucky i was when i see food in front of me
when i cun even take a second look
lack of warmth physically, emotionally.
gosh..
MUST BE THE DARN FLU MEDICINE THAT I MISTOOK FOR THROAT MEDICINE
DAMNDAMNDAMN
10:22 PM |
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FINALLY, IT IS OVER. ITS TIME TO REST AND RELAX
i was on the phone with steph from 11-330am, arent we impossible?..nope, and
we were just commenting how on sucky life can be, but we still have frens ard
heng...think abt it...hahaha..never mind girl, we go backpacking and find the dream guy
along the way lor!!!hahaha.....scully eph is right on man..hahaha....we dun settle for
any ordinary guy.
but the funniest thing happened today...goodness, 5 of us were eating at NYDC, wheelock
then there was this waiter who was really friendly and was amusing all of us here and then.
he was making fun of xinlan and stuff and we were totally shocked and tot he was just a bored
waiter trying make sure he is awake....
then okie, we decided to go then we left....just then jo decided to show up!
then i pei her to go back nydc to eat....while deciding, the waiter, julian (a malay i think)
went, hey....no number for me?..
then i went, "orh...miss soon's number u wan ah?u ask her lor..."
"but she is attached...." (duh..so duh.....as if any1 of us will give u??)
then later, jo sat down while i proceeded to the toilet...and when i got back
steph told me...."he, the waiter asked me where is the girl in orange(tat was me)?"
and stupid waited even asked steph and jo my name????
then when i got back?, he came over and asked, "orh....huihui, so r u the one attached or not?"
i was like heh?????? and replied nope...
then he walked off.......
then....while waiting for jo to complete her pizza...he came by, dropped a mag and go
"orh huihui, for u to read!" and i was like err..thanks....
i was looking at jo and she was like looking at me ......exchanging glances of disbelief
then when we were to leave, he handed jo's change and went, "huihui, so i wont see u ard again?"
i was "orh...well if i pop by NYDC again la!"
"but this is my last week here...y not i give u my number and u contact me?"
"oh...thanks..but it is alright..."
"orh....then never mind..."
goodness..
first time in my life, when i am of least expected, in my worst state ever,
like puffy eyes with pimpled forehead, drowsy eyes and totally not awake,
a guy tries to get my number??..wat has the world become to???
i know i never stepped into orchard for a long time, but..err no need to scare me
wah lau.....goodness..and i din even do anything?...goodness..maybe i have turned
into a flirt...but i din do anything??
and jo tot i knew him? and we were just toking abt guys very boliao
just wanna get ur number and chat up with ya and yeah.....goodness
desperate like this..
but it was all comical!!..very duh la....and i have no idea wat the heck is going on lor
hahahah...
DAZED
EMPTINESS
TOTAL RECALL
suddenly, i miss it all at once again. y am i so silly?
coz i am expecting too much something that will not happen
wats possible? y now? y me???
y did it choose me now? and how come?
for wat?.....sigh...when it comes, then i will deal with it la
oh well. doesnt make sense sometimes,
but things that require brain and heart never do
i see my lava lamp bubbling up and down,
mesmerizing.
bad memories,
i do like it din it?
maybe in the end, i do like
but maybe i dun wish i am to like
i dun want a thing to come at the wrong time, appearing at the wrong place
but i am very powerless, for things beyond my control.
it is a matter of choice.
it is a matter of emotions
maybe i just felt very jealous, so jealous, that i realised, it was all my own fault
maybe it is a blessing in disguise...coz it is just not meant to be at all
for i am so jealous, the feeling was so different???? and i knew it right away
but i have no say at all...not at all...so i kept so quiet..continue minding my own business
and realised, there's nothing to be done, for u only know its importance when u have lost it
and i think i have lost it, din i?
maybe it will come back....
but how do i forget....how do i forgive myself?
i never knew wat it is like
so maybe i should just convince myself.
maybe i am happier.....
3:49 AM |
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Friday, November 28, 2003
i must learn to be steadfast in my steps
i must learn to be patient
i must learn to be more humble
i must learn to accept my vices and repair them
i must learn to appreciate my good pts and enchance them
i must learn to start small and climb slowly
i must learn to fill up the bottom of my foundation first
i must learn to build a firm foundation
i must learn to learn well.
though i know time is always against me,
but nothing can stop a sincere heart?
as long as i am answerable to myself,
the amt of time spent is no longer an issue,
it is the way
1:19 AM |
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another thot of the day, yeah tributes to the daily dosage (almost) to
pink ladies
it was so cool and sad too that she actually decided to help the couple out
the guy, who is in the underworld as a little gangster, and stupidly
decided to take up the rap for his boss who has killed a dozen of pple
in order to ensure his mouth is closed shut, the boss decided to "look after"
his gf.
and weirdly, xiao ping and ah may, the hooligan's gf, looked identical
xiao ping sees how much ah bai loves ah may and decided to help them out
by taking ah may's place and ensure they are able to escape and report the truth
to the police since they are hunted by the police for a crime they have never committed
her reason was
i am a girl who has always wanna to get married. a marriage freak.
for my whole life, i have been looking for a man i like and i am able to marry him
and fail always. the guy who loves me, i never like him at all
and the man i love, never seems to be able with me. and i met u guys
i realised how lucky may is and i think u two deserved the help
dun worry that i will get into any trouble, i decided tat it is all worth it
for all u know, i actulaly feel the happiness from the both of u. the love
u two shared. it is very touching. if i can help to see that happiness,
i think i should help regardless of any troubles. i will be happy!
gosh think abt it, she feels happy from other happiness
she knows she cant find her happiness, so she wishes the best in others
esp pple she knows and cares...
hahaha..i know it is just a show, but i am sure there are pple like her
in any way, they exist.
may she finds her own happiness!!...that wong hao....that pig...
12:56 AM |
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I CANT WAIT.......IN ANOTHER 16 HRS, EVERYTHING WILL BE OVER!!!!
wah lau...the excitement is killing me
dunno y i am looking forward to it in such eagar anticipation
it is like i KNOW I WILL FEEL EMPTY AFTER THAT
but somehow, it does feel really ecstatic to be in one
coz u know tat is becoz u have worked for some time
and holidays are here FINALLY
hahaha....
how???..i really cant wait
been waiting this day like no1's business...we were totally shagged at 3.30pm
all 4 of us, cun think anymore, just left library and headed home!...it was so tiring that
i almost dozed off in the room. hahah..and andy looked DEAD, steph was like yawning queen
huimin was totally dazed...and me? just stared into blank space, thinking of my bed
hahaha...the diary of last min mugging and 2nd last day to end of exams
the feeling is exhilarating suddenly!..haha...goodness..like some little girl
waiting for her big present...
muahahahaha
i dun need much of spa treatment, though i think i really need one
but i guess nothing beats a good nite rest that i have been looking forward to
just 2 days. 2 full days of good sleep like today
tat's all i ask for. i dun ask for alot hur?
tired...
oh well..throwing aside my uncontrolled excitement,
i am actually tired....mentally and physically, though i've a really sweet dream today
hahaha..shant tell ya wat!?!?! *winkz*...
LALALALALALALALALA
gosh, i must have gone crazy. oh watever, i have never felt that excited for a LONG TIME
12:45 AM |
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Thursday, November 27, 2003
when u have nothing, u've nothing to lose
so in the end, u dun need to worry if u r going to lose something
u dun need to worry if u need to gain anything, u r just finished...
nonsense i am toking, blabbering through air, thinking of something
downhill, uphill, and now, it is definitely worse.
one blow after another. and sometimes, u can self pity
just pple think u shouldnt.
i totally agree that when u dun have that "ming", u just dun have it hur?
no need to fight, argue, run after it. u just wont have it lor!
think so much also no use right? but i just wanna think
jo: dunno when u will read this, at this pt, i am sat'd with question that
i just cant do, so tomolo i will clear my doubts with the lecturer
but i realised many things, in life, cant be cleared as easy as looking for
a lecturer. that is impossible. suddenly, i realised how much i never realised.
again, it has remained stagnat for sometime. maybe u r right,
we get bored with pple easily, we just get all hyped up real fast
and get sick of it real fast. in the end, i even get bored with myself
high time i need to look for a turning pt, no way it is going to be flat
maybe my luck has always been running low, or maybe it is just normal
but it matters to me alot alot. alot of things i would work for it real hard
but i jsut dun get reward. the only comfort i have for myself is say,
well, maybe it is a blessing in disguise. sometimes, i find self-comfort is just
a cracked joke, that no longer sounds hilarous. the only response is just
a few stares and huh? and it gets boring all over again.
in the end, at that pt, wat is a blessing in disguise belongs to the past,
is no longer impt in the future.
i dun get jealous of pple anymore, for i dun even look forward to their luck
i just wanna myself to be a happier person. i need to be jealous of myself
as u always said
how wonderful life is
how WONDERFUL life is
12:49 AM |
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Wednesday, November 26, 2003
LIBRA WOMAN
Libra woman mostly has an egg oval facial shape. She has a nice smooth skin
and a good figure. She will spent so much efforts to keep her skin clean and
pretty. She can be easily allergy to cosmetic and make up, but taken care of
her face and avoid wrinkle is her hobby. She is good at it and tend to look
younger than her age.
haha...i think i really bochap abt my face lor?..maybe partly becoz my complexion aint that bad la
but i do look younger than my age!!!=oP
She can be very naughty like a little boy, but yet fully 100% woman. She
looks nice in either Jean or night gown. She thinks woman is equal to man.
Sometimes she can think faster than you, but she will not leave you far
behind. She will try not to make you feel like you are competed or defeated
in any games she plays with you even she is winning.
hmm..true true, naughty like a little boy? haha...okie..so be it, i am a TOMBOY..
100% full woman..only a few would know that la...tat's for sure! and yeap women can be equals to men!
abt the last part..hahah..i always wanna win..but now, i cant be bothered
She is a little flirt even she has no idea what she wants. She can not
decide what to do, and what not to do, so she can not set her schedule very
well in all cases.
She is gifted with how to dress, and how to match her dress. She likes to
dress in black and wear perfume. She likes a mild flowery scent.
rightright.. I HATE FLOWERY SCENT PARFUME!gross.....as for dolling up,
haha...depends on mood lor..but i dun think i have a bad dress sense..tat's for sure!
a little flirt? RIGHT ON *winkz at shaowei*..haha..subtle kind though..set my schedule? that i wont know..
dunno if i have such a bad organisational skill?
In any argument, she can really argue. She can argue for hours, and mostly
win the argument. If it is not a serious argument, she could argue and once
a while give you a smile also. She will make a good politician, because she
can tell which party will win the election.
She always has a good reasons ,even she likes to contradict herself. She can
not decide what is right and wrong for her, because everything has a good
side and a bad side. Woman in other Zodiac might not care what other people
think, but Libra woman care what other people ,or what you feel as much as
her own feeling.
completely true..i love to argue, if not, life is so boring..but these days, i tend to be less
i just cant be bothered...but haha..wonder if kel and jo would agree
but hell yeah, i love to contradict myself and i think i can be a good politician!
haha...and darn it, i do care too much wat others feel...i would forget my personal feelings
She can adjust to her environment very well, so at work she will be at the
ladder up. She likes team work in doing things. If you ask her for help or
advice, she will help you except if she does not like your guts. She can
change you and make you think you change by yourself without her influence.
hahaha....true true...i love to do things either very subtle or very open
take ur pick. goodness...hahaha...goodness...u r right..if i dun like ur guts
u can siam to one side! changing pple in such a way is definitely very powerful
can i do tat????*ponders*
Good side of being with Libra woman are she never interfere with your
privacy. She will not make you loose face in front of your friends. Even she
cares about how much money she has left his her bank account, she will never
forget to let you know how much she cares for you.
yeap, coz i believe in personal spaces...so yeap, if i grant u urs, i would hope i can have
my personal space too...and somehow, i do need quite a spacious one..
hahaha
She think taken care of the house is a woman job and she can do it well. But
if you expect a Libra woman to fear you, then you are wrong. She is a strong
woman even she looks at you with that sweet innocent pairs of baby's looks
and may loose you (let you win) in a few poker games.
hey kel!, i always look innocent!! *tinkz*..i can let u win first..never mind
later i will get back!! heehee...and taking care of house..DEPENDS
i am a lazy person....and definitely, i am trying to be a strong woman
and i dun fear pple tat much.
If she is the one you are after, then go step by step. The best way is using
her friends introducing you to her. Do not make her feel or treat her like a
bubble head. You have to move forward toward her with confident and secure.
Show her that you are a kind , polite and a real gentleman. Be a slow hand
or else you might get smack!
haha getting smacked is of coz spot on! the rest..yeap..i hate pple to try to get my no from others
and finds it very irritating!!!!!...intro nicely can?..dun need to sound so desperate..
wah....all the men out there...u gotta have guts too can? play it slow...sounds true.
if not, i just cant be bothered again...
unless i am totally interested in u....then again...who CARES? *shrugs*
hahaa
2:02 AM |
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and darling jo and kel!!!
i wanna watch
LOVE ACTUALLY!
hahaha
an english movie full of corny accent and haha hugh grant as PM for Britain
goodness!hahahaha
i never forget how silly english movies can be
like 4 weddings and a funeral.
not forgetting Mr bean
orh my!
HILAROUS!
1:54 AM |
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reading summerrainx's blog...inspiring stuff girl! wah...i mean come on, nothing beats a good realisation and a clearer understanding of oneself hur? that was totally awesome, and yep relacon is me!...we were, correction, i was too bored studying and cun concentrate on my last module!...so haha..we chatted for a long time din we?
yeah, i always believe it is never a crime to love some1, tat explains y i love the song by Blue, Guilty. it explains rather clearly how much it means, to love some1 but never realise, it could be viewed as a crime. furthermore, it isnt a sin too.
love is always bearing.
the weirdest thing that ever happened to me was this very one time, when i totally got swept off my feet by this guy.
the least thing i would expect to sort of, like him so much that it just hurt everyday when i go to school and see him
in class. it is a mixture of torture and elation. u r so happy to see him, but it is such a torment when u like some1, u just dunno how to relate to him.
it was rather bad, till the stage, i knew i was sort of in love with this guy that i never thot i would. HA!
imagine Huihui who is just 1 girl who doesnt give a damn abt getting attached or watsoever, just saw this guy,
and only this guy in my whole world. and u know wat is the worst thing? i was totally doing things that i would never do.
he made me do stupid and crazy things, that even my best fren was like, stunned sometimes.
that irrationality, so as to speak, isnt irrational or illogical at all.
i just love this guy who is so darn perfect in my eyes, and i just wanna to keep him in my heart, that's all
then i realised, after 4 yrs, loving 1 so dear, is something u can never have. u only learn to love when u dun have
something.
told summer, once u like some1, esp his company, can tok ANYTHING UNDER THE SUN, and u felt u just wanna him
ard tat's is a complete rojak of companionship, best friend, a darling just to hug under the trees and more
tat's the sort of Mr right one girl can look for. and this is some1 u can spend the rest of ur life w, start a great family and
practice tolerance and love concern.
sounds impossible?...i have no idea, many couples have proven it, so i guess it is then up to a helix of fate and timing
next time, when u really like this guy/girl alot, not becoz he or she is there to care for u, but becoz u really really wanna
to care for him/her and give something great, bringing out the best in each other, tolerate the worst,
and u realise, u should then be able to set ur heart and mind so free, so free, that getting attached to him/her
is a very blessed thing to have.
u r not supposed to feel tied down, but feel free
so, love is to set 1 free hur?
liberate that love
liberate urself when it comes hur
esp when both are into each other
cherish like there's no tomolo!
to those who just have a broken heart to be mended
i guess, time should heal, and by then u will be free again
loving is such a pain when u know ur efforts are down to drain
but there's always something to learn from there.
cheer up pple.
*hugz*
1:41 AM |
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Tuesday, November 25, 2003
i cant sleep
and i am rather saddened over the paper
and goodness..FOR WAT?!?!
just wondered, haha..must be PMS
goodness..and i need to regenerate
my "qi" isnt circulating
my cough hasnt recovered.
okie i shall "ren" not to eat mudpies on friday
fine
no cheesecake either
sigh
i cant sleep,
and i dun feel like studying
my head is just full of the paper.
i think i was too stunned to do anything hur
and i din get myself out in time to undo the damage!!!
okie enuff of the paper
last paper is worst
it is 70% for me for i din take the 2nd quiz
okie it is fine u know
going to be fine
i know it la
just looking forward to end of exams
and oh well
everything will be just fine
unveils
everything turns on a deaf ear,
everything sees the black motion picture.
every jam, every drum,
couldnt hold my beat down.
the emptiness once emptied the emotions
just thot it turns out fine
but only when liquefied fear flows thru
the blood freezes.
swirling bits of comfort,
hurricane-like swept the grounds
took my feet away with it
i am floating
nothing can resist temptation
but i resist that resistance
thank u
everywhere i go,
thin streaks of light burst out of my body
chasing the shadows of land.
filled-up runways, ready to touch down
but landing was impossible
the refusal to stability is overbearing
how i detest, orh my orh my
the wind leaping round.
how do refuse
how do reject
orh maybe i've forgetten
acceptance isnt being the weak
nor the weak has to accept
there isnt a choice at all
deception is only to the eyes,
tell me wat i need to know,
tell me how i am to know what i need
maybe in the wee hours,
just before the break of dawn,
the dancing shoes that once covered with dust
would sparkle, just like dangling diamonds
2:53 AM |
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Monday, November 24, 2003
at this rate things are not going my way
dunno
this paper has made me make another blunder in my results again
i cant get anymore C liao lor
and it is 5MC
i duno got a feeling i get a B but now..
i doubt so
the rate pple telling me wat they did
i think i will die
FLAT
the weirdest thing
they come and ask me for answers?
like after 4hrs?
goodness
dunno
i did understand wats going on
but now...
it seems all down to drain
oh well
i am feeling sad suddnely
11:46 PM |
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okie
i was murdered by the paper
IT WAS A COMPLETE KNOCKOUT
FAST AND SWIFT THOUGH THE PAPER LASTED FOR 2.5 HRS
it was like an alien trying to communicate with me?
wah lau
it is sooooooo weird?
nothing like the tut, assignments
okie FINE
i will do well for the last paper!!
ARGHHHHHH
diedie
10:32 PM |
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Sunday, November 23, 2003
goodness..this paper i am going to deal with tomolo
suddenly everything is flushed down!!!
i cant seem to remember a thing at all
NOT AT ALL
goodness...i am doomed!
it is 5MC leh..cant fool ard and it is at 5pm
how to survive?
going to eat b4 i go in.
cant survive w an empty stomach?
read jo's blog
u know wat???
i just wanna to have a kid
but somehow i realised,
the family has to be complete
gotta have a father i realised
i see my sister, and her family
orhhhh
so sweet u know..
hahahaha...
but not as if i am rushing into a marriage
goodness..look at me...possible??
but u know,
pple need to have a sense of settled mind
hahaha..
read today's lifestyle
the column by sumiko tan?
hahahahha
I THINK IT IS SO DARN TRUE!!
hahaha...
jo, isnt she toking abt us hur?
hahahahaha
11:46 PM |
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i am not a superwoman
i am only human
hahaha....yeah heard this song over class 95FM
hahaha..nice oldies
oh well
really old liao
kelvin...u know the song "xiang fei" by zheng yi?
it is a damn nice song....i heard over 958
haha...am i not getting old!
heehee..
i dun mind u know
hehehe...
nuts liao
okie...1.5 days to another massacre of 2nd last paper?
hahaha
i remember a dream i have
if there is nothing to hold me back,
maybe i would be a sailor
hahahaha
corny!
heehee
maybe can meet some pirate like johnny depp
WOOHOO
1:59 AM |
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so lucky, kelvin has finished his exams!!
heehee
go and enjoy urself hurhur?
oh well jo, at least u have tried something hurhur?
look at me..
NOTHING
okie..i need to make myself look like bimbo
wah lau
forget it
y should i be some1 i can NEVER be?
hahahahaha
oh well...
i wanna watch master and commander
hahahaha
and johnny depp is the sexiest man alive man
*winkz*
1:39 AM |
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Saturday, November 22, 2003
wat a nite!
hahahaha
okieokie
so wat?
so wat?
wanna try?
can...lets see how far things go hurhur?
hahaha
jo, u r making me think stupid things again
if only that person NEVER TOK TOO MUCH, THEN IT WOULD BE SO FUN!!
haha
then at least i can share my experience w ya liao
if not, so sian hor?
hahahaha
goodness
i need to watch
sex and the city
damn it
remind me to hunt mingsiong down!!!
3:28 AM |
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can i luff out loud?!?!
hahaha
reading my testimonials at friendster only makes me realise i am really who i am hurhur??
hahaha
i am very chou luo
i am very helpful
i am a very good listening ear
i am a person with extreme mood swings
i am a very hardworking person (right..)
i am super opinionated
i am very talkative
at this rate, darling
u should hang out with me more
u confirm can get more guys flying to u than me!
hahahaha
i have so many buddies (guy frens), think more than having galfrens
but i suddenly realised, those i truly am very close to
are my darling and a few girls, and just very few guys
hahaha
buddies
they are just ge men..
heheheh
hahaha..
goodness..
giggles
hahahha...so some of my GAL FRENS said i have become more feminine
hahahaha...
okie so wat's with the long hair and light makeup(only on special ocassions)
so wat's with the skirts i like to wear?
c'mom, i am just trying to hide my elephant legs..hahahaha
FAINTZ!
watever la..
i guess these frens who still stick ard me and bother to care
they like who i am la
THANKS!
heehee
of coz
I LOVE UR GUYS AND GALS SO MUCH!
hahaha...
JOKERS
1:17 AM |
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sometimes,
sitting in the kitchen, trying to mug
i would look up at the washing machine and suddenly it struck me
like a bolt of lightning frying my mind
the washing machine seems like something that could clean ur clothes
with the churning and turning and tossing,
ur clothes look fresh and brand new
then u look at it closer,
the dirt that it collects, just only on the surface
the fabric is always never THAT clean
and worse still, the clothes have turned soft
loosened fibres hur
then u realised, cleaning of clothes is to prevent accumulation of dirt and smell
reducing that to the miinimum, but sooner or later,
that piece of clothing would be thrown down the chute
how many pple would keep just becoz it has be that fav piece?
i would, but as time wears of that feeling it has on me,
it still goes down the chute
the washing machine sieve out most dirt, big particles
i guess tat is good
the only thing we have to do is to take care of the clothing so that they can last longer
washing machine is just a means
a machine to make things easier for us
but slowly it always quicken the pace of deterioation of the clothes
i guess care and concern when u wear it even when u keep it in the waredrobe
matters alot alot.
life is the same
u look for tons and tons of washing machine, changing one from one just to ensure clothes can be fresh
and yet last longer
but it cant beat the owner's effort to look after that piece of cloth.
only when u ensure u dun spot ur clothes,
as long as it is well kept,
it can go a long way
12:42 AM |
|
Friday, November 21, 2003
it seems sad to see the world change
and it is sadder to see the pple u love change with it
very true
u expect alot more from the pple u love so much
tat's y it hurts so much u know
sometimes, u think,
they have changed so much,
but maybe u r changing w it,
thats the way u look at them, changed with times
changes, inevitably, can create or destroy
but we are still who we are i guess.
if u love them, let them do wat they do
sometimes, it really hurts hur?
u change becoz of the tides u have been thru hur?
u learnt and u grow
so how can u not change?
sometimes, pple change not to wat u wish them to be?
but is it fair to be?
or rather, can u control it?
hahaha..i have no idea,
the only comfort is
they are still around i guess.
sometimes, instead of feeling sad y they change (or u change ur pt of view)
try understanding the change in them, wat causes the change and how it has affected them?
tat's is how u love them.
stupid things r done every day every second
but r they truly stupid things?
how much do u care for the person beside u?
and y do u care so much hur?
coz i am ur fren?
coz i have stood by u high and low?
i guess this world just exists with only coexistence
w/o which
u cant survive at all.
in the stone age,
men hunt
women are to look after the cave.
men seem strong but only to be more insecure than women
and women, protecting the cave they guard every now and then
men with that outburst of energy,
women with that innate motherly love,
never changed since
weird hur?
being understanding isnt to show how reasonable a person u r
but sometimes, to make urself see things in a better light and make it less miserable for u
and i always believe( very own pt of view)
instead of asking y pple wanna to change, and ask y cant u subject to understand the change in them?
haha..i am still learning..
but it is a realisation.
i cant change the way u look at me.
only u can change the way u look at me.
there are billions of pple in this world,
i dun change for u, only for ur sake.
but maybe try to look at me in a different angle,
and believe
just like i believe i cant change much of ur impression on me
but i wont force u anything, just let u be u and look at me in any way u like
tat's the only thing i can do for u.
i am trying to look at her good pts instead of her bad now,
so that i wont pick fights with her all day long in the house.
i am tired of arguments too,
it isnt fun at all.
2:26 AM |
|
finally me on a more chirpy mode
haha..
must be the process and dynamics control
more and more control
i need PID controller confirm!!!
esp Derivative.
it is so impt, it predicts how the response would go,
away from set pt or towards set pt
and ensure it would reach the set pt FAST
DERIVATIVE...heehee
okie not going to school to do papers
coz most of us cant finish studying
meaning, i am running out of time and have decided to piah tomolo
slacked too much today!
slept, or rather lazed on the bed till 11am!?!?
hahaha
there are things u can try to hide away from
but sooner or later, u have to face it and embrace it
the biggest freedom one can have is to forgive
how beautiful
hahaha
and
this is my life, i create my own life,
i dun need u to tell me wat to do and wat i should not do
and it sort of broke that guy's heart, coz he frantically tried to stop her from
offering herself to get the exclusive news..
orhhh
imagine a guy who does that for u...how can u not be touched?hurhur?
hahaha
oh well, one day, providence comes to play
u have to let go of unhappy things so that u can grab more important things
okie i think i have watched too much tv
u have hugged me too tightly that i cun breathe,
r u angry? if u r still feeling down, u can hug me again la
i wonder if they are feeling for each others or just being frens?
hrmmm...
too much tv just during exams?...oh well..too bad..
i just snapped la
imagine during school term,
i ate a rushed dinner in front of tv not knowing wat's going on and head towards my room
hahah..
now..i think i need a break..y now?..dunno...just feel like it!
*winkz*
1:36 AM |
|
Thursday, November 20, 2003
i was watching MTV in the afternoon b4 my afternoon nap,
i stumbled across this MV by dido, life for rent
and my jaws dropped, tears almost welled up in my puffy eyes
and i just exclaimed in my heart, "isnt that wat i have as a dream too?"
I've always thought
that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone
and live more simply
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me
i felt, suddenly, so comforted and share a dream with some1 out there.
and would say to her , exact sentiments girl.
While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try
Well how can I say I'm alive
i wont let myself down, never...thank u for putting me down, but i never blame u
i only blame myself. but u know wat? i would like to try, alot of things, nothing should stop me
and then maybe i would breathe and say i am alive, and not breathe and know deep down i am dead.
queer thot hur? but i tell ya wat, this isnt the end
i shall search for something that is truly mine.
i dun, delibrately go and dig for something that proclaim it is mine
i dun ensure that thing is mine, but allow it to flow in me
and then would i know, i have owned something that is truly mine
wat u have gained is wat u have owned,
wat is truly urs is only when u see wat u have gained
maybe one day, i would like to turn those poems into songs. but i truly lack inspiration
but maybe one day, even just napping, that tune just comes into my brain.
and u know wat, tat is then truly mine. thanks heavens hur
But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
it is so true hur, u dun even learn to buy it,
how would be worth to be urs anyway?
how true and how much it is worth in ur eyes?
can u tell urself?
how can it be truly urs when u never learn?
I haven't really ever found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologize that once again I'm not in love
But it's not as if I mind
that your heart ain't exactly breaking
hahaha, gosh..this really just threw me off my seat.
hahaha...not as if i mind that ur heart isnt breaking?
hahaha...GOSH
life like this hur
i believe everything goes to nothing
nothing at all.
as she said
It's just a thought, only a thought
i guess thots are only thots, only when u have just carried them out,
u will realise things are done. just done.
and goes to nothing
wat i am today is made up by the yesterdays
and tomolos is wat today doesnt have to worry
and with the voice within(christina's new song),
i just have to realise, pple wont bother to explain, like me, i wont bother to explain ANYMORE
no reasons, no buts.
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly
When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants to bother to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means
yeah no one will bother to explain, u just have to figure it out urself girl
tat's it, nothing more or less, just it
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within
i am beginning to doubt the voice sometimes,
coz i only fear that it is jsut a mislead.
then i realise, the biggest obstacle is fear.
i dun even have to fear wat comes from within,
coz if so, i am fearing myself.
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
(Be stong)
You'll break it
(Hold on)
You'll make it
Just don't go forsake it because
(No one can tell you what you can do)
it is always wat u choose to do and go tat determine ur tomolos hur?
so wat if i think too much, i tok too much. that is just being me.
i suddenly realised how much i treasure this unique character of mine
and then it struck me, this is wat makes me and the who i am now
be how much some pple dislike me, or how much they treasure me as a fren
this is wat i have to present to others. and i am just enuff to face the todays
sometimes humans must really stop and listen.
stop and feel.
stop and share.
but how often we share that common mentality?
i guess, it is just one in a million
thanks heavens
i dunno wat i have realised, dunno wat dawned on me today
i dunno, but i just began to trust the path i am walking on
no matter wat it leads me, i still believe.
regardless how much tears u cry,
how much complaints u wanna to say
be glad that u r still here to learn.
i dunno how much i can share with others,
really, i guess there is a threshold of how much one can do
but i never underestimate the power of pple hur
if the nature can bend, so can humans.
dunno wat i am trying to say,
but i should say, i wont hold on too tight on my dreams, aspirations.
but do wat i have to do now, and let laters worry themselves.
yeah that's it.
and now, back to notes
i miss alot of things now.
i wanna eat Macs, cheesecake, mudpies
coz i am deprived of them these few weeks
and damn i still have a slight cough,
but oh well and i lack excerise...
can feel it while climbing the stairs
1 month w/o swimming..it sucks!
phew, emptiness is occupying me now.
void.
blank.
12:49 AM |
|
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
ITS OVER!!!!!!
THE PAPER IS OVER...NOW, NO MORE MEMORISING!!!!
that's such a relief u know???
but the paper was fine
okie now to R&R and breathe!!!
yeahyeah
2 more to go...
ahhh
i feel less stressed!
heeheee
ahhhhhhhh
1:07 PM |
|
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
help
11:46 PM |
|
i am so stressed out now!
all the formulae running thru my head
and somehow..i've got a feeling i am going to forget them by tomolo morning!!!
ARGHHHH
okie fine i will memorise them AGAIN on the bus
at 9am
and it will be over in 12 hrs!
okie i cant stand it..
okie never mind
BREATHE!!!!!!!!!
i dun see y i have to memorise?!?!?
it is a damn nice subject to study
sigh..
suddenly i remember wat elena said
"i just wish there werent exams...yet i dun wanna go out to work so fast.."
wat the heck!!!
BREATHE
11:06 PM |
|
it is saddening to see the sky dark and grey
but when i woke up, the sun rose to a brillant bright orange
and the clouds just followed suit.
the vast land glowed
then again, wat makes me feel so sad?
haha...i tell ya wat it is,
it is my headache and my clenched jaw
every morning, when i wake up,
i see this girl in the mirror,
with really puffy eyes, long and messy hair (coz it is really getting alittle too thick)
dark rings ard those sleepy eyes, pimples popping out on the forehead,
i ask myself, "who is that girl in that mirror?"
i went "ME!"
i dun see the glow on the face from that reflection,
nope definitely not like the glow from the vast land.
yet, this reflection just wanna break into a grin and go
"hey, wakey waket girl...its another bright sunny day!"
i have more sighs than laughters these days.
i pursed my lips more often and definitely not even wearing the "everything will be fine" smile
i guess i need a big break hur?
really surprised at this stage, i am writing this post, with almost simple and good grammar
of coz, besides the ya and the short forms i am using.
home alone on this late morning, trying to keep myself alert,
reading through my tutorials, in preparation for my tomolo paper,
i really need to see that sparkle that once lights up my eyes,
that bright glow (nope, not oily face!) around my cheeks,
the bright smile from ear to ear tat always make pple feel welcomed!
i know i have not lost it, really.
coz everything i see my family and frens, i will have that urge in there, right there.
i guess the only reason why it doesnt surface is i am tired.
fatigue can take away ur only happiness if u cant well deal with it.
i may not be that impt in any1's life,
but i guess, in this world, i matter the most to myself.
if i cant even take care of myself,
i doubt i can shower that love on others
exams will end in abt 10 days,
tat's almost 1.5 weeks.
and u know wat?
i really cant wait for that day to come.
it doesnt matter if i get to get out of singapore
it doesnt matter if i get to enjoy my holidays to the fullest
but it does matter to gain that peace of mind
it does matter to be able to sleep in peace, undisturbed every nite
it does matter when i wake up every morning(afternoon),
i see that reflection smiling, welcoming the new day with much anticipation and zest
tat's how things should be
that's how i should be.
nothing can get into me,
i know there's a place somewhere that's for me
and while on the road to that destination,
i am not chasing the clouds, nor the wind
i am just walking the walk.
11:03 AM |
|
Monday, November 17, 2003
good luck to jo...her exams starts tomolo!!
haha
saw jiani today..my cousin..heehee...she had a bday on 13
goodness..i forgot abt it though i put it down on my diary!
goodness...forgetful horhor?
cant blame la...me so stressed that i cant sleep well?
so wat u think abt remembering such things
and of coz, my mind is preoccupied w alot of other things
jo knows wat i am toking abt! *winkz*
but now..it is RS
the bio was a killer which is good news!
hahaha..
oh well
hope i can sleep well today and tomolo
after wed...
3 down and 2 to go!!
woohoo!!
and taiwan is like cant go..
jo kelvin: we go bangkok la!...onz or not?..for a short one..haahaa
my jie fu said it is damn cheap!!...hehehee
10:54 PM |
|
i am just a cracked pot
i dunno if i am actually selfish or selfless
a cracked pot that holds water
but it leaks all the time
the owner has less water than supposed,
when carrying the pot back home from the river.
the pot felt sorry and said
"sorry owner, i felt bad that i leaked and u have less water than u should"
he replied
"but did u realise the sides of the path i have taken? they blossomed with flowers and plants
it is the water that leaked from u that gave them life"
felt really weird
at this pt when i heard it over radio yeah,
+ve minutes by alan maccavin
he added
"this world is always striving towards a balance, ur flaws may have benefited others in a way or another
god would not let it go to waste anyway hur?"
ur flaws arent meant to be wasteful or useless,
they could be helpful in an interesting and positive way
this is nature
an equilibrium shifting left and right,
but always striving towards a balance
that's life
12:19 AM |
|
think i have just turned nuts
i dun get it...really dun get it
yeah i should be thinking of bio but sorry
somehow..reading biology, has some effects on me
it revealed to me how miraculous this world or universe is
how live is formed?
how actually a unicellular organism can spring into today's world
and worse, how mutation and natural selection come to play to evolution
can u believe it is just chance that who u r now is by chance?
all that chance u have in this world
u r borned
yeah....i repeat, all that 1 out of trillions chance tat u r borned?
mutations are based on mistakes in replications
then natural selection ensures the tougher survives
i dunno
it is all so interesting to read (not for exams definitely)
and suddenly i remembered an argument with some1 whom i cant remember
but i guess i have argued that with so many pple that i got confused myself
this world is just plain a void
even the universe is sort of expanding into void
space, nope it isnt void
it is just space
but void doesnt have anything
just that everything is turned into nothing
and this nothingness is wat we all have now, everything
do u get my pt?
i dunno wat i am driving at
but i realised this world is just a living pack of lies
the joker carries nothing, not any suit not any colour not any numbers
just him and maybe he can tell me the story
the truth and let me tell ya,
i dun care if it hurts or not, coz even it does,
it wouldnt matter then, right?
words are just expressions on paper and by mouth
music is just the sound that touches ur soul
dance is just the body language to relate the emotions
can u relate to me w/o all of those?
can u make me understand and see it w/o all those?
i hear the sun telling me his stories from his rays
i tok to the everchanging clouds in the skys
the wind sings to me all the time the words of calm and turmoil
they arent words at all, cant say it is emotions either
just that silence or wordless speech that make it so special
it is just the roots that connect us, allowing us to converse anytime anywhere
then y cant humans?
i wonder
maybe becoz we start to be wary of the homosepiens beside us
maybe coz we interact too much tat we cant see clearly
maybe we protect ourselves from each other,
that that wall cant be penetrated
12:07 AM |
|
Sunday, November 16, 2003
seriously
i cant study for biology
i was like more onz abt my RS than biology?
no wonder i am an engineer
(and i just got cut off again?!?!)
never mind wish me tons of luck..
this is going to be open book
but how easy it is?
i have no idea at all
luck is all i need
i at least wanna B+
am i asking too much?
maybe
pray then
hahahaha
a pray in a million shooting stars
a hope in a few billions of pple
a new day in the trillions of living things
on and on
11:32 PM |
|
okie 1 paper down!
1/5
and by the next few days.
i would clear 2 more papers
okieokie
i am feeling quite okie actually
ahhh
suddenly..
it feels good!!!
but i need more sleep!
pimples are finding their way on my face!!
okie....they are definitely signs of stress and insufficient sleep
heehee..
beauty sleep will resume after exams of coz
hope elena would be fine...
days come and go,
even pple,
but memories are here to stay,
to face or not to face,
sometimes, it's the memories
not the humans.
back to bio!
12:30 AM |
|
Saturday, November 15, 2003
Your soul is bound to the Yellow Rose: The
Gentle.
"I've travelled through the land of
surrender and seen it all. I throw my heart
out and keep my head up, and now I travel
through the land of peace."
The Yellow Rose is associated with friendship,
intuition, and fun. It is governed by the
goddess Hestia and its sign is The Intertwined
Rings, or True Friendship.
As a Yellow Rose, you always look out for your
friends. You would much rather have strong
ties with friends than a single tie with a
lover and your devotion to your friends is
clear. You may have great intuition and be
able to read emotions clearly, but sometimes
you can seem distant yourself.
What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla
heehee...cant believe...it souns true horhor?
hahaha...gosh..but okie i admit
i wanna fall in love at least once in my life can?
haha..not those terrible one sided like la
but really fall in love w some1 and that person likes me back
nono...dun want i got too many to choose from one..
hahaha...
bish!
to jo:
heehee...u crappy girl...good luck man..
1/5 down...
stupid...careless...one grade from one to another liao!
i somehow, kena controlled by emotions too leh..
take care...
*hugz* miss ya alot now...heehee...
5:41 PM |
|
Friday, November 14, 2003
tok wat's on my mind
selectively
hahaha
my darling said she doesnt wanna write blog anymore!
haha
then dun write lor..afterall
if u feel uncomfy abt it..u should stop
hahaha
this blog is full of thots that i would always speak out
yet there are tons of secrets that lie beyond this page
shhhh
so u think u know my life very much?
mandane daily issues,
look deeper.
hahahaha....
10:56 AM |
|
listened to "my immortal" guitar version
or as they proclaimed..
guess it is the ROCK version
i loved the part when the drums come in!
it really rocks my soul
love it!!!!!
and her voice, just sounds so great w the drums
oh well
DAMN NICE
wanna to write down something
if u choose to believe, even though u r lying to urself
u know the lie and whole world is telling u not to believe
u still wanna choose to believe,
then no 1 can help u, not even heavens
sometimes, we choose to believe something,
hoping a miracle can happen.
i dunno, been in that situation, knowing miracle wont happen
u just hope it would,
but deep down in ur heart, u know, it cant be salvage at all.
i guess,
hope runs this world, w/o it, y do we still look forward to tomolo hur?
dun ask me if i ever
ask urself first.
12:22 AM |
|
it seems so quiet suddenly
very quiet though my heart went up and down during the day,
then it calmed down
breathe
headache is forever throbbing
haha..
i cant believe it man
but i am still surviving
i just need a good sleep!!!
*winkz*
just dreamt of some1 today..
hahah...and i cant believe wat i dreamt of??
hahaha...jo...can u believe it..
and nope..i wont tell all of us who i dreamt of
hahaha..
goodness
i dreamt he sms me
"dear, y r u so cold towards me?...."
and somemore things..cant remember liao
hahahha....
FAINTZ
but i felt good
3 papers in a row..
with good 6 hrs of tv..
hahaha
yeah
1st paper starting on sat...
i cant wait
JIAYOU HUI!!!
this's blog owner can make it one....
i am very sure of it!
*winkz*
12:03 AM |
|
Thursday, November 13, 2003
well
there goes miracle.
i just got released from exxon
meaning i need to join the marketing company
okieokie.
i just take it lor
unless i have an overseas IA
shrugs
i need to mug and rest
take care blog.
ur owner isnt really feeling very well..
12:50 AM |
|
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
suddenly i felt there is more to life than just one fucked up system
then again
i am the kind who doesnt want to confine in
so i dun get injured by it
okie
so marketing?
i will take it up
i am jsut going to learn my waltz and windsurfing (both Ws hurhur)
and maybe go taiwan
marketing?
maybe next time i get to do process engineering?
wat ever it is
i know, my efforts wont go to waste coz i believe it
yeah.
i believe in wat i choose.
even if others bring me down,
i am just going to stand taller
there's more to life than getting slammed!
i will be the change, i will show it to the world
how wrong they can be
as my er jie said
"i am very sure there are pple who appreciate who u r out there,
afterall..results are bullshit, so wat u r a graduate when u dun have a personality?"
12:04 AM |
|
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
i am so stressed now,
sick and tired of this shit
i am relaly sick
terrible sore throat
but i told myself, this isnt the end.
gotta work hard for exams first
it is jsut IA
i will see how things go later.
i think i am trying to keep calm and as andy said
stay focus
thanks dear..
i am really glad andy and a few more frens are there for me
esp andy man...he gives me the best support!!
w/o him..sometimes..i will feel sooo lost..
even xinlan and yanxu gave me their support..
thanks pple...
i also wanna be glad that my sister is relaly very supporting
erjie has been trying to help me in a way...
i guess
all i need is a miracle
maybe sometimes are jsut not meant to be
if it is mine,
i will have it
but my gut feeling is,
i wont have it
and somehow,
may heavens prove me wrong.
show me the miracle i wanna to see
stay focus
BREATHE Li Huihui
this system cant get u and wat u believe done
"wat u have done is wrong!"
but sir, how wrong it is?
"it is against the policy"
policies hur?
wait and see
11:42 PM |
|
it looks like i cant get my Exxon liao....
FUCK UP THIS SYSTEM
I CANT REJECT...
U KNOW WAT I WANNA TO DO?
FEEL LIKE ASKING CHRISTINA..
CAN UR FATHER GRANT ME AN OVERSEAS IA?
I GO AND DROP IT INFRONT OF HIM AND SHOW HIM
ARGHHHHHHHHHHH....
WAT THE FUCKED UP SYSTEM
I'VE GOT INTO THE COMPNAY THAT OFFERS ME WAT I WANNA TO DO
BUT NOW, IT IS THE SCHOOL WHO TAUGHT ME REJECTED ME THE CHANCE
POLICY, THAT IS ALL THEY CARE FOR.
NO WONDER ELINDA FROM EXXON WAS COMPLANING LIKE HELL..
SHE SAID " UR SCHOOL, JSUT LIKE GOVT, GOT POLICY, NEVER THINK PROPERLY
THEN JUST RELEASE IT, THEN WHEN LOTS OF PROBLEMS SURFACED,
THEY DUN REVAMP THE SYSTEM BUT FIND PATCHES AND PATCHES TO MAKE IT "WORK"
GOODNESS....NEVER ADMIT THEY ARE WRONG..."
SIGH
11:20 PM |
|
i have got into Exxonmobil for my IA
but now i really really worried
coz, i actually got into a company in the first place but i din know at all
and now they said, we are actually not allowed to do that,
that is to contact the companies listed ourselves?!
haha..i dun see any terms and agreements, so i just take tat they cant do anything?
afterall, exxon WAS my first choice.
the allocated company was my 7th choice?
dun u think i am allowed to go to the company that i have prioritised?
that is wat i am going to say to the lecturer at 12pm sharp
hahaha...
i dun care
exxon is giving me a process engineering project
the allocated company is marketing?
OF COZ I TAKE THE PROCESS ENGINEERING PROJECT?
goodness..
i am jsut going to fight for my way through
afterall, they wanna to save trouble,
that's only their wishful thinking
pple like us dun follow rules..
we bend it.
u dun give us that chance...we create them ourselves
since i have been through this shit...i am going to fight all the way
who cares!!!!
and there u go,
be glad we are unreasonable!
hahahaha
pray hard i can reject that allocated company!!!
afterall...they cant stop me!
i just email that company saying, i got accepted in my 1st choice company
goodness..
12:03 AM |
|
Monday, November 10, 2003
oh well...emptiness again?
haha
i dunno
at least i did part of it
think going to piah it when exams come..then i will piah the revision!
coz i think
haha
george part is going to be wat is in the summary!!!!
woohoo..goodness
my heart yearns for soemthing again..
hahaha....
goodness
i am having this headache since sat?..think it is stress?
hahaha
spinning..time to zzz..
nites
1:08 AM |
|
Sunday, November 09, 2003
and suddenly
browsing thru
wat the heck
jo:
i think i am going nuts
i am going to end up thinking and thinking
and nothing will happen again?
gosh....2 at the same time.
always
and when nite is very young,
i just think,
i read and i realised,
who am i to choose?
i cant pick just like that right?
and u know wat?
it tortures when ur heart and mind want different things
i truly dun deserve any at all...
in the end,
it's just going round and round and round,
i will end up with nothing
and maybe i should just be glad that it is so.
hrmmmmm
i hope u understand wat i am trying to say.
too lazy to write on livejournal.
goodness, suddenly..i fear so much
that i know i just have to face it.
happy mugging!!
2:58 AM |
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definitely...okie...not too bad..did finish almost wat i wanna to do
very tired and sat'd!
just wanna to drop by my blog again
and darn am i not jealous of jiajie's hamlock!
he is enjoying the moon, the clear sky and the nice wind now!
hahaha..i will just absorb the essence of nature right here, right now.
hopefully i am going to rest peacefully!
*breathe*
nice...okie..maybe i am more relaxed..
not so tensed up as yesterday..
*breathe*
okie...respite taken!
move on!!!
2:13 AM |
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Saturday, November 08, 2003
I find that it seems inevitable that as friends move on with their lives, I have to accept the fact that I have to let go. Things cannot be the same as before. I cannot expect them to go out with me as often, or travel with me, or spend time with me. They have to spend time with their partners. I fully understand that. I think that if I were attached, I'd spend as much time as I can with my partner too. It's just that now I am not, and because they are, I feel lonely sometimes.
Loneliness is a feeling that is hard to explain. I sometimes may be in the company of other friends, or with family, but I still do feel lonely. It's like a void in the heart that needs tender loving care. It's times like these that I withdraw, and just want to be by myself - perhaps to deal with that fragile heart. But as I soon realise, the heart is a fussy one. It doesn't seem to respond well to self-treatment. It prefers to have the tender loving care of another. And so, when my closest friends realise the cry for care from my heart, I well up with tears of appreciation. It's like they have seen through me into my heart. It's really heart-warming. It's times like these that I am reminded that I should appreciate my friends much more. Sometimes, it's true - you never know what you've got til you've lost it.
reading happystarfish's blog...
i guess it is so true hur?..
be glad that amidst all the hustle and bustle..
pple care...
thank u for those who care...
it is true...
u can never fill up the void tat is meant for others to fill up
not urself...never...
though i was feeling super duper upset yesterday,
and told steph how upset i was that i just cried..
but i guess...after a cry, i felt much better.
thanks steph for caring...guess,
since both of us having irritating problems, though different.
and today,
with a headache...i just held on...
at least my mind and heart are more settled...
thank heavens.
and back to books i must....
=o)
9:44 PM |
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amidst it,
i have lost it.
okie...
i think i just snapped
i couldnt hold it back
help me ah!
i think i really need help
delusion
hrmm...
oh damn, i forgot wat i wanna to say again
i just cracked
and so tired, so tired
inner peace...come embrace me hurhur??
can la....i welcome u warmly...
dun treat me so cold can?
hahahaha
1:08 AM |
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What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
cute leh
hahaha
orh...wat was i again??
okie...
wat's this..
orhh...a quiz.....
i am dory?
who's dory??
12:26 AM |
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Friday, November 07, 2003
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a useless good-for-nothing has just disintegrated
but anyway, it doesnt matter.
for the first time in my life,
i actually felt completely lost,
in the end, it was all just an illusion
how to say,
how to put it.
words are just words
it is how u choose to relate them
and in the end,
i dun even dare to choose
am i to stay in the matrix or out of it?
am i able to withstand the truth,
or rather just being blinded?
eph gor, thanks for ur letter, yeah it is really really beautiful..felt it...
thanks for caring so much...really almost broke into tears,
when i read it....no worries...i am fine i guess, just warped i presumed
hope u can find ur inner peace, and get down to mug and so sorry,
it seems that this mei here hasnt found it too. cant help u..=oP
may heavens look over u.
and best of luck okie?
will catch up with ya ASAP after exams
as for letters?...i dunno...i guess,
i've lost it..when i get it back, i will write to ya?
i have so much to say, but nothing comes out of my mouth
i have so much to clear, but i dunno where to start.
and maybe, i din give myself sufficient time at all.
i guess, i am just a lost girl, trying to find a way
9:23 PM |
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hey..i am so happy to listen to alex band singing!!!
i love his sexy robust voice!!!!...i am really really falling in love with his voice?
hahahaha
goodness...and the calling rocks
haha
maybe i would buy their album?
gosh...
his voice...SEXY!
i dunno y....
everytime i get to hear his voice..
i melt (hoho..maybe he dissolves me!!!hahahaha...private joke!*winkz at kel and jo*)
the way he sings?....something abt it
not too high?..not too low...
just right...yeah...just right...
yet very deep when he sings.
full of life..yeah..bursting w life...hahah..full of sincerity?...orh...makes me believe...orhhhhhh
very robust....very man...
hahaha...
dunno
wholesome....
awesome
love ya alex band!!!
hahaha..and he is cute too
muahahah
12:46 AM |
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Thursday, November 06, 2003
dunno....hopefully the matrix can teach me something about choices in life...managed to catch it, and weirdly, besides some small parts which i din catch properly, i understand the finale completely. CHOICE...and i choose to believe.
and prays that i would learn as much from naobi to fight on, to press on.
thank you very much.
and today's interview really screwed up. i cant believe that engineer actually became "rude"...started to say "so u r a B student"....gosh, okie i know i dun have impressive results, but helo, i am here not to listen to u slam me abt it, but look into who i am, and whether i can work with people. not as if i dun want to do well in exams??....
i was so pissed when i left the interview room, felt there was some sort of unjustice done to some of us.
if the company wanna to look from all rounders, pls define them for us b4 "inviting" us to interview?
it would be totally a waste of time for both u and us?...
cant believe it man. it's fine with u would ask how am i to clinch a good honours, but stop rubbing it in?
gosh, in the end, i think i was the interviewer instead?
goodness....thank heavens for a great interview experience with SOXAL.
though i know i din impress much that guy with my results, but at least, he showed appreaciation to who i am
thank you.
and bleah to that exxon guy.
i know wat i am doing, and thank you for making my day a horrid one. i cun believe it.
even my sister thinks he is just a big bastard in the way he toks
okie...maybe he is tired, but still?
i am going to be unreasonable....and goodness..being unreasonable is not to confine, but to push this world forward
and guess where i got that from? from exxon's wall.
*shakes head*
10:42 PM |
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i refuse to wait
i refuse to recall
i refuse to feel
i would rather my heart to tell me to go and sleep
i would rather my mind to tell me to do something constructive
i did
but thots racing round and round,
making laps at breakneck speed
wat am i supposed to do??
this is a great song....
for jo and me la..
hahaha
something beautiful
(robbie williams)
You can't manufacture a miracle
The silence was pitiful-that day
And love is getting to cynical
Passion's just physical-these days
You analyse everyone you meet
But get no sign the-loving kind
Every night you admit defeat
And cry yourself blind
If you can't wake up in the morning
'Cause your bed lies vacant at night
If you're lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Can't control it try as you might
May you find that love never leave you
May you find it by the end of the day
You WON'T be lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Something beautiful will come your way
The DJ said on the radio
Life should be stereo - each day
And the past that cast the unsuitable
Instead of some kind of beautiful
You just couldn't wait
All your friends think you're satisfied
But they can't see your soul, no, no, no
Forgot the time feeling petrified
When they lived alone
If you can't wake up in the morning
'Cause your bed lies vacant at night
If you're lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Can't control it try as you might
May you find that love never leave you
May you find it by the end of the day
You WON'T be lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Something beautiful will come your way
(It'll come your way)
(It'll come your way) Some kind of beautiful
(It'll come your way) Some kind of beautiful
(It'll come your way) Some kind of beautiful
(It'll come your way)
All your friends think you're satisfied
But they can't see your soul, no, no, no
Forgot the time feeling petrified
When they lived alone
If you can't wake up in the morning
'Cause your bed lies vacant at night
If you're lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Can't control it try as you might
May you find that love never leave you
May you find it by the end of the day
You WON'T be lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Something beautiful will come your way
i think it is truly beautiful
this album of his...feel and this is a great song..
really..felt it really....really...
u know...
it is true
u analyse every1 who comes along the way
that is y u never see it at all
and worse, i agree that passion is just all physical
these days...where's the FEEL?...
the CHEMISTRY?
okie...now wat?..i am old maid who preaches THE ONE?
u r kidding me...
wat's is THE ONE?
the void?
hahahahaha
12:40 AM |
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Wednesday, November 05, 2003
okie i have an interview with Exxon tomolo
hopeuflly i can get it
but looking who are going for the interviews
hahahah
okie
i dun have much chance
pple have better CAP u know
but then again
he din get it too...
okie..PRAY HARD THEN
and matrix tomolo
suddenly
i have lost it...
not determination
but i somehow felt so tired of EVERYTHING.
like this world is so sucky
yeah qouting "it really sucks!"
dunno
i still have to live on...
my way..
okieokie..
shant live in my own world again
i know i know....
i am a cracked pot
in some ways, my flaws to some will benefit others
okie... heavens have their way to balance this nature
okie...
i just try to heed this sentence...
goodness
11:50 PM |
|
i have no idea y the heck i am writing this blog but crappy lor
tian ah...
i am getting stressed up over this assignment that is due tomolo
yeah so wat if i have answers to it?
i rather know wat i am "copying"
goodness..
i hate tons of hw when exams are just around the corner????
wat's the lecturers problem
and guess wat?
my lecturer cun finish teaching!
just soo great
CRAP
okie
i am really stressed out now
exams are ard the corner..
i have been trying to be consistent...but it doesnt seem to help u know
dunno!!!!!!!
maybe i just gave myself too much stress
at least today,
for the test...i managed to do that question...after calming myself
WATEVER!!!
and the worst thing is
while trying to study, i have been thinking of alot of non academic stuff
y do i keep thinking of it??????????
like i keep thinking it is beside me u know,
i can even imagine it just sitting beside me
wat the heck?
okie i need to stop thinking of stupid things again
sheesh...
y must it be reminded to me?
till the pt i was reminded..
i cun be bothered AT ALL
goodness
out of sight,
out of mind!!!!
1:23 AM |
|
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
oh well
hahaha...i wonder...
when would i find my very relacon hah??
hahaha...i dunno lor...
it is good to help some1 in need lor
so i listen la!
hahaha...but i would feel bad lamenting
dunno..
i do have a few frens who bother to listen la
but sometimes..haha..i jsut cant help thinking
they cant be bothered actually..okie..from their body actions u know...
so i rather not say anything hahahaha
maybe i tok too much (coz i bottle them out..the moment i cant take it
i will tok like a machine gun....okie...FINE)
no wonder pple dun pay attention to me
hahahahah
FINE
i shant blame others but myself
AGAIN?!?!?!??!
screwed up..
hahaha...
i wish pple can give me constructive advice on the situation
and not telling me, let it be.
for if this is the attitude i adopted,
i wouldnt have be that troubled in the 1st place hur?
always prescribe the medicine to the illness
not telling the person, "u ah..who tell ya to go dance in the rain and catch the flu"
wat's done is done
nothing can undone that situation....solve it..and move on and learn
it's my pt of view again
but when i lament,
isnt wat i want is the most impt?
sigh
hahaha
i am troubled now
how?
okie..i lament to my blog
no wonder my best fren is my bed
hahahahahahha
zzZZZZZzzzzZZZzzzzZZZZZzzz
12:21 AM |
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Monday, November 03, 2003
managed to meet up yanxu...yeah...our windsurfing course is half way in the pipeline..
now it is to pass it to shaowei who will help us hand up!!!!!!
*grinz*....i am super excited...wanted to learn in since yr1 till now?
managed to get down doing it.....heehee...CANT WAIT!!!!!!!...
and both of us tok alot of cok again!!!...
but dude...yeah...it's okie if u dun follow my blog that often...
just wanna to say is,
take things easy la...dun be too harsh on urself at times,
humans take time to feel for something,
they also take time to let it go
so, it is okie to think of her once in a while,
dun have to feel guilty abt feeling _____(u know wat i'm toking abt)
coz afterall, u said it,
u like her for wat she is.
maybe sometimes, and for me..somehow i truly truly understand and agree with it is,
with a little good old patience, things will fall into their respective places, dun they?
put a little faith in urself and in life
afterall....she is a nice girl, can be a great great fren....=o)
no worries dude....worry more abt ur money for windsurfing...heehee....claim from daddy!!!!!!
and steph...glad u have sorted things out in a better way...truly
actually i am toking things in very different perspective, but it is to ensure urself not to feel so miserable
some pple always need alot of time to sort things out.
also, pple need time to face the situation and how they do that?
they run away from it first.
guess tat is wat i call, initial human reaction.
as u have said it urself
if it is meant to be, he will come back to me hur?
yeah u r spot on!....
wat matters most is u get ur life striaghten up...and live it...others will come dropping in like fine sand
filling the pores u have in life...(sounds like the test we are having tomolo hurhur??)
heehee
relacon is back in business
oh well..maybe becoz i am bored from mugging and facing my old problems hurhur?
hahhaa...
i truly believe things will straighten out...
like my interview with exxon.
thank heavens for giving this chance...
11:31 PM |
|
just caught it again
then i think i understand somehow!
in my very own pt of view
but nothing comes out of my head
as nothing goes into my head
i am just going to sleep
been slacking for my weekends as usu
and i only left with 2 weeks to exams
good luck to myself and every1
goodnites
1:08 AM |
|
Sunday, November 02, 2003
ouch...it hurts....
arghh...
i cant concentrate on my notes!!!!!
can die.....
it's a sunday leh...
but got matrix later...
better than nothing
painpainpain....
hahahaha......
i have been sleeping too much...
till i think too much at nite?..hahaha....
goodness..
my blogs are super crappy...
3:06 PM |
|
and suddenly
i miss ACJC days so fucking much
i miss void deckers so much
all we do is come together
all girls and boys, like a big family,
and no worries
just play bridge
and play bridge
damn.
but again,
if possible...i will just relive it ONE DAY
i think i am not asking too much
one day wont hurt to them right
i know they are living their lives
but it is a memory we share right?
how nice hur..
how sweet hur
but we are all different now.
so different
wat's the pt hur?
reliving something that never exists at all
i am thinking too much again
1:27 AM |
|
i just recalled something
y humans are so selfish
only looking for something that loves them
and not some1 they love
but then,
u know
this world is so darn balanced
so balanced that u realised,
it is split into half
one loves like hell
one just receives the love
orh...
hahahaha
can i be the neutral party?????????
screwed up hur?
and maybe....i would really die peacefully
hmmm....
never mind la...i always think this dream of mine is the coolest i ever have!!!
get a small neat house with a glass attic, sits in front an ocean.
backdrop is a mountain or trees....
with this huge telescope down the side that shows me pple living in the city
with a nice jeep, i can drive myself ard invisible....
down a small road leading to nowhere
now pyschologists....decipher wat kind of person and attitude i have?
i think i think i should be born invisible...
i should have the ability to tok into pple's dreams
(can hear somepple saying..u r just _______)
hahahahahaha...
okie...maybe i am running away from reality
tat's all hur?
of coz...this world doesnt belong to me anyway,
and i dun seem to fit it at all...
and when ever i live in my own universe,
pple just think i am a f**king bitch to the core
oh goodness,
i am in, pple complain
i am out, pple complain
FINE
just let me live my own life la....
mind ur own business...
like u have always been doing?
goodness..
just becoz i seem to be leaving ur world
u scared u get hurt so u refused to let me live my own life
wat the heck?
oh..forgot...selfishness can make one do stupid things
CONCLUSION:
THAT'S MY LIFE
how nice hur??
1:07 AM |
|
u know...the purpose of me placing the cute jervis on friendster is to let pple think
who is this cute boyboy
okie fine..
HE IS MY SON....HAPPY??
hahahahahah
stop sending chessy msgs la...
goodness...
jervis...my dear "son"
hahahha..
yeah he is my son u know!
i have placed his photo in my wallet!!!!!!!
so too bad...
lalalalalalaalalalala
12:15 AM |
|
Saturday, November 01, 2003
finally, we r almost settled where we would destress?
TAIWAN!!!!
WOOHOO!!FOOD
let's hope no SARS hurhur?
and hopefully can leave by 12 dec..if not...
come back with the mad rush of pple coming back for x'mas and NY
that is most prob like 22-23 /12?..goodness
hahaha
hopefully can go
hahaha...
dunno wt to write today...sort of sucked dry by the trip i guess
actually,
there are other things occupying my head
oh well...
NEVER MIND
EXAMS ARE COMING...MUST TRY MY BEST..HEEHEE
11:44 PM |
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when u wanna to hold on to something
u give urself 1001 excuses to say y u sohuld still care
even there is just one reason that is enuff to push everything over
1:20 AM |
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