for a world that doesnt exist
for a universe that stands still
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DAILY INSPIRATION:
this day, i pray
this day, i smile
this day, i wish u all the best!
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wat u want to abt me?
and why?
how much can u find out,
when i dun even know
who i am?
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Saturday, January 31, 2004
2004 Formula One Grand Prix
March 7, Grand Prix of Australia (Melbourne)
March 21, Grand Prix of Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)
April 4, Grand Prix of Bahrain (Bahrain)
April 25, Grand Prix of San Marino (Imola)
May 9, Grand Prix of Spain (Barcelona)
May 23, Grand Prix of Monaco (Monaco)
May 30, Grand Prix of Europe (Nurburgring)
June 13, Grand Prix of Canada (Montreal)
June 20, Grand Prix of USA (Indianapolis)
July 4, Grand Prix of France (Magny-Cours)
July 11, Grand Prix of Great Britain (Silverstone)
July 25, Grand Prix of Germany (Hockenheim)
August 15, Grand Prix of Hungary (Budapest)
August 29, Grand Prix of Belgium (Spa-Francorchamps)
September 12, Grand Prix of Italy (Monza)
September 26, Grand Prix of China (Shanghai)
October 10, Grand Prix of Japan (Suzuka)
October 24, Grand Prix of Brazil (Sao Paulo)
oh my god, oh my f**king god
this is such a darling!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mdarling:u think we can catch it?..though i know it is going to be EX!
hahahahahahaha....
oh my god.
okie.
today is such a great day and i am really really thankful for it
i am even more motivated to clear my stupid project
pls god, heaven, buddha or any higher being,
pls, let this be good for me?
let me finish watever i am trying my best now
and let me fulfil a dream
forget it, relying on the higher being is not going to work
there are billions of pple ard.
okie
i am going to make it work for myself
thank u very much!!!!!!!
*muackz*
2:14 AM |
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light-hearted. this is the word to describe my current mood.
speakers blasting one of my fave music, this is definitely not a bad nite
alot of things i realised today, and definitely, more inspired to fight on
and am embarking a very interesting journey. indeed.
this isnt going to be easy, but i am already facing it.
hehehe...
finally got to see my sexy and very cool lecturer?
he and his KISS theory "KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID!"
he and his irritation with NUS of its inefficiency and "talk only, no action" attitude
he is such a darling to listen to. nope i am not drooling over his goatie and beautiful eyes
but his attitude and life experiences tat not just impressed all of us, but inspired me
his direct yet tactical words make alot of sense.
and i truly see the link of life and ur livelihood.
take things in stride?
yeah, but lets bring this further?
lets tok abt,
just f**king do it, and learn while u r at it.
another breakthrough for my project.
i have decided to give myself a break from project till monday
and then let it rest, culture my 4 different strands of fungi
and then, i guess, things will slowly drop into their respective places
additional pt:
was toking to my dear cousin, and interestingly, today, i heard some stories from joanna too
toking abt how some pple are suddenly worried they wont get married.
or dun have any1 to be their life companion, or not having any date for Vday
it is so queer. i never worry abt not having any Vday dates?
even if all my gf have their own dates, i am fine w it.
i can spend it at home, in school, or with a bunch of singles
sometimes, the fear of being alone, the fear of loneliness sets in
u start to feel sorry for urself, thinking how sad it is that no 1 gives u
rings as present, or no 1 is there for u when u feel down, or share ur happiness
to spend "quality" time with ya, alwyas not there for u.
so is that wat u r looking for? some1 to be there for u all the time.
at the beck and call of u only? or rather someone to share different
kind of life experiences with ya along the road.
r u going for a companionship?
i asked my coz this question
"u think i should have gotten attached?"
he answered
"i dun see the pt. never believe in long d r'ship. u so KS for wat?
scare he run away? can wait till he comes back mah.
he isnt here for u at all, cant spend time w ya. imagine ur Vday is so lonely"
then i realised alot of pple telling me abt how long d would not work out.
hahaha....i am not worrying, so yeah tat's not the pt here anyway.
it is more like sometimes, it is a torture too. ur bf/gf is away, not w ya at all
could be thousand of miles away from u?
then a tok today w jo darling made me realise, y sometimes, pple just do something
not becoz of wat the others can do for them only, but wat we are willing to give,
to try things out and telling ourselves, something tat is here and we never let it slip past
and yesterday's HK drama serial said something so true
"sometimes, even the person is so right, yet the timing isnt there at all,
it is truly a pity"
i guess, it is the whole pt here hur?
i remembered i said this to jasper
"haha..how abt saying, since everything seems right and nothing could stop it,
so just whack?"
frankly speaking, when it comes, nothing can stop it
tat's the whole pt.
and secondly, we always somehow, too into looking for something we thot we need
like, desperately looking for a gf/bf or start worrying not able to make things work
(when we havent even started at it....) and somehow missed out things that are already
ard us. when we are given tat chance, we still pick on them, criticising every single unsightly
pts. no wonder, heavens "punished" us by making us go one big circle and end up with NOTHING
we lament we dun have the chance, and yet reject it while it was here, claiming it isnt right
hahaha...nothing wrong with tat, we have our own standards to meet still.
cant blame any1 then...hahaha
sometimes, we never question abt being in luck. being just in the nick of time to catch the train that
we almost missed. or even walking on the streets and pick up a $50 note
and start blaming any God for all the bad luck we seem to have suffered.
queerly, even getting bad results though how much effort we put in.
yet w/o such obstacles, we wont grow. learn to appreaciate little things in life
just like how much i realised i cherished every moment i have w my parents,
my dear frens who i cared for, and felt bad when i am so totally shut off from them
coz of my work and stuff. but am glad they are understanding abt it
how i must force myself to work under pressure, learn to curb the desire to give up
accustom to different working patterns of ur classmates, even the irregularity of pples mood
including my very own, and stop questioning the whys and hows in some trivialities
u dun have all the time in life, but u can choose wat u wish to care for, to spend time w
to place emphasis on. interesting. but how many can truly be passionate,
do their dream, complete it, and move on?
remembered i read some1's blog. she mentioned saying
"focus on one dream instead of being fickledminded. set ur heart at it
and ensure u have done it."
BIG THINGS COME FROM THE LITTLE THINGS U DO
tat's the simplicity we all lack in.
just like KISS
keep it simple stupid!
and definitely, my post today sounds really chim and elaborative
but becoz of it, i learn to keep things simple, and desire simple things in life
a paradox, indeed
=o)
12:00 AM |
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Friday, January 30, 2004
my buddy is sooo crap...hahahhaa....
u never know fully wat transpire b/w couples
hahaha...
did i say i know fully?
if i do
i am god
i am buddha
i am heaven
hahahahaha
then to death to all consultants
hahahaha....
never mind.
now at least no 1 can say
u r never in a r'ship, dun tok so much.
*bleah*
MUAHAHAHAH....*rolls eyes*
watever transpires b/w couples,
is always up to u
it is ur life and ur choice
outsiders just pt things out
the choice is ultimately urs
whether words are spoken or not,
as long as they are words u wish to hear,
they ring in ur head
if not, u just take it as u never heard them b4
not at all...
1:33 AM |
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just feeling really queer
somehow, i am glad i have the chance to "look after" my parents
tame my temper alittle....but hahah..i actually foresee it anyway
i need a chance to do something abt it too
oh well
i never run away from a responsibility. no matter how "scared" i am to face it
i always face it tat's all.
remembered my er jie said, it is ur responsibilities...u have to face it...
i am really, when i ask pple for help, is to hear ur side of story,
coz u have walked there.
dun take it as i am reluctant to walk it.
i am already on this path, there is no turning back
oh well..time for this little girl to grow up and take care not just herself
but others.
turning 21 isnt wat they say u get ur key to freedom?
yeah.
somehow it is the freedom to free urself from ur own limitations
dun limit urself, just becoz u think there is a line drawn of how much u can do
erase tat line. there isnt a line at all.
outdo urself.
outdo ur own limits
outdo watever tat seems u cant do
surprise urself.
1:05 AM |
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Thursday, January 29, 2004
i need a good shoulder massage?!?
can any1 give me??
sheesh
i am pounding my shoudlers now..hahahhaa.......i am feeling really really tired!?!??!
from staring at the pathetic fonts of the website search and my papers
but this is a damn nice song
jewel's 2 become 1
part of the lyrics
love do not make a sound
Melt into me now
2 become 1
Love is so close 2 hurting
With a shake we could wake from our own dreaming
But we must make a vow
'Cause I have waited a lifetime
Now is the right time
Like a bird owns its wings
Like a song belongs 2 melody
U belong 2 me
I fold your arms around me
Let your flesh, your breath, your love, surround me
Oh, u feel like home
5:51 PM |
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hehehe..think jodarling and i are turning super nuts liao
hahaha
jodarling: hehe...hk tot it was wat?...gosh..too kinky to be true liao
hahaha....but goodness...missing dears seem corny
how come everytime, we always do things at the same time
think the same time ah?..hahahah...gosh..even our dears belong to same country
goodness....*faintz*
anyway....going to rot even more now...i am going to do research
today's too nice to sleep in till i slept till 12pm...
it was raining and so nice to cuddle in bed..
how i wish hahahha.....my big bolster was here?
hahahhaha
u know who u r la.....*winkz*
3:10 PM |
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haha i need that toxic song by britney spears
hahahhaa...
and i am yearning for that pizza again...
the one i ate with steph at wisma
gosh..suddenly i crave for alot of things
can come back pls?
hahaha..i dun wanna to lose control again
hahahaha....
1:40 AM |
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feeling super slacked today and too tired to do something heavy
so i have decided to end the day with something light,
threw all my notes and thesis and research papers aside
and did something even mindboggling than studying
sheesh.....wat a way to RELAX!!!!
and now with CSI Miami in front of me...hot hunks and babes grinding..hahaha
okie i shant say anything
i still remmeber hiankai and i said we go clubbing one day!!!!
yeah dude..heard u r coming back!!
so yeah..hahaha..devils?????MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA
okie i am going nuts...tomolo is another long day of researching online and reading up
cant slack again....sat will end super late like 5pm?...LAB
but lab was quite interesting....hahaha...agaragar with A.niger!!
hehehehe...YUM!!!!
okie i am turning nuts...
think it is CSI Miami....
hahaha........
stimulation of sensuality
no rules on cupcake parties
everyone comes together to have "sex" with clothes on?
ending up it is just orgy?
but hahaha...just to celebrate women's freedom to gain control?
HEH?
watever...even how feminist i am, and how well i understand this concept
pls dun ask me why? but yeah....gain wat control?
err.....it is consenting adults. so wat gaining control?
never mind...but i guess i know wat they are trying to say la...
oh well...going back to the drama...
1:13 AM |
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Wednesday, January 28, 2004
rotting in school once again
waiting for a stupid sucrose to be autoclaved
n it takes 1 hr 15mins
HELP
i am SOOOOO BORED!!!!!!
and not to mention
i am soooo tired.......
4:03 PM |
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unspoken words
love songs playing over the air,
every note sounds so wrong.
maybe becoz u werent here
sky turned dull, birds flying home.
making a black n white movie,
maybe our song is not played now.
like a children's colour book,
love, it has just slowly got filled up
with rainbow colours.
like snowflake, it freezes its beauty--
silently unique
let it stand still, even other worlds go on
only this stands still
how many protests and silly doubts,
how much missing and whining,
this love, doesnt make a sound
absence indeed, makes one's heart grow fonder
it makes one ponder too.
love has to grow,
but grant it wings and set it free.
every place revisited, scenes unfold
a picture meant a thousand memories
a word of sweet nothings.
maybe this silence is an alarm clock
awakened,
ur breath still lingers here,
oh, i have very well-imagined.
okie this is sucky i cant think properly
coz i had this poem in my head while listening to jewel's song
but argh... i cant remember how it goes?!?!?
hahaha....failing memory la...i will change it asap
(after 45mins)
just tok to mdarling on msn..so called on our 1st month
hahaha..and it was at this time 1 month ago, we seriously question
our r'ship....tat's how it all started.
this poem came to mind on my way home today, thinking somehow...
never remembered it was 28..oops..but remember 1st month was coming
time flies really fast. it's been a month and let this poem be dedicated to it
take it as a present from me, mdarling
missing u!..haha..but gotta say, toking to u has a calming effect...
queer....*needs enlightenment here!*
take care!
to those reading here...pls dun start puking and slaming this post
i also dedicated alot of poems on love and life to all of u anyway!
take it as another lousy attempt to quantify emotions and feelings
soemtimes love is indeed silent. it slips in and out.
sometimes it stays for good if u get to see it.
life has a purpose: to look for life
hahaha....so, wat is that thing that silences u?
and makes u wonder wat's so beautiful that u wanna to freeze?
that u just wanna keep quiet and look at it?
1:07 AM |
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Tuesday, January 27, 2004
god, jo darling..u doing it ah?
hahha..tell me wat is the pain scale?
hahahahahahahah
and hell, i am so tired
okie tell me
wat's the title of this song
it is running in my head
and stupid me, how would u know wat i am humming?
dum dee dum, dum dee dum
wat ever
1:45 AM |
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so cool
finished wat ever i wanna to finish today
*accomplished-feel*
oh well
another siong day ahead for me tomolo!!!!!
think going to swim but it seems to be raining all the day
see how tomolo morning...*feeling fat, not fit*
oh well...
suddenly i am soooooo motivated to finish my project
as long as i finish wat i proposed to do by 10/6(a date i set for myself)
i am off to USA i hope...
i am really really wanting to go for a good holiday....
okie, by next week, i should be able to come up with a good plan for my project
4 whole months of lab work. and they are biology......goodness..
wish me luck and i need to focus...
i wanna go travelling......................
prof said "june is ur holidays, if u can finish wat u r to do"
hahahaha
i bochap..as long as i can do wat i wanan to do..i am off..
really
okie back to some slacking..been too tired liao
going to have a great semester!
tat's definite!...
i refuse to bow down to tough luck
it is only makes me stronger
i am going to step over the limits i once set
i am, effortlessly, stretching myself for the better.
12:36 AM |
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Monday, January 26, 2004
i am feeling the blues again...hahaha..not the monday blues
maybe i have PMDD but this is way out of question...
but it goes
"a women suffering from PMDD may actually feel so depressed
that she is not even get out of bed to go to work or care for her children"
err..i dun wanna get out of bed is becoz i wanna sleep more leh..hahahaha
but it is more like PMS la
"PMS sufferer would cry easily when stressed n feel reluctant to go to work"
haha...i dun mind going to school leh...but hell yeah..crying is bad
oh well..who cares now...feeling super tired and stressed
but everything will be fine
i believe tat my future is in my hands
it is so true
okie i should truly stop brooding..though i finished reading 2 chapters of my book
but err..i need to complete another long one tomolo to do the assignment which
is due on tuesday..and tomolo gotta meet professor...gosh..
i am still lost abt alot of things
i think i better have a good tok w the lecturer himself only
toking to the 2 guys abit hard ah...somehow,
communication w them seems futile...
*shrugs*
and sheesh i am going to be up at 415am later...
hahahhaha..
walking zombie
and i hate brooding...gosh...
and i am worrying way too much
hehehe...
BREATHE
LIFE IS GOOD, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
LIFE IS WITHIN MY ARM'S REACH
12:00 AM |
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Sunday, January 25, 2004
today, was really a tiring day but i guess no pt saying wat happened
then again, it has been and still is pouring....
for the past 12 hrs...nonstop, and err....islandwide
hahahaha...
nice to sleep in, hard to travel in.
somehow, really like to thank gilbert for enlightening me on wat r the impt stuff to look out
for research project..it is nice to listen to senior tok abt such stuff..
i am jsut a green horn...it is nice....thanks!!!!!!!!
oh well....dunno wat to say, i am utterly tired but hair wet as usu
and i really hate to blow my hair dry using the dryer.
so yeah...
dunno wat i should write actually.
okie i shall just go study la...sigh....
read something "light"
hahahahha....wat a word...
rain rain go away, little children want to play
think i really like this song by sugababes..though i never really like them
guess it is the Love Actually soundtrack, tat's y.
the lyrics is so darn interesting...
hahahhaha.....
12:25 AM |
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Saturday, January 24, 2004
getting bored bored bored..
hahahahahahahahhaahha
sorry..
i am getting super hyper
think i slept alitte too much this evening?
but it was only 1hr
hahahhaa
and it is already 1am, i am still awake!
gosh..bad...
12:55 AM |
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haha...this is so duh leh jo darling...gosh...wat kind of love situation is this?
my partner is a slave....(singing britney spear's i'm a slave)
duhduhduhduh
12:21 AM |
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Friday, January 23, 2004
wahwah!!
i am so excited!1
dong and mah are like a band themselves
jsut a guitar and a vocal
but it is enuff
i can set my hands on the drums!
goshgosh
ahhahahahahaah
this is happening
VERY!
finally
the opportunity is here, and i am not letting it slip by
12:08 AM |
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Thursday, January 22, 2004
it has been a great day again..hahahha...
but hrmm...some aunties and uncles shortchanged me!!
never give me hongbaos...
must be too tired...
oh well...wat to do?...sigh!!!!
sheesh...i am err....okie...err......okie...errr
hahahah
nothing la....keep thinking tomolo is sat?..which is actually
only friday......okie i think i need to mug at least 3 hrs tomolo
sigh.....sian!!! no mood at all...but i must motivate myself
i must go USA in june.....
hopefully my professor wont sound unhappy...coz i wanna go travelling
sheesh...can i finsih everything by then?can...exams end early...
must jiayou...
anyway...it is another good and very full day....
i am totally "cheesed out" hahahahha....
and very red wined.
and i feel like swimming on monday.....gosh....
bz bz bz......
jodarling: how ah..i am so bored now...and i wanna to shop too...
sigh...
11:08 PM |
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HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!!!
have a very prosperous new year and may all wishes come true
hehehe....lalala..had red wine and cheese tonight?!!?
it was awesome...the french cheddar with red wine...damn good
yumyum
i am so full now...
hahahahha
and now...i miss mdarling so much...
u la...pig...say so much..hahahah
=oP
jodarling:heheh....hehehe....heeeehhheee..
hahaha
think i am soo tired now..
gosh..but i wanna stay up
hahahahahahaha
gosh..i am gone case?
hehehe
12:30 AM |
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Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Bluemarine: Soft and subtle and definately
feminine. You are classy and cute with a
little girl all grown up appeal.
What fashion designer fits you
brought to you by Quizilla
same use u darling?..hahahaha....
10:52 PM |
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feeling super sleepy the whole day and i cun evne stay awake for lectures???
gosh..i am really sick..who cares..
i ahve tons of readings to finish and tomolo is CNY EVE!!!
woohoo.....going to help mum do dumplings again!
hehehehehe....my fav!!!!
oh well
today, was on my way home, very half dead, then suddenly i see alot more things
gosh...it is high time i see things sooo clearly
wat are my dreams?
who do i wanna to be?
where do i wanna head?
and wat r u doing now to achieve them?
and the answers are there all along..and i was too _____ to see it and do something
now i am so happy....coz i see it again!!!
gosh....
wat are my dreams? these are my dreams.
wanna to take my chem eng degree...i am already in it!!!
wanna to take my dipolma in piano...slowly crawling there....
wanna to travel and see the world...pendingpending
wanna to make a mark in the working world...tat..hahaha...gotta wait a little and see how
lead the life i wanna to have.....happy and carefree...yeah...
i wanna be any1 i am meant to be...and only i will know!!!!*wink*
a home i always wanna to have. dunno wat it is...but yeah it would be nice to have
a nice beach house w mountaineous valleys ard the back....with a glass rooftop to see stars!
as for now, i am going to just work hard, and enjoy life fullest....
no more mellowing, and hey...responsibilities are always there,
just learn to take it easy!!!
toughen up, lady!!!
u can do it!*tick*
12:09 AM |
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Tuesday, January 20, 2004
wat i am doing is, not to even allow it to happen
steer the thing to ensure it isnt going to be a right time
i mean alot of things cant be forced.
but at least, u have to make an effort
if after which, it is still meant to be....i guess, i should have pat myself and go
"at least i have give my best shot"
it is the process u r to learn
whatever the outcome is, at leat i have done it properly
or at least i have given my best shot...
yeah. tat should be it.
no more stupid thots, no more intution
no more sulking of face that u fear something bad will happen
gosh, sitting there wont solve or resolve the bad feeling
do something abt it!!!!
gosh, i wont be a sitting duck too.
NO WAY!
wah, hahahah..somehow, i am finding myself back
hahahaha...
goodgoodgood...
=o)
thanks...
thank u so much dearies..
dunno i say thank u to who la
hahaha..thank u!!!!
=o)
12:00 AM |
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Monday, January 19, 2004
You are blessed with FAERY wings. Beauty,
laughter, life, magic...that's what you are all
about. You are refreshingly innocent and happy
with your life of purity and play. Life's a
game and it's a good one. In your eyes there's
no way to lose! You can be very mischeivous and
have been known to cause trouble, but it's all
in the name of fun and not meant to really harm
anyone. You like to play tricks on people who
aren't quite as bright or clever as you - which
is almost everyone. Nature is the setting you
prefer to be in - Always. Barefoot and wild you
can't be tamed. You're probably a restless
spirit who loves to travel, and quite a
dreamer. Your creativity is astounding and your
art (of whatever media - from writing to
painting to drama) is like something from
another world - ethereal and often very
fantasy-oriented. You can either be a social
butterfly or a loner with their head in the
clouds - but rarely inbetween. You stubbornly
refuse to accept responsibility or to give in
to the wishes of others - unless you feel like
it. You have a strong passion for music and
can't imagine life without it. You'll grow up
someday, but you'll always be a child at heart.
You are adventurous and love to take risks, and
feel a deep connection with the weather,
plants, and animals. You prefer sunshine to
thunder or snow, the warmth of summer to
autumn's chill, and quiet forests to suburban
backyards. Magic through and through, you are
far more powerful than you seem, and are
capable of being extremely passionate. Though
you can be childish, naive, stubborn, and
self-absorbed, one thing is certain - life with
you will never be boring!
*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
muahahaha...dun u guys think it is pretty true????
hahahahahhaha
*tinkz*
11:08 PM |
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it is a terrible PMS day again. the weather made me alittle better till i got home
but this time i promised myself, i will never NEVER let homecoming seems a dread
yeah, nope it isnt a dread to come home. it is a place where i was born into this family of 5. the ups and downs make me who i am now. regardless wat have happened, i grew, and still growing with the family.
and everytime i face my frens, my classmates, the school, outside world, this is the life i am in, and to lament and do nothing abt it is indeed fruitless and dumb.
harvest will never be basketed till u learn to sow something and ensure its proper growth.
each day that passes, only make me realise i am indeed, older by a day, but tat doesnt down my spirts for the youth in me. and wisdom adds on to itself,
sometimes i question myself, that wat is the true inner self?
have i lost it? or i am blinded to it now? then i guess, it doesnt really matter that much to many. but i am, particularly very troubled by the fact of losing grip of myself. however hard it is to get out, i promise myself this time, i will get it out, and no more mask. i show who i am, inside. i am tossing myself inside out!
now i realised, y i started to question of "y did i ever bother ____?" it could be due to the fact i lost who i am. when u dun even know who u r, how r u to face others?
it is like, if i dun even show respect for myself, how others do onto me?
suddenly, i want to stand up back on my feet again, desperately. because it dawned on me how much it means to me. swimming in self pity, mellowing, wont help at all
crying only relieve tension, but not able to deal w the problem.
maybe sitting infront of this laptop, makes me feel how pathetic this girl is
and makes me wanna beat the pulp out of her..=oP
yeah, i am violent, i will punch the wall but hey, i dun and will never anyhow beat the shit out of pple. i am, still afterall, a civilised girl/boy
hahaha....
okie i guess, i must remember to believe in myself and the road i have taken, and still taking. wat comes isnt to throw me off, but make me stand firmer.
even if i am to fly, there is still this route i would like to take.
no more sad toking abt the past. no more depression tat comes every month becoz of some stupid shitty period. i am better off controlling those surges of hormones in me than to see a silly girl, tearing uncontrollably.
a deep breathe taken, a fresh intake of air.
a refreshment for the mind and heart.
are u game to take in another one?
hell yeah.
no more PMS, of coz it cant be done overnight
but now, i will try my best, till the day when earth rejects me
yeah
have alittle faith in me.
have a little faith in myself, babe.
12:00 AM |
|
Sunday, January 18, 2004
suddenly i see it
i have to make happiness come out from within
no more crying no more making myself miserable
it's abt smiling
the sunshine girl i am!
i am still that sunshine girl
all grinz!!!
even if i have problems, they will be solved eventually.
maybe i am on the road to find myself back again....
thank god...=o)
yeah jo and steph are right..
it has been a great 2004!!!
it will be better as it goes.
no matter wat the life is to be
guess wat, i choose it to be good and beautiful
*breathe*
and another great news
my parents going dubai for 2 weeks!!!!
but i might have to look out for my dajie
who is home alone, jiefu may be going reservist
hahaha...i dun mind..
2 weeks of homealoness is GREAT!
hehehehe.....
oops....
11:08 PM |
|
songsong
4:27 PM |
|
and i think i am getting very conky...again
hahaha..i need to sleep
but there's spring cleaning to do
sometimes....it is very irritating
but today, i din bother to say anything
i felt so calm and peaceful
i din argue, though i was saying my mum for being too "auntie"
knowing it and still doing it.
ouch
like me
telling kel and jo
y on earth did i ever bother?
then today, i am still questioning...and i realised
nothing.
it is just the way it is.
no more harping over it.
maybe i should go and learn how to play a harp.
since it is like piano
muhahahaha...
or i just going to let it be
still these words
i never want to give pple good impressions, nor pls dun give me a chance to expectations
i rather stay unclean, uncouth, unimpressive
sounds like it is up again....
okie...time to get out of house to pass my fren my book
and wipe the windows.
though i wish to conk out right now on my bed.
but i know my mum will be super super unhappy.
and gosh, my er jie is out of the house again.
lucky her.
1:43 PM |
|
it is back again
gosh i hate that kind of feeling
oh well
jo darling:
u r right. u r right on man!
all of us always have it
just tat we dun say it at all
we dun even show it
no wonder we are good frens dear.
watever u do, i will support but of coz,
i will always give u words of caution.
it is a matter of choice, a matter of decision
but i will always respect u
this shows how cranky i am
haha..just called lijie and he sounds DAZED
hahahah
okie to bed i must
1:31 AM |
|
it does sound weird when every1 ard u, esp ur gal frens turned single
then u r attached...and now they tell me
"i kinda appreciate being single"
hahaha
so funny....and i was the one saying tat last time,
and say "i wanna go dancing"
and i still wanna dance...
was dancing at home on thursday i think
hahahah
was sooo shiok...
oh well..time to go swimming...haha..dunno if i am FIT enuff to or not
trying to climb stairs more often...getting abit out of shape
12:17 AM |
|
Saturday, January 17, 2004
im sick again.....
i hate this feeling..
gosh...when would i ever recover????
groggy, pmsing (i think) and i cant be bothered
i wanna get out of the house...though i am in school now,
but really..i wanna go shopping...and dun care if any1 is going w me
and i juz dun feel like going home.
i have a home to go back to, but sheesh, thinking if my parents are at home,
i really dun like tat idea....
i need peace...to recuperate...
hahahaha.
11:43 AM |
|
'Fudged in the Head' PLEASE VOTE!!!
What Type of Lunatic are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
oops, i cant help but paste this here
coz this is the 2nd time i have got him in
hahaha
i did another one tat goes which movie i belong to?
it was pirates of the carribean...
hahahhahaa......gosh..i am into it hur?
johnny depp
hahaha..
3:03 AM |
|
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
crap..this would be the last quiz i am taking
i am super bored...
TOTAL BOREDOM
and i realised....this pic is sooo cute..
hahahah..it is pink...now a few pple will start to scream
it is PINK!
2:42 AM |
|
You are a true nature girl!
Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
gosh how i love this picture
2:36 AM |
|
You are guided by the wind. You obey your impulses.
You are the kind of person that is always comng
up with ideas that would be fun, yet somewhat
destructive. (Rate my test)
What force is your soul?
brought to you by Quizilla
think i am so bored..and waiting for hair to dry
and thinking i am having sore throat again pisses me off
i shant be nice to my body anymore..just like this hurricane
i will be horrible to it....
2:22 AM |
|
You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.
What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla
gosh i love this picture...
white
purity and i remembered when i took a personality test
white was never my colour
hahahahhaa....
gosh
2:05 AM |
|
Rafael. You're most like the ArchAngel of Healing.
You want people to shape up, and you nag. But
you mean well, and you're well loved despite
it. Or because of it. You bring the donuts
even as you tell people to eat more veggies.
Which ArchAngel are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla
this is me
are u kidding?
but hell isnt it true
i nag
n i hate pple nagging at me
life is a contradiction
BREATHE...
really cranky man...
bish...
1:56 AM |
|
and now i am feeling irritated
never mind...
saw chunfoong's photos.....
in korea and at her IA place
so nice
i wanna go travelling once again
and i was watching this travel show on northpole
i think, i have caught this for 3 times
and i am still into northern lights.
and suddenly, life is sooo meaningless.
and i am bitching abt it, not doing anything at all
if we dun even bother to explore this tiny planet, earth,
dun even say we have lived in this universe.
wat a great diservice we would have done to it.
okie i am feeling really really really cranky now.
1:51 AM |
|
Friday, January 16, 2004
orh my gosh...i think i am soooooo in love with this lecturer?
hahaha
he is so darn sexy!!!!..and super duper cool!!!!!!!
gosh....i love his nose....he is such a babelicious dude
think he is from laos...but he is definitely a mixed blood.
eurasian.....gosh....
he and his goatie...
drop dead gorgeous
and today, i faced him 3 whole hours....
oh my god.......
he is definitely my eye candy for this semster
and he wins hands down.....
tat's for sure....
gosh......
drool
totally mesmerised by him.
and i am still thinking of his eyes.
oh man......
and u know, his compelling yet soothing voice still rings in my ears
man...i cant believe it...
i was just 2 rows away from him.
man...i am in love...
gosh......
he is such a darling........
tian ah..how to get him out of my head
and damn...i wont get to see him next week!!!!!!!!!!!
ARGGGGHHH...torment...
11:24 PM |
|
MASKS: AN EPILOGUE
Don�t be fooled by the face I wear, for I wear a thousand masks,
And none of them are me.
Don�t be fooled, for God�s sake, don�t be fooled.
I give you the impression that I�m secure, that confidence is my name and
Coolness is my game,
And that I need no one. But don�t believe me.
Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in aloneness, in fear.
That is why I create a mask to hide behind, to shield me from the glance
That knows, but such a glance is precisely my salvation.
That is, if it�s followed by acceptance, if it�s followed by love.
It�s the only thing that can liberate me from my own self-built prison walls.
I�m afraid that deep down I�m nothing and that I�m just no good,
And that you will see this and reject me.
And so begins the parade of masks. Idle chatter to you�
I tell you everything, that�s really nothing, and
Nothing of what�s everything, of what�s crying within me.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I�m saying.
I�d really like to be genuine and spontaneous, and ME.
But you�ve got to help me. You�ve got to hold out your hand.
Each time you�re kind and gentle, and encouraging,
Each time you try to understand because you really care,
My heart begins to grow wings, very feeble wings, but wings.
With your sensitivity and sympathy, and your power of understanding,
You alone can release me from my shallow world of uncertainty.
It will not be easy for you. The nearer you approach me,
The blinder I may strike back.
But love I�m told is stronger than strong walls,
And in this lies my hope, my only hope.
Please try to beat down these walls with firm hands,
But gentle hands, for a child is very sensitive.
Who am I, you may wonder, I am every man you meet, and
Also every woman that you meet, and I am YOU, also.
Author Unknown
omfg......gosh.....am i seeing things?
i am so tired...so tired. but this, gosh...
i am totally speechless...
11:10 PM |
|
Thursday, January 15, 2004
okie this is friday and sheesh..it has been so long since i last updated this??
gosh....am i tat bz?..nah...bz keeping the other blog updated...oh sheesh
reading reading reading...tat is all i have done for the past 1 week
and i am not done w them
and tomolo i am going library to check out some books
orh...does any1 know the state of the art of synthesis of catalyst?
sheesh
bioleaching bioleaching
watever..i need chemists help!!
hehehe......
feeling quite good today la
did alot of online research....and going to face tomolo
BREATHE!!!!!!!!
FOCUS!!!!!!!!!!
11:59 PM |
|
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
is it tuesday?
okie i have been reading and somehow, everything got mixed up
some are cultured with residue
some are not.
some use sulphur to start off the reduction
some just use acid tat is formed to leach the metals into ions
okie my head is spinning.....
gosh...
help
and tomolo the lecturer wanna test me?
hahahahaha
confirm cant finish reading ah!
posted another song orh...brandy, have u ever
really great song i hear everytime i never tot i would hear again
and gosh, wat's w this guy's topic? "soulmate"
gosh...tat was so long ago since i gave it a good thot
and yeah there was a period of time i thot it may be true
then it died off, the thot of it just dun seem appealing anymore
yawn
i am really spinning now....all those info i am trying to cram in!!!!!!!!
back to readings
trying to get alot of things out of my head....hahahha...
but gosh....bioleaching better get stuck in here okie???
no more thinking is good....
FOCUS..
jo:dunno la...watever sometimes, it doesnt matter lor
so wat if one has so many but in the end, all is empty
i guess, never even think of it as something u wont regret
jsut take it as u did it for a reason or feeling
tat's how i felt u know? tty on sat again
i cant wait to tok to u again.
11:31 PM |
|
Monday, January 12, 2004
argh....was feeling fine and actually happy till my mum commented me going out on wed again
shitty man.....am i supposed to be this nerd who spends my hrs in front of the desk and STARE??
i have more life than that okie?????
i know i have to study. duh...as if i dunno....
as if i dun worry my grades arent that great????????
basket...as if i dunno wat is impt
and she has to lecture?
and i said her, "when i was mugging hard out there, did u even comment i am working hard?"
NO!
screwed up
gosh, wat have i done?
i cant wait to graduate.....
ARGHHHH
but i felt alittle productive...bioleachingbioleachingbioleaching
it sounds really fun to me actually...=o)
and today i managed to think my thots out....sort of felt much lighter
alot of things were on my mind, and to think
i realised, sometimes, we just have to learn to believe and trust.
and somethings, cant be questioned at all. just let things be
learn to focus. and understand the situation and solve properly
give time to think and straighten thots out...guess it helps alotalot
BREATHE
okie back to RP reading!!!!
10:37 PM |
|
i am feeling the stress of my FYP
gosh........full stream ahead when ur exams end
gosh...i wanna go USA!!!!!!!!!!
hahahahahaha
okie i need sleep.
i lack it
11:02 AM |
|
Saturday, January 10, 2004
in the coming year of 2004, decision making takes a greater importance. you are to be aware that unless you make the decision, you will not nkow if the decision you make is right or wrong. do not procrastinate upon which path to take, you are to look inside yourself to listen to your heart (you seldom listen to your head), and take the bold step - make the decision. only then will you know if the decision is a right one. you will then realise you have no time for regrets if the decision is wrongly made, atone for it, do something about it (which involves another decision makig process). everything in life is about decision making, you, making the decisions of how your life is going to end up with. your friends, your enemies, strangers, or support groups can only provide you with the possible decisions that you can make (which sometimes give you a whole wide range to choose from), the ultimate decision lies with you. go with your heart. and by the way, true love do no longer exist. your den is destroyed, do not return.
forgive me iblog, but i really love this excerpt u have written.
it is a pure bliss reading the optimism that exist in u and ur letter to urself
all the best in 2004.
beauty comes from within,
smile comes from the heart
hug comes from the love given tat touched the heart
appreciation in the mind shows this world that it spins
maybe all of us has lost a certain quality that existed long ago
but a decision maker never regrets or turn his head back
just gotta walk the walk
sometimes heart and head dun lie
but which to choose, tat's the ultimate test
life is a game played only by u, controlled by ur environment
maybe in the end, u may seem to be just a piece of chess on the board
but u matter so much, to die or not, tat's not the question
it is how u prove ur worth
2:52 PM |
|
i think i am sooooooooooo tired the whole day?!?!??!?!?!?!?!
1stly i cant think properly
2ndly i cant do anything properly
3rdly any thing can just knock me out
even tea doesnt work on me??!!
i am so tired the whole day tat i just wanna to sleep
and just sleep, but i just cun????
and now, i am waiting for hair to dry fast
tomolo, no contacts and more sleep
till sunday it comes, i wont have good sleep...........
oh no...gotta return alwyn his hp....
aiyah!
and need to meet so many pple???
tomolo weiling's party
sunday liwei and shixin
monday project supervisor n might be alwyn back from NYC
wed steph and gang
god
wat to do?
i am so tired!!!!!!!
no proper rest till 3 months later?
nah..even worse,
my FYP is still july
and then IA
then sem 8
okie...i am going to escape to USA
tat's for sure
pray hard by the time i can fly w sister to NYC
and find lijie and hk hopefully
goodness...
feeling cranky once again.....
walking zombie tomolo liao
2:51 AM |
|
got back from airport
chatted w lijie's parents and yeesheng
haha...mdarling:ur parents hor...err
hahaha...said..."lets meet once in a while yeah.."
something along this line la..wah...goodness
think i just drop them a visit for CNY?
err.....hahaha...
chatted too much w them liao
erps
=oP
take care and enjoy driving and dancing!
thanks for stud earrings...yeah and i think
my ear holes are alittle low...
oh well
missing u..........*winkz*
steph:i need to buy tops and shoes!!!!..arggghhhhhhh
think shopping b4 i meet ya guys on wed
next week will be another bz week
gosh......i wil enjoy school AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
haha....another 3 more months and it will be over!!!!
looking forward to it
*blurp*
1:35 AM |
|
Friday, January 09, 2004
lijie's leaving tomolo
tomolo will be having 4-9 intensive lectures
then rush to airport to send him off
wah.....
siong...
and weiling..paiseh la..i will meet ya up!!!!
gosh....
hahaha......sparklers are super nice
hahaha
2:16 AM |
|
Thursday, January 08, 2004
totally lost for a while, while trying to understand many situations
drawning myself and being relacon again, and back to huihui and
understand my own feelings and stuff.
now my head is exploding w tons of data, reports, conclusions
and the stupid song has to go round and round with the same cadences
maybe i am tired, but sometimes, as u grow older
u thot u might have grown wiser, yet in actual fact
u doubt even more ur depth of knowledge and wisdom
the more i know, the more i know i dunno
wat a pun and life is getting more interesting and such
unwittingly, pple flared up and felt bad abt it
unwillingly, ur mind strayed too far, and u hardly can find ur way home
i guess sometimes, words can only go so far, as i am writing this blog
and i realised, how much it was to some1, yet nothing to another
i guess in this life, so far, i have to take things w a pinch of salt
or rather just the tip of the iceberg
not saying i am doubting pple even more, if i do, i cant help it
but would control
but i guess, it is more abt reading into pple's words and actions.
it sucks. guessing games are just like parallel universes
they cross unwanted boundaries, and leading totally different lives
and u just think the pasture is always greener on the other side
it doesnt matter i guess, and i do remember doing this mind test
picking a choice that goes "u chose to do things jsut becoz u wanna to learn
something abt urself and abt life. guess whether if things fail or not, it is no longer
a question to be of a worry"
somehow, i guess it is when pple set priorities
failure, who doesnt fear them?
only when we fear to take the 1st step, would we even taste failure?
i guess, today's lessons, actually it is the past few yrs
take a step at a time for as u grow older, bigger uncertainties lie in ur path
there's a limit to ones capabilities, but tapping is unlimited.
take things easy just like how they come and go, sometimes,
timing is sooooooo FUCKING wrong, but it is done.
inconfidence built from within, confidence kills growth
maybe i lacked both even.
life is just like a cloud, many a times, u cant shape the way u wana to be
but pple perceive u in the way they see u. but as long as u know u r a piece of cloud
tat's all matters
2:15 AM |
|
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
today was a bit terrible for 1st day of school, was rather upset w a fren
but heck it...i guess sometimes, backstabbing happens
i just wish watever happened 6 yrs ago wont happen again??
but if it does, i guess, i should have learnt tat lesson 6 yrs ago!!
oh well.....
read aaron's email yesterday and felt it was sooo true.
sometimes it hurts, coz no matter how much similarities there are
in the crisis we all faced, the attitude and approach towards them
could be so different.
i guess, tat's wat makes us all unique hur?
mdarling is back..hahah...sorry dear,
today abit hard to meet ya....coz i need to settle my project
if not, i will die tomolo at 1030am!!!
take carez!
will be quite excited after i've got my project
hopefully can get at least within my 3 choices...
*pray*
take care pple.
8:38 PM |
|
goodness...
something is sooo wrong these days
wrong..somethings are sooo wrong these days
sheesh
never mind
i hate it when pple just start doing it and not telling me wat is wrong
and when i ask wat is wrong, "oh, nothing...u r just being sensitive"
okie lor
if history is going to repeat itself
so be it
and this time, i am not going to cry or get upset over it
crap leh.
so much of spending time and effort,
or maybe i am just a detestable pest.
sheesh...
never mind....maybe it is just life
BREATHE......
12:03 AM |
|
Monday, January 05, 2004
i need a digi cam badly..
hahahahhaa....
gosh....
can spare me for a week?
hahahhaahahhaha
*yawn*
back to piano and cleaning the windows grills
errr
1:14 PM |
|
You're GOTHIC sexy! You have a dark sexy style,
which is a classic seductive kind of sexy. Your
style is more unique than the average person!
What kind of sexy are you? [For girls only! With Pics! Finally Finished!]
brought to you by Quizilla
1:04 PM |
|
Sunday, January 04, 2004
haha...sheesh....
jo: if u reading this...dun luff le...i think i am going to sound like u a few
months back..hahaha...oh well...wat's ur timetable like hur????
i think mine is tues-sat!..friday is the worst...
can meet ya once in a while k?..haha...coz i think i would be bored too in school
sheesh...
sometimes, it is really queer, giving some food for thought
it is hard to find 2 that actually admire n like each other for some time
and always remember wat mingsiong said
"once opportunity knocks, grab it, if not, it will never come back"
nothing is certain. so when it seems so right then, do it.
coz afterall, there's no turning pt
to do or not to do. tat is how ur life is going to change
oh well...just tat let life be and let live
a step at a time is wat i am doing
mdarling: just finish wat u have to finish. and jiayou.
one more sem for u..and everything will end and a new phase comes
tide over it for that few months!!!!will miss ya..hahaha...corny hur
i guess every1 is sian of the mandane life and living the routine, regular life
but i am still searching for the twists and turns every now and then
as for now, i need to get my piano starting and brains working for school
i will jsut try my very best la...
tat's all i can do....
and after which i would be on invisible for a long time coz i shall only blog
and will study...hahah..and SLACK!
=oP
11:05 PM |
|
finally!!! school is starting and i managed to get all the modules i wanted
in the end!!!!YOOHOOO..but i hate tuesday timetable...it sucks...
this week will be so bz...meeting frens and sending mdarling off
tired tired..think i'm going to zzz soon...so early right?...dunno
i am quite tired....
timetable doesnt suck tat much but i think i will be bz
going to choose my silly project soon....hrmmm
and thinking time will fly super fast when exams will end on 16/4 for me
wah lau
only like 4 months of school????
gosh....and i have a project to kill
okieokie..
i am really tired and i dun wanna to have school on monday
i have school from tues to sat....but luckily thursday is alternate off
yawn.
going to miss a lot of my frens, coz steph huimin and elena not ard this sem
life would be alittle boring, going to hang alot w michelle
oh well...wat to do?
haha...stupid lijie is in m'sia now.
and damnit, i just got big lecture from parents again...and i dun bother
to explain my situation becoz they were already have concluded my actions
somehow, this time, i am just letting it be.
they only see the bad side of u all the time, never to even look at the good side
i guess, i am of no different from them!!!
and now, i have quite a few pple to meet up in school
chun foong, siong blahblahblah
gosh..alwyn is coming back from NYC
hahaha.....cool stuff.....
oh well..i dunno wat else to write.
mental block?
and yeah, feeling really blur now...
oh well....
*dazed*
10:03 PM |
|
Saturday, January 03, 2004
feeling like a total wreck, coz i think i really really din sleep well at all
and now i am feeling miserable very miserable
abt life and stuff.....goodness
this is bad.
but then again, many things ran thru my mind
and i just dunno how to place them into this cyberspace
*taking a deeepppp breath*
i guess i will just write it in my red journal
this life has reached to a pt, when i suddenly realised,
escapism isnt a solution, but the way to find the solution
when u care too much abt pple ard u, and u dunno how to learn to let go
u stay away from them.
and right now,
i wish i woke up in a foreign land
and waking up to a total strange feeling
in a total strange place.
okie, i think i need a break.
but i guess, i have to bear w it yet again
thinking i need to prepare for school,
think monday has no school
but gotta settle my project!
oh well
at this rate, life goes on and again, a step at a time
looking ard, i need a space so big, i only have to think abt myself
but i lack the courage and boldness, to do that.
i am really feeling super rotten now
and i realised, y i never got sick of writing blogger or journal
coz a place where u ramble, and u dun have to feel guilty abt it
i am not sinner to a terrible extent, but i have made myself live
like one
gosh,
this is getting depressing
watever
3:30 PM |
|
finally get to blog properly and realised my blog posts were short and sweet
thinking coz i have been very busy and stuff...pretty tired and stuff
today, is my 1st week of attachment to lijie (mdarling)
yeah, it would come to a shock to some pple and sorry if i havent told u guys,
esp my dear frens, just becoz i dun have much time to tell and i dun see u guys
but yeah, i am attached, finally as said by a lot of my frens...but haha..it feels weird still
guess lijie's case goes back to ACJC days, and weirdly, it happens..dun ask me y
dun ask me how come, i dunno either...i guess somethings just happened
been really tiring for the past week, while trying to meet him and stuff b4 he leaves for
USA again, i am trying to meet frens too....but i guess, it is REAL HARD to juggle b/w
those for now. coz school is starting in 2 days time, and i am feeling tired,
yet happy yet, worried yet a little sad w everything ard me
i wish i am not neglecting my frens too much, but i guess i am only human
for i cant multitask as much as i could last time, age does catch up with me
just tat, mixed feelings come as u know ur frens wanna u to be happy,
and yet i would feel sad, in many ways tat i never expected
guess i have so much to say, and telling jo darling:
i am not ignoring u or wat, but somehow not toking to u or not contacting as much
as we did hurt me a little and i felt alittle lost, coz my closest fren seemed so distant
but i guess as soon as school starts, things would be better, i wont say it will be back to normal
but at least, i hope it would be fine. so darling, i never forget u ok??not when i just got a bf
thru this week of happenings, i began to learn more abt myself n things
i guess, frens are still as impt to me as b4, that never changed
family of coz is 1st, just tat, in my mind,
attachment came just like something naturally in a sense,
so it just came into my life, something tat just came into my driving lane
smoothly, not suddenly, but there are bound to be changes i admit,
but i am still adjusting. give me time i would say.
oh well,
hey mdarling: wont see ya for another few days
haha...and yeah, gotta to see to a lot of things for us hur
but i guess should be fine, just tat we haha..gotta clear doubts b4 u leave for USA!
=o) quite happy liao...gotta spent time, though as usu, time flies way too fast..
hahha..it is good in a way la..
okie tat's all i have to say...
very tired actually...and yeah still sick..
*coughcough*
hehe...but i guess i am getting better!!!
take care and happy new yr once again...
love all of u guys lots
*hugz*
2:15 AM |
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Thursday, January 01, 2004
happy new year.
just spent another nite up and i am still waiting for hair to dry
but 2003 had past, and being a terrible yr,
but haha..not too bad, ups and downs, and i sort of never
remembered it....
spent this day, welcoming 2004 with frens and darlings
interesting stuff i can see, maybe it would be a turn.
and i am getting very drowsy
farewell 2003, welcome 2004.
may this new yr be a better one, even to every thing struggling to live
just best of luck to 2 darlings and my jie meis and my buddies
and of coz my family.
best of health.
that is the most impt, most fortunate think to have for a lifetime
love u all..
zzzz
8:28 AM |
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