for a world that doesnt exist
for a universe that stands still
contact:
relacon@gmail.com
|
|
| |
DAILY INSPIRATION:
this day, i pray
this day, i smile
this day, i wish u all the best!
Archives
counter
|
|
| |
wat u want to abt me?
and why?
how much can u find out,
when i dun even know
who i am?
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Sunday, February 29, 2004
i never really like sundays. next time i will go dancing on sundays...if not i will FA FENG
hahaha....
today went out with steph, to be pretty irritated w the fact that M1 shop opened at 11am instead
so yeh cun have time to exchange my stuff..oh well..it is fated then
met her, went shopping and stuff...bought a pair of orange earrings that i fell in love w completely
i have never had this feeling, but yeah, just bought it though it was a 16.90.
cun get my skirt or dress for dance, not even a pair of suitable dance heels
hahaha
then winner, accompanied steph to make a pair of specs..then the lady at the shop went
"hehe..think u look like celest chong!"
NOT AGAIN?.....must be that smile, the hair and the tan.....
think i can go for those ming xing lian liao....
FAINTZ!
watever,
just remembered was waiting for steph to arrive, was at borders reading this book by this nun
"being comfortable with uncertainty"
and i almost almost, nearly went to buy the book. i read quite a few pages and found something
tat i needed to practice and truly understand i am in the state she was mentioning and also said
something i said a few days ago
then i somehow, needed to find that "marita" dunno correct or not, and find the inner peace
and she said something tat i even said...gosh...hahaha..i almost fainted
but felt very very consoled, tat maybe i am not walking the wrong road at all
spiritually, i am fulfilling it. and i have to go out and learn the pain, fight the fear,
and be comfortable with instability, uncertainties and know that i am just a fluid
no more comfort zone, i am jsut going to do the dos hahahah....
dunno, i am feeling pretty lost actually. very lost.
nothing seems right again. lab is pretty lost..but heck it, just going to do another short run
hopefully can start by next week proper.
report will start when i end exams
i may have to forgo the trip to usa w my parents to look for my sister coz i dun think
i would like to ask gavin and albert to help me at all, judging from the working r'ship we have now,
things are pretty bleak. not as if i never try to do something abt it, but i guess, all things need to come
in a pair, ie, two hands to clap. a r'ship is never 1 sided, even to urself. there must be a duet somewhere
oh well...shrugs.
ZEN. tat is very impt.
i dun wanna expect anything from any1 anymore.
i guess the only expectation i have now, is from myself to live life
mao said, u r very pessimistic w many things these days.
i am still hopeful in many many ways. but less optimistic tat's all la!..
dun wanna to expect more from something tat isnt from me no more la
not tat it hurts, but y bother? when u care so much, then the other pple dun
respond to it, so y should u further continue? maybe pple find u such an irritant
hahah...i am always sincere, but oh well, maybe not good enuff again?
maybe i should be unreasonable instead....muahahah..
wait a min, maybe i am an unreasonable person?..hahaha....watever!
thinking back wat andy said, oh well, i am trying la, trying la,
but sometimes, sigh, oh well....never mind
it is not tat i am not good enuff,
just tat i am not to ur expectations
hahahahah
sounds like some cliche sentences ahhaha....jo, correct hor?
=oP
10:05 PM |
|
suddenly, i truly know wat i wanna in life. at least
hahahaha..cool stuff
oh well
maybe i do know wat i really want in life
haha...too stubborn to change it i guess...
hahahhahahaha
but think again, so wat? does it matter if u do?
really
i should think twice
really fail sometimes as a person
hahaha...
heck it
think i shall tell my mum this joke...
hahaha
oh well....
thinking abt it,
life is just a road u have to take
u will have ur very own lessons to learn along this road
i guess, whether u learn it well or not, it seems meant to be
too many things to worry, but hey,
maybemaybe, we are all just the same
one moment can define ur whole life
1:17 AM |
|
Saturday, February 28, 2004
"sometimes when u learn to love, u only learn to forget.
but y make urself so blind and jaded just becoz u dun get love?
tat's becoz when u try, u only realise afterall, it needs 2 hands to clap,
2 humans to tango, and all u see is u standing alone, right there, right now"
smokescreen siah...
hahahha...corny...
going to school soon..lalalala
though not feeling very well...hrmmm
i just wanna to zzz...
but got lab.
gosh..how could u do this to me?!...LAB AGAIN?
dun even know if i can go swimming....
i miss bridge, ACJC, FUN FAIR and INNOCENCE
hahahaha.....
8:21 AM |
|
suddenly, yeah i know i am tired tat's y i am turning cranky but allow me to say this
i really wish tat pple will have that kind of happiness that is truthful and real
and it is there, always.
coz when u r not there, it is totally emptiness...very horrifying one
and i dunno y i say that?
true happiness finds its way to u, and never leave u at all
though i dunno wat it is, coz i never experienced it b4
yet tat's wat i believe, yet i dunno watever i believe is true or not
i am always praying that pple close to me have their happiness soon
the true happiness, coz somehow, good things may not happen to me
but not to pple who are ard me k? coz somehow, it feels horrible, and i dun wanna see them
suffer at all...NOT AT ALL, pls...one person going thru is enuff..... but then again,
who isnt going thru it anyway??...wat am i toking abt?..hahahaha...
sheesh...
wat's wrong w me today hur?
*rolls eyes*
hahaha
2:04 AM |
|
JAZZ ALL NITE
somehow i can feel my heartbeats accelerated, pulsating beats in my veins
tell ya, my heart was racing
those swing and groove and jazz really really making me really hot
i was racing with every beat there
the improvisation just turns me on, right on
i was in love w it
totally in love
i just got swept off my feet, by jazz.
watever it is,
i was tapping along, snapping my fingers, nodding, moving my body here and there
gosh...i tell ya, i can feel those blood rushing all over my body
this is wat i called, adrenaline
they said it should make u feel free
hell it did..
i was almost on the impulse to take my car n go!
to chicago, to all the jazz places
to cuba just to salsa....
am i mad? not yet, coz i havent done it YET!
even i have done it or doing it, i am definitely NOT MAD
hahahaha...
gosh...it is driving me nuts now
really..
and now, it's my erjie's bday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL!
and today i realised,
my piano fren who is 1 or 2 yrs older than me, has the same birthday as me
FAINTZ...haha..even my piano teacher was shocked!
so many things in my life relate to 28
gosh, even my piano teacher's bday is 28/11?
okie...maybe i am supposedly fated to the number 28
and supposedly my 2nd month?
haha..okieokie..
enuff
*faintz*
wat happens when i am 28 i wonder.
goodness...maybe tat's the day i leave this place for good...hahahaha
1:06 AM |
|
wat a hectic but VERY REWARDING DAY....guess this is wat i did
morning:
rushed to school to park the car then off to cut hair at kimage.
it was really good, coz i think i really like my hair cut...nice
not FLAT!
hahaha
afternoon:
met piano teacher for lunch. she treated me and ching ee to Al Dante
hahaha..YUM!....it was good..heehee.....
then i had my test...again..i forgot 2 impt stuff...then dunno if the rest if correct
if i am not wrong..abt 4-5 wrong so far...BAD...sigh....
evening:
just got back from the jazz swing vol 1 by nus jazz band
it was very enjoyable, really good. they have a singing group too...they are really good
some dance lindy hop it was really interesting and i enjoyed it very much
it was like a tribute to Nat King Cole, who is famous for Unforgettable and Mona Lisa
great swing, great jazz, and i was almost in LOVE....hahah...if there was a MAN to sweep me off my feet
hahaha...yeah it was good..sitting there, got free snacks and drinks le!..hahaha
and suddenly, the road to chicago is really really really very tempting.
i wanna go every single jazz pub club there...and just groove my life away
maybe i should go hunt for the best jazz bands ard the world
hahaha...gosh...then i eat wat?!?!? WIND? hahaha....nah..i guess i can find a way out
just drive, just hunt, wat a dream. who is there to stop me? and who wanna come along?!
hahahaha
shopping:
finally got 2 cds
3 doors down's away from the sun
bossanova vol 1
and gosh i think i spent abt 60 bucks today??
gosh...this is bad ah!...HECK
as i have told jo, i was really in the mood for love while listening to the jazz band
almost going to fall in love w any guy, any desirable guy who would just take my hand
and dance the nite away...DREAM ON MAN!......
hahaha...u know, i may wanna take up jazz singing...tat would be the next step
hahaha.....gosh...maybe i can sing jazz...woohoo!!
watever. now in the very silly mood now.
haha..me and my red tube with the red shawl.
hahahah....
gosh...can u believe it? my hair was swaying in the wind too....
haha...okieokie enuff enuff
just thinking of adding another post on the jazz thingy and how i felt thruout the 1 hr
hahaha....
12:15 AM |
|
Friday, February 27, 2004
dancing : making love with clothes on
this is wat i preach to the love and lust, sex and procreation month
dance, and get urself sweep off ur feet
get the settings, dim yellow lights, with sweet aroma oil
right music and right mood
with the dancing gears of high heels, high slit dresses
with those unbuttoned shirt, with those body touch body,
eyes lock eyes, swings and turns, push u away and pull u towards
flirt, the tease, the sliding of hands down bodies,
the hands ard the neck, the arms ard the waist
the slightly heavy breathing at the ears, the body brushing body,
the legs locking, the slides the sexy moves, the eyes looking intensively
in control and yet not, wanting yet not there, the adrenaline the sweat
the pulses the beat, it sure gets u really hot, inside out
and that slight sweat and intermingling body fragrance,
will shoot u to the sky
ouch
hahahah...sorry...better not step on ur partner's foot
hahahahha.....*rolls eyes*
even so, just luff it out and joke and tease then look at each other eyes again
and then freeze, face to face, body to body
the whole world holds its breath for that moment.
then this whole world is ur dancing world
only u and ur partner's
just so beautiful, so warmth, so sweaty and hot
the grips and upbeat heartbeats.
gosh,
arent u melting?
u may kiss now!
hahahahhahahaa
hey jo, how abt it hur?..okie i am not tat great at describing
maybe can demo?!..hahaha...tat is more interesting than all words
hahaha.......c'mon pple
not clubbing kind of dancing..dirtydancing is out of fashion
no more grinding the hard core turn on
lets go for the smooth and soft heater
hahahha.......
=oP
12:44 AM |
|
Life is but comes from 1 dream
interesting thot i've today. been toking to jo n steph alot these days, n this same old
feeling comes back. everytime i see them stronger, sadder, happier, freer, u juz knew
something good gotta happen to them they are beautiful pple , it will be a waste if
no1 bothers to appreciate them, n even resepect who they r. judgements place on
them everyday. but it doesnt matter if u see them in e way they wish u to see,
but can u understand y n wat's they are made of now?
somehow, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, but how far can that bring u and them?
each human is an entity in his/her way. maybe not now to know how to appreaciate,
hopefully u will soon. learn to appreciate others, then u willl be shown how it is like
to be appreciated. i guess, nothing is easy, not even to love urself.
but when u r alone, ur heart yearns to be filled, yet when u r not, u wish to be left alone.
Queer stuff, temptation is jsut too great.
but anyhow, no1 is borned to love, to hate. we learn to do both at the same time.
ultimatly, its e choice we wish to take up, to love or to hate. everytime we breathe,
we've taken for granted tat we breathe. but in actual fact, every breathe aint that
easy at all. to continue to take e next step is difficult.
joy comes in e end, coz u learn to be grateful, so go out and get hurt, get pain, get sad,
get disappointed, then when good things come, u know, u've it!
Dreams. i love to dream, esp those out fo these world kind of dreams,
but being more down to earth, some dreams tend to be closer to heart,
yet it takes more than a miracle to happen. just like u wish a bolster
to come alive, yet u know, it will never take place. even u think it did, it's only
ur eyes n mind playing games w u. u thot it spoke to u, but its only ur very
own voice speaking. dreams, never fail to fascinate me. though it never keeps
a promise to happen, u jsut want to dare to dream n enjoy those moments of dreaming
away from the reality, the practicality. the feeling can set u free, very free, then after which,
u stop to dream for it sure is sad when life is nothing but a dream.
dream a little me, dream a little me. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.
a dream will come true, will be me.
reach out to tat piece of sky.
its disgustingly vast, i'm sure somewhere out there hosts ur dreams.
steph said, "it sounds like some self help, self motivated book"
maybe i should start writing one.
hahaha...
a stroke of inspiration?
but actually dear, i have thot of this long ago, just tat i din bother to word it
=o)
12:00 AM |
|
Thursday, February 26, 2004
gosh..just got home from salsa!!!!
hahahha..i am pretty excited and still into the dancing mode....
hahaha
think paps is really nuts abt salsa....b4 and after class he was spinning me here n there!
hahaha...corny...okie tat's wat i have learnt today
1) basic steps
2) open basic
3) over suzie (i think....err)
4) cross over
5) turn
6) swing
wat else ah?..haha...wah lau..not bad lioa lor...me went there at 2.45 and learnt the first few in 20 mins?
hahaha....wah....it is nice, dancing ard, with different partners!
haha...but of coz...paps is the best leader...he leads the girl damn well...hahha..he is cute too!!
dark, with a super nice nose bridge, quite tall...hahaha...nope..jo dun think he is at least 1.8m
hahaha.....though no specs...but he sure reminds me of some1..hahaha....
there was this guy among them, think dunno who la..cant remember the name anyway,
he leads rather well though he is also learning....it sure is good if the guy knows wat he wanna to do
then the girl can just spin and look super chio
haha...really..i was spun ard here and there, with paps telling me, this is when a guy tries to pull u closer
and u have to run ur hand down his back to catch the other hand, then this is when a guy starts to tease u
when he brings his hand over ur head...blahblah..and showed me the stunts...heehee...so close leh!!!!!=oP
then he started to throw me ard.....*seeing stars*, yeah spin like hell....
hahaha....hey..not bad liao, now i am just trying to fix my shoulders and move my hips
anyhow, as u get into the moves, and stuff, u will really start to feel the salsa in u and u jsut move..
turn, spin walk. hahaha...okieokie...enuff of raving..
now i know y mdarling dances like this..haha...but hey...u move ur hips more than him!
=oP
haha..okie..i am NOT falling in love w paps, no more of such things....though he went, when the guy teases u,
he brings u closer and place both ur hands ard his neck n grab ur waist....hahaha....
hey jo, this is better than dirtydancing yeh? hahaha...woohoo...can smell him somemore..hahhaa...
and maybe jo, u r right....they smell the same..???!!
=oP
okieokie..he is cute, n he likes to wink...but aiyah...haha...it is just dancing
i cant wait for the next session!!!!!!!
not w him, but learning to dance...it was pretty sad that i have to fetch my parents...
if not could have stayed longer to practice ard with the pple there!
hey pple, go and learn
i am trying to learn the guys' moves at the same time..so tat i can teach u pple.
so u pple can learn the couple.
guys are very impt, u must really know how to lead...
sometimes..some r so blur, i lead them....dotdotdot...
hahahha...
okieokie....gotta bathe n makan and study for test..
maybe later i will just start dancing again...
hahaha.....
mdarling:haha...ooi...can dance w ya liao!..haha....happening sia!
6:17 PM |
|
correction, parents ARENT SELLING THE CAR!
hahahahahahha
and i am driving to school tomolo!
woohoo!
tis is so darn cool
and i am going to wear those damn high heels to salsa
my legs are already dying, from yesterday's run.
and now tomolo..hahaha...
oh well
SHRUGS
haha...was telling jo a joke
"haha..think steph and i are like machiam some silly couple, sms each other every other min,
call each other when we have the chance, and tok to each other everyday at least online! haha
sounds like u and joey then!"
hahaha...
ooi steph: hehehe...tomolo hope u can come school to meet me for lunch
missing u super badly..hahaha...and okeiokie..sunday must really go shopping!!
lets' go AREA 51!!!!!!!
hahahhaa
i am so excited over meeting steph?!!...i miss her la...cant blame me
when was the last time we met????....i cant recall...let me think...shhhhh
*roll eyes*
hehehe.....
gee...i do sound like jo.....hmmmmm
forgot to ask her bring camera!!!
arghhh....
12:26 AM |
|
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
dead, i am totally dead
woke up early to do lab, and just got home
dead, super dead
but it is good, coz u would be too tired to think of stupid things
but i need to study for test.......
but oh well....CSI tonight, tomolo salsa with lab
zzzZZZZZzzzzZZZzzzzZZZZZZzzz
*singing*
i'm wasting my time i'm wasting my time!
just managed to read bajit's email from california
maybe if i ever get to travel to USA this june, haha..STEPH!!!
onz boh??? we go find him la!..then ask him to drive us ard!!!!!!!
haha....left hand drive..hahahaha....my sister told me she even took the wrong direction
and ended up somewhere else...hahaa..even taking a bus..gosh!!
hahaha...but sounds super cool in california!!!..
watever.
DEAD
i'm wasting my time, i'm wasting my time
gosh...this taiwan show is really really getting on my nerves
"i really miss u leh...so long never call me....*whinewhine*..i wanna see u"
hahahahaha...then the guy cut her off....goodness!...hahhaa..corny
n somehow i see my parents seem to enjoy the show so much,
and guess wat, they seem so loving now.
the beauty of going thru 30 yrs of hardships together,
all the quarrels and happiness, and their kids are almost all grown up
nothing too much to worry...and they are selling off the car soon
they should...so they can travel every half a yr. =o)
sometimes, dun u wish, to grow old too?
tat's the only consolation if u r lucky enuff
=o)
DEAD
6:10 PM |
|
i guess, toking to my erjie over the phone is good.
somehow i seriously think, i also need to work overseas
hahaha...
dunno y, but somehow, toking to her is good in a sense
she doesnt probe and she takes things as it is, and understands fast
thank goodness, unlike some pple would probe just becoz they are super KAPO!
poor girl gotta work 24/7 guess it is like this....at least she gets to go NASA today!
hehe
hopefully she enjoys herself!...
and she wishes me and my parents would go over to NY when her work is done
at least we can go travel together...i wish..but dunno la dear sister.
hehehe...
suddenly, i feel a sense of closeness to my sister, listening to her tok abt her work, her life
the places she went and stuff, this hardly happened, and i am really really glad for it
suddenly i feel like crying, coz i am happy, sometimes, distance does make the heart grow fonder
but of coz, depends on wat situation and who r the pple involved.
i feel that i am there for her.
then i suddenly realised wat she meant, when pple are willing to tell u things, they just will
and becoz they know u will listen.
haha....feel like hugging my erjie..hahaha...am i mad?
happy tears falling, they are for joy, for care and concern
the warmth, the intangible touch, seems just so right now.
i am glad i am glad and very grateful.
i never taken her for granted, but just wish our r'ship was closer
and it has.
i am so glad.
12:09 AM |
|
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
i guess this blog is a place where i should rant and rave.
today doomsday happened, but wat's new man?
the expt that i ran for the past 14 days, was down to drain...completely gone
coz we used the wrong chemical
tomolo i have to wake up at 7am to go school early to start my expt
today, i have this accumulated energy tat was trying to explode
my heart, my mind, my soul were trying to get out, they were trying to set themselves free
my body was screaming at me too, telling me u better do something abt it and let them go
it was totally unbearable. i cun sleep properly, i cun see, i cun hear, i cun focus.
then i was totally dead, this time, like a walking undead, searching for corpse to replenish
the spent energy. i felt really spent, or wasted.
i just dashed out of the house after i got home, went for a damn good run and i realised
i never stopped at all, not at all. my parents got worried that i was jogging at 8pm
but who cares? i need to appease my body and set all free.
i guess i did, and suddenly i never regretted.
this time i took a different route, a route i never took b4, and suddenly i realised, i have woken up from a dream
woken up from a dream that i thot it was reality. maybe it is just another box within a box
but at least i know i was in a box. and out of it. it is a never ending story.
but i suddenly know wat i need and wat i truly want
things i was, am focusing screwed up
but i dunno, somehow when one said the best is yet to be
i would say the worst is yet to be,
sounds pretty pessimistic, but hell, i just dun wanna get myself hurt when i fall
as cong said "dun wanna the rope to break"
all of us wanna up Up UP...
but wat rope does u wanna hold on?
definitely not something tat is hanging ur head.
something tat is to get u out, not make u feel miserable..
so, pple, hold on to the CORRECT one hor....
but then again, wat is the correct one?
*roll eyes*
all tok and seem so empty
this is life.
nothing is everything and everything is nothing
non existence
and yeah i have salad to eat!
hahaha....
expecting more good food the next time round
sometimes, i still think i am looking for a home.
really.
but i cant wait for weekends to come
i wanna watch HONEY
ahaha...okie
let me look forward to thurs and fri
thurs :salsa
fri: lunch appt w piano teacher and piano buddies, jazz concert!
and i am going to wear my red tube on friday!!!...to lab to lessons
HECK IT
i have very few clothes to wear liao
8:32 PM |
|
Monday, February 23, 2004
nothing to write anyway.
peace is with me once again.
this blog will RIP for a while
take care!!!
=o)
but yeah, wanna comment on something on my fren's blog
he is going thru a phase that every breakup would
i guess, it differs how each would react to it
and depends how emotionally attached are u to it, it matters alot
and all the time, things have to be cleared. draw lines, things tat belong to both gotta be out of sight
then slowly, u wanna to do alotalot of things to keep urself occupied and focused.
till the pt sometimes, u work urself to the pt pple will feel so so so painful for u
but to u, insufficient sleep, working like a hog, those pain are nothing to the pain u have felt in ur heart
so i guess, wat we can do is jsut be there for u when u need to lament and stuff,
get over ur downs and u r back to ur daily busy routine of life.
life is just like a sine wave.
it could be overdamped
critically damped,
underdamped.
those who doesnt understand, go and find it on google and see the shape
sometimes, emotions will be overdamped
maybe time will heal, but never erase
it will be there somewhere, and u can never forget.
but as all said,
life goes on.
i am glad u r doing it.
just all the best and take care dude.
i know u can tide thru it and u will find ur true happiness.
may heavens look over u in those dark hrs,
smile, as the world smiles w u.
*hugz*
10:03 PM |
|
just browsed thru the photos ray took on sat!
and u know
it seemed all of us agreed that we really were happy on tat day to meet up and stuff
coffee, cards and a bunch of good frens together
wat more do we ask for sometimes in life?
this is wat life should be.
at least for now.
we are there for each other, supporting always
these are the frens i would wanna to keep for life and i will never NEVER walk out of their lives
when they need me, i will be there for them!!!!
HUGZ!
i think we should do it monthly.
gosh, the feeling is soooo warmth.
aint it?
*smiLe*
some photos on funorama
1:05 AM |
|
reading jo's blog
i agree to certain extent.
while out the whole of sat, wat i felt was emotionally happy in a way
i felt in a way, though i was so upset somehow, but there are somethings tat are there
as i have juz told the girls.
each human is just looking for some1 to appreciate, and be appreciated
i guess, if u r in luck, congrats!
if not, just keep on living and maybe u will find that something and some1..
haha...i shant make my blog more depressed than ever.
i sort of realised, my blog has only lasted for more than a yr
but it seemed so long so long.
i felt tat each week passes very fast.
but yet it is only end of feb.
queerly, relativity by einstein has never stopped fascinating me
decided to go for this jazz thingy on friday at 930pm alone
going to get tics tomolo i guess. after lecture will just hang ard in school and wait
sometimes, do watever u like best. dun let anything any1 holds u back
coz u know, once u have missed it, u might not have the 2nd chance in ur life again
just like salsa class, i am going for it. no way anything can stop me...
haha...not even lab!=oP
going to be a labber tomolo till 4pm i promise...havent touched my piano hw
DIE!
haha...
sat was play day
sun was depressed day
but all is good.
thanks jo for listening to me whine a little...hahaha..felt so much better and now i am wearing a smile!
hehe
hopefully steph is fine.
jiayou!...i am w u all the way...always =o)
we are all in search for a reason to live.
we are all in the quest for happiness
we are all in the questioning of purpose
we are all in the whirlpool of wat's to do and not
guess, when we come alone, we go alone
yet, we arent that alone in spirit.
we all rather own a life, and not rent one
at least, tat is something we know, makes it all worthwhile
12:20 AM |
|
Sunday, February 22, 2004
sometimes now i really wonder, my life is now really snappily happening!
dunno
definitely feeling super empty today
oh well
hope steph is in better mood later.
i am really tired.
din study again. but never mind...i will try to read project engineering later
quiz this friday again.
finally
got my new phone and paid 98 bucks...no chocie, or rather i chose to pay
oh well....i dun care anyway.
anyway
FRENS! i have 1000 free sms and free incoming call from 7am-7pm daily!
so if u wanna to call, pls do!..but other times, try to sms me k?
thanks!!!
i am feeling very tired.
no lab today, coz i queued for so long.
take care pple.
11:53 AM |
|
SALSA:
oh my gosh!!
i can start on my salsa class??????
this is so exciting!
i will definitely spin those legs, shake those bums and hahahaha...
do the groove...
which means i need to bring my heels to school every thursday...and they lack girls?!?
haha....5 bucks per session....tat is super cheap liao lor
though it is only 1 hr per week
HRMMMM
damn..hahahaha
but heck it!!!!
gosh....this is definitely the way to go
life is GOOOOD!!!!
hahahaha.....okieokie..i promise myself this time i will do my piano and DANCE
hahaha....=oP
shake those hips girl!
FUN-O-RAMA:
it was really really fun i tell ya. got there at 1pm alone waiting for kel to arrive,
the first thing i saw was P8. gosh it is still there!!!...so i made my way up the stairs,
peeked into the class. it has turned into a store room. so i tried my luck to open the sliding doors
it opened. i stepped in, n smelt the SA1 class. all the memories flooded back.
i started to map all the tables and chairs in the cupboard-filled classroom
and visualised who sat where and i remembered the window i sat beside
it has been almost 4 yrs. times flies, and gosh, i am turning 22, its been 4 yrs
all those fond memories of silly things, crushes, ECAs, teachers, classmates
facmates, bridge SESSIONS...how can i forget? and suddenly i felt tat sense of home once again
it was those 2 yrs tat gave me a kind of happiness, tat i've found many things in life
and learn life alittle better!=o)
after which, i have decided to pop by my cousin's 1SB6 stall at the canteen. the canteen,
gosh...smell the same as ever n smoky! but cun find cousin, so i decided to walk ard
and found kenny roogers there, and i was sooo hungry! it was 1 something and i din have anything
except for half a cup of milo...no wonder i am losing some fats/flesh...=oP
so i decided on a plate of marcoroni and cheese hahaha..and then i realised,
it was 1SA1 stall...not bad...supported my class...hey pple..i was ur great great grand senior!
saw a lot of frens again, those my batch my juniors even my former students...hahah
gosh, while kel and i were standing at the main lobby, suddenly a few teachers came over and say hi
even mohamad...hahaha....then kelvin commented "eh, u know alot of teachers and pple hor?"
hahaha...cant be helped, it was the only 2 yrs where my profile was quite high
haha..proud to say i was in air rifle club! in CAMP DOVER, n of coz how could i forget
i was the president of science council, and a big slacker there too.....=oP
hahaha..those were the days man! hahaha...and met ian n wayne sim
haha...jo always missed out the chance of meeting wayne sim and gosh hahaha
wayne saw me n went "hey hi, how r u? gosh u look good!"
*grinz n winkz* of coz i was in my denim skirt with my zara halter with my hair down w/o specs
tinktink! met luke too..hahaha...gosh all those camp dover pple...hahaha...super nostalgic
though i din manage to step into sports complex. that place also held many interesting memories
u know, hahaha...never forget tat day at the gym, while settling some stupid stuff for camp dover log
and some stupid idiot has to come to me and bang my head with his fist...............hahaha
some of u should know who i am toking abt...hahaha...and remembered that day when i was so cold
wearing sweater over my black dress while having some party in the dance room, and he stared at me
saying "wat u doing?" hahaha...
well...guess also i miss jimmy tong, din have a chance to see him b4 he left acjc
if i ahve a chance i would really wanna see and tok to him once again
hahah...there was a slight regret, din manage to see kuna!
but hahaha..Pauline Kan was there..hahaha....n bish the comment she gave to me was
"all of u look grown, but huihui still have that baby look"
heh???...errr....wah lau...so wat does tat supposed to mean? silly me.
xin went " she means u look young still!!!!" *roll eyes* *milo time*
hehe...dunno too much to say liao and hahaha...suddenly i was alive once again
then i realised, i am an attention seeker in the end..hahahaha....cant help it leh
those were the days where i have found soemthing in me burning.
=o)
guess, hahaha....this is something i will always cherish and a place where i have met a group
of close frens that i will always wanna keep to heart and in touch. thinking
joanna becomes my best fren. gotta to know the void deckers, know alot more
oh well...i am happy to be back there once again. thinking no matter how much the school
changed its facade, those memories locked there can never be erased.
i hold the keys to unlock every thing i have there. i am the owner to them
n thank u for making who i was then and who i am today.
i, indeed have those fascinating days, and thanking for giving me a chance to live
guess i never regretted the initial choice to go ACJC, though mum wanna me to go NJC
HV:
at foster's cafe, drinking w xin jo and cong came later.
supposedly there was live singing, while the singer was having his break
there's this jap who decided to perform and he really relaly made a difference to my day
first he did this harmonica piece with the whole thing in his mouth?! then
sang 2 songs, one jazz with the guitar and one bossanova with the guitar too
i felt super relac and good haha..after being grumpy for some time
=o)
HP:
hopefully i can get to see my hp working and get that hp soon
hahaha....lalalalala...going to upgrade my plan to suntext la!
on sunday!
haha...so pple call me from 7am-7pm yeah, it would be free!!!
and i have 1000 sms to burn
mizle: hehehe...we can sms to each other like HELL!!!!=oP
done..this is super long.
and i realised, i finally have a life
i am reporting my daily events? hahaha....sure is packed
been out the whole day.....
*tired*
1:31 AM |
|
Saturday, February 21, 2004
forgot to watch the channel 5 show at 11pm only caught it at 12am
errrr
anyway,
it is called "sweet dreams and turtle soup"
hahaha
but u know
it was rather intriguing
it was this mum who believes she was a curse to any1 she is close to
and she thinks she cursed her own family, and her own husband
hahaha....coz she went to this so-called fortune teller and then
believed every single word he said to her
then dunno wat happened, this girl, she wanna to just to study
and only study coz she thinks tat is her everything
one day, her grandma got admitted to hospital and her mum doesnt have any1
else to help out at the turtle soup stall, so this girl, named sarsi,
gotta help out at the stall, while she just wouldnt wanna to sleep, coz she jsut wanna study
for her O levels
so ended up, she is very tired, very tired. and she, for once, did badly for her tests
she felt that her mum din understand her, tat she din care for her, coz all she wanna is to study
and not helped out at the stall. they arent rich at all, and the hospital bills were chokingly high
so her mum was like, there's nothing much u can do abt it? we cant afford a helper and
we need to eat?
"this is ur fate, i cant help it at all, blame it on ur fate then!"
hahaha....gosh...wat harsh words
one day, sarsi actually witnessed this girl jumped off her block.
this girl who was in JC was smart and pretty, but no 1 knew y she committed suicide.
sarsi looked up to her as a role model, and she felt so lost y she did it,
coz sarsi thinks that she has everything. brains and beauty
she said to this guy(who became her bf...cornily coz she asked him out
finding tat he is cute and all on the bus but he cun go becoz of a stupid hair spray accident
and din manage to explain things up w sarsi till one day, when they finally met on bus
sarsi completely ignored him and he had to run after her...hahahahha....
see la..girls must play hard to get hur?)"she has everything!"
he replied "maybe she isnt happy at all"
ouch.
just on the days of exams, start of O levels
sarsi's ah ma is dying but she chose to go for exams instead
think her mum was very disappointed, but when sarsi arrived at the exam hall,
she was very uneasy, she just kept looking at the clock and when the exams was commenced
she jsut scribbled her ans, and left the hall and rushed to the hospital
but she was too late.
meanwhile, on her way to hospital, her mum and ah ma had a very sad conversation
ah ma told her xi fu, not to blame herself at all. and she has to take care of her daughter
oh well..
in the end, sarsi has to retake her O levels but she din really care, she told her bf
"sometimes, things dun seem the way they are, and if u take life to seriously,
u will miss out the important things in life"
which is so true hur.
but wat is important and wat is not, how could u tell then?
sometimes, u can never get a 2nd chance in ur whole life again
just like sarsi din manage to see her ah ma for the last time, and she
really really regretted it.
the silly thing came when the mum brought sarsi to see the fortune teller,
hoping that her daughter understand her fate is cursed
then hahaha....the fortune teller was a faker la and he went
"u were the one(implying the mum) said u were a curse. so i just go along
saying things that u wish to hear"
then sarsi said to her mum "u dun have to believe all these, this isnt true!"
then her mum realised she din lose everything she loved, she still has her daughter
and got herself out of the "curse"
corny siah!
but then again, when u thot u were, at the pt, who blames u hur?
but only when u realised as u see the bigger picture,
be glad u never miss out the good times u have w ur loved ones man
haha..to end this post on a lighter note,
sarsi' bf asked her
"y did u name urself sarsi(the soft drink)"
"coz it was my dad's fav drink"
"oh okie...haha..luckily he din like kickappo"
*luffters*
haha...dunno wat is the director trying to show, thinking i guess
everything in life is just like this
every single up and down u go thru,
all the shit is just maybe like this
every lesson u go thru, ever pain u experienced
every tear u drop, every smile u flash,
it is just being u as life
gues, just have to hold on and think happy,
be happy, and look for happiness in life
feeling super empty now and having cramps
emptiness and i suddenly recalled wat alwyn said abt me when he 1st read my blog
as he glimpsed thru my past posts
he went "u r a very lonely person"
tat's wat depression does to u, when u just harp on every single bad thing
no way am i going to let depression overtake me again
i have a life
i am just going to balance....heehee
BED TIME
and after 15 days of being alone at home,
i once again hear the tv sound coming out from my parents' house
but i felt it was just it is.
and tomolo is fun-o-rama! hell am i not going to enjoy myself
going to dress up a bit! =oP
it's being a while, back to acjc.
i need to breathe the good air there.
fond memories, tat i can never never forget. wonder if P8 is truly gone
hahaha....will never forget those days man...NEVER!
1:36 AM |
|
Friday, February 20, 2004
damn...jsut deleted my post accidentally
haha..but i am sooo onz to get all written again
hahaha...
went for the career fair coz andy wanna go, hehe..then while i was walking to MPSH,
went past the swimming pool then down the stairs, and i heard some faint music coming from the hall on my
left n i was like.."isnt that salsa music? who would be playing them? got salsa class here meh, right
in NUS??"
then i poked my head in, then i saw a couple salsaing..haha...interesting...then i just shrugged
my shoulders and walked on.
then later, when i walked back, then i heard the music continue playing.
then i cun help it again, and poked my head in...there was a small group of pple hanging ard
like preparing to start a class....
pacing up and down the corridor, i was pondering if i would like to ask if there was a salsa class!
i cun help it stepped in, and ask ard.
hehe..there was this guy who is the person in charge, and was saying it was only for post graduates!
i showed great interest in it and he was saying that could be a possiblility that they are opening classes
to undergraduates after exams!....i was like so happy..then i wrote down my contacts for him
he went "i would contact u ASAP and hope to see u ard!" and he WINKED at me
he is pretty cute leh...but i was so kong, forgot to ask him to intro himself....BISH!
hahaha......aiyah..pple winked at me mah..i shy leh...
=oP
hahahaha
then i remembered a dream i have, when i was young, watching those salsa, flamenco, latin dance
competitions, and i would feel so fired up! then would tell mum, i wanna go learn dance leh...
then they always go, u sure or not?
but i guess it is not too late now!
=oP
food for thot:
was smsing jo soemthing which she din understand, so i decided to blog it down instead
anyway, wat dun i dun blog? hahaha....
everytime u r always hoping for something to happen but it never, then u were abt to give up since
it was almsot the end of the road liao, so u just cant be bothered...suddenly, it appeared!
wah!
it was when jo and i took a spin on monday, were hoping very much to hear rock music and toxic on the radio
but those never came. coz we wound down the window, blasted it.
so yeah...it seemed so wasted. then i drove jo home, when i was about to stop the car and allow her to get off
guess wat? toxic came on. and we sat in the car and listen to it. then after which it was one of the super
nice songs by clay aiken's the way.
so we sat there and listened, enjoying them very much
=o)
so i realised, this isnt the 1st time such things happened
miracles do happen.
good things do come ur way
u jsut have to hold on and believe in the good things in life
every1 else is waiting for their dreams to come true
hold on, and the hope will turn into reality
and ur miracle will happen!
ramblings:
parents got home liao..and this time they dun seem as excited as b4,
guess it wasnt a very satisfying trip for it was pretty expensive.
but guess, wait till the photos are developed would i know wat happened in dubai
guess tat's all. dunno la.
PMS is scaring. hahaha...
but u know, i am hoping for good things to happen too
and they do u know,
at least salsa classes in NUS?!
haha..if not, then i will just hunt outside liao....in july!=oP
and dun i wanna travel!!!!!!!!!!
wonder if i still can go usa...coz my project...sigh!
havent even started proper shit..
maybe i will go back to school on sunday
oh well....watever....hahahhaa
10:57 PM |
|
my whole body fucking aches.
and i am damn bloody tired
jodarling:u okie? so sorry, hope u r fine?...need any1 to lament? i am always there for u darling..
for once, in dunno how many fucking weeks, i fell into deep sleep, and though it seemed tat i have
slept a lifetime, i only slept for 3 hours, woke up at 9am, off the damn aircon coz i feel damn stupid cold
then back to sleep.
u know wat? i am falling sick .....
hahahaha....
but so wat if i fall sick hur? hahaha....
��E
breathe girl, breathe
at least there is fun-o-rama tomolo
maybe can meet acjc buddies again...
=o)
but y do i feel soo sad?
argghhh...PMS i guess...
life is not just full of uncertainties
life is uncertainty
12:31 PM |
|
just got back from my car spin
haha...somehow, it was pretty interesting in a way,
managed to have mah and dong to come along too
and we made our way to ECP
and sat down toking nothing and left
went to sheares hall, looked at silly things and stuff,
watching mah's video with him running ard with his swimming trunks and boy
he lost alot fo wt. his frame went down like 1 size?
haha..but as antimain stream as ever.
it is him
then it felt like those days again.
unforgettable.
how could i? and dong...gosh...how long do u intend to keep that hair of urs?
hahahaha....
but now, i am all ready to go and learn drumming..
hahaha..if i am able to drag myself to sheares hall tat is
suddenly, i felt a sense of understanding somehow
hahaha...in the end, it was intellectually simulating
hahaha
this whole of 15 days, i have spent 105 bucks on petrol
jsut to drive ard
i wonder wat my parents would say.
just that i drove ard singapore? to understand the roads abit better?
definitely, i knew myself much better
and to drive and travel is the way i wanna it to be
or maybe i go just be a driver
hahha sometimes such money gotta be spent.
i am driving my happiness to road, tat's all
=oP
haha..maybe it is jsut a fad, for a period of time,
but definitely, i am willing to do anything to get hold of a car next time round
i am grateful i have a 1.5 nissan sunny to drive and it is manual
and so far, my best companion is still jodarling
she loves the adrenaline.
not shao, who complained!!
hahaha
and not with mah, calling me mummy and begging me to let him drive my car
correction, my dad's car.
if it was my car, and yeah if i felt fine, i would.
so wat if i drove paul's car b4? (automatic la...)
haha he was tipsy and mah and his brother cun drive anyway!
but tat was like err.....2 yrs ago?
time flies hur...hahaha...watever
i guess the fastest i clock on my car is err....130km/hr
not 135...saw the wrong thing la...haha..u cant expect me to stare at it for too long anyway!
and i still have alot of polish up
and am i not going to miss the car even more
suddenly, the touch is there, the feel is there
i was the car, and the car was me
hahahaha...
to bed and gosh it is almost turning 6am
the sun would rise any moment
hahahaha...
a traveller, with a bag and a car.
tat's wat i wish to do.
maybe the car and bag find their owner,
and land home.
5:31 AM |
|
no more supper!!!!coz our dear shaowei said no 1 else free liek this!!!
hahaha..too bad
watever
end up i got myself supper.....boon lay mkt nasi lemak
okie la
and corny thing is, hahaha...it has a queue and all were men
and i was the only lady there.....so when it was my turn to order
haha..the malay uncle was like joking w me and stuff...haha..so cute
i went "how much ah?"
he replied "2500!"
then i went "wah..so ex...hehehe..in cents ah!?!?"
then he smiled and luffed....hahaha
and i got myself tea!
and stupid shaowei...never tlel me earlier....would have got him 1 pkt and sent to him
but oh no...i din have enuff money w me!!!
hahaha
oh well....
last nite home alone, and u know wat...i am going to stay up for some time
i am too full to speak, and sleep
hahaha....think going to mug alittle and watch tv...but nothing is on at all
oh damn!
but i am sure tired
very tired actually
i need to sleep.
but i dun wish to sleep.
maybe i will go for another spin,
now, shaowei wanna tag along
FAINTZ!!!!
tata!
1:09 AM |
|
food for thot:
Fear less, hope more,
eat less, chew more,
whine less, breathe more,
talk less, say more,
love more,
and all good things
will be yours
hahah got this from mizle's blog..hahaha...nicenice hur?
oh well...sometimes....wat talk less and say more?
chim ah....hehehe....enlightened me?
girls' talk:
anyway, finally managed to drive steph home today..hahaha...it was pretty corny hur?
it was CTE AGAIN! wat's with CTE and me hur???
goodness....hahahaha...
and had dinner w her and stuff...and we were toking abt if by 25
we maybe should get a few gal frens (hear yeh jodarling!)
get an apartment, maybe share a car or wat...then haha....can live out together!!
cool hur?....haha...end up a few engineers under the same roof...hahaha...
can go club and muhahaha...=oP or hahahha..cook good food!...dunno
hahaha..and we were saying we should go travelling together...
as long as we dun meet any ghoul or wat..haha...think we can go backpack!!
woohoo.....
heehee....and was telling her abt my weird dreams since young while driving..hahaha
abt, wanna go overseas, and act a beggar...hahaha....really man
and i was telling as we drove past woodbridge, i wanna step in one day and be one of them
hahah....cool sia?
issue:
n tomolo would be the last day that i would have the whole house and car to me
parents coming back tomolo!!..quite excited to see them, coz at least hehehe...i get to hear stories
from mum n dad!!!....miss them alittle...but haha...going to give them a big smile no matter wat!
=o)
retail therapy:
got this really really nice lip gloss from body shop...hahah..cant help staring at it somehow
naturallip colour gloss
think going for supper now...
since it is shaowei's bday!
hahaha....=o)
12:08 AM |
|
Thursday, February 19, 2004
in reply to wat jodarling has said in her blog
and it is very true, so beautiful and yet so sad...
i thot of this yesterday actually
i wanna say it to some1, and maybe the person knows who i am referring to
but i guess, now it isnt the time, will tell u everything as time comes.
when the chance is here again.
sometimes, i wish i could be there when u need me, and worse, the distance makes it all hard
tat's y the notion of "dun feel like it is so" makes it even so obvious......
digressed alittle
i realised something tat becoz of wat u have learnt to love, then u know how to be loved
then u know wat u need, wat u have, and wat u want
then maybe when u r in luck, u get something which u never expect again.
something happened to ur life, then it sort of change u so much
then u wish u can hold onto it, but u know u just cant
but u refused to admit that u can let it go.
then suddenly it struck me rather distinctively that it is a lesson, something u have to experience
something painful, b4 it turns beautiful
that lesson makes u grow, makes u learn something u never expect
and becoz of it, it becomes part of u
but the only thing i know now, that lesson has to
set u free, not bind u down.
did u see that horizon over there?
that beautiful sun rise over the clouds?
those chirping birds singing to u?
the flowers bloom for u
then r u willing to allow urself to bloom?
hahah...as for good husband/wife material, hahaha...think twice hur
since u dun wish pple stay becoz of obligations,
u better not do it too
but now i can say that, i wonder how would i think and feel the next time round
being blogging alot again, hahaha..but i cant help it.
there is where thots run like hell.
now waiting for joanna siew to arrive late, yet again...
dotdotdot
11:12 AM |
|
hahah..there is really a so called turning pt tat u can actually feel it
and it was exactly at 4.50pm today when i popped into my denim skirt,
put on my earrings which i neglected for 3 days...and then into my slippers
tell ya, it was sooooooooooooo different coz i have never wore anything besides
pants and shoes for damn bloody month!!!!!!!!
then i suddenly saw something so "beautiful",
there is a beauty in everything. and even in me!
hahaha....weird hur?
then the song "life is beautiful" came into mind
boom!
tat's it
tat was wat i needed.
hahaha....
got alot to say, but suddenly forgot la..
drove tingwei home today then andy..hahha
open ur heart, the more u keep, the more mellow u become
no pt keeping going rounds
know the cause of the ur problem, and jump out of it
if u let it pull u down, u will only worsen ur problem,
becoz u know it is the same old root that makes u sink deeper
change it, unroot it, do the opposite
in this life, sometimes u keep harping over something that cant happen and have
and u miss out the good things right in front of u
actually it was ALSO part of this new drama serials under channel 5
think i am going to check it out!
1st cut
another lyrics uploaded
12:07 AM |
|
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
my fren and i were complaining abt PMS
and gosh, i dun just have PMS but also terrible upsetting mood and hahaha...
plus insufficient sleep
think i am going home to rest and then back to school again.
yeah i should
if not i will fall sick!
hahha...better not be like me, can err...tear one min, luff one min
hahaha....
POWER RIGHT?
zzzzz
i learn to take my time
i learn to be patient
i learn to take things slowly and easy
there is no hurry when u make up ur own mind
·�����߳�4��
�Լ���·���Լ�ѡ��
�����֣�����ϲ�� �DZϾ�֮·
�˶��᳤���
2:42 PM |
|
u r a rocket, even the sky is not a limit
maybe not even the universe
1:08 AM |
|
jo: i am fine now...sometimes..haha u know, i cant help it la!
suddenly inspiration struck,
let nature takes its course.
and was watching this show which i forgot coz i wasnt never home early to catch it
a show abt this girl who turned blind and yet she can see n feel the world so clearly
yet pple who are, like us given the ability to see, turn very blinded
god is rather fair somehow, in a certain way.
when can we,
*getting milo*
for the past few days, i was brought back into memories
was toking to jo and hahah..how we went thru shit to understand this
"wat u desire most is always things that u can never have"
i then remembered so many things of the past.
and of coz, they are there all the time, but just sort of chucked to a corner of me
have u ever experienced this kind of exhilaration when u see some1
when he walks with a big group of pple, and the only person u see is only him
have u ever felt he was so close yet so far, while he was just sitting right there in front of u
have u ever felt u were no longer able to control urself and just let urself lose
for some1 like me who has actually very sensitive to my surroundings suddenly lost it and
just only focus my everything on him
have u ever do anything jsut to keep toking to him, tat becoz of that kind of feeling toking to him
felt like a boom, sparks fly all over the place (okie this only seems to happened to me..hehe)
have u felt that kind of weird chemistry that u thot it was the only thing u look for and felt it was like
a key to a lock and unleashed so many emotions
yet he was some1 u know, took so much energy and effort out from u and u sat in a roller coaster
were so high, yet so low...when he was sick, u msg him and tell him to take care, and wish u could go and visit him
and see if he is okie, though u jolly know very well, he is just down w normal flu
hahaha....
those were the days and jo always said, pple only hanged themselves
guess tat was wat i told her after i experienced mine, and she got into that same fix as me
u loved some1 so much that it hurts when they are just beside u
wat u cant have is always so perfect so beautiful but it hurts so much when it is soo near yet so far
everytime i see him again, my heart would skip
then i thot i gave up but i was wrong. and my gor would know wat i was toking abt
hahahaha....i never forget that day, when i immediately took out my cellphone and called her and went
"gosh...i jsut saw him, and my heart missed a beat..dear how???" and i become breathless, and restless
and my world span, and i lost control. my whole body started to shiver and my hands were shaking
again i went for a terrific roller coaster ride
hahaha...it was so corny then. it was horrifying
then jo and i would alwyas luff when we actually realised,
it is always so nice just to watch from far that the person is happy with his own life
while u carry on to lead ur own life...
and u just realised u let it go.
just like this
boom
thinking back, haha...it was rather hilarious yet compelling to one's mind
then i got reminded of a fren's story..hahaha....tat one was another joke la
i wont bother to mention it but hahaha...gosh...
oh well..the music on mtv rocks now
but sadly, they sort of cut off britney spears' toxic the butt rubbing part!
hahaha...
now i learn to focus...hahha...actually i am focused...but can heavens grant me rest?
hahaha....i dun wanna wake up at 730am again...must be too used to erjie's alarm clock
damn
BREATHE
lijie: take care okie? make the best out of it, hold fast. hope u recover soon.
*hugz*
1:01 AM |
|
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
wah..think really roller coaster ride liao
haha
u wish to be there, yet u cant
u wish u would say it, but u cant
how queer
oh well.....
take care and jiayou
additional info: found this in this column that chem eng society published
and somehow, i should share it w every1!
believe in wat u do & do wat u believe in
miracles and surprises occur everyday, it depends on how u think of it
put faith in everything in ur life
the time taken till the arrival of a miracle shows the strength of ur faith
wont it take forever? but then again, the 2nd sentence supposed to have covered that query
hahahaha
jingjing's theory:u wait long long then have lor
silly girl
hahaha..how apt at this stage of life hur?
hahah...steph: think this suits u very well hur...
and finally sab has settled down in melbourne and she sure is enjoying herself over there!!!
pigging out somemore....WAH...i envy leh...hahahaha...
for once i am home early it is 8pm soon..hahahaha...but not knowing wat to eat...hrmmm
and interesting msn nick sab has
if u cant take the risk of getting hurt, then u can never love
but hahaha....sometimes, jo would agree and said "once bitten twice shy ah!"
hahahaha....am i right jo darling?
and on jo darling's blog, she has interesting footnotes
my only love sprung from my only hate
kiss me:loving you till it hurts
love me:it's only until you love someone till you discover what it means of others to love you
lose me:its always hard
hahaha....gosh...and ur love and lust, sex and procreation..hahaha
hilarious again...no fail to humour me!=oP
*roll eyes* should go bathe and study and watch tv
suddenly home too early, like dunno wat to do...
hahaha...slacking siah!
2:17 PM |
|
finally...my sister replied..she reached houston!!...tat place is definitely better to reach her
hahaha...
oh okie...
think one big load off my mind
=o)
haha...again....dunno y i always wake up at 730?..hey girl, u arent working u know,
hahahaha...y always automatic wake up at that time?
but wait a min...tat's always the time my sister wakes up...maybe i got used to it...hrmmmm
and gosh i can survive on 4 hrs of sleep each day...am i not getting good at this?..
gosh, when i am in sem 8 wont it become 3 hrs?OUCH!!
haha. just remembered something which i think it is so cool
did i mention when we took a spin, we just drove and then...i hit CTE (this time never get lost
but in tampines instead) then drove all the way to airport
and jo just added
"now the only thing we lack is our passports!"
hell yeah..hahaha...tat would be sooooo ideal, drop everything and go!
haha...actually it is a long time dream that we elope together...hahaha...
hey girl, i dun mind u know..hahaha...elope...gosh...sounds like back in JC
awww....
suddenly i feel am breathing..haha...this is good this is good..
think somehow, something has taught me a lesson and i have learnt it well
i learn to diversify
i learn to let things go
nothing is more impt than when i learn to let things go n understand the course i went thru
was to teach me things i was made to learn
and till today, it is those who moulded me.
and never hide those of my past. i am proud of who i am
not prideful but proud i have grown.
it is part of me, never dead coz i am not dead anyway
it is still alive. and i am very sure no 1 can take it away from me
*singing diana krall's they cant take it away from me*
everything is just parts and pieces of me. just like a jigsaw puzzle
watever would come would come and watever would go would go
guess, maybe i should be thankful instead of being resentful
maybe this is the next level of forgivness.
i dun wish to do anything stupid to affect my karma.
and i know i have a conscience.
my principle in life : to have a clear conscience
*winkz*
suddenly hahaha, isnt this a kind of happiness?
wish u can find ur own happiness too
=o)
actually i have alot alot of things to say...hahaha..but no time la
maybe tonight...
just wanna say is,
many a times, it is always so hard to get out of something when u r in the midst of it
sometimes, it seems that all is over, but actually u r just in the eye of the storm
but all of us have to learn
n beside learning, we gotta pick up the tools tat we gained and apply it back
tat's wat learning is for
no1 can force u to learn. u have to pick it up urself
pple can only guide, tok sense into u (and tat's becoz u r only willing to listen and
just happen pple say the things u wish to hear too)
ultimately, the choice is still up to u
i have many choices in life. i stand to lose out nothing.
i seem to have nothing so wat is there to lose?
so yeah, when pple make a choice, they may not stick to it till the end
like me, being fickledminded...hahaha...i also change course
but the pt when u have made a choice,
it is the choice
i din pick others, but yet i did pick that choice.
so wat have u picked as ur choice in life?
u choose to be happy,
to make a difference in ur own life?
u choose to let things be,
maybe to sink into self pity?
shrugs.
it is all up to u
like wat jo said...
"it is all up to u."
this post somehow is dedicated for a few pple, and somehow within those few pple
u should know y suddenly i am in such state of mind.
guess this is life.
though many a times u wish nothing has happened but it did
and i dun see y the only way out for a situation is EXIT
at least i am willing to face it.
just like i am willing to face myself
=o)
10:25 AM |
|
think god just played a great big joke on me!
oh well...
think again,
it was really nice going for a spin with joanna and now she said
"dear, we need to get a car...hahahaha....then roll down window and blast sound system"
which we did la!
hahahaha
hell yeah man
but gosh this time, i almost got into a terrible accident lor....
hahaha..but luckily, instead of horning or wat?
i managed to spot it from far, and stupid taxi i wasnt even signalling to turn right,
he was turning right at the cross junction, then he jsut wnna turn when i am going straight??
gosh...wat the heck? so i check blind spot on my left...and swerve to the left and left my car roll on..
if not, confirm crash....that taxi trying to beat my speed
i knew something was going to happen...
thank god.
no way am i getting into ANY car accident now!
hahaha...okie...i think i better not speed beyond 135 e next 3 days...
which mean i will keep it to 100
hahaha...gotta be a good girl and gosh....hahhaa..
think i need to top up the tank again...SIAN!!!!!
but sometimes, money can be earned, which is true mah
but not happiness, i have to gain it myself thru wat i wish to do...
heehee....and shaowei said tat's true..hahaha...
hahaha...
enuff said
really in better mood
haha...thank u jo and steph and andy...
steph, so sad u cun get into my car...but i guess i would try..
maybe i meet ya on wed, drive u to MS? haha...but i wont stay la..
so glad i still have frens who stand by me...am glad i never neglect them at all
hehehe....oh well..
gosh i need to mug..
IKKKK
12:49 AM |
|
Monday, February 16, 2004
oh no..now i am getting worried abt my sister...
i cant reach her on her cell phone at all.
she din reply to my email either..
goodness...
maybe i would need to contact the person in charge soon.....
*pray*
maybe tat port doesnt support her hp services?
hahaha...
err....
hope nothing happens to her tat's all..
and now, i am feeling stronger and i guess, life goes on.
hahaha...maybe it hasnt set in yet..but heck it,
as long as i know wat is wat i want and need, i guess
i just gotta learn to walk it....
hrmm...this is life doesnt it?
queer....=oP
*singing leann rimes' life goes on*
lalala
okie think i better get back to my project man.....gosh...prof ting better
come out w something good..
hahaha...and we better do something abt it..
10:14 AM |
|
y do i always get woken up after 3-4 hrs of sleep everyday?
i am going to sleep after this definitely.
though how much i seem so adamant yesterday jo, i dunno if i am doing the right thing again
but somehow, its happening once again.
but this time, i like the person back.
but it makes decision so hard, so hard.
am i made to be a replacement?
i never like to? how abt trying to be part of some1 life
like i only allow some1 to be part of my life
am i deceiving myself? dunno
am i delusionised myself? dunno
it is happening to every1 everywhere hur?
but now, who cares if it does?
hahahah...
ouch..
r u willing to try to cast it out, and not let it affect u?
if u r, every1 is taking the plunge together then
if not, even if u try, wat's the pt?
hahha.....i guess i have my own decision and my reservations
like i always do
wat do u think abt life?
SIGH...
heehee...
bed time and sure thing, i am really really hungry.
6:30 AM |
|
Sunday, February 15, 2004
i think this post today would be the longest, maybe not. but it is still a place where i publish my thots out to
any1 ard the world to see. and i have nothing more to hide excpet everything is taken like a tip to an iceberg
everything feels so right and feels so wrong all at the same time.
have u ever get posted to a situation tat u know, nothing is certain AT ALL
and u r just going to bet on something tat is never never going to exist?
wat is happiness to u?
wat is meant to be?
wat is not to be regretted even though there is pain?
no pain no gain?
wat is to end the misery now than later?
wat is meant to suffer later than now?
as u thot everything u thot it could be, or u thot u maybe would try to change ur perception to,
suddenly come crashing in again, but this time, it doesnt seem to hurt as much coz u have been thur similar things
though totally different, but it is just the pain or agony or even happiness u go thru, seems the same
it seems it is the same thing happening again.
but wat is again here? my emotions going thru a roller coaster ride? yeah it sure did
somehow watever i told jo, seems to have come true in the end, and everything seems soooooooo
unsurprising in the end.
but now i am really really really at a loss
i dun want to lose seomthing i really hold dear to
yet if i go on holding it, i might get out of it more hurt
it is so far away, how much can i hold even though i try to hold on?
how much am i willing to bear it, i dunno if i can tolerate it,
but am i tat gracious enuff? i have no idea till i have tried it
yet the more u try, the more pain u harness together with the joys u gain
but it is a gamble so big, then i am for once in this 21 yrs in my life
i am posted to something tat is sooo uncertain, and to elaborate further
it is something i cant have at all
so am i to let something go like this?
it isnt strong enuff to cause much harm yet, as i thot, but actually it does fucking hurt
yet becoz of this very fact, i jsut dun see y i should bother to give it up now
yi1 han4 me4i. yeah meaning, something that is still beautiful in things u have regretted
but somehow, i am being who i am, just think it is such a waste to let it go
my mind is in a whirpool, y give me a choice tat i cant make?
coz i know, deep down i just want to give it a try. like i did, impulsively or not, 2 mths ago
how i wish there is a sign now, something like a lightning striking down me and boom!
i am enlightened.
for the past 4 yrs, i was thrown into a situation tat i am going to be just let things be and take
1 step at a time, coz i have no idea where my life is leading to at all
maybe i am just getting too warped, and nothing seems right at all, just not the way i would like
things to turn into, and i thot things were turning better, it was jsut a smoke screen
as u grow older, the more u desire freedom, the more u lack the courage to face more problmes
and i refuse, still refuse, stubbornly, to admit defeat, or even just let it down like this coz
i am getting hurt in the process
am i guilty to my own feelings?
am i guilty towards my own logic?
am i guilty to who i am?
suddenly i can say NO. i am not. i stand tall to all the decision i have made thus far
tat's i wat make up who i am now.
and maybe this is a good turning pt in my life that i, maybe finding myself back, understanding myself alittle better
i always how understanding and how reasonable i am?
can i be demanding in alot things, just becoz i thot being together is all it matters
but tat was so long ago, and i know, sometimes, love is just not enuff
at this pt, i know there is nothing much i can do abt it. but let it rest.
coz this mind of mine needs to rest. though it felt much lighter to know the truth
though it hurts, but at least, it was something tat was truthful
and knowing myself, i am a person who persue truth.
have u even thot of even trying soemthing, just becoz of a conclusion u have drawn, and thinking now it wont change
yeha i did, all the time, but in the end, it turns out so differently.
nothing belongs to me at all. and yeah i am learning to gain myself to be mine
but thinking twice, who am i to ask to gain something, and call it to be mine
am i not selfish myself?
maybe i should just do wat i did tell myself b4
sometimes, u just have to try to see it, coz in the end,
tat ending, regardless wat, will teach u a lesson and then the decision that was meant to be made then
becomes more obvious and definitely, more firm then ever
tat is only when i stop harping over it
and am i not doing it all over again?
and now they are playing dido's life for rent. hahaha...wat a coincidence.
and gosh..
kelvin can u send me this song..i cant remember where i left it in my D drive
if i never learn to buy, learn to try, learn to accept pain and gain along the way
would i say i am alive?
was asking a fren, wat is happiness to u? coz tat was his nick on MSN
then he went :to do wat i like to do, be a bunch of good frens, with some1 u love
how sweet and it sounds like wat every1 would love to have. doesnt it?
would i be happy if i am to continue?
would it become a crack in the situation?
how am i to deal w is something tat i can never never know.
coz i am not in it at all yet.
i dunno how magnamious i can be, but somehow, if 2 dun even bother to try,
regardless how adamant u r to know it might not change in any way,
not in the past, not in the present, not in the future, wat am i betting on?
on soemthing that is "do i like u sufficiently to bear it?"
i guess it is on how much i am willing to give than more than how much pple can give me
maybe in the end, like steph said
"maybe god would be nicer the next time rd"
i guess i gotta keep in faith
i gotta believe wat i should to believe
but now, i am just too lost to see wat is to believe
or not?
whether i can even believe my heart, my mind, my feelings
now, actually wat is told by the heart and by the mind seem the same
coz i udnno how to differentiate them anymore.
i dunno wat is love either, or wat understanding or demanding is?
i dunno wat is life either?
i am to accept the person as he/she is, and tat is wat i like him/her in the first place isnt it?
but now, i dun even know i am even given a choice to choose
but somehow i wish, i am not doing this alone. but i know i have to do it alone
and now, u know, i am no longer nonchalent abt it. coz when something is put into test
and u think u r going to lose something, u know how much it meant
but sometimes, even though u know it meant alot alot, it just doesnt meant to be
but when would i see it? when would be the time when everything seems clearer than ever?
only heaven knows.
i would love to stop myself from falling hard
i would love to promise myself not to get myself into too much hurt
but i never believe in promises in the 1st place
let it be
let it be
11:57 PM |
|
�������Ϊ����Ѱ���Ĺ�̣�ÿ���˵�����Ҫ�ҵ��ĸ��ˡ�
��һ�����Լ�,
�ڶ�����������ˣ�
������������ˣ�
���ĸ��ǹ���һ�����.
���Ȼ���������ˣ�Ȼ����ᵽ���ĸо�
��Ϊ�˽ⱻ���ĸо����Բ��ܷ��������ˣ�
���㾭������뱻����ѧ���˰����Ż�֪��ʲô������Ҫ�ģ�
Ҳ�Ż��ҵ����ʺ��㣬�ܹ��ദһ���ӵ��ˡ�
���ܱ����ģ�����ʵ����У��������ͨ������ͬһ���ˣ�
����ģ�����û��ѡ���㣻
���ģ�����������ģ�
����õģ�ƫƫ�������Ҳ�������ģ�
ֻ�������ʺϵ�ʱ����ֵ��Ǹ��ˡ�
�㣬���DZ��������еĵڼ������أ�
û�����ǹ���Ҫ���ĵģ������ʱ������İ��㣬
���������ʱ��Ҳ����IJ������ˣ�
�����ʱ��û�а취��װ�����㣻
ͬ��ģ������ʱ��Ҳû�а취��װ���� ��
��һ���˲�����Ҫ�뿪�㣬
��Ҫ���Լ�����������
�����Ҳ�������ˣ�ǧ���Ϊ�˿�o���������뿪��
����㻹������Ӧ�û�ϣ�������Ҹ����֣�
ϣ��������������һ�𣬾����ֹ��
��Ҫ����ֹ��õ�������Ҹ����ͱ�ʾ���Ѿ��������ˣ�
������㲻����������ʲô�ʸ�ָ��������أ�
������ռ�У�
��ϲ�����c������ܰ���������4����s���
�����uĹ�â�Կ��ս���ķ��䡣
���仰˵���㰮һ���ˣ�Ҳ��������һ�ַ�ʽӵ�У�
�ð��˳�Ϊ��������:���䣬
������氮һ���ˣ���Ҫ����ԭ4�����ө�����ĺã�Ҳ����Ļ���
������ŵ㣬Ҳ�����ȱ�㣬
������Ϊ�����ϣ�������Լ���ϣ������ӣ�
��һ�䲻�ɾͲ������ˡ�
����һ��������˵��ԭ��ģ�
��ֻ֪�����ۺ�ʱ�εء�����û����㶼ϣ������������㣻
����ĸ�����}���������������أ�Ҳ����û��˿��Ҫ��
�Ͼ���������븶�����ֻ���ã�
�ֿ���һ�ֱ�Ȼ�Ŀ��飬
������Ǹ��鲻���ȹ̣�ֻ�����䣬
�氮�Dz�����Թ�ġ�
}����̸��˵����ʱ��
��ϲ���жԷ����ģ����³�ŵ����ΪʲôҪ�Է����ģ�
������Ϊ���Dz����ŶԷ������Ǹ��������ˣ�
����Щɽ�˺����ֺܲ���ʵ�ʣ�
����ʯ�á�������ģ������ܸı��Ҷ���İ�!
��֪�:�����ݡ�ʯ�����á��ز����ϡ��첻��ģ�
����ᣬҲ�����ʱ��
����ŵ�Ե�ʱ��ǧ��ע�⣬��Ҫ���¿���ʵ�ֵ�ŵ�ԣ�
����dz�ŵ������£�
��������ģ����˵˵Ҳ��Ҫ��
���ס����������ʵ�ֵ�ŵ����ˡ�
�ڰ����˵����һ�ף��������һ�ף�
�����˲����ţ������Ҳ�����š�
���أ��ҵ��˵ڼ���
ãã�˺��У��������˭��˭��������㣿
remembered it was an url sent to me
then i circulated coz i found it sooooo true. guess that time i found some1 i thot i loved
but can never have.
then i picked up one once again from jo's blog,
reread, and felt a different kind of understanding and a different kind of feeling i experiencing now
shows the mental state
maybe another yr down the road, when i reread this article, how would i feel?
have i been loved? tat i have no idea, maybe i am, still is but the person is some1 i never never really like
i am w some1 coz the timing is so right...hrmm..hahaha..maybe la..
but i guess, alot of things need a deeper look, but this is life hur
hahaha...
maybe we are all here to learn and forget.
2:28 PM |
|
Diagnosis:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I do not know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.
You were born somewhere around territory of modern Tibet approximately on 1475.
Your profession was artist, magician, fortune teller.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your brief psychological profile in that past life:
Bohemian personality, mysterious, highly gifted, capable to understand ancient books. Magician abilities, could be a servant of dark forces.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lesson, that your last past life brought to present:
The timid, lonely and self-confident people are everywhere, and your problem -- to overcome these tendencies in yourself and then to help other people.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now you remember?
hahaha...i am timid, lonely and self confident...and i was a male!!
MUAHAHAHA...
gosh...suddenly i feel so magically gone. hahahahhaa...very SPENT
damn y am i toking abt my project hur?
hehehe
ur past life
3:00 AM |
|
your fuck.
What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
hohoho..some1 just censor this pls
muahahahahha
this is so FUCKING true
and when did the hell did i ever ever ever got hooked to this word?
i hardly use it these days as often liao.....hahahaha
only tat very few know y i used it often last yr
now, it is only when i am DAMN DAMN PISSED OR SUPER ANGRY!!!!!
hahaha...
oh well....
steph: have u managed to change it to fish or f___..hahaha..
i managed to la...i jsut go..SHITTTTT...
hahahaha
2:48 AM |
|
haha..i forgot to add the word it is DEEP BLOOD RED
oh well
hehe...met up steph, and one of my very few dosages of sanity coz i get to get out of house
AWAY FROM SCHOOL and just hang out w one of ur closer frens. =o)
yeah girl, i miss ya too....somehow, in school almost more than 12 hrs a day,
6 days a week drives one to a stage of oblivion(something is wrong with the spelling) and insanity.
oblivion to the existence of ur frens, ur family, watever tat is in ur life
i dunno, it makes me see, resting is such a novelty. and i never get them
=oP
hahahahahahha
but i do enjoy every single drive i have....and proudly, though silly, got lost at CTE
but i managed to get out and drove myself to petrol station for 8% discount
and at 1215am, i went to KAP drive thru to get a big packet of fries
yeah, tat was after eating dinner at 9pm, sharing long john w steph,
drinkinging ice mocha chocolate and shared a triple a la choc at coffee club.
i guess, i needed to pig out, feel that every single effort i have spent in school
comes to a halt, and i need to get out of it. and when i am out of it,
this whole world seems to be in my control.
the wheel, my time, my direction (though got lost..but i found my way home anyway)
though i would miss it so badly when my parents get back, i am glad i have it
and i cherished every moment, blasting my car sound system, singing to every single song i love
i guess, this is something very satisfying and very fulfilling.
hahahaha.......i dunno how many pple truly understands my sort of happiness.
gosh am i not sure that some drivers must be thinking, wat's this girl tapping moving her body left
n right, singing and grooving in front of the wheel?.....HECK IT..it's my car and my enjoyment!=oP
but i am truly very happy though it was hectic DRIVING IN TOWN!!!..GOSH..
JAM EVERYWHERE?!!..and u gotta be really gutsy to drive. and i really hate taxi drivers.
they always never check blind spots!!!almost got into stupid accidents becoz of that?...thank goodness...
*counting my blessings again*
but overall, i see a life waiting for me somewhere.
it is right there....really...it is waving a big helo to me...
there it is......and i am going towards it....
hahahhaa....
walking down in town, seeing alot of couples..should say, almost every human ard were couples
except a good handful of frens or buddies hanging out, and hahaha...and commented to steph
"haha...i feel rather proud of my flowers i have received from lijie...."
at least it looks different looks more pro and looks more fresh than those i saw on the streets
in the hands of many females.
must be the white fur complimenting the deep blood red flowers. they are opening...
haha...silly me, think i would drop my da jie's place...to see my nephew and show them i am fine
somehow, for the past 2 weeks, i have enjoyed my sats alot hur?
gladly, i have learn to let things go for school too....
think yesterday n today i wasnt grumpy at all in lab even though my lab screwed up COMPLETELY
i was luffing and joking w 2 guys and tong jiang, and acting really hyper
and hahahahaha...suddenly i knew wat makes me less touchy...somehow
hahahha...shhh
i wont tell ya wat it is?...it is a secret...*winkz*
p/s mdarling: haha...no need to tell phyllis liao..she knew abt it long ago...steph told her
hahahaha...
2:25 AM |
|
Saturday, February 14, 2004
hehehe...
just received a bouquet of blood red roses!!!....a dozen of them....DAMN CHIO!
love the colour of it...damn damn red...
thanks mdarling!!!..hahaha....wah...surprise leh...
*hugz*
haha..should tell u pple wat happened...
this girl called me and asked..
"helo, is this huihui? would u be home at 2-5pm? we are sending a parcel to ur house"
"parcel?..err....2-5pm?..not sure....can try, but preferably 4-7pm?"
then she replied saying will tell u again.
and i thot it was my sister's company or wat, trying to send something to her house.
then y ask for me?...duhduh..
then at 2.45pm, was at clementi looking for a carpark lot,
my phone rang and gavin helped me answer.
"huihui is driving now, can u call back later?....lijie? orh...err....u r at her house now?"
right....my mdarling at my house when he is in USA??....hahaha...
"orh....her flowers are delivered to her house and u r the delivery man......"
so silly right??? the girl said will reach only from 4-8pm..
then he has no choice but to pass to my neighbour...no 1's at home
and cutely, my neighbour said
"it is tooo pretty, we have to place it in a basket so that it wont get dirty or wat.."
hahah....FAINTZ
maybe i should start looking for the pics of the flowers.
jodarling:haha..u wanna the fur?...hahaha...it is super corny!...
hhaha..and this yr i have 2 bouquets of roses....hahaha..wah!
quite alot liao lor.....*roll eyes*
lijie: thanks again....=o) very happy to receive them!!!....haha...now u surprised me...
*muackz*
n u pig...din mention abt my present.......i thot it was lost while it's on its way to USA...
*narrowing eyes*
the flowers....
babylove
4:35 PM |
|
1st and foremost,
HAPPY VDAY/FRENSHIP DAY!!!
hahahah......and i am most prob spending it in school till 2pm again..hahahahha
wat a day, went thru the ups and downs in a day
gosh....but i rather end it w a good mood, which i did!
=o)
thanks to derick ang and meishan! and dorothy and a guy?..forgot his name
but he is sure a cross b/w chen yun and boon long...haha....yeah..chen yun more like it
haha..i noticed his ring on this right 4th finger..hahaha....DAMN
oh well..
thanks ang for the Vday FLOWERS!!!....hehee.....so sweet to drive all the way to the west to pass me
and i play host, for 4 of them till 1230am!
hahaha
it was pretty nice to sit ard and tok cok...miss those days hur..and it is sure a mind off school!!!
woohoo!!
oh well....feeling very tired coz i tell ya, my project sort of screwed up completely...hahahha
sigh..jialat..dunno how to finish it also..oh well!!!
ARGGHHH
no stress...me not thinking of it coz my brain has shut off.
i will only think of it tomolo!
and i never keep the promise of swimming.
coz as i ahve said, my whole friday was in lab...
sigh...
1:48 AM |
|
Friday, February 13, 2004
this isnt a perfect world, and all of us know this perfectly well.
to much disappointment, this isnt much of a choice, learning to accept this pure fact, is something we have to grasp
there is always this group of pple in this world, throwing themselves at every single chance they come by, without much thought. instantly, they turned into opportunists. unlike them, there is another group of meticulous pple, who comtemplate every single outcome, aftermath of taking up the choice.
comparing these 2 groups of pple, there is something pretty similar between them,
that is they could have understood the known fact stated above,that is, the world being imperfect,
and executing choices.
luckily, regardless if they are impulsive humans or not, they understand every single move, and
are very sure of the choice they have made, or even that single thought they have pondered.
listening to all rock music, comtemperary R&B, hoping to chase away the blues,
i see myself, not belonging to either of the groups i have created. there are people around me who are branded as
impulsive personalities, and judging from what they have said and acted upon,
they are considered people who followed their "heart" and wat more is,
they have never regretted whatever they have, not given much thought, done and been through.
yet the other, gained the power of analysis yet overpowering it, gave them little time to grab the chance,
letting it to slip by like sand in hand.
humans arent perfect, that is the imperfectness in them
sometimes, i dun even have that imperfecy. it lacks to exist in me.
and that inadequacy, or the looks of it, has handicapped a natural person.
emotions, logic, sometimes never seem to be plugged in at the right places,
and worst of all, arent plugged in.
this emptiness has created too much void, and i am feeling no longer part of nature.
if u cant accept who u r, who r u to expect others to accept u. to make it sound more crude,
how can u even allow others to accept who u r thought not to be?
then, i question the matter of sanity, the day and the nite, the in and the out, the poison it procreates itself
that toxify nothing but the mind, the heart and the soul that are once pure and innocence.
why do people want to feel be with the crowd. yet some just refused to mingle?
it is the same question i posted to myself. y do i always like to watch the crowd yet away from the crowd
i am a hyper person i admit. and pple always tell me tat
but when i am alone, the serenity drives me to a state of lightness.
sometimes, 1 man conversation appeals to me, and makes living in ur own world
so bearable. no doubt, being alone, has been very me for a long time.
but throwing myself back into the perspective tat i cant survive w/o crowds, only make me question
how much and how little i need and require to keep certain level of sanity,
to safekeep a healthy growing human like me, to stay away from sabotage of ur very own mind games.
u r not playing those with others, but only urself.
thus, i cant tell u if u deserve something better, nor can i tell u how much u need something
but at least i can only ask u, r u happy? r u satisfied? r u willing to work for the best?
a warped person like me, still can stand right here, right now, shows how bearing this world can be
i guess, yeah there are people worse than who i am now, i totally agree, but maybe w/o those,
we never know wat is good for us, and even sadly, never know the good worth of wat u already have.
maybe as some1 has said, "some pple just take things as easy, ask the least as possible,
thus surviving to the minimal. as something that is out of their expectation comes alive for them,
they take it as a bonus."
may i see that bonus blesses every1. of course, may tat bonus been seen by the desired eyes
received with open arms by the fated one.
2:20 AM |
|
tired!
hahaha..gosh i did alot of silly things today
gosh..cant ah!
anyway...i am pretty amused
i injured my right foot...yet i can walk perfectly
and drive perfectly
hahahaha
oh well..
and heh?
oh well..hahaha....never mind....
just thinking too many things now
sometimes i wonder,
and ponder too hard, that i hurt myself too much
maybe i am just too mindful of others, yet being too overprotective of myself
but wat am i to do?
nvm,
certain things dun need to be said or expressed at all,
coz so wat if others know, it wont make a difference
coz i still prefer to keep to myself.
this is my world
and no 1, and i do mean no 1 is welcomed at all
like jodarling, she feels pretty upset over the death of her hamster
i guess, i am feeling alittle sad over the loss of the pretty words of a song
maybe in the end, everything isnt tat impt, it is urself and wat u r doing matters
but the impt doesnt matter. it is how u r feeling.
so how do u feel today?
i do hope u feel better than i do.
i really hope
coz i think when some1 is sad here, another person would be happy on the other end
this is the way how this world works
hear ye hear ye, this is a true blue libra speaking
and maybe i should change my fav colour to black instead of orange
haha....
haha..and jodarling is getting tooooooo stressed over her project,
connecting something to some bread board
haha...dunno..sometimes i wish to help when some1 is in distress
hahaha..but i cant. so helpless u know..and all u can do is sit there and err..
i mean just sit there.
then i realised wat makes me never wanna be upset in front of others
coz i know they cant help at all, and they would feel helpless too.
and they will sit there, like some panicky parents or quiet dudes or babes and sit there
and err...pat, hug u...so i guess..
u r already helpless, the others become helpless becoz of that..
hahaha....
suddenly, i understand y ben chia said that abt me liao.
suddenly, it is so clear.
oh dread....
hahaha....
consequences to be beared after u have made a choice
i will bear them, and oh well..hahaha...
i think i am bearing them now.
when do u NOT bear them anyway?
wat a joke
listening to : dreamz fm -- should i stay, bu zhi de
and these 2 songs suddenly made me feel really comtemplative
and feel so much for it, and have no idea y.
maybe it is one of the days again, when i am just pure cranky
hahaha...definitely hur.
sheesh..how come u pple can stand it ah?
hahahahaha....even i am not tolerable to my kind of silly mood swing
peifupeifu....
time to stay away..
hahahaha
*therapy time*
12:04 AM |
|
Thursday, February 12, 2004
finally got to watch britney's MTV, Toxic
gosh i thot how scandalous it is..nothing much mah
hahaha
but gosh...hey to add onto "love and lust, sex and procreation" month
contribution form relacon then.....=oP
go watch the video girls, how to turn a guy on....
hahaha...
tat part when she uses her butt to rub...hahha...and gosh..she really rubbed....
hahaha....if do that a few times....hahaha..imagine wat will happen
okie...sooner or later, my blog will get censored...but heck it!!!=oP
hahahaha.....
think somehow, she doest look as slutty as christina,
coz look closely, while she acts bitchy and stuff
that the scene, when she accidentally poured a glass of water on that guy's groin,
she went "oops!" rather innocently, but when she turned n looked at the camera, taking a piece of cloth
she flipped it to the other hand. tat's sooo cool.....
she gives the cool look and "hey, i am a subtle flirt, i flirt w ya to get my job done"
hahaha
sounds so charlie's angels!
hahaha..cool stuff hur....
5:19 PM |
|
Prince Henry: "Do you really think there's only one perfect mate?
-Leonardo: "As a matter of fact, I do."
-Prince Henry: "Well, then how can you be certain to find them? And if you do find them are they really the one for you or do you only think they are? And what happens if the person you're supposed to be with never appears or she does, but you're to distracted to notice..."
-Leonardo: "You learn to pay attention."
-Prince Henry: "Then let's say...God puts 2 people on earth and they are lucky enough to find one another but one of them gets hit by lightening, well then what? Is that it? Or perchance you meet someone new and marry all over again is that the lady you're supposed to be with or was it the 1st? And if so, when the 2 of them were walking side by side, were they both the one for you and you just happen to be the 1st one 1st or was the 2nd one supposed to be 1st? And is everything just chance or were some things meant to be?"
-Leonardo: "You cannot leave everything to fate, boy. She's got a lot to do.
Sometimes you must give her a hand."
hahaha..this is from one of my fav shows.....EVERAFTER
hahahhaa....
1:22 PM |
|
any1 wanna to do tat?..ABT ME??!?!
hahaha..email to relacon@hotmail.com
i am so sian..maybe i should start doing it for jodarling first hur..hahaha
then u place ur ans on me on ur blog!..hahahahaha
01.Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
02. Am I loveable?
03. How long have you known me?
04. When and where did we first meet?
05. What was your first impression?
06. Do you still think that way about me now?
07. What do you think my weakness is?
08. Do you think I'll ever get married?
09. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. What is my best quality?
13. How well do you think you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think that I could kill someone?
17. Who would play me in a movie?
18. If I were to be a color, what one would I be?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger, weaker, or staying the same?
21. Do you think that I am stubborn?
22. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you?
12:32 PM |
|
orh my god!!!
i saw him again, and interesting, he has turned tanner...
hahahha
wah..not bad..not like las time so fair...now so much better looking!
hahaha
hehehe....
cool.....gosh..but hahah..wah lau
it would be sad if he is a gay...
hahahahhahahaha
*winkz*
12:19 PM |
|
hahahaha....GOSH!
this is soooo hilarious!!
hey dudes out there, if this vday, u wanna some steamy and hot date w ya girlfren,
pls visit this website summerrainx
hahahahahhaa
gosh....getting very horny and PORNY!
hahahhahaha
wah lau
i am luffing and rolling on the floor!!!!!
now stomach is aching
jo darling: this is better than "her world" girl
hahahhaha....
maybe i join in as sex consultant...no longer r'ship consultant?
then wat am i known as? sexcon?.....
MUAHAHAHAHA...
oh pls....hahahahahahaha....
FAINTZ
i think i am dying from luffter....
hahahahhahaha
11:57 AM |
|
it is already 12am...gosh another day in school till 9+ and err...tired!!!
FINALLY!!! started on my lab..but there was a big screw up
oh well...it was very terrible as evening approached....gosh..
almost flared up at those both guys....but seriously, they did nothing...guess
every1 was very jitterly abt the screw-up
hopefully nothing goes wrong with our lab...meaning, no contamination by friday!!
if not, FAINTZ!!!!!!!....
oh well...enuff of lab!!
no more lab till friday and all i have to do is to add in the 424 spent catalyst
then have to do biomass, take soln for day 0 (day2) hahaha
okie...dun think any1 understands except for gavin and albert..hehehe....SHRUGS
hehehe...
dunno wat to say, just feeling really tired.
i am so tired..hahaha....
cousin: dunno if i can meet ya this week for movie...i am so dead beat....but if u need phone,
i will drop by bukit batok after school which would be at nite to pass ya
unless i meet ya on sat...but me dun wanna go cheong.....think i am way too tired and need
to mug! 2 more months to exams. only did realise it till i saw the date 12/2...gosh
oh well....dunno wat to say liao....just so dazed
but i guess, the weather is getting really hot and hahaha...clear sky every nite
u know, the stars are blinking very brightly, so brightly, i felt so freed....hahaha
*giggles*
hehehe....goodness..when i am tired, either i am very giggly (once in a blue moon)
or i am very touchy and err..cranky..oh well..too bad la....
*eyes half close*
and i, for once promised myself, to go swimming on friday...
since i would be free i guess....in the morning....HELP!!!
12:15 AM |
|
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
love isnt that PERFECT
there are always problems.
but in pursuit of it, u just gotta iron out the differences,
settle ur uneasiness
sometimes, the feeling of love is momentarily, it lurks like some kind of leakin gas
once in a while, it just appears as a puff and floats ard.
u dun compromise, or just take it as it comes, sometimes, u know
u r just lying to urself. thinking it is love when u know u just need company
u think it is love, but it is because u have the undivided attention from him/her
so u think tat is love? u r being loved, not in love.
u just have to feel to fall in love w some1, and vice versa, if not,
u r just gracefully accepting some1's love, not a person as an entity
at this stage, again, time will tell as things unfold, reveiling their very naked state
has this so-called love stripped u so bare, that u r so naked, u have nothing to hide abt?
have u thot this so-called love is able to make u open up like unlocked diary?
sometimes, it doesnt matter how naked, how bare u r, but r u willing to accept
the changes that come along the way, feel like it is just part of u and part of him/her
many pple say, just let it flow. orh, yeh, let it flow, but how long, how far,
again only time will tell.
do u lust?
do u love?
do u just crave to be hugged?
do u enjoy the attention given to u at all times?
do u get the kicks when some1 goes "i think i am helplessly falling in love w u"
think twice, think thrice.
maybe, u may have thot of it umpteen times, and cant straighten it out at all
then i say, leave it.
somethings cant be seen as they are, somethings are not meant to be urs
till u have lost it, and to god's grace, u r lucky to have it back
sometimes, only when things walked out of ur life would u learn how much u needed it
how often do u say i love u? to ur family, ur frens, ur loved ones?
maybe it is hard to blurt them out on an usual weekday as a greeting,
but have u thot of them and give thanks for the love u have received
and start pondering how much have u given for the ones u so-called cared for?
maybe in the end, just f**k it and dread for the worst.
u may get surprised in the end
but being a sitting duck doesnt work either.
wat a unbalanced world, no wonder, pple just cant be bothered.
*winkz*
2:03 AM |
|
haha
was reading SOME1's blog on "sex up ur life"
hahahahaha
cool stuff hur...
HEY PPLE,
those who really wanna to get hitched very soon?
y not just offer it, then get shot gun marriage then boom!
u r very loved by the govt....coz we need to preocreate!
hahahaha
then again, abortion is on the high, should say higher than birth rates
so, being responsible or taking charge of ur life...hrmm...
pls..abortion kills ur karma...hahaha..but doesnt mean i object to premarital sex
as long as u r old enuff to know wat should be done and not, u JUZ HAVE TO BE RESPONISBLE
gosh....dun i sound like some auntie agony?
then again, not in mood to be relaconing...
super tired, lab (project) ended at 9 soemthing,
with running here and there....okie okie
definitely not in nice mood
though i was in the morning/day
watever.....just getting super touchy and stuff....guess i am tired la..but hair is damn wet!
but i must say, i enjoyed a little drive out for a short coffee session w my fren, MAO
haha...catching up w him, and somehow, we are just there to listen to each other
MEOW....heehee
esp with school and life.....like we always do.
when pple bother, u smile,
when pple dun, u still have to smile
gosh, i am no angel
hahaha.....think i am just getting into lab la
as long as i start it soon, i am fine...
every 5 days just take out soln and biomass...now i need ot do the planning b4 friday comes
smiLe =o)
12:35 AM |
|
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
gosh i must be really bored!
Boys:
1. hair color � black
2. eye color � dark brown.
3. height � err..not too tall...i dun wanna another mao who just looks over me
4. six pack? � god, r u kidding me?...how can i refuse that?
5. long/short hair � haha...enuff to ruffer it
6. glasses? �woohoo, only if he can put it on.
7. piercings? � err, dpds la...not cool enuff..like how?
8. chest hair? � count me out!
9. buff or skinny? � no way!!! i hate skinny guys, gosh...more meat pls...with nice shoulders to lean on!
10. straight teeth, gap, or braces? - hahaha...as long as my tougue dun get tangle up with those wires!!!!=oP
11. punk/jock/emo/sXe/goth? � who cares?
12. funny or serious? � balance of the scale
13. party or stay at home? � get one with grinding, while slacking at home
14. should he cook or bake? - i would feel sooo loved!
15. should he have a best friend? - hahaha....well, i have my best fren too u know...=oP
16. should he have a lot of girl friends? - awww.....i've too many buddies....
17. outgoing or shy? � Outgoing with a tint of bashfulness..MELT
18. sarcastic or sincere? � sincere to me, sarcastic to others!!!MUAHAHA
19. would he watch chick flicks? - y not...kick his ass chicks!
20. would he be a smoker? - STAY 1KM from me
21. would he drink? - with me!
22. would he swear? - i f**kingly object....
23. would he pay for dates? - *angelic look* only if he is rich...DAMN IT! y should i be so nice?
24. does he kiss on the first date? - hahaha.....hey, u gotta be more gutsy!!!....
25. where would you go to dinner? - err....good food?
26. would he bring you flowers? - haha...*roll eyes*
27. would he lay under the stars with you? - gosh......i will take u to my universe
28. would he write poetry about you? - haha...more like i will write poems!
29. would he call you hunny, sweetie, or baby? - hahaha....watever
30. would he hang out with you and YOUR friends? ...arent we party animals?
31. would you hang out with him and HIS friends? hahaha....okie...did i mention i was a ____.
32. would he play sports? hahah....DUH!
33. would he skateboard? - y not?i would like to elarn too
34. would he snowboard? - HELL YEAH
35. would he play guitar? - HAHAHA...we can set up a band
36. play piano? - tat's me doing it...
37. play drums? - I WILL FALL IN LOVE W HIM
38. would he clean his room? - he better...i am lazy
39. would he paint, draw, sculpt? *winkz*
41. would he sing for you? - haha....if only my ears allow
42. use the word dude? HEH?!?
43. use the word tight? - ???
44. what kind of car would he drive - anything tat is manual, and all his
45. would he put his arm around you or hold your hand? - wat the heck? MUST ASK MEH?
46. would he dance? - GROOVE W ME BABY!
47. how often would you see him? err...hahaha....give me withdrawal syndrome
48. would you want him to get you jewelry? haha...Y NOT?...i need my best frens..but w/o him i can get myself anyway
49. stay up and talk all night long? if there are topics to tok abt la
50. say I love you? wo ai ni......
hahaha...finally!!!!!!!
FAINTZ
12:55 AM |
|
watching grammy awards now...and u know wat???????
i just feel like DANCING MY WHOLE NITE AWAY
orhorh...hahaha..must be the music grooving away!!!!
gosh...maybe i should go cheong this sat nite?
though i wont be able to drink!!!!
arghhh....hahaha...but hey, at least i get to drive home!!
muhahaha
no more expensive taxi fare and hopefully my sister doesnt call me
BISH
hahaha
and thinking i need to find a day to go shopping in town!!!
i miss shopping leh....hahahaha....wait a min,
when did i ever fall in love w shopping?
DANGEROUSLY IN LOVE
hahahaha...this is getting cooler than ever...
and u know wat the heck? i love to do the jazz thing again!!!!!
SOUL WITH COMTEMPORARY R&B WITH THAT JAZZ
hahahahah
hahahhahaha.......
and i have to make myself down to sheares hall,
to drum
ARGHHH
hahahahahah
woohoo!!!!!
i wanna be a ROCK BABE!!!!
heehee
maybe i should go for a good facial too
hahaha.......hrmm...
steph: u wanna?....huimin went liao lor..hahaha....
my face has the traces of insufficient sleep and has become lab-stricken...
hahahahaha
getting to be a nerd soon...NO WAY!!!
GRANDPA RAY: u wanna meet tomoloe (tues) for supper? IF IF only i dun have lab till late
hahaha
and i wanna go supper!!!
anyone!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
heehee...
cousin: is the movie still onz?..i dun wanna to die a nerd in lab lei.....
hahaha..i have a life
dun i?
err....
YAWNZ
but u know, the only adrenaline i have today is when i drove at 125km/h
okieokie..i know it is very slow..but helo...i wanna drive LONGER, so i guess
it is a reasonable speed to stay on the road longer....
and u know, esp when u kick to 5th gear, and let it roll on the highway,
it doesnt seem anything.
gosh...hell am i a driver..i hardly see a lady drives like me(besides my er jie)
hahaha......
oops!
hey...there was this girl, gosh....really killing her car....volvo?!?!
on 2nd lane, never mind, i just simply over took her and...just heck her..
hahahaha....and there is this nutty taxi driver who seemed to be following me
haha...watever i do, over take change back to 2nd lane , go faster go slower
followed me??..dunno for wat? luckily i got off the filter lane...not nice to have some1 trailing
behind u?????
haha....somehow....i wanna get my own car and DRIVE!!!!!!
heehee....okieokie..i will go for a spin soon,,,
of coz, WITH NO 1 ARD ME! if not i will feel stressed to ensure their safety....
lalalalalala
12:02 AM |
|
Sunday, February 08, 2004
getting super worried for project again
hahah..tomolo will settle it once again in school
u know, i really really wanna to clear it fast
as long as nothing goes wrong with my stupid 2 runs of both Aspergillus strands
hopefully i can get results for them b4 exams
and ensure i run them for results in mid march for the 1st run.
to see if anything goes wrong w expt?
dunno...starting to write up abt my report and stuff
i wish i can really finish it
argh.....no need to stress myself...
hehe..but so cute, mdarling called again just now..
hahaha....think we have toked almost everyday?
almost..i should say almost...hahaha
and end up, he started to lalalaing....BISH!
at this rate, his phone bills can shoot down another sky ah!
hahaha..
lijie: go and get ur mic fixed?..hahaha....
okieokie i am feeling very tired actually but i wanan finsih this
haha
tat's the problem when u din really touch ur project for a week.
everything is in a mess.
very messy
at least they are playing my all-time fav
i knew i loved u
(savage garden)
Maybe it's intuition
But some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
And there it goes
I think I've found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
There's just no rhyme or reason
Only this sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I've found you
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
this is wat i called *MELTZZZ to ur death* song.
hahaha..
close ur eyes, and move to the slow groove of the song
and u will feel so loved, by the song..hahaha
damn, i just need to destress w slappy love songs la!
hahaha
11:41 PM |
|
it is a fantastic and fulfilling SUNDAY!!!!
woohoo!!!!
okie i admitted, i woke up at 9am again, but this time, i nuaed!!!
rest and fell back asleep and tossed and turned...hehehe..till 12pm!!!
lalalalalalalala
hahaha..it is a superb sunday...sigh i am not out of the house...maybe later i drive to school to swim la
see how, maybe too tired from studying and i go nap again...muhahahahaha
can see i am feeling really good and great and best!..haha
suddenly i see it again..wat i lacked, to do things i like, like cooking on weekends
home alone that i can blast the music and not closing any doors
i love open concept in a house..hahhaa...except for bedroom!!!
such a queer person who sorts of is preparing for single's life
=oP *winkz* but hahaha...err......as i told steph
i am still very single, with attachment.....
hahahaha...
mdarling:hehehe...=oP
hahaha....qouting from kelvin
"wondered if i ever will get attached..."
"the girl will get bored easily" (doesnt this sound like us? jo.....hahahahahaa)
"how u know he/she is the one?"
err....i also dunno
i said a few months ago i wont get attached my whole life (tat was said VERY often to mizle)
then me?...err..okie....speak of that hur
get bored easily?...well....hahaha...then do something stupid and silly!!!!!!!!!!
how u know? am i supposed to tell ya????...as if i know myself
somehow i wonder such person exists in the first place..
i used to think there is such thing...but now....i sort of never give it a good thot....
food of the day:
hehe...it was err..black sauce with some sambal "mapo tofu"
hahaha...aiyah..cant find chili bean sauce..so no choice...but my meat was alittle too dry
gosh....
then some cabbage w carrots..and campbell soup...
hahaha...FULL and SATISFIED, oops...should be VERY FULL
hahaha...
how i wish i have an oven now...
i am getting so hot ....i wanna take off my clothes
hahaha..
nelly!!!
woohoo
i must have turned nuts.
but u know, it is good nuts?
hahaha....
*grinz*
2:05 PM |
|
wat a great great day.
i guess it was when i was driving home from suntec after meeting steph,
the sudden urge of going grocery shopping was soooo great, so i headed down to IMM
hahaha...GIANT shopping...hahahha...
c'mon it is free parking and it is near my house and wat's more,
i love to do grocery shopping
and i am going to cook tomolo!!!!!!!!
hahahahahahah...
u know
i am so happy, walking ard giant, thinking wat to buy and cook
and i bought quite a few things...hahahah...
as for now, i admit, i am enjoying such life, coz it is hard to come by
except for the DAILY calling from my da jie that she ensures i am at home??
sigh, even my parents ARENT tat worried?????
oh well....this world is never perfect, but at least i get to enjoy my little quiet moment
in my car singing, driving at 110km/h, and shopping ard alone...
heehee...somewat like living on my own leh....hehehe...
oh well...i must cherish this 2 weeks man....
though how much i know i would be so busy during the week, and sunday is only rest day,
hopefully!!!!!!!!!!
but i dun mind going back to school tomolo to use the lan..hahaha...free parking for all car parks
in school!..so no need to walk tooo far...heehee
and have decided to upgrade plan to SUNTEXT
haha..at least lijie can call me when i am in school and my phone bills
wont hit the sky
coz it is incoming call free (7am-7pm)and 1000 free sms, and for 26 bucks
okie mah...i dun mind
waiting for daddy to come back then i can change
lalalala...
okie i feel pretty tired but quite hype
hahah...going to read my notes b4 i go hit the sack
today i feel i am taking charge of my life once again
u would never know how much this means to me
telling me i am once again, back to who huihui is
now i know y i enjoyed those sec and jc days
coz usu i fend for myself on weekends
hahaha...this is so cool man!
and i think i am jioing kelvin and shaowei for supper on monday nite!
heheheehehhehe
lalalalalal...
who else wanna come? 2 more pple
hahaha....my car can only take this much leh
hahaha
=o)
1:11 AM |
|
Saturday, February 07, 2004
interesting post i got from livejournal
hahha...this guy is japanese (think girl actually)
hahahhaa....
I blame February
I'm feeling strangely isolated again. Not quite sure why. I don't have a reason to be at all.
I miss people. I miss lots and lots of people. And that is probably the strongest feeling I have right now. This strange emptiness inside of me. I don't quite feel alone. But the people I want to be with are on the other side of the Pacific. In a different place. In a different time. While I am here. I wonder if I belong here or not. Because I really don't know if I do. In anycase I am going to be here for another year since I already turned in my recontract form.
February is a month of emptiness. Spring, the time when things come back to life, is the time when I feel the most empty. February is a kickstart to that. In February my soul is drained. I am empty and I dreamwalk more often than any other time.
I've been writing letters again, but it doesn't seem to help. They too feel empty. My pen rides across the pages, spilling out the words that describe the events in my life but nothing else. Or maybe I simply cannot feel the emotion that is there on the paper.
I am empty. And I cannot feel. I will not feel. I am afraid of the pain that comes this time of year. I don't want to feel it though it might well be the best thing that can happen for me. So that I can feel again. But I can't. I am afraid. And I feel alone. And empty.
Even yesterday, I made some plans that I really wanted to make. I was assured of something about which I had been uncertain. And yet, I could not be openly happy. I was not openly happy. I'm keeping the mask on as usual. And lately, there have been more and more masks to where. I don't know what I look like anymore. Is there even a face underneath all of this? Not now and not in this country. I am always pretending to be something I am not.
I want to go home. Whereever that maybe. I want to laugh like I used to. I know this sounds really depressing and in a way it is. But I want to laugh without the feeling that I am going cry because the laughter is not from my soul. My soul which is asleep somewhere. That somewhere is most likely home.
2:14 AM |
|
i think i did badly for my quiz
thinking most of my answers are wrong
becoz suddenly, i sort of got confused with alot of things
too much number and stuff hur?
and i knew some of the answers, and i somehow din put them down
oh well
hahaha..and some of my classmates cheated alittle bit
but i was soooo FAR away from them
so irritating..if not i could have stolen some ans from them!!!!
oh shit, i tried my best i guess...hahaha....now we know wat he would test
hahaha..argghhh..
sigh. i am more determined to do well for the other quizzes
stupid, wat's wrong w me these days. cant even do well a silly paper?
never mind la. BREATHE
qouting shaowei: it is the 1/3 life crisis
hell yeah, oh well....feeling super empty
i am not focused enuff
but i am going to start my lab soon. i better read it up again
think i am just a plain lazy person.
this pair of shoulders have borned nothing but imaginary weight,
clouds of thots, empty actions.
not even the world best's massage could alleviate the ache
it just lingers ard, till the day, there isnt a mind to create those tons
or maybe, till they come alive and become real responsibilities.
then i would rather play the piano, and wish those notes i have just played
come alive.
somehow, i wont make use of a chance to create havoc
but prove the pt i am capable of taking of myself and
actually a very responsible person to myself and pple ard me
i am really a person who is trying to take care of myself
i never stay out too late at all, i never bring frens to stay over w/o telling pple
i am indeed, being very responsible here.
i am just being who i am, and by being who i am, i am just proving to pple
tat this is who i am.
but i know, pple dun see it wat i wish them to see. so tat's all i can do
being myself. taking care of myself
when i drive, i check every single blind spot, ensure that i keep a safe distance
which i, hopefully, allow myself sufficient braking distance
tat i dun hang out too late, knowing tat i am totally out to fend for myself
am i proving something?
hell yeah, telling u this is who i am
i do look out for myself.
wat is danger and not, i seem to know
but pple just dunno.
tat's i cant help it anyway.
today, i have written 3 long post
i am very sure, so sure that pple who read my blog
are pple who are ard me, who i do keep in contact w
do u think, this is truly me?
do u think, watever i have said are just tip of the iceberg?
do u think this blog is just a place for ramblings?
do u think all these words are words of lessons or just nonsense?
do u think every word i have said harshly, is fingering at u?
do u think every word i meant, comes from my inner self, my heart?
do u think?
and i bet, most dun even think
or even read wat i ramble
tat is wat i tend to do, so when i realised i do,
i shut up
i rather go sleep
knowing when i go sleep, no 1 is there for me to drown their ears
only my bed
like i always do
hahahahaha....
but u know
this is my blog hur? my fucking world tat i wish i could make it bigger for myself
but i guess it is very big, too huge tat i am occupying more space than i should
but is there a boundary to all of this?
i realised y i love to ramble, then pple dun listen to wat i have to say,
dun pay attention, then they dunno wat i truly have in mind when i blurt them out
i am an open book, if u look closely, if u listen very carefully
but who cares? to bother to listen and look closely all the time?
there are billions of humans ard.
that is too much to bare
even i cant take it too much.
i guess, it boils down to selective listening, selective to everything
i should leave these alone
but i would show concern one day, when this blog dies on me
hahahahahahha
1:04 AM |
|
orh, it is not that i dun bother or not do
just tat, when i do,
or MAYBE i never try hard enuff, then pple just wont respond
so i heck it liao
i guess there is a limit to ones' patience and energy
i am not a long lasting energizer like afrum gor said abt me
no matter how i much i wish to be, i am trying to be wat u think of me
but pls, no more expectations from me can?
i am really tired...
thank u very much
i would really appreciate it very very much
and am i not glad i am home alone,
and for the next 2 weeks, i am just going to be more alone
i take this as a short holiday
plant myself at home or school
but i will do things i wanna to do and rest
this bubble never seems to stop growing even after it has bursted
this is a good life i have to admit.
but in order to savour my good life,
let me miss it first
gosh dun i feel sad now?
hahaha....
kel: and sometimes it is not becoz i dun have enuff sleep
i wish i am JUST tired, but persistently, it sure does sink in
but watever i have told ya today, is just the scratch of the surface
there are more things, everything in life, tat is crashing in.
maybe after the big crush, i can have the big bang
i dun wanna to be airy all the time
i need passion, i need fire
hell, i should have fired myself to madness....
a dream : to pretend to be a nut case, dressing up really dirty and stuff
walk ard the streets and see wat r the response?
then the next moment, change out and dress really sophisticatedly
okie i am turning nuts
12:15 AM |
|
it is going to be 12am
and was alittle irritated w my da jie just now.
called me and like went
"WHERE R U?!?!?!" at ard 9something
i mean, yeah she was concerned and everything, but gosh
it was interrogating
but then again, wat to do?
never mind, everytime i feel guilty for being mean to her when i sounded
pissed off. yeah too late right?
so wat to do?
and i just msged her telling i wont be home the whole day tomolo becoz of this and tat
now i realised, y i tell my family where i go and stuff, coz i know i will be pissed w them
when they go "WHERE R U?!?!?!?!?"
so yeah, tat's so far, my "best" remedy..........HAI~~~~~~
and today i realised one fucking thing in life
but i shant be bothered anymore
no matter how much u fucking try to do something,
when it comes to 2 pple, when 1 dun bother
there's no pt u trying so hard to bother
so i fucking care liao
sometimes, u feel and u fucking think,
is it that u r taken for granted like this?
i spend more effort and money on my family and my frens than myself
yeah so wat if i have a 4 digit savings?
yeah so wat if i am very alone now?
i am going to pamper myself FINALLY
DAMN!
maybe now i know y i bother to care for some frens.
there are somethings they bother to remember and to do
and i always keep in mind wat they have done.
or maybe beocz they have done things i tend to see, so too bad
so fucking sad, if u did something for me, and i din see it,
count on ur bad luck yeah??
feeling super evil and mean now, and u know wat?
i realised, tomolo when i fucking wake up, i will feel SUPER GUILTY
due to lack of sleep AGAIN and yeah....
orh, so, am i just trying to throw tantrum for the time being?
and then i make myself even more miserable the next day?
oh HELL
BREATHE!!!!!!!
i have no idea wat's pissing me off?
i am going to drive ard singapore tomolo liao
OH LIFE!!!!....
maybe i am just another bitch
oh hell yeah, i am always a fucking bitch
dun like me, stay away lor
cant stand me, then walk away
even i know in the end, i will be so fucking hurt
but who cares, coz i know u dun.
so y should i?
and am i reaching to the stage where 1 starts to withdraw into her own fucking world
it seems like it
okieokie....
be the child in me shines once again
oh hell.
watever!
12:02 AM |
|
Friday, February 06, 2004
cant u believe??..i slept ard 3 and i woke up at 8?!?!?!??!
HELL...for the 3 consecutive time, i woke up at 8am
so u know wat?
tonight i am jsut going to sleep early..so that i will wake up at 8am again
i am really tired. the whole week, i dun really have good sleep
and yet last nite i on the aircon?!?!
wah lau, u know i need a lot of sleep yet i cant sleep at nite...wat the heck??
sigh....so much/many on my mind
how to clear them?
everyday i will wake up to a song
everyday i will not remember a dream i have dreamt
till consciousness knocks me into my dreams
and today's song was
sometimes, love just aint enough
super nice song i tell ya
it is so darn true the lyrics...found here flingner
heard it in JC i think, and always feel so much for it
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.
gosh...cry!!!!
It makes a sound like thunder, it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.
cry harder...muahahahaha
realised how much pple realised in and out of their lives
hrmm
u know, it is like, i love to see how happy pple are.
i love to hear pple to luff, to smile, to tell me how interesting their lives are!
and i can feel super warm when i see pple happy, esp when they are
soaking in their own happiness
maybe my happiness is built on others, and somehow, i feel tat is sooo sad
hahaha..
but hey, who cares man.....ITS MY LIFE (singing bon jovi')
hahaha....
in search for true happiness, coming from within
hahaha....
walkwalkwalkwalkwalk
nah...
i am going to
drivedrivedrivedrivedrivedrive
*sniggers*
9:42 AM |
|
Thursday, February 05, 2004
last life in universe
how apt
oh well
hahahahhaa
read it
Who are we? Where are we? Who do we desire? Where do we go when we're gone? A quietly unsettling love story about people lost (and found) in the margins of one another's identities -- national, cultural, and individual -- LAST LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE is a strange, funny, tender, and subtly devastating story about life and death, sisters and brothers, sushi and som tam -- and the strange way fate has of bringing people together just as their worlds seem on the verge of falling apart. Graceful, atmospheric, a jigsaw puzzle with pieces that slip between the fingers like drops of mercury, LAST LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE is a minor masterpiece about love's effortless insistence that under its influence, everything must change.
who cares hur?
hahaha
11:26 PM |
|
going to be housekeeper/caretaker for the next 2 weeks!!!!
okieokie..nownow...do i feel stressed?
NO WAY!
hahaha...
oh well
busy and tired with project
whole day in lab ah!
but also dunno do wat...heehee..
okieokie
think gotta go mug soon
tomolo got quiz
wish me best of luck man!!!!
11:01 PM |
|
You have an air personality. You laugh easily and
often at the simplest of things, which gives
you an easygoing nature. Parties are your
specialty and you can't get enough of that kind
of atmosphere. Hardly anyone has seen you upset
and you will often lock away feelings of rage
or sadness to appear happy and content. Your
love life consists of flings where the other
person was often driven away by your refusal to
acknowledge your true feelings. But don't fear!
When you find that true love, you'll be able to
open up to him/her and build a strong
relationship that will last a long time.
Elemental Personalities: Which is Yours?
brought to you by Quizilla
haha...it is me?
yeah i luff at every little small thing
told ya pple liao..
i am a simple girl leading a simple life,
wanting only the simple stuff in life..
muhahahahahahahah
i feel airy...yeah coz i am tired!!!!
10:36 PM |
|
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
got this from a blog
cool stuff
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less. We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; We have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment;more experts, but less solutions; more medicine, but less wellness.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to life, not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbour.
We've conquered outer space, but not inner space; we've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we've split the atom, but not our prejudice. We have higher incomes, but lower morals; we've become long on quantity,but short on quality. These are the times of tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships.
These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition. These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes. It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to forward this message and make a difference... or just hit delete.
9:54 PM |
|
a great day i supposed!!!..heehee...met my prof sort of finalised abt my project
but there would be changes along the way
and managed to show i did alot of work and now, i just have to ensure
i can run 4 runs of my project w/o much hiccups. then analyse them properly
and meanwhile, // do my paper research on recovery,
hopefully tat is wat i can do
=o)
then finish it fast....by end my lab work my mid may!!!then do report..
okieokie...tat will come soon, on friday would get my time plan soon!
haha..while on my way to dental appt, mdarling called...and i almost mistook him
for andy saw....really!..was thinking y would buddy call me?...
then hahaha..after err...2 mins....it was mdarling...sorry la
it was the bus..so packed and noisy..hahahahha....
hehe...hope he wasnt heartbroken ...=oP *hugz*
but seriously speaking...either is the phone, or wat?...errr
felt super good when i get my teeth checked. it was just gum aching?..right
but it was better than the one i went in JW..gosh..this is cheaper
the dentist is definitely very very popular and good.
$25 only for cleaning my teeth!!..
yanxu: ooi.....future dentist, next time...when can i let u do my teeth?!?!
hehehe
oh well...
have any1 tried going to a hawker centre (ghim moh) which isnt tat packed.
sort of empty, then u sit ard alone, maybe with 1 or 2 pple sitting at the same table
then u just slowly enjoyed ur food, savouring every mouth of fried hokkien mee which
costs only 2 bucks, though it wasnt tat great, the yellow noodles are abit hard,
but oh well, i ordered another plate of tau kau with egg..heehee...
with a cup of sugar cane!..all costing $4 hahaha...and i was super full
then slowly walked back to take mrt,
enjoying the hot nite, but it was really really nice...
i felt really light, almost skipping....heehee...
then i realised, i saw the settling sun while eating, and thinking
life is good hor?
then walking ard the neighbourhood felt so warmth. and i have no idea y
okieokie back to drama serial liao!!!!
heehee...
later gotta study for quiz...haha..hopefully the cup of coke would help me keep awake!!!
cant wait for sat to come!!!!..
can see huimin, steph, elena!!!
hahahah...
oh well..miss them alot....=o)
9:22 PM |
|
wakey wakey! went to bed early and poor mdarling was unable to reach me
hahaha....
oh well...still tired, din have a good sleep again...guess it was too hot at nite
then it rained in the morning...at this rate, can turn sick again ah!!!
okieokie..another long day ahead for me...
hehe...
mizle:u today at site again?..hahaha....today me settling my dinner outside ah!
forgot abt it....stupid..got dental appt later....haha...this sat wanna meet??
suddenly i wanna see u pple..hahaha..
jo darling:ooi...r u alive?..hahaha....or sms dead?..oh well...=oP
suddenly, every1 is so hardworking.....
hahaha...
kelvin:..if u ever study in school...give me a sms, if i am not in lab,
i would join u man!...hahahaha....
8:32 AM |
|
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
just swam and decided to join the 4pm class instead..
rotting here, in com lab and trying hard to read up my notes b4 lecture at 5pm
hehehe
suddenly, i see alot while swimming
i see the sky, though dark clouds appeared but never rained
swam alot though not to 20 laps...guess, abit rusty after dormant for 3 mths
kel:somehow, i wanna go windsurfing. wonder if we have the time?
really sleepy and almost fell asleep while resting in the pool.
obligation or passion.
responsibility or a choice
hahaha...
when u wanna do something, coz u made it a passion,
then do it.
okie?
back to notes again.....heehee...
no more slacking or being too sad over nothing,
hehe...i am going to live life....
MEOW!!!!!
heehee...
though like jo now, i am feeling alittle weeny sad.....
=oP
3:06 PM |
|
did i say how lost i am now with the stupid stupid project?
okie, fine i know wat i am supposed to do? but it seems nothing solid
is coming out. okie i know it is only a month
BREATHE!!!!
sigh...i have to worry coz it is individual work
too much info running thru my head and i have no idea where to start
i am going to let it rest till wed b4 i continue on it
meanwhile i shall just concentrate on project which i have a quiz on friday
and refining
and i need to see a dentist soon....
RELACON.............
BREATHE!!!!!!!!
12:00 AM |
|
Monday, February 02, 2004
got to watch the last samurai.
think it is a great great show.
the script, pretty well-written and began to relish the words spoken
many seek the peace, only a few found it
continue to breath till ur destiny is revealed
too many minds, mind of tactics, mind of enemy, mind of sword
no mind, yes, no mind
sounds really like zen here.
anyway, it is...hahaha
u have ur honour by living, let me have mine by death
he was the white tiger he dreamt.
he was the prophecy.
he completed the last sentence of the destiny of the last samurai
he started and ended a war, becoz he knew he was protecting something he loves
he spared the life.
he communicated with his enemy.
he took his journal, before which he was his enemy
he took this advice, to defeat ur enemy, is to know ur enemy
they became frens, defending something of a destiny.
till the end, they fought and rode together.
till the end, they breathed and lived
i will miss our conversations
were u beside when it ended?
let me know how he died.
i would like u to know how he lived.
traditions were kept though it was a nation moving towards modernisation
till these days, bowing with respect still exists.
sometimes, within the changes of modernisation,
we are to remember our past.
those we laid our path.
and never forget them.
how apt
have u found that peace in u?
do u know wat peace are u looking for?
every breath is destined.
2:02 PM |
|
nothing is the word
emptiness begets everything
today was a very very rewarding day.
have got to know this guy, nic
sabrina's fren. he is abt 26 yrs old this yr
and he's a photographer and a wanderer.
was with ber sab and him, and we started toking abt life and love
he, being thru abit of life, got to know this greek girl, for abt 2 weeks
and got engaged, and maybe would marry her soon.
and he would be moving to NYC to continue his photography life
DREAMS -- tat was wat we were toking abt.
LOVE -- wat is it?
qouting him "have u heard of the song by savage garden? "i knew i loved u"? yeah, tat was how i felt
abt her (his financee). somehow, she was all along meant for me and i was meant for her
and i've found her. sometimes, u know wat u r looking for, and meanwhile, u are being moulded
for that person. when he/she comes along, the r'ship unlocks u, completes u and bring out the
best in u. he/she lives the dreams u have, wanna to continue ur life with him/her.
he/she is jsut the key to unlock tat."
and when i heard tat, i added this sentence in my head, remembering wat liwei said
"love sets u free."
all this while, i was listening to him tok. and i comtemplated
he was telling or more like, trying to "enlighten" ber abt wat things to look to
he said "this girl(sab) told me never to compromise, to always continue the search
for the best. never compromise, i did and i realised, tat wasnt wat i need and require.
it became a burden."
steph: this is so farmiliar hur? never got for the second bestm look for the dream love.
"there isnt a thing called love at first sight (for the guys). it is more like LUST AT FIRST SIGHT"
i totally agree. din tat happen to me?..muahahahhaa.....
"but it is thru communication do u realise how much abt the person, and toking abt dreams
make it all possible."
"and u know, things happened at the most UNEXPECTED time. and when it comes,
it just sweeps u off, though seem helpless, but it is wat it is meant to be,
and u know, u just gotta do it"
now i know how i trained my listening powers.
through all these, i realised wat he meant
and i see y i would love to go ard to listen to life experiences
it is better reading book, watching movies.
u see the sparkles in his eyes, his convicted tone,
his articulation and his stories, and feel it.
"must learn to have dreams. know urself, know ur dreams. they dun kill any1
and dare to dream. most of the inventions came from dreams. the so-called out of this world dreams"
and i remembered, Ford, is the one who came with the V8(i think) engine. when the engineers
told him it is impossible to make a plane engine into a car.
and in the end, his dream came true.
i am so glad, that i am slowly realising the tell-tale signs of enlightenment
the only way to set urself free, is to embrace it.
when u do wat is unavoidable, never dun even feel it as a chore,
u begin to realise, it is not just a responsibility, but more like,
becoz u r impt, u r needed and u have the capability to be involved
and the moment u r involved, u r to lead it to a destination,
then u know u r just walking the path.
finally, u slowly remove all blindness, n u will feel really free.
not all attachments are bad, and with attachments, u r free.
it is just a pair of wings, u need to have it, attached to u,
if not, how r u to soar?
thank u,
there are still many things out there for me to discover and experience
i dunno, but suddenly, i am beginning to come alive.
after being dormant for 2-3 yrs,
i see something burning.
i feel it burning.
something u know it makes u come alive again.
so many things i have learnt from many pple
alot alot
strangers' words seem like words of wisdom
u r then no longer a stranger.
12:00 AM |
|
Sunday, February 01, 2004
gosh hahaha
i am sooo broke
but looking thru the tics for F1 in indy?
i feel even more broke..
gosh...
general admission is already 32US$
orh to watch the race?
it is abt 127 US$
hahaha..abt 200 S$?
hahaha
see how...if i am there, and i feel rich...but since there, duh....
GOSH
wah lau motivation to go and
motivated to save more $
hahahhaa...
so scared all this tok abt going to usa is going down the drains
(AGAIN, n most prob for the 3rd f**king time...mind my language)
but this time, no way, i am fighting it out
though sometimes, we cant help it...but ah!..
i put my faith in heavens to be nice to me this time round
i wanna go travel
i wanna go and see my mdarling, whom i may not see till late of this yr
if i dun go visit him in usa
think abt it,
we barely spent 2 weeks together b4 he went off,
and we are going to be apart for hahahah....6 months at least??
and pple say long d is very hard to maintain
hahaha....keep it up dude and dudette.
keep in faith man.....
i still believe......
that i can pull the stunt of completing my project by 10th of june 2004
that i can go USA to find mdarling
that i can go and relax and maybe watch F1 USA
that i can go travel the way i have always wanted
that i can maintain a long d r'ship and ensure we are the 5%
and yesh
suddenly i am trying to complete all of them all at the same time
finally, a breakthru in my stagnant life
hahahahah....
this is going to be great
provided i can sleep tonight
no more thinking of project.
rest dudette!!!
1:21 AM |
|
i am so tired today
and tomolo i have to meet mgs frens, going mdarling's house to pass photos
to his parents.
wat else?
rest? study? finally finished my hw...at least i ahve completed something
at least my project is somehow, has a good direction.
but i am too tired to think it thru, and have decided to think it thru tomolo
but i am so determined to go USA
so i am aiming to complete bioleaching in 2 months
using 1 strand and convince my lecturer to let me use an old strand instead
and compare the literature. then use another month to complete the recovery
okie i will think tomolo
i am just brain dead
okie as wat my fren has said!
CLAP!CLAP!
i need selfmotivation.
pls grant me the strenght and perserverance to go on and do it well
alwyn: thanks for ur advice..wish u all the best for ur SEP application
hehe...even though i wont meet ya in NC but hey, maybe got chance we get to travel together!!!
haha...how abt that hurhur?...best of luck...
12:55 AM |
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
