for a world that doesnt exist
for a universe that stands still
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DAILY INSPIRATION:
this day, i pray
this day, i smile
this day, i wish u all the best!
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wat u want to abt me?
and why?
how much can u find out,
when i dun even know
who i am?
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Wednesday, March 31, 2004
hehe...reading alywn's blog
it is quite true
reminded me of tuesday w morrie u know
but then again...dunno lor
i think pple just walk blindly at some pt of time
i just formulated something for myself
hehe...can take a look at it
if i wanna think, i have to be rational.
wat's good for myself? wat's not?
wat do i want in the 1st place?
did i get it? if i din, so no pt, move on
if i do, but i am facing a problem, can i solve it?
if i can solve it, good, then try to approach it and not run away
if i cant solve it now, just treat it properly and then leave it there,
do other things first then maybe time will give me some enlightenment!
hrmm....gilbert said
u gotta go such soul searching abt urself.
i guess he is right since i am soo into such things,
abt myself, being in peace n stuff.
heehee....
now jodarling n i very excited abt USA trip end of the yr!
eheh..and u know..suddenly i feel sooooo pampered by afrum gor
hehehe....he is buying me prata for lunch tomolo!
*hugz* thanks...
11:47 PM |
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hehe....oh well
sometimes,
u know u just cant be bothered to say pple anymore
coz at that pt of time, pple just tend to be very defensive and stuff
nothing gets into the head
then ended up, if cant control, start to scream and throw tantrum
then err wat ah?..orhorh...threaten this and tat
usu, just let it rest and tok abt it the next time round
as a pointer not anything else
hehehe..but who cares?!?!?!
i cant wait for this friday to come...
hehehe...
okieokie..i am getting alittle kan cheong abt exams...DIE
hehe..watever...
suddenly see more things..
qouting from andy buddy,
life is a learning process, u learn u grow.
hahah..adding another sentence to it
if u dun learn, u dun grow,
then u will be excluded, really..
heehee...
cheers darling and dearie...
u know wat i mean...*winkz*
it is jsut getting better doesnt it,
coz we arent stuck in it anymore.
we move up and on!
*hugz*
11:33 PM |
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heehee
jodarling: it is back to the same again
everytime anything happens, will happen to both of us at the same time
hehehe...no worries, when u r ready, i am sure i am ready to go elope
haha...as we have always said mah!!!=o)
afterall wat are best frens for hur?
*hugz*
finally, settled alot of things.
felt so much lighter after saying sorry to my parents
kept it for so long...and as usu, i will do things all at one go one!
hahaha..
oh well, now saying sorry is one thing, the major thing is to come
is to do it. meaning, u know, adjust it and ensure i am to do something
guess the first step is done, the rest just gotta do the dos...heehee..
somehow, i know my dad loves me alot alot.
he cares alot to ask me how come?
and i actually felt he knew i was, and i know
he felt something in a way.
it is in his eyes u know.
i am thankful for a such a loving dad
u know, he was the one to sense who was it,
to ask how come
to seem to have those tears in his eyes
tat's y i promise myself, i am to fulfil his dream in a way
i will, and i am still on my way there la..no $$$ yet
heehee..hopefully i still have the time....
pls....i dun mind shortening a few yrs of my life to bid for tat time
pls...really...take my word for it....
but i guess, nothing beats me being happy and having some1 to take
care of me...(hahah...they said it themselves one....to me and er jie?)
*roll eyes*
tat would be only comfort for him, really.
now, it is exams and FYP!!!!!!!
cant wait for friday to come.....SALSA!!
1:04 AM |
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Tuesday, March 30, 2004
i am single and available again!
*winkz*
somehow, yeahyeah...it seems tat watever i said here
seems like i am a big knowall *staring at lijie* hahaha
nope i dun blame u at all...=oP
coz i feel it tat way too...BUT
coz it is just my experience, my feelings
and the only difference from me and the some,
is that i am voicing them all out.
a pinch of salt anyway
take it or leave it.
coz when u understand the bigger picture,
coz when u try to understand the stands, and
feel it, it doesnt hurt anymore
coz there's nothing for u to harp over anyway.
and u learn to let go.
haha....
cheers to my own rationality, which came back FINALLY!
phew!
10:01 PM |
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Monday, March 29, 2004
it is so queer that i realised something...it is the same all over again
but the attitude and situations have changed
but i guess it is just very interesting and hahaha, i had a good luff over
everything
hahah
somehow, it showed alot of things
was telling dearie and darling,
u know when u r put into a situation,
the way guys think and focus on is VERY DIFFERENT
from how girls look at things...
so in the end, when girls think too much, get themselves upset
in the end, it is ptless....then when guys tend not to think abt it
they just leave it aside first till they feel like they can deal w it
dunno....now i am feeling like the guy
really..zen...
it is like everyday u wake up to a new day,
u tell urself, let everything flow
settle things u know u can deal w first
and those that need to be dealt w first
then slowly, one by one, things would set into place
no pt thinking of something tat hasnt happened or wont happen yet?
it is like, by thinking would not change much? maybe just ur mood
so wat's the pt?
u dun have to feel happy to be good
u can be good to feel happy.
so i just have to think everything will be fine and be good
then naturally, i will feel happy
it comes from within
and when u change the way u react to things,
u realise everything doesnt matter that much
hrmm
i wonder how long this will last
but now, to stick to my mentality
i shant think how long it will last
as long as i maintain it, it will go as far as i can bring it
=o)
BREATHE
there comes the thunder symphony again...
4:53 PM |
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Sunday, March 28, 2004
this is definitely something very touching..
just got to watch darren lim and evelyn tan's wedding clips
u know, girls out there,
when u r to find a man, ensure he loves u as much as he can
when darren opened the door to receive his bride
he stood at the door and gasped, and cried when he saw his bride
he cried when they exchanged words of love
he cried when he saw his bride walking down the aisle
from the way he looks at evelyn into her eyes,
we just knew how much he really loves and cherishs her
u know, it can be seen, felt.
and all of us can see it
goodness.....
hahaha...as we all said, she is sure lucky
and definitely a happy lady
wish them all the best
coz they have gone thru SHIT for 6 yrs
and it is a known fact.
he has to do alot alot alot to convince her parents n family
to like him.
hell, of coz, when u fought so hard for something,
when u have it, u will cherish it like u never know hell.
u gotta cherish it dun u?
one is o levels one is a graduate...
so who says this matters?
gosh.....ke4 ku3 ming2 xin1
gosh, jodarling: isnt it touching?
though i din even tear, my da jie cried
and both of us totally agreed that man really really loves her
(more than the girl does)u see it from his eyes...and the way he kisses her
and cares abt her. imagine he did the house up???...gosh
darren is the emotional one, and the chi qing one.
hahaha....
good in a way for chi qing la...
depends i guess.
but u know, even hahaha....michelle xie was like
"next time i get married must get this guy who is like him"
hahah...darren lim spoils all the markets for alot of guys liao
hahahahaha
so girls, dun let such guys go.
ensure they love u like u r the only woman they will love.
and go thru the hardships, happiness together,
then u know watever u have fought for is all worth it
a love tested again and again by time
is a love tat can never be broken down.
inspiring!
so girls, dun despair!
yeah u do meet bastards, but hey, i am sure u pple will find TAT man
no worries...
=o)
haha...y are we toking abt marriages?
coz it is worth a mention,
better than some who just treat it like a contract
hahaha...
hopefully they can live happily ever after
god bless! (since they are christians?)
9:21 PM |
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supposed to blog something? but i have nothing to say actually
err...
everything is transient.
u sleep, study, sleep study
and life goes on.
nothing seems to matter?
dunno.. this kind of zen is rather restropectively interesting
coz even the whole world turns its back on me now,
i am least affected.
we shall see how long this zen can last.
hahha...live for the moment??
and nothing is for certain???
so?
just be,
me
remembered something i wanna to post while mugging in school
sometimes, it is so true the humans are always crazy
u do things tat u regret later or u commit mistakes that u wish u din
but it is okie i guess, u r forgiven, if u learn to forgive urself
wat's more to ask when u r able to forgive urself?
sometimes, the heart yearns for stability, the mind a sense of peace
however, most of the time u dun get wat u wish for.
becoz of tat kind of expectations, personally, onto others.
u cant take things for granted all the time.
things dun stay the way they are all the time
u dun expect pple to understand all the time
u cant assume pple will know it all the time
humans are only human
if u cant understand, cant guess, cant read pple's minds
y do u expect others to do the same onto u?
guess, every now and then, u get to see the bigger picture
get the word right, bigger and not biggest.
which means, the picture gets bigger and bigger, and there isnt an end
so thus, never assume tat pple know, and get urself so upset over things
tat seem to be there and yet not.
nothing is for sure, so are ur gut feelings, ur emotions
ur hunches.
guess, as time goes by, u will learn things may happen for a reason
may not happen for a reason.
but u will never know till u have get over that thing and done with.
so while u r at it, just learn to breathe be alittle patient
be alittle curious be alittle inquisitive be alittle zen.
but a balance is never reached.
it is indeed the imperfections of this world,
makes the world goes round.
how often do u allow urself to commit the same mistake again and again
is it more than once bitten twice shy
or just leopards will never change their spots?
reflections of life can be only done when u know actually will get nothing out from it
then it will impact ur life.
coz u know, all talk can be just words
reading too much in wat life can bring can be boring yet danagerous
not reading it only make u too cold to feel for it.
how much have u read into ur own life?
how much do u let things flow in and out of ur system?
how often do u bother to think?
how often do u bother to understand urself?
how often do u tell urself everything will straighten out when the time comes?
how can one learn the ropes to a better tomolo?
u can understand a situation not being in it,
but tat's when u only understand how a bystander sees things
u can understand a situation while being in it,
but tat's when u can never draw urself out to see a bigger picture
guess wat?
tat's life
and i am not expecting this post to give any enlightenment to any1
to myself nor am i looking for an answer to many questions
coz i know, i am just writing down thots.
and watever outcome it seems to have,
it is just one side of a thing.
enjoy the next breathe
lyrics uploaded
5:55 PM |
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Saturday, March 27, 2004
i had a great time toking to christina, really...she enjoyed it too
i am glad really...and she went "hey, if u r really coming in USA in dec
tell me!!...come find me or i will find ya too!!...let's go skiing!!!"
heehee...dunno i told her, everytime i set to do something, somehow
along the way, something jsut screwed it up!!
then i said, the thing tat is be b/w me and my dreams is myself
and she was like...aiyoh!!!....and she refused to let me die in a car crash...
dunno, did have a heart to heart talk, and she was like,
"girl, i also dun always have a great time, but i do appreciate the times i have
maybe u do need a break out of alot of things. u need a good massage
and a goood sleep....ahhh"
and we started to check out the cheaper and good massage places...
waiting for her to come back fomr taiwan and after my exams
we will go clubbing and go massage!!!....and haha...hopefully she can get her
job in edb...so tat she will be back in summer...cant wait!!!
maybe while i am in USA, i will check out the stuff abt masters degree over there
hrmm.....
and gosh...stupid brightass is chekcing out stuff abt USA again...
ahaha....yeahyeah...i also wanna go chicago!!!....pokepoke..
okieokie..i will try to push my IA....
i need to ski...hahahaha
dunno....i told her something,
ever since life out of acjc, the feeling of tat emptiness is pretty overwhelming
i dunno if every1 has that feeling, bet alot do, it is this weird weird kind of emptiness
somewat seems like loneliness, yet not really, that is occupying me, a huge part of me
sometimes it gets pretty huge tat it turns ugly and then i will feel depressed.
dunno....queer....n i have yet to settle tat feeling...
haha...she insisted i should watch sex and the city...she said it will suit me
i will i will...ooi...who has it ah??..i know siong has..but that belongs to his gf leh
hahaha...
time really flies hur. exams in 2.5 weeks for me and within 3 weeks will be over.
this sem flew way too fast. and i have no idea y.
time is slipping away
at an acceleration rate.
and i fumbled even more just to catch it
then i realised, i can never catch up w it.
i have to set my own pace against me
where's my 1st step?
on a lighter note...hahaha...yesterday was watching this doc on sex education in singapore
hahaha..i have a good good luff..
really..
principal of SJI said
"when in the past, we told the boys, when the girl says no, respect her and be a gentleman
and stop all sexual advances....then these boys came back and told me
hey u said we have to be gentlemen, we advanced then suddenly stopped coz we tot
the girl would say no, but NO!..the girl said "R U A MAN??""
hahaha...the guys' manlihood is being challenged
so wat does it tell ya?
yeah, sex and sexuality has turned its table in a different direction
it is not longer just guys pressing for sex, but girls too
and i will always never forget tat day when i DD on some1
and i told jo "gosh...wat a turn off...y must he suddenly remove his hands off my thighs?"
u think we are being bitchy, hell yeah, we are. but we arent sluts.
mind u and pls dun give us looks, coz we are in control of our sex and sexuality
we can say no we can say yes, we can say wat we want and have wat we want too
this world no longer belongs to the men only.
hahaha....corny hur?
maybe it is indeed a blessing in disguise that i never get to study in USA
coz if i do, i would end up wild? slutty? but then again, i know i wont
coz i have my wild side and yet, under control.
so i guess, it is so weird how sex and virginity are being overrated
not say it isnt sacred anymore, i still think it is
but sex or u would like to be less crude, love making
is the bond of 2 pple.
and maybe the possibility to procreate.
virginity is the willingness of giving some1 u think u can trust.
so is sex.
but u think, i am wild yet old fashioned?
nope, coz i dun wish pple to take sex as something to be done
out of curiosity, out of pure fun. esp to girls.
as for men, err..it is 2 mins and shoot. done
nothing much i guess...
so pure fun sex is to satisfy ur personal sexual desires??
then let me say something,
U CAN HAVE A BETTER CONTROL OVER TAT
just like anything else....
then again, once there, u would be bored.
hrmm
so pt being?
just like this post,
it is ptless.
everything is indeed ptless
heehee
8:54 PM |
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Friday, March 26, 2004
Sex n e city quiz
Sex and the City: The Four Women, the Four Elements
Your results are based on the four Elements of Astrology: Fire, Earth, Air and Water.
Each Element has its own set of characteristics, and each of us displays some combination thereof,
usually with a focus on one or two. Samantha, Miranda, Carrie and Charlotte each personify
one of the Elements and its basic traits. Which Elements most strongly influence you?
Note: Scores are rounded to one decimal place and therefore may not total 100%
You scored 40% Samantha
You identify with Samantha's bold and liberated Fire Sign qualities, characteristics associated
with the Signs of Aries, Leo and Sagittarius. You're strong, audacious and larger than life --
and you take what you want! Sometimes you can even be thoughtless and selfish, as you
get so caught up in craving immediate gratification and excitement that you overlook someone's
feelings. Your personal style likely reflects your desires: sleek, low-cut, revealing just a bit more
than might be considered acceptable. Watch that you're not coming on too strong, though.
You could scare potential suitors off with all your drama. If you seek so much attention, the more
basic qualities of the Fire Signs could be burned right out of the picture. Show less skin or cleavage
and more of your creativity, your vibrant leadership skills and courageous generosity!
You scored 30% Carrie
Your answers peg you as a Carrie-type, much influenced by the Air Sign qualities associated with
Gemini, Libra and Aquarius. Like confident Carrie, a sex columnist, you're curious and perceptive,
always seeking answers and never satisfied with the superficial. An Air Sign influence can lead
to indecision and an avoidance of tough issues, like with Carrie and her on-again, off-again
attachment to Mr. Big. Forward-thinking, incredibly intelligent and witty, you just exude
quirky charm. You'd be utterly bored by someone who's just a pretty face or hot body --
though you don't mind looking and flirting! You're more turned on by an equally smart and
funny mate, someone who challenges your mind and makes you laugh. You love to talk,
so you need a good listener who's open to playful and eccentric ideas about love and lovemaking.
You scored 20% Miranda
You chose many of the same answers that Earth Sign-like Miranda, the cynical but pragmatic lawyer,
might have chosen. Just like Miranda's had a tough time deciding whether to give in to the
affections of Steve the Bartender, you don't give your heart up to just anyone. Miranda shies
away from a relationship with Steve because he's 'just' a bartender, not something more
conventionally ambitious or stable. Those with powerful Earth Sign qualities --
characteristics associated with Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn -- are cautious in love and seek
stability and status over nearly anything else. Earth Signs provide a steady, realistic attitude
and they can bring order out of chaos. A little-known Earth Sign fact: Incredibly sensual,
you seethe beneath that smart, expensive business suit of yours, yearning for intimacy but
hesitant to give up your material needs, your career ambitions or your responsibilities for
a passionate moment that might not turn out the way you'd hope.
You scored 10% Charlotte
A romantic at heart, you chose the answers that demure Charlotte may have chosen.
Strongly influenced by the intuitive, profound and sometimes na�ve Water Signs --
Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces -- you're like a mother, a mystery and a poet all in one.
Though on the surface you may seem innocent and all about seeking the good in people,
beneath the surface, you hide secret yearnings for intimacy, for attachment and ideal love.
You're seeking a knight in shining armor, a soul mate, someone who will complete you and
tether you to the earth when you get carried away with your fantasies. You're super-sensitive,
soaking up the moods of others; you emote freely, crying at commercials and sappy movies.
You also provide a shoulder to cry on and open arms for hugs. Be careful that you're not
so wide-eyed and trusting that you get taken in by some cunning wolf in sheep's clothing.
hey i thot i was more of CARRIE than anything...
hrmmmmm
10:28 PM |
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okieokie...yeshyesh...my blog has been quiet for 4 days...and pple r "complaining"
but not as if my blog is TAT INTERESTING???
duh....anyway.....err....tok wat? oh okie....start w christina choi is back
meeting her for lunch tomolo!..hahaha....not bad...my gal fren is back
i totally forgot abt it...sorry, i have dory's memory...though not tat bad...i hope
busy busy, with lab and stuff..errr...wat else? exams in 2.5 weeks time and
i havent started revision yet...so yeah, sue me for tat.
going to mug soon i hope...DIE....
salsa was really HOT...sauna in the mpsh and jo admitted
paps is cute...with a very nice smile....and ahahha...again
he is _______.... wat's w guy being ________?
goodness knows wat?....sheesh...sooner or later
we are going to become ______ too??
hahaha
lily said "u dance very well!!..but now u just gotta do the hands, feminine!
and get ur foot work straight......."
and was..haha..okie....sounding like a penhen now..but yeah
chan said i looked good!!!...hahaha...okie he means my dressing
wat else? *winkz*
NUS pple!!!
hear ye hear ye, the summer salsa class would start in may/june
4 weeks, twice a week...
hehehe...and i am supposed to spread the word..
haha...details will come by next week i think...
busybusybusy....and lastly
think i might try to push my IA fwd so maybe i would go USA
with jo in dec to ski....
3 weeks dear..coz their exams usu end in mid dec...so we go ard USA
first on our own first?...=o)
SKI...gosh..i never see snow in my life and i am going to ski...
would this be another dream that will never come true??
and i can imagine wat alwyn(tan) will blabber again....
okie so satisfied reading my life??
*looking at shaowei and dearie*
u 2, so far, i know are having withdrawal syndrome....
*roll eyes*
anyway dearie: no worries abt tomolo...will be fine, i can sense it
jodarling:jiayou with the car....hope ur car will be good..=o)
8:19 PM |
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Tuesday, March 23, 2004
i am having this splitting headache.
and i am mumbling every now and then
i am shivering in this LT
goodness......
11:54 AM |
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joke of the monday yet again
i have done it.....
hahahaha
S:ni hao?
H:hapo
S: heh??
H:i mean hao....heehee
S: orhh..i thot wat kind of language is tat
H:err..."typo error language?"
MUAHAHAHA
goodness...am i not getting good at this...
at this rate, i can go be a joker...
then the song plays on....with me juggling balls
with the red nose....
dadadada
damn i dunno how to sing it here.....or la
or da or the or...WATEVER!...
*narrowing eyes*
12:40 AM |
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Monday, March 22, 2004
let me qoute u something tat i have learnt
"since the problem started w u, y din u solve it?"
my answer to tat question
"coz sometimes, u r just lost and u dunno how or wat to do?"
it is so queer
when i need help, who helps me?
and all pple say is, u created it, u solve it
where do i seek that solace
i need guidance too.
wat's the pt?
it hurts so much when coincidences happened
coz they seem to be telling u something again
okie forget it.
i can offer as much as help to others
there's so much i can do anyway
but i wont expect pple to help me anyway.
no 1 knows the seriousness of the problem till some1 voices out
otherwise, every1 is just assuming here and there.
yeah, tat's called assumptions, and expeatations.
and u know
it is also known as MISCOMMUNICATION
i am that kind of failure too
shall be that 40 yr old lady in the show
who said tat to herself in the mirror
"i am an abandoned lady"
I AM A FAILURE IN LIFE
BUT I WILL BE STRONG.
think i am seeking solace in the sky and trees tomolo
then i will go school to seek peace to study and finish my project
too many things at hand to ask me to solve
i dun have time
coz i know i may not be able to solve them the next time.
i dun blame any1 anymore.
dunno y.
and i should also stop hanging myself
dunno how much longer can i be tat strong
or how long i can hold fast?
u know i feel like throwing in the white flag?
i am really really really tired.
i am really tired.
but i know i have to finish off unfinished businesses
so many
so many
BREATHE
and i just read dearie's blog
thank god.
and i really love it.
qouting from her
*winkz*
God delivers some hope when i m at my darkest moments.
yesterday was my darkest moment.
i tot i had fallen into nv ending misery.
but it's just been the exact opposite.
i shld feel free.
and i will... scums are nt allowed to take things tt rightly belong to me away
all i needed was the truth.
i guess all of us needed answers and the truths
but meanwhile, just live life.
yeah,
i am trying to let it go.
really gotta let it go
no more brooding.
no more troubling myself
no pt
no pt
11:16 PM |
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watched 20,30,40
great show and felt maybe i was a little luckier
then again, jo and i had alot of good luffs here and there
hahahahaha
conclusions:
40 yr old females, dun get young males who have tons of energy.
u will die on the bed while the guy fucks u...serious!
30 yr old females, pls dun get a few men ard u and pls dun hang onto
men who are younger and immature at ur level of intelligence.
and pls, if the guy u love, got married and now he still holds on to u
becoz u said no strings attached?...pls la....err....dun bother...
20 yr old females, hahaha...err..pls dun be lesbians. no need la
all i know is, women can be good.
i mean we are all humans
we need to be loved, need to be cared for, need a person to hug
and tell us it is all right.
but i guess, when it comes, it will la....meanwhile, err...
haha...live ur OWN life.
till another person comes who is willing to u know
and u r willing....so yeah...
relax
heehee....am i toking nonsense?..but yeah i am not la
suddenly, hahaha...ZEN
orhorh....
dearie: hahaha....just let things be la...guess, let it be....
"u can control urself from loving others, but u cant control others to love u"
hahaha
yeah tat's y i always say
shrugs.
hahahaha....okie..
time to clear up some loose ends.........
=o)
and yeah..i always wake up after 5 hrs of sleep...
HELP...
my eyes are really like panda...ahahahaha
9:57 PM |
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finally i think i have managed to sit down and think properly
thanks to gilbert.
hahaha...finally got abit of insight
emotion vs rationality
it is something tat i have been struggling for yrs
sort of it is just a hole that i cant allow myself to jump in
i have a flaw in my personality
and it has coz me not able to let things go, and making myself miserable
thinking abt it, it is a vicous cycle that has caused me all the misery
i have now. no matter wat, i just cun let things go
now i think i have slowly thot things thru
i seriously need to learn to do some soul searching and let things be
if things cant sort things out by now, guess it is so true
to leave things be as it is and detach for it.
i have no idea y, but i am not to escape, but still can move on
coz many things just leave them as they are,
time will do more.
zen.
if 1 thing cant move on, i can move on.
hahaha...nothing can stop me, except me
wat an insight.
i mean i finally see something and got a guidance
thank you.
hopefully i can jump out of the cycle.
it is going to be very hard very hard.
but i will try.
i am facing a flaw, tat belongs to me
i gotta search for the confidence i have for other things
and let me face it with tat same level of confidence.
i have my stand in life.
i do know wat i want, wat i need.
but doesnt mean i cant be flexible
guess, i am no longer looking for answers
looking for things
no pt.
since i know wat i do require,
i am not going to let other things, other situations
other pple hold me back.
*hugz*
no pt being troubled.
really no pt
no more bringing upon myself.
no more.
9:48 PM |
|
Sunday, March 21, 2004
i am really tired, and i have to finish....i think i will do it tomolo
i am having a terrible headache.....i bet it must be the tv and
the inability to take my afternoon nap
pls, i dun wish to fall sick.....
pls
not now....
haha...but love actually uncensored part was pretty corny
but i like the part on the porn actor n actress.
they just chatted and stuff u know on weather, news and stuff
while they were doing stuff like,
the guy massaging the girl's breasts then the girl giving him a fake
blow job....heh?...hahaha...but it was the conversation they held was
really cool
they fell in love hahaa...but the guy was pretty cute in a way
while the girl was pretending to be giving him a blowjob for the scene,
he went "err...i am abit shy of such things, but yeah, r u free for
christmas dinner?"
hahaha....cute...hahahaha.....
gosh..in the end they ended up together.
this show brought back alot of memories, i remembered watching
w sabrina?....think it was cute....
hahaha....
i love the start of the movie
"when 911 happened, on the plane, pple werent messaging words of hate or
revenge, but words of love. then i realised love actually is all around"
hahaha..and yun has his nick on msn as
������ͷ��Ȼֱ
yeah...
hopefully dearie will be strong yeah?
we have to be stronger than ever
we cant be defeated just like this
no way yeah?
i know it is always nice to have some1 special
to walk the path w u, though u cant find the hand beside u yet
but i am so sure that u will find him as time comes by
really.
just remember the good days tat will come.
believe and keep in faith.
tat's how human stay alive.
for tat hope
for tat miracle.
so dun give up yet k?
*hugz*
love actually is all around.
lyrics uploaded
sigh...i think i am going to be worse than ever!!!!....
dun want leh...but
i think i really brought it upon myself....
gosh....scaring leh...
11:04 PM |
|
aiyoh...just away from my hp and i have 2 missed calls?
hahaha...
ouch...dunno who also...heck it then
heheh...watching 203040....lalala
shaowei:hehe...hope u like the present.....heehee....
but the movies u burnt...got abit of problems.....
aiyah!!!!
hehe..but i shall just scan for the love actually uncensored part
woohoo....
2:43 PM |
|
haha..okie i admitted i did sleep early...after reading my book
and writing my red journal (after 4 mths) on my sister bed
in the air con condition, with my little "radio" blasting..
i kena woke up at 6am again, coz i felt sooo cold...
then again, who told me not to wear pyjamas?
only shirt and shorts....=oP
suddenly, i see something when i woke up.
i think i am qouting CEO of NYDC
"i have no ambition for my family, but just want them to be HAPPY"
u know, tat's the biggest ambition tat one can ever have.
it is never easy. NEVER
but u know,
it can be felt n done?
i know my parents are sort of enjoying their retirement life.
and now, at this time they are at ghim moh having that weekly sunday
breakfast with their frens!....
my dajie and jie fu, are so proud of their son, jervis.
they would smile every min, when jervis tries to do something new.
u can sense that kind of happiness.
my er jie, though she seems stressed up,
but she sure has a fair share of fun and joy in USA
hehe....esp when she went that photo she took while chatting w stitch
hahaha...
i guess, he is right, maybe he meant, it doesnt have to be ambition to be happy
u just have to be together.
and now, i am searching for my little dosage of joy and happiness!
time to go to lab...hahahha..wah lau..i have better things to be happy than lab?
but u know, it does keep me focus.
the joys for the day:
F1, m'sia grand prix.
a bug's life, the movie.
hahahaha.....
i am here to steal alittle joy from the world
haha...hopefully i can sleep well tonight ....damn.
coz monday..i have no school!!!! no piano!!!!..
DARN..no car to use again......
*poutz*
9:24 AM |
|
Saturday, March 20, 2004
sometimes, just sometimes, wat's so great abt anything n everything?
feeling very tired. i need my heart n mind in peace!
if i've nothing then y am i still so troubled?
guess, i'm juz holding onto something that isnt there at all.
walking out in tat bright sunny day, with just those slight breeze,
rushing across, turn ard, look up at tat blue hemisphere,
white clouds jostling,
i told myself,let out all ur troubles, ur unhappiness.
let the unlimited blue, host them.
u cant hold them all in that small shell.
it is too much to bear.
oh hehe....i think i am just going to sleep early today.
just think everything is just in a whirlpool
tried very hard to study again.
hahahaha.....
oh well..maybe i sohuld just study tomolo after F1
then can watch a bug's life...hahahaha
i am placing faith in myself and the things i am doing
though i know i am not reaping wat i wish to have
but tat's okie, i tell myself
i have given my best shot.
i have already outdo myself in some ways.
guess it is just another bad luck.
maybe i should not have cared so much
then i wont be sooo upset.
let things be...
and damn going back to lab tomolo...
hahahha....WITH NO CAR!
DAMN.......
ahaha
sometimes i think i am back to the original pt again
sheesh...gilbert is right....i am going round in circles
hahah...how do i get out of it?
i really dunno....oh well.....
i dun believe, this will go on
no way......sheesh....
how to break out of it?
heavens....help ah........
lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala
i miss salsa.....
9:23 PM |
|
i believe i can fly
i believe i can touch the sky
i think abt it every nite and day
i wish i could fly away!
hahah..i really have touched the sky u know
really
every day and nite
in every daydream and every sweet dream
and best of all
i have even been out to space!
y?
coz i am always spaced out ever now and then
MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
12:58 AM |
|
Friday, March 19, 2004
guess there's something i can look forward to after exams
i am going to pangkor!!!!!!.....
hehehe...free accomodation and to think back
kel, jo and i WANTED to go isnt it?
hahaha
oh well...
heck it la.
it would be cheap and i dun mind
though i wish i can go overseas alone, but i guess, going w CN3
can be really good too...y not?
not say i am settling for the 2nd best...hahah..i am still planning..
but yeah, can go free and easy. a good start for a longer journey.
and hey BRIGHTASS.....hehe..maybe i will go find ya in dec hurhur???
hrmmm..if my IA ends in 18/12..Y NOT? next day i siam la!
jodarling....we can go err...find hian kai and then i can see my snowwww
hehehe...congrats!!!...wah lau..north carolina...tat's where clay aiken
came from!..hahaha...u must be really really happy!
think my buddy should be able to go for his overseas IA too...
wah...not bad...pple ard me getting very very lucky and hehehe...
hope i can take some of their luck n add onto mine leh!
hahaha.....
hrmm...right......hahahahahahah
reading a gal fren's blog, guess she is stressed....just met her on the
streets just now and yeah though haha...felt something was wrong but then
anywhere, she is in really interesting shit.
but then again, guess tat's way life is and yeah
i know she is a very tough and strong girl
like i always have known her, and knew how alike we could be
then again, i know she can pull it thru. she has that capability
all the best my girl.
somehow, i dunno...i really dunno....I REALLY DUNNO!!!!!
i look left, right, up n down!..i dunno really dunno
suddenly, i see nothing ....
really nothing....
blank
emptiness
void
*breatheless*
and i am quite astonished at myself too...
i am definitely not in good mood,
coz i am really on the verge of blanking out.
yet i am rising to help others,
but maybe in the wrong way though...
maybe i am really a humanitarian.
and in the end, i am really nothing.
hahahaha.....
zilch.....
i should stop belittling myself.....hahahaha..
I AM GOOD U KNOW!
heehee
okie it shows i need to bathe and relac...and breathe
maybe i am wrong.
so wrong...
sheesh....WAT THE HECK AM I TOKING ABT?
*shrugs...*
just nonsense.
11:00 PM |
|
hey girl
life's a bitch,
but hey girl, that's e way it is.
pple are bastards and bitches,
but hey girl, that's only being human.
in and out problems, tat come like waves,
is very unbearable,
but hey girl, tat's e only way to learn.
some things only come once, n sometimes,
they slipped away,
but hey girl, tat's e way to see others.
u heal to get hurt again, u stand up to fall again,
but hey girl, tat's how u know u've moved on.
this life is 1 big mystery,
but hey girl, u gottta believe.
hey girl, till u find ur path, u still have me.
10:20 PM |
|
Thursday, March 18, 2004
Solitaire
(clay aiken)
There was a man, a lonely man
Who lost his love, thru his indifference
A heart that cared that went unshared
Until it died within his silence
And solitaire is the only game in town
And every road that takes him, takes him down
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing solitaire
And keeping to himself, begins to deal
And still the king of hearts is well concealed
Another losing games comes to an end
And deals them out again
A little hope goes up in smoke
Just how it goes, goes without saying
There was a man, a lonely man
Who would command the hand he's playing
And solitaire is the only game in town
And every road that takes him, takes him down
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing solitaire
And keeping to himself, begins to deal
And still the king of hearts is well concealed
Another losing games comes to an end
And deals them out again
And solitaire is the only game in town
And every road that takes him, takes him down
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing solitaire
u knw jodarling, this is so true hur?...
i dunno, when clay was performing on AMI just now
i cried. he sang really really really well..
it felt so soothing, like some1 reaching out to touch u and say
"it's okie, u know, u r not alone"
hahah..dunno y?...guess, tat's the power of singing and music
it is something tat will relate to u every now and then, every then
it is very beautiful.
but this song only reminds me to read the book once again
solitarie mystery...beautiful!
11:27 PM |
|
Try
(Nelly Furtado)
All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn x2 the more I cry x2
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try
All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be x2
And that's wonderful, and that's life
that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love
surprised to see me placing thing here
and she isnt one of my fav singers
but i love this song...it is really beautiful
hahaha...things that have passed,
we try to go back and make them last.
oh gosh..hahaha....it suits the theme of the month...
8:44 PM |
|
jodarling: hahaha..i am NOT surprised....so girl..u gotta just get ur salsa right
then u can dance the nite away w alfred...so yeah..when he comes
u can go and salsa w him...hahahahhaa...no worries...i can imagine it happening
hahaha....HOT, SWEATY, SPARK FLYINH ALL AROUND THE DANCE FLOOR
HAHAHA
oh well...today is really really like a sauna...i am feeling tired yet when i
actually got home to zzz...yeah for once i am home at 3pm...i cun sleep
i lay in bed, toking to myself, my very private moments i ever have in 24 hrs
is when i am in bed, toking to nothing but myself, my imaginary fren and my bolster
hahaha.....freaky?...too bad...tat's me...I LOVE TOKING TO MYSELF
ESP WHEN I AM ALONE IN A ROOM AND STUFF....
hahahahahha.....
so SUE ME LA!
now i can imagine how much thots, emotions, enlightenments went into the bed
the pillows the mattress, the bolster, the blankets
just like when u r a baby, ur loved ones would rock u to bed, in ur cradle
or sarong. the comfort of the bed with a voice ringing in ur ears,
tells ya u r loved, cared for.
i guess, every1 is once a baby, always a baby!
hahaha....
it is such a pity, it is such a waste
but it is all the same anyway.
guess it will survive as it has survived thus far.
only the time when last breath is taken,
all thots are expelled into the universe,
and never back again.
5:54 PM |
|
gosh
this time, american idol is in big big big trouble
alot of them really have damn good voice
i have to agree w simon abt the red head
he is really DIFFERENT, but like next michal buble?
fantasisa is abit like macy gary?
jasmine, interesting voice from hawaiian
and the #12, 16 yr old with such voice...i am shocked!
oh well
gosh..i can tell ya who is leaving
the bulagarian girl
hahaha
oh well...tomolo got clay aiken!
and plspls remind me watch a bug's life on sunday 730pm!!!!
HEEHEE...i love TAT SHOW
hehehe..somehow i realised...alot of pple like to whine to me online leh
hahaha....
hrmm
really should set up an agency and hotline..
hahahaha
relacon is in.
did u make any appointment?
12:07 AM |
|
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
aries
taurus
gemini
cancer
leo
virgo
libra
scorpio
sagittarius
capricorn
aquarius
pieces
for those who dun understand chinese...cant help u
but it is abit of a chore to read the words....cant stand the fonts
10:20 PM |
|
i dun mean u to disregard every rule of ur community
i dun go ard naked for eg
i dun run thru red lights
the little things i can obey but the big things-how we think,
wat we value, those u must choose urself
u cant let any1 or any society determine those for u
no matter where u will be, the biggest defect we human beings have
is our short sightedness. we dun see wat we could be,
we should be looking at our potential, stretching ourselves into everything
tat we can become.
but if u r surrounded by pple who say "i want mine now"
u end up w a few pple w everything and the military to keep the poor ones
from rising up and stealing it
i know it hurts when u cant be w some1 u love, but u need to be at peace
w his desires. maybe he doesnt want u interrupting ur life
maybe he cant deal with that burden
there is no formula to any relationships, they have to be negotiated in loving ways,
with room for both parties, what they want and what they need,
what they can do and what their life can be like
in business, people negotiate to win. They negotiate to get what they want.
maybe you are too used to that. love is different.
love is when you are as concerned about someone else's situation
as you are about your own.
you've had these special times with with your brother,
and you no longer have what you had with him.
you want them back. you never want them to stop.
but that's part of being human. stop, renew, stop, renew.
u will find ur way back to ur brother.
how do u know
you found me, havent u?
it is beautiful, isnt it?
hahahaha.....
met up yanxu, kel, jo and the feeling seems soo good
i smsed jo saying,
"after exams, we must organise a get together, right in ACJC, void deck!
playing bridge, tok cock sing song"
though the settings, the attitude and pple are so different
but somethings just dun change: the memories, the times we always have had.
4:33 PM |
|
i am so bored!!!!
sigh
hahaha...my counter has finally hit 3000
wonder who is that person!!??
can tell me?
hahahha
drop a tag leh
hehehehe
HAI~~~~~~~~~~~~~
so sian so sian so sian so sian
quick i need amusement!!!
3:38 PM |
|
heard this over the radio today
on the topic if women should take up national serivce
f: this sms is really funny......
"yeah of coz, coz 1 PMSing woman = 10 angry men
so it is more efficient and effective!!!!"
hhahahaha...
f:y shouldnt women?
m:coz since caveman's times, men always have that protective instinct for women
so imagine if a female soldier dies in a platoon, the morale will drop to the lowest!!
coz men would feel they cun not protect tat woman!!!
f: if so, y do men go round breaking women's hearts???"
m: ...
hahahaha...
let me tell ya y,
coz
men only protect the BODY, not her heart!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
12:20 AM |
|
did i ever say how gooooooooooddddd fresh milk is?
hahahaha
oh well
guess i am too tired and lack of focus now
coz i just finished this test...(1 stupid careless mistake!!!!)
dunno
i am feeling very very very very tired
pls let me get by this week fine....i dun ask for much
just fine.....
i shall look fwd to weekends when maybe i can meet the void deckers
and watch F1
plsplspls......
told dearie: all bad things wanna come...come all at once and crash on me!!!!!
quickquick!!!!....come lor...at least i know good things will come after next,
but provided i am alive to see and feel it
hahahaha.....
and u know, suddenly i dun wish to lament to my darling and dearie anymore
i feel bad. they arent feeling good either...sorry ah!!!!!
oh well
hahaha..thanks anyway..
u pple take care leh....but u guys wanna me to be there..i will la...
will try to give u a listening ear to all ur whinings and laments..
and i realised, i cant whine? for god sake?
hahaha...
oh well....maybe i need to practice..but for wat?
hahahaha.....dun wan pple to faint on me leh.....
hahahahhaah...=oP
sheesh......
brain is frozen.
think the cruise idea alone during my holidays sounds sooo inviting
tat i am going to do it..
just thinking if i should go in early may or late june to avoid the crowd and
hike in price....
hahahahhaa....
alone leh!
and hehehe...can drink cheap alcohol!!!!!!!! finally...hehehe...
maybe can pick some cute guys hahahah....
right....
right now and then, i just wanna be left ALONE
hahaha.....zzzzzzzz
12:00 AM |
|
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
think i ought to be shot
right in the head
so, any1 just shoot me and send me to hell yeah?
11:21 AM |
|
been so blur the whole day, like a walking zombie that i was sooo CARELESS?!?
shit...left that at the machine better check if it is still there...if not
credit card gotta cancel
f**k
tian ah
but it has been a horrendous weekends
fri-mon was terrible
untill just now i felt so much better, remembering the little things in life
and experiencing them
then i realised, i can be happy again. think when u r upset and be upset
u will snap out of it soon.
can u believe it?
dunno..i do, completely...and when i saw myself in the mirror while practising
my salsa tat bit, saw myself smile and all...it sure does make alot alot alot of difference
thank heavens for showing me.
dunno, but feelings come and go, good or bad, but guess it is just life
haha..okieokie..i dun intend to make this post a sad, or even a provocative one too
leave it simple and simple
guess so
hahah....
i love dearie's post today..
we all are expensive cars
alot cant afford us, but yearn us sooo badly, till the pt
there's one man who can afford and so cool could just pay it to buy us
hahahah..of coz..not the same man pls!!
=oP
haha...guess we already are dearie...we have been there for years liao
*chukles*
just waiting lor..hahaha....
as i have said, with our character, we need men who are willing to take the risk
with us, to show that u have to guts to do anything, coz we are the kind of girls
who would give u anything if u treat us right.
wat is right? if u r THE guy, u will know how n wat to do.
*winkz*
am i not right darling and dearie?
again i love this song again...hahahahha
i wont worry my life away..i wont
when i fall in love, i take my time, there's no need to hurry when
i am making up my mind. u can turn off the sun, but i'm still gonna shine
and i tell u y!
haha..and dearie said
"how i wish THAT man would sing that clay aiken's song, the way, to me"
hahaha...okie tell me girl, WHICH girl doesnt wanna?..hahaha....
but then again..it is just a believe tat it would happen
that happily ever after would happen onto u
i wish u all the best heehee...
hahhaa.....did i ever tell ya i am shocked to hear kimberley locke to sing
the song....hahah
lyrics uploaded!
12:00 AM |
|
Monday, March 15, 2004
learn how to die and u learn how to live
i guess any1 who read tuesdays with morrie would know wat i am toking abt
death is somewhat inviting to me. i told myself i will always want to die peacefully
to be able to appreaciate the everythings i have around me before i live this world
then there were a few buddhism teachings that make me very calm and peaceful.
though waking up to a very spinning headache, this desire to cast every1 out of my monday
is very strong, yet i just cun bear myself to do it. i would soon enuff
it told us, to let pain come in, grief come in completely and when that moment u experience
the full-bodied emotion, would u be able to detach yourself from it. how sweet.
when u a sad, u just cry, and after that few tearful moments, u just stop and thank for that moment
and detached u will be.
guess wat, i have been doing tat, and somewhat, slowly mastering that art.
life is a series of pulls back and forth. u want to do one thing,
but u r bound to do something else.
something hurts u, yet u know it shouldnt. u take certain things for granted,
even when u know u should never take anything for granted.
most of us live somewhere in the middle. just like wrestling match
which side wins?
love wins, love always wins.
toking abt family which makes me very sad. sometimes i question myself,
i somehow know how it feels to have some1 beside u when u die.
u know if not, esp when u r totally alone, facing a terrible crisis without any1
to be there looking out for u always, it always makes the going very tought very tough
coz u r bearing it all by urself, and it is always that comforting to know some1 has his
or her eyes on u, to ensure u r good. tat kind of concern and care comes from pple
who love u, who r ur family.
when morrie was toking abt his past, the loss of his mum to an illness,
he needed a spiritual support and he found it in his stepmother,
who cared and fed him, who hugged him everynite, kissed him to sleep.
every1 needs teachers in our lives.
for u need some1 to probe u further to question urself on standing back and
looking at our lives and saying, is this all? is this all i want? is something missing?
morrie was very thankful to have his wife, 2 sons and mitch with him while he
understands and graciously accepting the coming of death.
he wants mitch to know his life, his whole life, his last class with him
was his death. his very own acceptance and living fullest b4 his death
he said to mitch, wat's the beauty of children. he din want to advise pple
whether or not they should have children. but he said the connection he got
from his children went so deep that u have to experience it urself b4
u understand wat it is like. u cant do it with a lover, u cant do it with a fren
u just gotta have it to know wat it is like.
guess i know exactly y i wanted a child so much.
now though i very much wanna to get married to have some1 to walk
the rest of my life with the other party, but all i believe is just when it comes it does
queerly, how much and how u wanna it doesnt matter.
even u want it so much, u just jump into it and just think this is wat i need
and never stop to think and ask urself again? is this truly wat u have always needed?
the biggest enemy is always urself
now i sort of understand it to the next level.
coz everything that u have done, chosen, is affecting every move
and sec in ur whole life. and who ever has done that to u?
is always urself.
hate it or love it.
i guess, maybe when we learn both do we know how to live
this culture we have does not make us feel good about ourselves.
and u have to be strong enough to say that if this culture doesnt work,
dun buy it
maybe to have the close brush with death, could make one appreciate life much better
but maybe it could be preplanned, but life is of that uncertainty
everyday, u wake up and ask the bird tat is on ur shoulder "is it today?"
where is that bird? it is always there, u r just blind
u close ur eyes when u fell back. coz u know u cun not believe wat u have seen.
u have to believe wat u feel. and if u r ever going to have other pple to trust u,
u msut feel that u can trust them, too - even when u r in the dark,
even when u r falling
i have yet to finish the book but i have already cried a few times while reading it
okie i have exaggerated, i just teared tat few drops.
coz it is so beautiful
though it is always on death, but nothing is as scaring as u fear death.
i never know wat it is like to see death coming. i cun truly understand wat morrie
was going thru, but all i felt was his sincerity, his passion towards life on the brink of death
and we healthy pple are so scared, afraid of acknowledging our own fears and
let them come in completely and then embrace them.
guess we all have a long way to go.
life is like living in a sea.
the sea experiences the calmness and the ravages of storm
guess it only tells ya to say thanks for the sunrise and sunset u see,
the blue sky with white clouds that is above u.
and be glad becoz of all the stormy nites u went thru,
would u see those beautiful days ahead.
the answer to the universe is 28 (my very charmed yet cursed number)
but wat is the question?
12:24 PM |
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Sunday, March 14, 2004
Leave Right Now
(will young)
Verse 1
I'm here just like I said
Though its breaking every rule I've ever made
My racing heart is just the same
Why make it strong to break it once again?
And I'd love to say I do
Give everything to you
But I can never now be true
So I say...
Chorus
I think I'd better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper
I think I'd better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me how
Before I fall any deeper
I think I'd better leave right now
Verse 2
I'm here so please explain
Why you're opening up a healing wound again
I'm a little more careful
Perhaps it shows
But if I lose the highs, at least I'm spared the lows
Bridge
Now I tremble in your arms
What could be the harm
To feel my spirit calm
So I say..
Repeat Chorus
Middle 8
I wouldn't know how to say
How good it feels seeing you today
I see you've got your smile back
Like you say your right on track
But you may never know why
Once bitten twice is shy
If I'm proud perhaps I should explain
I couldn't bear to lose you again
Repeat Chorus
Yes I will...
Repeat Chorus
does this song sound good?
i dunno, this song explains alot of my feelings now
it does matter sometimes.
yet when u r trying so hard to walk away,
u just cant at all.
u just cant.
y?
i really love to sing this song.
it makes me feel i am being understood thru those words
maybe in the end, no 1 could really know how i feel
but at least, i have soemthing to sing to
i really wish to walk away, but i know i cant
i really wish to see my own smile again
but i dunno when it would be
hahahah.....letting it go is 1 question
facing it is another question
and u know wat?
when u wish things can set themselves right
they just dun.
i am despairing once again.
so i guess, i cant stay optimistic yet again.
i am getting out of here right now
NOW
3:55 PM |
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gosh i forgot
21/4....its m'sian grand prix!!!!!!!!
SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT
coz i need to fucking go school for some LAB SESSION?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?
okie now i am to decide to go in the afternoon or right in the morning and rush back to catch it
hahahahahahah
sorry too occupied w salsa till i have forgotten abt it and stopped reading anything abt it
goodnesss.....
sigh
MAN U really sucked big time now.
where's saha? though i never really think he is TAT good?
anyway...who cares...as long as the team plays well as a team should
i shouldnt care too much who is bought for wat, at wat cost
since man u is the football club that made the most $ anyway
i havent watched a single match ever since jan
goodness...wat happened to my soccer passion?
hahah....very gone.
think F1 is better hur?
hahahaha...dunno y also
SIAO LIAO
but u know
i like salsa better
coz i am doing it now.
F1 is stronger than soccer coz i drive like a mad driver
AND NOPE, not like any WOMAN DRIVER
THANK U VERY MUCH.
1:37 AM |
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i think i am giving up putting up ALL the lyrics of 3 doors down
the album, away from the sun.
every song in there,
speaks a chord tat is in my heart and my mind
so hell i think it is super good....
hahahhaa....
away from the sun
when i'm gone
changes
i scream a thousand words, i cry a million tears
to find myself stranded alone in the sea
with many others, alone on their own boats
yet where's the bridge to connect?
where's the oars?
only the waves can do that job.
1:01 AM |
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i guess i am really a failure.
i never understood them at all
i only how to care abt myself
so much of being a humanitarian
PUI
how can i call myself too good for others?
PUI
and i just cant stand the test i took a few days ago
coz it is just fucking true
and it says i should turn to priesthood
for i enjoy high intelligence (wat? to harm others hur?)
God, do u want me to harm others?
i guess not.
i dun fit to be one.
thank u for that offer and suggestion.
and i am too stubborn lor.
wah lau....worse than a mule lor
though i never know how stubborn they r
suddenly,
i dun feel like i am defening myself anymore
i admitted tat i am really really at wrong
sorry
i am truly sorry.
yet i never dare to say it to the intended ears
i lack the courage to face the things i fear
maybe the day will come soon.
i can sense it.
till the day i can say it and i wont cry.
i will do it.
lyrics uploaded
12:31 AM |
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i cun believe it.
the feeling is once back again.
that kind of emptiness, that kind of, loneliness,
of nothing seem to matter until something BIG, and DRASTIC happen
wat a joke in life.
i guess u pple never know wat i am trying to say.
for the past 10 yrs, it has been so queerly empty.
maybe the thot u have to be strong, din teach u much and u r not
as strong as u thot u could be once again.
when jodarling called me, toking abt everything, then the only thing tat made me
cry uncontrollably, was this emptiness i felt, again, yet again, on sat nites.
sitting w my family, and i feel so alone there.
very lonely, in a sea of pple hur?
when u r borned into a family who expects u to be indpt and
"when u have a problem, learn to solve it urself"
though no matter how much i try to learn and adjust, and adapt to
a certain environment, i just cant change that innate need in me
though still now, i am still not allowing anything to occupy that emptiness
i have to walk it out myself, find that answer i needed 10 yrs back, and now
now i tell myself, when is the break, tat day when i would just wake up to that answer
i have been longing for?
i dunno wat i lack. yeah hell, i do think alot coz i know,
tat only myself can help myself
though i need support from frens, advice from pple who try to listen and understand
i truly thank u for lending tat impt ear.
but i am once lost at this life, yet again, for it could be the only question that would
go unanswer, for this rest of my life.
though i know, i can never take this life too seriously, tried to change tat attitude
but still, it failed badly, for this isnt who i really am. y try so hard to be some1 u arent at all
when u could be who u really are, and make it work for u?
i am only 21+, not saying i lead a treacherous life. not at all.
i am lucky in many many senses. i have a pool of frens who stand by me
i have not much of a financial crisis and i can even drive a car this often
a roof above my head all the time, with food to come home to,
to a bed tat belongs to me and no 1 else can claim it theirs?
i have everything some dream to have, a complete family. can enter a college
but yet whenever i say how lucky i am compared to some,
it felt pathetic. rather pitiful to self console.
and yet becoz of these charmed things i possessed, i detest it completely
for i knew, deep in my heart that i fucking have taken them for granted,
and i need to punish myself to learn to appreciate everything little things like them
tat makes my whole life complete
i demand and expect too much from wat this family can give
not materialistically, but emotionally.
i have yet to understand them to allow them to understand me at all
i have failed badly yet again, then i would start to blame everything, myself
esp unhappy exchanges in this family, as my incapability to understand
find a good solution to my very own attitude and mishandling.
i do not have a wall that thick
i am an open book again.
i know.
i know who i am actually, trying to be some1 better in this empty shell which
i am trying very hard to fill it up.
maybe i have been trying to hard, to please myself.
to be something i know i am asking way too much.
but i am only human to feel the inadequacy and pick on the things u never have
and wish so much to have.
every1 out there, in this world, living would know wat kind of emptiness u have in ur life
be it u face it, take it, defend it, or just luff it off, guess it is just being who u really r
but i just wish u can find that road to unlock the fear, the desire.
maybe i should just be a nun. but i know, i am just purely hiding
hiding in the mountains tat would i live alone. that solitude is just pure loneliness
and by staying away from the crowd, would u think u arent lonely, just alone
but life is always an illusion. u wake up to another dream to find urself landing
living in another dream.
there are little things in life i am thankful for, but maybe i have not done enuff.
i can give all i can, even getting myself falling yet into another abyss, and pick myself out
but whether i have already picked myself up or just falling into an abyss within an abyss,
i have no idea at all.
i need a break.
but i guess, i dunno when i can have it. i have things to worry at hand
even if i am able to free the time in june for a 1 week get away,
am i able to pull it off alone, and i do mean alone.
jsut me, myself and i
not tat i have no confidence, but how am i going to try to convince my parents?
when to them, i am the youngest daughter who doesnt think, who is this little child
not knowing wat she wants and needs and one who never set her priorities right?
life has come to this brim again, stuck, but the cap just refused to bulge. the liquid
has no place to flow, but only compressed. the air is getting way too irritated to
allow the liquid to overoccupy. the struggle within the bottle went unseen
only when the cap burst open and all the liquid and gas get thrown out
do we know tat the bottle has withstand too much for wat it can handle
but at least, the liquid would have a place to flow, and the air could escape
and never feel much compressed to an uncomfortable level.
but by then, it is no longer a bottle filled with liquid.
it is spent.
and its purpose has been fulfilled, in a way
wat's waiting when u have already waited for so long for something to happen
but it din?
in the end, u become completely numbed, very senseless.
u just take it to the pt, when something did happen,
u can simply shrug it off, and not bother.
but this time, i know i cant.
freezing and unfreezing something for too many times
too long, will only make it lose its properties, its once impt purpose
but maybe it is just meant to be so.
i dunno
maybe i should just dun see it as the biggest problem i have in my entire life now
then in the end, i would be happier.
but ignoring soemthing u know it is there already, seems like a crime
a crime that is so hideous to oneself that u actually sent urself to the gallows
i have a conscience to answer to, something tat is constantly, asking u
requestioning u everything that has happened, tat are going to happen
and my very own choices of handling.
i dun blame any1 now, for not understanding
for i have not understand enuff to expect anymore
and most imptly
i din allow them to come in
i am sorry
sorry to myself and everything has happened once again.
i cun help it. i am once again allowing myself brood over it
for this is being who i am.
but the fustration of unable to break out of it for this long period of time
has caught on me.
sometimes, time doesnt matter at all.
it really doesnt
this is so human.
maybe the thot of a break, that is on ur mind for too long
is actually the thing tat is killing u all the time.
maybe i just cant bear to push myself to face it.
i am such a loser.
warrior in the wrong sense.
fighting for the unwanted things.
love me when i am gone.
only when i am gone.
12:10 AM |
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Saturday, March 13, 2004
have no idea wat i am feeling today, guess it is the start of PMS
hahaha
think so leh..if not w would i be cranky and grumpy the whole day YET
i have sufficient sleep??
hahahaha
it is tough being a woman
and today, being cranky as usu...hahahhaa..think jo and steph also
CMI too....so 3 of us...hahaha.nuts...okie me being middlemen
always like....trying to convey msg here and there..hahahaha...
but u know, how come got pple look so alike one?..not say it is err split image lor
but built, though fairer, actions, the way they look....SO ALIKE?!?!?
gosh...i was like...RIGHT...
from the back...it looks like the same person lor...
hahaha...then steph was like..hahaha...
"aiyah baichi....my fren so kelian....."
hahahahhahaa
PUI
not my fault la....hahahaha..
and i did something really very BACHI hahahahahahhaha
and steph went "ooi....got mroe bachi one or not?"
hahahaha.....u pple will know if u r lucky enuff of wat i have done!
i cant believe it
this is relacon hotline.
i am not able to answer ur call right now,
so pls leave ur name and contact,
will get back to u ASAP
meanwhile, BREATHEEEEE
muahahahahahha
i should really start a hotline
DAMN!
hahaha
xin: u reading this..haha..how to start a hotline? though i may not be able
to be a good volunteer, but i can lend a listening ear and provide advice
hahahahahha
goodness....maybe it is a calling
so wat the hell am i being a chemical engineer?? for i jsut realised,
i always dun do well in quizzes???...and exams...
maybe i am just not cut for it...though i have that interest....
sigh...maybe i should just travel and be a philosopher...
write a book on life, love and me
cool stuff hur....collection of thots and poems and lessons learnt
maybe i am just this permanent star shining from afar.
travelling for those millions of yrs,
till the day i have reached the brink of the universe
i am always still there.
on this bright sunny day, i am shut out from ur sight
but behold, and close ur eyes.
i am blinking in ur heart, in ur mind.
lyrics uploaded
somehow i really really wish...i really hope for it.
pls, i know i can never be so prepared u know, but yea, i still hope
hahaha.....
sigh. dunno. maybe i should make a change in my life this once
i will be optimistic
hahahahaha...
plspls...let the run goes well...plsplspls
1:14 AM |
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Friday, March 12, 2004
i break, i cry.
u break, u buy
so true hur
hahahahahahahhahahaha
this is wat steph and i saw at a shop
maybe it is so true
all comes from nothing, back to nothing
so wat do u wish to expect?
i rather just get everything out and in as it flows
pls, pls, pls, pls...
give us some peace and calmness.
tranquility, serenity, pple walking past,
toking in groups.
but my heart is strumming a tune, i never heard b4
*hugz*
the sad, sadder, saddest are back in town!
hahahaha.....
just BREATHE.
3:35 PM |
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latin dance shoes
i love the gold pair of dancing shoes!!!!
howhow???
hahahahhahahahahah
i am going nuts over a pair of heels
eerrr
latin dance dresses
u know...i like the frilly ones.....the 4th in the 1st row...
can i make it orange? then i take a pair of gold/silver shoes
wah lau....DREAM...DREAM...hey i forgot, i have 2 aunties that make good dresses!!!!!!!!
hahahaha..i am going to hunt them down at great world i gues!
hahahah
i dun care and i am going to get my tops there!!!
ARGGHHH
am i nuts?
suddenly it is sooooo soooo...passionate abt it..
hahahahahha
now i know y i like heels tat bit and
that kind of dresses..hahahahha
FAINTZ
1:11 AM |
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n guess wat?
think i am really into dancing now
hahahahha
even shao was like...errrrr
u r really nuts over it
hell yeah, of coz la...
long long dream
hahahaha
really leh..i can even start "salsaing" when i just say the word
errr.......siao liao siao liao...
then i can try to start to practice while walking to kitchen....
to fix my shoulders and isolate the hips..
hahahahaha
woohoo....dacning in sweat is good..hahahaha...but gotta be closer la...
hahahaha...
am i not thinking dirty?!?
hahaha
hell yeha...DIRTY DANCING!!!!!!
maybe i can go do part III
hahahahaha
FAINTZ.
to bed i must...
legs giving way from dancing and jogging........
heehee
12:30 AM |
|
was just on the phone for some1 who realised tat some1 isnt there anymore
her sobs really made me feel alot alot, but as usu, i cun do much but let her sob
n rambled b/w those sobs. every single breathe she tries to take in b/w seem so hard
so hard to breathe, and how i wish, that she would be fine.
i guess no matter how much consolation i can give, offer to her, she will still be upset for
another period of time. but maybe, then she has learnt she has let it go that bit, and
will be forced to let it go completely.
dun shut ur heart out.
open it.
face it, and things will work out for u
think it would be another hard period for her. but hey, i will always be here for u dear.
nothing has left nor changed since the day u left, but only ur smell, ur words then still
linger at the back of my nose, ringing in my ears.
u have left long ago,
but ur presence still lingered here.
in my heart.
i have to set u free, and not hold onto u anymore, no more.
u want to take flight, and i dun wish to fall to my death.
i have to let u go b4 u fly too far away and too high
i rather let it go soon, at least i know, i will be able to find my way
to the next destination, my true happiness.
it is well too tiring for one to walk a road meant for two
be strong, keep ur faith.
life is lessons all over, but maybe then
u will know when it is urs,
it is truly urs.
maybe positivity isnt the right or wrong word
a good optimist:
hope for the best, prepare for the worst
a good pessimist:
prepare for the worst, hope for the best
this is the greatest joke ever played on u
either way, it is the same.
so y bother?
i guess it is jsut meant for a good luff and the end
12:19 AM |
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Thursday, March 11, 2004
suddenly was reading jodarling's blog....i realised wat i have forgotten to blog
long ago.
but to start off, i am going to rave abt salsa....hahaha...stupid paps is pretty on abt
summer salsa class. he said it would be intensive 2 weeks, which is 3 times a week
that means, i have to help him draw undergraduates!!!!...hahahah..FAINTZ
i have to admit, dancing with chan, is really enjoyable! (chan is an indian...cant remember
his full name) he can lead, not too bad..and i always have the tendency to..er..lead
coz we are supposed to do a 2 routines, sometimes..hahaha...i blurbur...
but when comes to fast fast beats...it is really fun!..coz u will feel the beat in u..
but it was really cool, today we practiced in circles, and will swop partners...and suddenly,
i cant recall wat r e commands??(jo: it is the same la...all in spanish..heehee)
it is like the things we saw at the free salsa demo!....sooo sooo cool..
hahahaha....
but i sweat like hell..yeha like dirty dancing..but there's this guy who went
"aiyah...u so sweaty leh...next time bring towel or wear sleeves!"
*roll eyes*...goodness......MY FAULT?...hahaha....
okie, now i better start remembering wat are the routines, coz every week when we get to class
all of us hardly recall!!...
anyway darling, no classes next week..so yeah..u missed the chance again. but i can try to teach ya
hopefully.. or i ask paps personally...=o)
pretty excited abt union square. lily said it is free on friday coz it is ladies nite
anyway, no coverage charge and it is a salsa club..woohoo!...hahaha....
so darling, next time we need to dance and dun feel like CLUBBING
we go salsaing...heehee...should be fun!!...=oP
now back to wat i wanna write long long ago. inspiration from jo and ms ng.
hahaha...
looking at jo and her ex bf, i guess it is interesting to see, how things suddenly changed back to
e past. when they were together, it felt tooo serious, and suddenly it has become a burden-like
responsibilities. tat's wat place tat BIG strain on the r'ship and somehow, things turned alittle, too ugly?
or should say, went out of hand? i guess when 2 get attached esp from good frens to couple,
the transitition stage is always the hardest. i remember eph gor once told me
it was so hard for him and xin to adjust, coz suddenly, xin expected alot from me,
while the guy started to live life alittle way too normal. (meaning sometimes, taken the gf abit granted)
then it turned out horrid. coz when were frens, and when u turned couple, it is all very different
it starts from zero again. but yet it is jsut knowing each other as good frens all over again but
it is abt exploring how to handle it in a more appropriate manner as a couple. u start to be more sensitive
and more attentive to each other's needs then slowly, u tend to OVERDO it, and thus making tat
once-always comfortable feeling GONE, ERASED. then u see wat happened to tat kind of
chemistry or pure fun and luffter gone to? down the drain? NOPE. it just got overshadowed
by "i am taking this serious, so i am going to act serious, be serious and hell,
no longer funny and do no silly things" so tat's wat suddenly make things turn very different,
feeling really awkhard but if u r lucky enuff to realise the sudden abrupt change,
n u slowly adjust UR VERY OWN ATTITUDE towards it, and make urself once comfortable
as good frens again n yet more than frens, meaning more initimacy when appropriate,
blahblah....u realised, the r'ship has gone into a higher stage of its own calibre.
when u ease out of the "y suddenly things seem so queer" stage, and realised each other
is once getting into the comfortable zone, u tend to be less OVER sensitive,
less OVER concern, and seeing it as each other is like part of each other life. there for each other
when needed, otherwise, u still have OTHER THINGS to tend to. thus making this r'ship
stronger, more firm and setting the foundation well. of coz, communicating and being with each other
often(but pls la...NOT EVERYDAY) are the major keys to a good communicated r'ship.
toking anything and everything helps, of coz, there are other factors and influences to consider,
but guess, the above are just guidelines twist here and there, while u step back
u can add a spin or turn ard. u know improvisations, or wat i called, variations to
different kind of r'ship u face.
interesting thots hur?
i guess, everything has its own pace and speed.
when u realised u tend to speed up or slow down, PAUSE, LOOK AND THINK
b4 u proceed. of coz, it is b/w 2 so, AFTER pasuing looking and thinking,
COMMUNICATE, clear up doubts or stuff, just like good frens would do?
and YET not expecting changes but just CLEARING the air would do the job as well
but if to ensure things will move on, maybe certain changes or adjustments can be made
this r'ship would be more bearable and more meaningful than u ever think it would
and thus strengthening this r'ship once more, understanding each other's stand and views
accepting each other's attitudes and more, and yeah, ur r'ship has just withstand another
"crisis" (seems abit too harsh) maybe i would use lesson.
=o)
hahaha...
this is relacon hotline. can i help u?
7:07 PM |
|
on a lighter note, bet it doesnt matter if it does anyway
gotta get to watch dirty dancing, havana nite
and guess wat, this is really exciting
romantic havana, capital of cuba, a country that is drawing me every now n then to visit
and dirty dancing is the more more sensual of latin dances...
starting off w salsa!!!!....FAINTZ
so tell me
wat is this telling me?
when i saw them doing the moves, when jo told me 8 days commented the movie as
"making love with clothes on" she was like..bish...isnt tat wat hui said?
gosh it just burn in me, still ever since i was in sec school.
coz it is so fucking true.
can u feel the beat, the music in u? do u see the partner opposite?
can u feel him and can u let him come into u and let her just turn u on?
hahaha...am i being very implicit?
but this is dirty dancing, this is latin dance
it is abt being who u r when u dance
being free
living life!
and the story is really interesting...haha..in the end, the couple was to separate their ways
but it is dancing that got them together....and will always remember how it changed their lives
gosh u should see the way they dance....oh my....GOSH!....hahahaha....
i am so in love....
hahah..the guy just ran his hand down her clevage at the start then
got a part is rub her butt...hahahaha....then slide his hands down her thighs..
WOOHOO.....sensual....haha...sorry...i am like this one!
hrmm......then wah..the way when he puts her hands behind her head, then pull her back
then spin her, let her bend backwards and swing back....
then the ultimate was...he sort of hold her up and spin n spin n spin
then haha..they kissed...then danced .....
gosh.......woohoo.....
okieokie..there i go again......hahhaha....
isnt this who i am?
hahaa..i love the orange dress she wore to the competition?!?!
i was like telling jo, "is this a sign or wat?!?!?!??!?!??!?!"
hahahahaha...okie maybe i read too much, but if i choose to i will!
(and i have gotten my skirt for my salsa...haha..now the top and heels!)
and u know, he said, move ur hips, like the waves...let it flow.
it is supposed to be abt freedom
feeling free, being who u really r.
oh my gosh....am i dreaming?..hhahaha...
then i realised when i dance, i let go alot alot
and become "no-mind"
just dance and i will smile one??...
hahahaha
b4 i leave this place to chase a dream i always have long ignored,
to dance. hahah..okie a few things i need to do la!
1) find out more abt cuba, and stuff...the music the culture, the history
haha..but it is really corny la...communist
cuba
2) brush up my salsa as said, and yeah..gotta do those DD moves too....gosh
it just gets into my vibes?
u think i am jsut trying to find something to occupy my spare time and mind
but it is not, i was a dream i actually brushed aside tat i thot it was not possible at all
then i was wrong.
3) haha...jodarling: maybe i need to find that guy to go w me hurhur?..or just go cuba
and maybe Puerto Rico to find!!
dark, got built....pls no skinny guys......
hahahaha....that one that i would wanna "have sex with clothes on"
haha..not all men have that effect on me..tat's for sure!!! *roll eyes*
4)pick up spanish!...hahaha...really..i am no kidding!..haha.
jodarling:u take w me...u can go peru...i go cuba!!!!
noting that mambo is similar to salsa, but salsa is a fusion
not tat of much of a distinct root. yeah
hahaha
check this website out la!
latin dance
Katey is a girl who's in her head, but with this kind of dancing, it's a body-to-body experience and
you have to follow your partner. So Katey can't memorize. She has to follow Javier,
and she has to follow him with the music, watching the drums and letting the drums watch her.
And she gets to the place where she can get into her body and free herself.
The dancing is an expression of her sensuality, and of becoming a woman.
getting music on this man
Cuban, Latin and Afro-Cuban rhythms
hahaha....i have always love the latin music?
did u know i actually knew how to sing ricky martin's spanish songs?
hahaha....goodness...
guess tat's all i have today...going to read more soon..i hope!
hahahaha...
i am nuts
going to visit czech republic and brazil too
see wat communism can do to 1 country.
GREAT MUSIC GREAT CULTURE GREAT DANCE
GREAT BEATS!
Dance is a thing that if it gets inside of you it can change who you are;
it can influence everything. People fall in love through dance;
they learn about each other just from partnering and dancing.
This is another dirty dancing story
fuck...this is so me....*faintz*
1:28 AM |
|
numerology
CAN U BELIEVE IT? IT IS SOOOO TRUE...
THIS IS MINE!
Ki System
Natal Year number: 9
A cheerful soul, Huihui is an attractive individual whose humour and charm can inspire others to follow her ideas.
Although her active brain can generate many bright ideas, she cannot be guaranteed to finish one idea
before starting on the next. Although money tends to burn a hole in her pocket, Huihui will always maintain
the impression that all is well.
Natal Month number: 7
Huihui is a good communicator and enjoys discussion, but she will avoid stressful situations and arguments.
She is a fund of new ideas that spill from her active brain with great rapidity, but her business dealings will always be constrained by her desire to be liked. She therefore lacks those long-term goals that would bring her prosperity.
Natal House number: 7
Life is likely to provide Huihui with many different challenges, but in the end she will overcome the difficulties
and make solid progress. She is prone to talk about subjects on which she has little knowledge, but her communication skills are such that she can be quite persuasive. She needs to focus on her long-term objectives.
Comments based on Western Grid
1
Although Huihui may be reasonably talkative in public, she finds it difficult to express personal feelings to
those closest to her. In employment terms, this inhibition is of little consequence.
22
Highly intelligent and acutely sensitive, Huihui is a good judge of other people's motives and character.
She enjoys high intelligence, and with a number 7 (in the Western Grid) she would be suited to a vocation in the priesthood. Sensitive to the needs of others, Huihui should be employed to the benefit of those who lack
the advantages enjoyed by others.
88
A perceptive individual, Huihui takes little on trust. She maintains fixed views which once established are difficult to change. Conscientious by nature, she will make a good businessman or accountant, but being naturally perceptive,
and unwilling to accept views of others without solid evidence, she may well turn to philosophy.
99
Enjoying high intelligence, Huihui is inclined to look down on those who are not as intelligent as she.
Hence she does not mix well with society in general, and in particular with different social strata. Yet Huihui is very ambitious to improve her lot, and will constantly strive for a better standard of living. She also possesses strong humanitarian ideals that may find expression in charitable work.
[The Arrow of Scepticism: lacking the numbers 3, 5 and 7] Taking little on trust, in adult life Huihui requires solid proof before she accepts a concept. Characterised by honesty and fairness, she is quite intuitive,
yet firmly sceptical of the claims made, for example, by religion. This may be important at work, if employers require employee acceptance of work practices that are not immediately verifiable.
[The Arrow of Frustrations: lacking the numbers 4, 5 and 6] Huihui finds it difficult to accept
other people as they really are, and is constantly disillusioned with life. Once she accepts that others
are only human, the frustrations will cease.
Comments based on Chinese Grid
11
Huihui will be reasonably successful in financial terms, and enjoy a degree of luck.
22
Unless she also has the numbers 4 and 9 in the Chinese Version, Huihui will be lethargic, and likely to
suffer from ill health.
88
Huihui has sound business acumen with an analytical brain, and the capacity to seize the opportunity when it appears.
9
Although Huihui is ambitious, her ambition is tempered with humanitarian ideals.
[The Arrow of Suspicion: Lacking the numbers 4, 5 and 6] Huihui is a cynic who worries too much about the downside.
She needs to recognise more of life's advantages.
[The Arrow of Loneliness: Lacking the numbers 3, 5 and 7] Huihui is so determined to achieve her objectives
that she does so at the expense of all else, including friends, family, love and laughter.
somehow wat the shit am i doing in CHEM ENG?
hahah
i should be in philosophy??
crappy
and yeah...maybe i am the kind who will jsut leave and go
coz my objectives here is jsut fucking leave here...
oh well....arrow of loneliness...
is this how i truly feel?
hahahaha...but i never neglect my family and frens lor...pls lor...
12:06 AM |
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Wednesday, March 10, 2004
today, i thot i was fucking fine, till then i just fucking realised i am so pissed
it is always like pple BLAMING ON SOMETHING U NEVER FUCKING DO!
and u know wat? and they dun take responisbilities themselves!
so fuck, i was like "u pple only know how to say pple and never even bother to help to find!"
and guess who i was screaming to? my parents, coz today they really pissed me off
i cun find the claim form that my sister left for me. she said on her table?
then i was like..okie i will look for it coz ur dear mum decided to pack UR table for u
and yeah..it was stuck in some stack of papers?!
which if i wasnt wrong, i left it on a more visible place
and guessed wat my mum said when i said i cun find
"SEE LA!!! NEVER PUT IT PROPERLY!"
MY FAULT?????????????????/
ALL MY FUCKING FAULT AGAIN??
actually, the desire to leave this place, is becoz i need a big big break from everything here
not becoz i am running away from all the responsibilities i have here, but i need a break
i dun wish to be impatient w my parents, nor trying sooo hard to explain to them
nor do i wish not to listen to them coz i always asked myself y i can bother to listen to others
just not them?
i feel i am really such a big moron and failure
nothing, can make me cry this hard, only my family
i dunno how far i need to go, or how long,
but i really need to go.
i will come back for i know deep in my heart, this is my home
but i need to take a breathe outside.
and see feel how impt it stands in my heart
then i will wanna come back. coz i have to lose it b4 i know its good
i dun wish to "scream" anymore.
though my heart is screaming out loud now.
silently
may i be granted a sense of peace today and days to come
dearie is right, we all need a break from everything at times.
but maybe it is not the time yet
when the time comes, i will know it, and then, nothing can stop me
y do i always get the blame?
hahaha....maybe i really do it ALL WRONG
hai~~
11:46 PM |
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was just telling kelvin something tat i wont tell any1
hahaha...but oh well..guess i needed to say it out
and i know, i am not toking to sadder and saddest!
hhahaha
things that maybe no1 else would know till the time is right
maybe it will be buried
in thots, i was telling kel
i am an open book. i am not afraid pple looking into my life
though there are some very dark secrets that no1 would know
but most of the time, watever i say are truths and nothing but the whole truths
i am a very straightforward, frank person.
so in time when i say so many things in life, they are truly wat i think and have thot
though many a times, i never never say the whole thing.
partly due to my incapability to express well, my language power isnt there
but i am never ashamed of my past, never fear my past
coz it is sooo over, and they are wat makes me, and becoz i am proud of who i am now
i am never chunking them aside.
i am not a hard person to catch.
but maybe u r not looking at me in a way u should
but who knows anyway?
u would have to try to know
12:06 AM |
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Tuesday, March 09, 2004
在我的好朋友之中，天秤座的女子不算少數。由於她們個性隨和穩定，而且本身又很喜歡交朋友，
因此，往往都是人緣絕佳的典型。我喜歡跟我的秤座女友們一聊天、出遊、逛街，甚至於討論些「正經事」。
唯一不願意找她們的，就是「訴苦」、「發牢騷」。
很多時侯我們會很情緒化的，對於周圍的人、事、物，有著一大堆的抱怨。很想找一個會跟自己「同仇敵?鳌沟娜送峦驴嗨＿@時侯，
你最好別去煩一個秤座的女人。因為，理性而公正的她是不會跟你一個鼻孔出氣的。
蟹座或是魚座的女人或許會完全感染你的情緒；牡羊座的或獅子座的女人可能會想個辦法幫你出氣；瓶座的女人可能一言不發地靜心聆聽。
而秤座的女人呢？她會把事?牡轿蔡婺阏硪淮危会岣嬖V你，有哪些地方是你的不對，哪些地方是對方理?。
接下?響撊绾螒獙Γk法一�辦法二�。她是不負責處理情緒的，但是，她的確可以幫助你處理問題。
因此，遇到了疑難雜症可以找她，莫名的情緒就另請高明吧。
如果你想追求一個秤座女子，這是你該有的第一個概念。
天秤座是出現美女機率最高的一個星座。事?上，秤座的女人多數都能擁有著一種優雅的氣質。
她們幾乎可以說是「男人」和「女人」的綜合體。在外表上總是掌握了優雅精緻的女人味，
而思想上又有著豐富邏輯觀念的男性智慧。更理想的是，秤座女人很少會有搶著出風頭的表現。
她們往往懂得把自己的智慧隱藏在怡人的女性溫柔之後，絕不讓它尖銳地刺傷男性的自尊。
因此，無論是對同性或是?性而言，她們都是不可多得的好伴侶。
至於該如何才能贏得芳心呢？當然，首先你得是個很合乎邏輯的男人。太過於固執、偏激、情緒化的人，
都不是秤座女子心目中的好伴侶。對於大多數的秤座女子?碚f，人生第一重要的事莫過於找個「好伴兒」。
「孤單」是她的第一恐懼。所有美好的事物都因有人分享而真的有意義。可想而知，秤座女人對於選擇她的
「伴兒」尤其是終生的伴侶，該是多麼嚴謹啦。
你最好是有著高尚品味的男人，因為多數的秤座女子都是對於「美感」極有鑑賞力的。穿著紅毛衣綠?子，
戴著紫色小帽的男人恐怕會跟秤座的女人緣分薄些。生活習慣不佳、油頭垢面的男人機會也不大。當然，
風度翩翩、文質彬彬的男性，肯定會是秤座女子的最?邸?
再者，如果你是一個不喜歡女人說話的男人，那你恐怕也不適合天秤座的女人。我絕不是說她們喜歡吱喳個不停。事?
上還真的很少有秤座的女人會給人聒噪的印象。只是幾乎所有的秤座女性都擁有著天生的辯才。她很會說話，
很喜歡與人討論，分析事情條條有理。而且很多時侯，的確能給你一些幫助。因為，她往往喜歡?母鞣N角度去分析事情，
找出一個客觀而公正的結論。
秤座女性不喜歡太過情緒化的人，當然她本身也絕不是?埕[情緒的人。因為她是那麼的「講道理」。她喜歡跟別人講道理，
更時時刻刻跟自己講道理。但是人總歸是有情緒的，而世間的事（尤其是感情的事），也不是每一樣都有道理說得通的。
在這樣的時侯，秤座女子的秤臂就大幅的搖擺起?砹恕Ｄ悴槐鼐o?垼槐夭毁M唇舌的跟她講道理（那可是她的專常）。
多一點溫柔體貼，多些甜蜜?垡狻：芸斓，她就會恢?驮镜木饷栏辛恕?
很多秤座女生在情緒不穩定的時侯，會有暴飲暴食的傾向。我有個秤座女友，經常在我們之間扮演婚姻?
矍轭檰柕慕巧Ｋ睦硇钥陀^深得我們的信賴。沒想到有一天她竟然?凵狭艘粋�朋友們都反對，
而且客觀條件確?大有問題的男人。我們的勸阻，自然沒多大用處。因為每次辯論起?恚蠹叶疾皇撬膶κ帧Ｋ械娜秉c都能給她說成優點。
不料，半年之後，那個男人竟突然棄她而去，娶了個富家小姐。剛遭到這個打擊的時侯，她沮喪的樣子，
讓朋友都擔心她會?拇讼料氯ァ４蠹叶甲詣虞喠髋阍谒磉叀蓚�月的暴飲暴食，她胖了十三公斤，
但心情卻?u?u平靜了下?恚痪冕嵴J識了現在的「他」，一切的一切，包括身材，就全都恢?土恕?
對於面對多變的人世，秤座的女子有著極佳的平衡感。幾乎任何情況之下，她總能找到讓自己心裡平衡的辦法。
這一點，對於她的男伴?碚f，?在是不可多得的優點。也正因如此，許多秤座女性在婚後都能成為丈夫事業上的好幫手。
我說過，秤座女子極為重視「伴侶」的觀念，所以，她們不論在生活上，或是在事業上，都致力做一個好的合夥人。
而且，秤座女性絕不會跟你搶著做董事長。
如果你在事業上?K不需要她的協助，我仍然建議你讓她在婚後自由發展她的事業。一?恚瑔渭兊募彝ブ鲖D生活，
對於聰明的秤座女人?碚f似乎太無聊了些。她恐怕會需要更多的玩伴?砼徘菜墓聠胃小６遥涯阕约鹤兂伤ㄒ坏霓q論對象，
顯然有點自討沒趣。二?恚幼送ǔ６夹枰缸銐颉菇疱X，去?M足她追「美」的慾望。我不能說秤座女子一定有些揮霍。
但我肯定絕大多數秤座女子的品味都不「便宜」。所以，讓她能夠自給自足，你會輕鬆不少。更何況她們確?都是很有工作能力的。
她是個以夫為重的女人。她可以做一個溫柔可?鄣男∑拮樱部梢允桥隳愎矂撌聵I的哥兒們。她可靠而不自誇。
給你最好的建議，卻永遠不搶你的風采。她的穩定性很夠，沒有許多女人任性、驕縱、不可理喻的缺點，
她是許多丈夫們又敬又?鄣钠拮拥湫汀Ｖ灰闩紶栍心托裕犓裾裼修o的訓你一小時（這種情況，憑良心說?K不太多）。
當有人使她的秤臂?娏覔u擺的時侯，給她溫柔浪漫的安慰，尤其她在大吃大喝的時侯，你就該意識到，
這是你該有所表現的時侯了。對她?碚f，你的耐心關懷就是萬靈丹，只要適時服下，
她立刻就能恢?驮揪鈨炑诺男蜗蟆ｋy怪有好多人說說，能娶到一個天秤座的女人，真是「褔氣」啦！
天秤座的女人與「性」
秤座的女人是喜歡「戀?邸沟呐耍浅Ｖv究「?邸沟募记伞Ｔ凇感浴沟姆矫嬉彩侨绱恕?
秤座的女人不喜歡粗糙而缺乏情調的性交。與其如此她情願放棄而追求其他的樂趣。她十分重視彼此間的配合。
相互的調情對她?碚f是非常重要的。秤座女子雖不會在性?壑邪缪葜鲃庸舻慕巧５且坏┲蒙砥渲校瑒t會全力的配合與要求。
是屬於重視感觀刺激的典型。
天秤座的女人與十二個星座的男人
1. 牡羊座：他做事的急進方式與妳的再三權衡有很大的不同。若能互補倒是對彼此都有幫助。否則就容易起衝突。
2. 金牛座：對於「美」的追求，你們是能夠有共嗚的。但他對妳?碚f似乎有時太執拗了些。
3. 雙子座：你們都是屬於風向的知性典型，許多想法可以不謀而合。彼此的關係也不會太過黏。
4. 巨蟹座：對妳?碚f，他似乎太感情用事了些。而你的理性與冷靜，有時會讓他誤會妳漠不關心。
5. 獅子座：他落落大方的態度基本上是能吸引妳的。如果有共同的興趣，彼此可成為共享人生的快樂伙伴。
6. 處女座：大體上說?恚ǔ２粫菉呅蕾p的典型。而妳的「大道理」，他往往不以為然。
7. 天秤座：一般?碚f，這是才子佳人型的組合。但是當心你們總在彼此都說了一大堆看法之後，卻始終難以作結論
8. 天?座：對妳?碚f，他們的個性似乎太?娏伊诵！笇帪橛袼椤沟娜松^，是不屬於追求和平的天秤座的。
9. 射手座：你們是很容易玩的?淼暮门蟆２贿^射手座的男人喜歡說服別人的習慣，妳恐怕有一點不太適應。
10. 摩羯座：你們做人處世的基本觀念簡直完全不同，妳很難理解他的固執和偏見。而他或許會認為妳不夠有原則。
11. 水瓶座：以星象學?恚@算是最適合妳的星座，他往往有著以不變應變的態度，以及接納各種不同看法的雅量。你們可以在擁有自我空間的情況下，愉快相處。
12. 雙魚座：情緒起伏大的他，性格上和妳差距很大。雖然有些時侯你們在一起會覺得很過癮，但多數時侯仍下步調不一的。
hahaha....crappy..dunno some parts are SUPER TRUE!!!!!!
hahahahhaa....
okie i mean abt looking for men
dearie:PUI PUI PUI PUI
hahaha....
10:01 PM |
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Congrats! Your a Pure Angel! Angels, as far as most
of them go, are all compatabile creatures, but
Pure ones simply are symbols of God. Pure
Angels always appear when a child is born, when
a rainbow is seen, or when someone shares their
first kiss. They never grow old, an can appear
in the shape of a naked woman with white, bold
wings. Pure angels are the carriers of god, and
show their love to everyone in the world.
What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla
hehe...same as jodarling here...hahahhaa....arent we darling angels?!
hahaha..
goodness...u know i was just wondering who is exactly the sad, sadder, saddest?
haha..but think mine is still hanging there somewhere lor..so yeah...
hahaha....ZEN....going to use the same method i used a few yrs back
FREEEZZZZEEEEEEEEEE.
haha...this time needs alot more N2 or wat ah!..hahahha...
haha....i just received something i am happy abt!!!!
salsa party is CONFIRMED for the 2nd of APRIL (that's a FRIDAY)
Union Square (name of the bar) 165, Tanjong Pagar Rd, #02-05, The Amara Hotel
haha..think i will rush down after lecture!!!!!
SHIT!
hahaha..but am i not excited at all???
hahaha
there are many little things in life tat make u happy
just one, just one can make alot of difference.
guess life is just really 1 big picture cut into many pieces,
all sizes and shapes. so as long as u piece them slowly
u will know how pretty the picture will be at the end.
BREATHE...focusing on things tat are at hand more impt...
things will come will come
things will sort it out as they come.
10:01 PM |
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soemtimes...hahaha
3 of us really going nuts hur...
but it is sure is good to give it a good cry and yeah, things would
not bottle and u will feel so much better.
coz u know, u have cried, and yesh, tat's abt it, then u realised
u gotta get on! move on
as we always said, it is jsut a phase, and sadly, it sure hurts
but things are the way they are, and we just gotta look at it differently
thus, we learn.
nevertheless, things would turn out for the better, tat's a belief
though things are getting harder everyday, every moment, they never
turn out easy n smooth sailing, but we have survived. we have indeed
jo said, "it is like the sad, sadder, saddest, trying to comfort each other...
how dumb and dumber and dumbest it can get hur?"
hahahaha...totally agree...but i guess, while seeking solace in each other,
we've found a certain level of understanding from each other,
tat makes that difference. and i am so glad, as least we are going thru this
together, thus making our frenship, stronger and stronger.
dearie and darling....no worries la....we will tide over this i hope!
dearie: the weather looks sooooo good!! think i am going swimming later after lunch
though i am pretty tired...haha..i slept err....10hr...tat's been a long time since i last did tat
u can go jog when u get home girl!!!!...
darling:hehe...so how close are u to ur deadlines hurhur?..i dun mind mugging in school
preparing for the worst, hoping for the best...qouting from shao la!
think abt it, there's always things for us to hold onto. n they are true to us
tat is our dreams. our own fabricated dreams..hahaha...
breathe
ZEN
still suriviving i think
though sometimes, u just wish all things are fine.
but tat's only the wishful thinking on our part
just continue to believe, and one day,
u know it will happen.
no matter how many times u fall,
u just gotta pick urself up.
hahah....coz maybe the next time rd, u will never fall again.
darling, dearie : damn...doesnt it still hurt?...sigh....i know i know...
my thumb has somewat recovered 80%!!!...hehehe...it has been err...
8 days, yet it seemed like a long long time.
queer.
11:28 AM |
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dearie
just read ur blog and i dunno wat to say
but yeah somehow, the pain is there hur isnt it?
i read ur blog, and i am in tears now
first cut is the deepest. yeah it sure it is
jsut gotta mend it slowly
u will be fine
*hugz*
u wont forget everything tat has been there
u will only know they are beautiful, yet painful memories
i never forget the way u look into my eyes
i wan so much to say those words to u , yet i dunno if u wan to hear them
i feel like i m at the end of a road, with no where else to go,
no lights in front and no one for company
if only u believe in true love,
true happiness
u will find it no matter where u r,
no matter who u r.
love is everywhere.
it is in ur heart
it is in u.
12:40 AM |
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suddenly i see a dream
hahah..
maybe i will be a professional dancer.
anything
ballroom or hip hop
i am good..
hahahah
u know
when i am DD on steph and jo, i realised, i am really into dancing
i dun give a damn who i am doing it to,
i am jsut doing it.
i am out to turn u on..
hahahha...
goodness
even salsa...it got me really into it...even w/o a partner..
when u have one...it is worse
hahahha...
goodness
BRING IT ON MAN!
12:00 AM |
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Monday, March 08, 2004
gosh...it has been raining cats and dogs when i was driving home
it was quite horrible....it was dark, ur wipers were on high mode
and then u dunno where's the lane markings
hahaha
somehow it suits my mood today,
totally lost...hahahha....
oh well
read jo's blog, interesting stuff she said too.
jodarling: hahha...err...dunno...guess i will join u soon lor..
then again, i guess it is just meant to be
anyhow, exams in like err....oh well...1.25 months
then dunno slowly it will be april, then may then june then july then august
then sept then oct then nov then dec
then 2004 will be over then 2005 will come.
time doesnt stop for u.
breathe dear....breathe dear....hahah..i can imagine steph and jo telling me this
hahahah...
i wish i can breathe. heart is feeling abit abit heavy ah....
going to face it. hell yeah, gotta learn to face it...
i cant turn in away at all..NOT AT ALL
okieokie...may i be granted w some peace and calmness..
pls
BREATHE
10:48 PM |
|
kaboom!
hahah...okieokie
enuff..i shant further explain
and it is still raining cats and dogs....
it has been more than 12 hrs.
feeling super zen now after being in some hike in my emotions!
haha...better mug ah!..if not die...
die later!.....cannot..okieokie..i will mug for exams now...
=oP
if not really die later....
i pray nothing goes wrong w my actual run..
it is in full steam...
gosh....
pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls
y do i always have bad feelings abt EVERYTHING?
err......
ZEN
you will never know till u have been thru it
tat's the only thing u know.
5:22 PM |
|
qoutes from oscar wilde
hell dun i love this man. he is gay though married w kids
so hey, r u even game enuff to face who u r man?
he dares to and never regretted his life.
i dun care if u r homosexual or not? but do u even have the guts
to face ur own "predicament" and not run away from ur own fate and life?
so it is time u should wake up and do something unwinding.
this is u, love urself.
I don't like compliments, and I don't see why a man should think he is pleasing a woman
enormously when he says to her a whole heap of things that he doesn't mean
(hahaha....FUCKING TRUE AGAIN!)
Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood
(there goes the same as men, of coz, as known, only blood flows to 1
place at 1 time.....so err...muhahahaha)
I don't think there is a woman in the world who would not be a little flattered if
one made love to her. It is that which makes women so irresistibly adorable.
(hahaha..u know wat? of coz la!.....it shows this lady has tat thing to turn u on baby)
The more one analyses people, the more all reasons for analysis disappear.
Sooner of later one comes to that dreadful universal thing called human nature.
(gosh this is soooo fucking true...)
The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything, except what is worth knowing.
(wat's new man??)
We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell
(hahaha...as i always say, all men are bastards and all women are bitches,
hell this is not just a devilish world, but a very sinful one)
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
(hahaha..if i am not wrong..some1 did use this as a nick...hahha..it is so fucking true hur)
Faithfulness is to the emotional life what consistency is to the life of the intellect -
simply a confession of failures.
(hahaha...yeah hell yeah.......hahahahahha)
12:30 AM |
|
LIBRA
Drinking style
"I'm jusht a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's jusht that I'm so damn social?" Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Friend device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble -- including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with their best friend's beau or even blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!
Trademark cocktails
Aesthetic Libras like pretty, pouffy drinks like a pink lady or a brandy Alexander. That's the influence of Venus, their ruling planet, which also gives them a horror of crudely named potions like Sex on the Beach. They're fine with "normal" guzzles like apple martinis, but every Libra secretly just wants Champagne, and lots of it.
Drinking buddies
Jimmy Carter, Simon Cowell, Ani DiFranco, Janeane Garofalo, Hugh Jackman, Martina Navratilova, Gwyneth Paltrow, Sting, Oscar Wilde, Catherine Zeta-Jones
hey i DUN GET DRUNK OKIE???..hahaha....though i really wanna to get drunk once in my life...tat's it!
hahah..of coz, w pple u can trust...dun wanna to end up in some shady company...
hahaha...thinking abt it, the drinking buddies...HELL YEAH.....oscar wilde..i wonder when he is borned
anyhow, it is sunday again, and when i woke up, i told steph, i really hate hate sundays
then we were nuaing on bed, toking cok for an hr, b4 we got ourselves out of the bed
we were saying..haha..how singaporean guys cant make it...okie yeah...we are slamming all
the singapore men out there, so sue us okie? then again, then alot of men would go
"u think too highly of urself dudettes..." look closer, ARE WE?
then again, oh well.....today went to this free dance class at jitterbugs
hahaha...silly jo n i were late for hip hop so we joined the salsa which was after that
hahaha
WE ENJOYED IT LIKE HELL!!!!...now jo is tempted to join salsa instead!..hahahhaha..
darling, we go cuba one day okie? u know, another dream of mine is get a partner that
goes w me ard the world to different dance clubs to dance it away, and to all the jazz bars
and jazz all nite...
hahahah....gosh...WAIT LONG LONG YEAH?....dunno lor.....drop from sky again ah?
hahaha
dearie: u should have come!!!...u know..think the guys there learning, cant make it lor!?
the instructor was soooo cute "MEN, though u move only ur hips, but u r to lead and look MACHO!"
hahahaha.....awww.....damn....i love dancing so much that, even i dun have my own partner,
coz more girls than guys, haha..i can smile and dance at the same time? maybe i am borned
to be a dancer...hahahaha...new found talent!
=oP
goodness....okieokie...maybe byt the age of 28, i am out of this country, chasing the dream of
a dancer...
hahahhahahaha.....
*hophophop*
somehow....err....something is very wrong....dunno leh...i miss it quite a bit
oh well...wat to do...it is only normal right?
dunno, it is still such a strong strong strong feeling...maybe for once, my inituition went haywired!
sigh.....
hehe...dearie and darling, u pple know wat i am toking abt?.....hehe
dearie..dun forget to burn 3 doors down and return to moi on wed!!...
heheheh
ZEN..
hahaha...
dunno..hehe..bought slippers from m(phosis...haha
now still hunting for that pair of dancing heels...DAMN HARD TO FIND 1 i like
haha..but when i see it, i will know it...
damn can i just apply that to life?
wait a min, i have already been tat done tat!
oh well..still doing...still keeping in faith!
*winkz*
12:01 AM |
|
Sunday, March 07, 2004
woohoo!!!
dearie is over at my house now!..hahaha
just now at devils
jo and i totally tramautised her....
we hugged each other...then haha..we started to lovebite each other's neck
dearie freaked out completely!?>?!?!?!
hahaha
though DD on her was okie la..but damn...she was wearing a skirt?!?
haha...hard to rub.....
oops
*tinkz*
okie hahaha....we arent lesbians..but jo and i are very comfy like this...hahhaa
best frens mah...then steph totally freaked out lor?!
hahaha.....we really dd on each other..hahaha.....
oh man....
jodarling, lets just elope....dearie can come along la..but we need to corrupt her mind more
and more and more and more...hahahhaa.....
*winkz*
oh well..poor dearie.....she is bathing and i just read her blog...gonna cheer her up
NO MORE TOKING ABT BASTARDS.....
so yeah...hahhaa..
hugz....
1:41 AM |
|
Saturday, March 06, 2004
wat a shit head i have been the whole week. FUCK
i forgot it was my da jie's birthday yesterday
and now she is sick and my parents have to send her to the doctors
coz my jie fu has to look after jervis
wat the fuck
wat the shit
i dun even know tat it is friday till i know, i have lecture from 4-8
i din even realise it is the end of the week
and it is fucking march and in 40 days time, i would have my exams
and would just finish one run of my project
forget it, i am just going to sleep
i am losing my cool and my zen
1:22 AM |
|
gotta to read jo's blog again. hahaha....gosh, doesnt it seem weird all the time when u
start to read back all the things that have happened, i have no idea y things happen n
then again, i cun be bothered no more. i was super tired today, tat yeah i almost
got irritated w everything and every1. to be glad, i was only mingling w pple at 4pm till 8pm
i was dozing off during lectures, of coz, and could u believe that tat the pt, i lost my ZEN
hahhaa..but who am i to blame but myself.
i dun even dare to fight for wat i want
hey, i guess girl, i am no better off
i know the only passion i have is to KNOW wat i want
but the determination to HAVE wat i want is just like an overdue carbonated drink,
it only fizzles that bit....
it is tat sad. i guess, it is just like u actually realised the truth but do nothing to it
and now i am just going to say, i am lost, hahah...jo, can u give me a direction too?
untitled
i am trying to weave this web of safety
but only to find myself landing in this big big city
looking ard, seeing only grey and more grey
eyes hit the ground to see wat i am walking on.
squares i am trying to step on, and avoiding the lines.
i skipped a little, i stepped along.
i am going around in circles.
no more heads down, no more lines to follow
the clouds came to the ground, the grey turned blue.
the soft sensation, slow touch of the wheel.
this run goes on 24/7
only to see the fuel in me, goes too low.
maybe if i could turn the wind into power,
maybe if i see that piece of puzzle falling off the picture
maybe if could climb tat building to reach the height,
maybe i am already at the top
birds beside me, the dried leaves whirled ard me
i could only set my mind to set it free,
i wish i could sing out loud, i wish i could run away, far away
let this tired soul fly far out, to that piece of ungrey area
with no lines, no boundaries.
waking up to this uncalled for dream.
juggling balls in my hands, playing those tunes in my head
tat dancer in front of me spun on those heels
i give myself a piece of hope, alitte more faith than ever
the going gets harder, everyday
the path is highlighted in the sunrays, i turned away.
a road less travelled. but naybe that is not for me at all.
time to change its moment.
a simple truth, a simple choice.
how hard can it be to make it work?
leaning back on the armchair, i tapped my fingers against the side
to only realise, i am just daydreaming.
know to realise, i am still in the pool of grey
forgot to tok abt salsa yesterday...coz steeph dearie was looking forward to it!
(nownow, everytime i write dearie, it refers to steepppphhhh...=oP)
hahhaa..gosh the moves were almost getting
all of us really really giddy!!!!!!...it was like "hey okie guys, remember u have to give
the ladies a good tug so that they will spin and face ya when they finished spinning!
ladies, remember to ensure ur hand is up!..so that the men can catch u!"
okie so all the ladies did 3 spins, in and out, double spins and more!
i was really really getting very dizzy too....a few of us were cursing at paps...
luckily he din wanna do the "the lady is to bend over her back"
wah lau! he think wat?...we are advanced students ah?....double faintz
and after which, i was practicing w another guy, then paps danced over with lily and went
"get ready, i am here to steal the lady!!!" then both of us went huh????...i looked at my dance
partner and he looked at me...wat am i supposed to do? hahaha.....dunno la
my partner and i were trying so hard to REMEMBER the moves for the day!!not trying
to allow paps to steal the lady????????????...hahahhaa...
hahaha...okie and then again, paps pulled stunt trying to spin those ladies he was dancing w
SPIN AND MORE SPIN?!
hahahaha........wah lau...time to look for another pair of heels
those URS are way too high!
it is a problem and it isnt a talent
i dun sell myself and my problem
though principles cant feed ur stomach
but it makes u a more whole person
this guy is really of non existent
can i have him?...only in the film i guess....
DREAM ON...hahahahaha
i have been thinking too, but somehow, thots are just thots.
either way, just never expect anything,
if u know tat's wat u dun want, then dun
tat's how u fight for something u know u want.
at least, u dun need to be angry again....
do not blame others for not doing things, they are pretty innocent
only blame urself for it is ur own wild thinking, tat leads to today's situation.
dun say pple never cared, u din allow them to, so they just din wanna try to step on that.
dun say pple din think, they just dun say, coz u never asked
ZEN
12:47 AM |
|
Friday, March 05, 2004
smiLe
that smile never fails to warm me up
that smile of urs just tells me, i wanna to make u smile forever
sometimes, wat r the things tat make u happy?
wat are the things tat make u dun wanna to flash that pretty smile of urs?
could it be me?
could it be life?
could it be the impossible?
could it be the way things are?
maybe now, i dun see u smile, but wish something will do
anything tat u will smile once again,
anything that u will smile when u see me once again.
smile once again, my dear
coz i want tat smile to be for me, for urself
for wat u hold on so dear, for wat u know u can have
smile, just that one more time.
though the sky would fall,
though the sea will roar
ur smile, makes it all worthwhile
it is ur smile, in that beautiful smile
for jo!
actually i know wat u mean, and
lets smile! for the world will smile w us.
=o)
2:47 AM |
|
hahaah
mizle: ooi,...dun end up like me k?..goodness..u r stepping into the route i took!!!!!
first. no strings attached, then summer fling to winter fling..hahaha......
ooi!!!!!..hahaha..oh well..then again..somethings are to happen, will happen...=oP
time will tell...heehee *winkz*
today has been a very very very very mind boggling day.
okie, i guess it is been the 4th day i have been VERY ZEN, and still is in a way
and today jodarling felt really sian and decided to go out, so i went too
went orchard, ate and sat down to tok like hell, alot alot, at the stair case of taka
i guess, when both of us went into the same kind of predicament, and when u sit down
to listen to each other, u realised how much u wish to be there for her, to try to analyse the
siltuation for her, give her advice, and then half ur mind is thinking of ur own situation coz
it all sounds soooo familiar, and ouch, then u realised alot alot of things that has happened
to her has happened on me too. then it was all very very raw, so raw, that it is just like my wound
touched it, and it will be slightly painful. but u know it is still very alive, very alive.
till the time i have decided to pei her to suntec, walking down the roads all the way to suntec
i felt i wanna do something for her. and i din wanna to see her upset.
she is my darling. and u know wat? though how much i dun wanna to see her go one day,
meaning she wont be ard w me as much as she could now, i just wanna wish her all the happiness
in the world.
i told her, sometimes, it has already dropped from the sky in front of u, and it is then still up to u
if u wanna to fight for the happiness u think u can have.
besides time tat u will lose, there's nothing u will lose at all, u r jsut fighting for something tat u think
could be of a worth. how much can u lose hur?
u said it, it is the process of obtaining it. it is no longer abt just, "oh u like me, i like u"
tat's just the start, and now it is the route of obtaining something, tat u may gain
of coz u gain, and u will lose. but wat are those u will gain and lose, it is a matter of perception
today, while doing lab, afterwhich had my lunch and doing my lab scedule, i realised soemthing so
stupid of me. then it took me 2.5 weeks to realise it. but hey, i guess, nothing is too late
u can realise 1001 things today, but doing something abt them makes it all the difference.
i was thrown into the light of should i continue to wait or not, whether i should even give it chance
and y am i waiting for it? and y am i being alittle impatience but yet overall very patient suddenly
coz i knew, i must learn to be patient. of coz there is a limit, but i guess, this patience can run much
longer than i thot i can let it be. coz i have learnt, from the past 2.5 months, tat i knew,
somethings cant be rushed at all. yet when u know, it seems right to say, u will just say it
from the pt i was worried sick, till i was totally upset, to the pt i suddenly got angry and started
to curse and swear, ending of being disappointed, and concluded tat i should have not assumed so much
and now, i told myself, how much do i understand the person opposite me? have i given a thot to his feelings
to his actions? then i realised, i am being very selfish, and i knew, the situation needed a good time off
and sit down and think thru things properly b4 any rash decisions are made again.
but somehow, i felt there is something tat can be improved on which is u have to be responsible to ur own
actions. u must learn to make the situation best. u can always be who u r, stay who u r,
but whether u can do something to make things better, it is all up to u to change tat attitude,
make things more bearable for both parties.
and now,
i choose to believe, and understand the other party's actions, for being who he is all the time,
all along.
all i know is, when u dun wanna to think abt it, u dun evne wanna tok abt it at all.
so yeah. tat's wat makes that difference.
i have alot alot to say, yet i know it isnt the right time. i know u will know wat to do,
just tat u dun wanna to do it yet. tat's wat i am believing. maybe some pple say
i am being too hopeful, but hey, i guess, in such situation, i must learn to understand
haha..as i have always said, to understand is also to make urself less miserable.
tat's like killing 2 birds w 1 stone!
oh well....in this life, u only lived it once. there is no pt trying to find fault in everything.
there are things meant to be, mistakes are to be made, to make things better
no foundation is perfect. if it seems flawless, it is the biggest smokescreen
i rather u mend the flaws along the way, than when suddenly ur foundation just gives way
hahaha...gosh....imagined i told this to jo, and i was like, hey, li huihui
now u know y u always like to listen to stories too, coz u knwo u can learn and think at the
same time. guess, u r there to for pple u care too.
i guess something tat jo said is very true.
cherish the moments u have and i guess, tat's something u will always keep to heart
there are things tat u would never wanna pple to step in, but yet, u know
only when u r only willing to open and listen, open and allow things to flow,
then u realised, how much u have let things go and allow urself to move on
the past is wat makes u who u r now. u cant hide it at all.
maybe u can be the best actor/actress in this world, u cant hide a feeling, a heart
tat shows when TAT person comes and opens it.
i am still grateful all this while, for all have happened, and things tat revealed along the way
i knew i needed a lesson to snap out of this staleness, yet i knew i was giving myself a chance
to live a life i never knew i could. and it is more than a dream come true.
i am still indeed thankful for all the lessons learnt, and showed me how much i can know abt myself
and other pple. and how i would try to give to pple.
u cant demand things at all. u have to let things come n go
when u least expect it, it comes, dropping and BOOM.
it is there
all along.
Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moonlight.
Someone's thinking of me, and loving me tonight.
Somewhere out there, someone's saying a prayer,
that we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there.
And deep in thought i know how very far apart we are,
it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star.
And when the night would start to singing lots of lullably,
it helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky.
Somewhere out there, if love can see us through.
then we'll be together, somewhere out there,
out where dreams come true
i guess, i will always be there, as long as u wanna me to be there
hahahahahaha.....
wah...i dun wanna be split into many parts leh..so eh pple
dun snatch ah...one at a time..one at a time...
hahahaha
2:24 AM |
|
Thursday, March 04, 2004
reading jo's private blog makes me think once more
it is a very interesting topic to tok abt, esp it ignited my relacon vibes again
how many pple u like and they like u back but the timing is always wrong?
hahahah...
ouch...
yeah tat happened to a lot of my frens liao. okie i think i only recalled abt my gal frens one
really...all those ard me, all like this one.
so have u counted how many liao?
actually i wonder, if i have?
hrmm....hahha..cant think..headache
but somehow, i guess this is wat i believe in
wat's yours will be yours, sooner or later.
set it free, and if it comes back to u
u know it is urs
if not, it is just not meant to be
yet remember, somethings, need to be push, need u to take the first step
u have to give urself a chance to do some choosing.
though yeah, of coz it takes 2 hands to clap
but giving URSELF tat chance, is the 1st step for that.
okie enuff....dunno wat else to say, coz i guess, it would be the same thing for some time
till i have "lin wu" new things.
wat's urs is urs,
if not, u cant make it stay, in heart, in soul
heheh...and suddenly, i wanna to have my own house!
saw this design mag on kitchen and bathroom, and to me
these 2 very important...hahahha...
wah....can la..i can afford a house if i work hard enuff
dun get married..coz no need to stay family...high cost in singapore leh!
hahaha...
wah.......howhow....i wanna big nice house, so tat i can run my dogs in my frontyard
backyard w swimming pool. attic with glass window to see stars at nite.
then there's 2 kitchen, dry and wet, bathroom w big bath tub with a big window beside it,
facing the vegetation!..
gosh...
i am daydreaming again....hehe..i shall live it every nite! in dreamland!
but i promised myself something
by 2010, that is when i turn 28 (my very charmed number), i am going to do something drastic
nono...definitely not getting married la...tat is sooo cliche!....
when the time comes, i will know wat to do.
=o)
lyrics updated!
12:13 AM |
|
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
hehe....there's a few things tat i felt good abt!
1) i did my tut and yeah, sort of revised for the test which is on 16/3...meaning i have to restudy it
but hey, i did it within 1.5 hrs...good!
2) the test wasnt that bad. but as usu, my buddy and i would have clashes here and there.
for we are tooo alike....damn..hahahha.....okie it was good...gruelling 3 hrs in the com lab till 9pm
isnt a joking matter....ouch...but hahaa...feel like a project engineer suddenly!
3) steph and i would have a girls' nite out over my house this sat!!!!!!
so exciting...should be good good good....dear!!!! we go jogging at nite la!!!!
err..but better not too late, b4 my mum nags!...heehee...we can get supper from my house
hawker...nasi lemak!...=oP
4) glad jo is all right..hopefully... darling, rest well yeah? then u can start afresh with the other
deadlines....=o) *hugz*
subway? anytime...sunday sounds good? b4 we head down to DANCE THE DAY AWAY?
steph cant come...she doesnt wanna
5)its wed!!!..gosh time flies, means tomolo is thursday, and yeah i have salsa!!!
jodarling: u joining me?
but something is bugging me.....WRONG!
heheh..it is my headache since 7pm till now...but hehehe...ate my supper just now
instant noodles, which i havent touched for some time.
everyday, i wake up ard 8+ to go school
to be back only after 5+, the earliest
and today it was 10pm. gosh...hahahahah....i guess my parents only see me that err
1-2 hrs in front of the tv!...*feeling bad alittle bitbit*
HEADACHE HEADACHE...*pray*
dun wanna fall sick leh...dun wanna fall sick...plsplspls
oh well...take care pple to who ever reads my blog la
may u be blessed with a calm, zened heart and mind
may ur soul rest well
coz i am so scared my headache is making me tooo hype that i cant sleep tonight
DAMN
10:54 PM |
|
i think this is so f**king interesting
i cant believe it,
my best fren n i are going thru the same things together
and this is wat i called god played a big joke on us
never mind jodarling
we will be stronger
i am always here for u at least
no worries
and maybe when i have my answers too darling
i will do the same thing as u r planning to do too
and hey, it would be so cool hur?
to hell with them
yeah
hell
12:33 AM |
|
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
hehehe....today is an interesting day!!!..went to swim and haha
wore contacts...somehow...hahaha...jo and i think we have slimmed down alot
and i totaly agreed!!...coz that sunday while waiting for steph, i tried clothes at zara!
hahaha
i think i have lost those ard hips and thighs....and hehehe....more tone on my ABS!
woohoo!!!...hey girls, we are abt to kick some ass!! and show them we are sexy good
and desirable...but u cant have us!!!
MUHAHAHA
my DEAR steph: no worries la, this sun we go millenia walk and dance it away
salsa tango, hip hop comtemporary, jazz, anything...free anyway!!!
woohoo....dun care if we may look like some err....beginners
but hey, we shaked ass in clubs too!...DUN think we are TAT BAD?
hahaha.....woohoo.....feel the adrenline?!?
hehehehe
i do
driving, swimming, dancing, and joggin (yeah i am beginning to like running)
give me that kind of adrenaline....the outburst of energy...nothing can stop me
NO WAY!!!!
anyway
jodarling: breathe k?..i know...u r stressed....jiayou and relax okie?
hehe...relieve stress...subway u wanna?...
gosh...my best fren and close fren today very "high"
one super bored...one super stressed!!!..
okieokie...BREATHE MY DEARS...
hehe...at least my thumb looks fine now!....WEEEEE
okie i am nuts..haha....
anyway, pretty happy for andy my dear buddy today
coz think he got his Shell overseas IA!
so lucky and congrats dude!!
hehehe..happy for u.....we applied together!!..at macs i remembered
w our silly laptops
hehe...oh well..jiayou..no worries la..should be europe and not err...nigeria?
haha
mymy..gotta study soon...exams in 1.5 months time!!!!!
hehe..i will fly to the sky!
10:36 PM |
|
sometimes, i fucking wonder, wat the shit is god trying to do hur?
so wat he has decided to create a woman for adams?
for wat??? so that he can fool eve? or wat?
to complete each other????
goodness.....women are stupidly believing the love they are holding on to
then it is the men who walk out then regret.
heh?
or they lie abt something and just decided to move on to fill up tat empty emotional void?
okie...i guess, so far, the stories i heard are really really sad
except for err......3 cases?
gosh, this world is really spinning in that direction
do u believe to something u r holding on to now?
i truly wonder?
are u avoiding something tat u dun wish to face at all?
how i know u?
suddenly u wish u wanna it so badly?
okie..so wat r u going to do abt it?
goodness...life is really a big joke man
good luck my girls
sheesh.....
take care k?
all i can say is, r'ships are NEVER 1 sided.
it takes 2 to tango, to see that sparks flying all over the dance floor
sparks could be bad or good, but hey, there's sparks
so if u intend to go into something w only u walking alone,
u can try all u want, but remember, walking it alone on a road for 2
it is too much to bear at times. i guess there's a limit to everything
maybe patience is indeed a virtue,
yet u cant wait forever. u move on.
so this is wat i learn from the guys hur.
i guess w all the feminist talk, there is soemthing we can learn from the guys
MOVE ON.
okie...enuff
i myself dunno how to advice liao.
hahahaha...stagnat lor....wah lau....relacon's brain abit fried after thumb is cut!
que sera sera
watever will be will be
there's so much for us to see
que sera sera
think in the end, both men and women are stupid
so i guess, tat is wat makes them soooooooooooo mysterious and perfect together
becoz they can look stupid together, and yeah be stupid
oh how dumb!
7 days and 7 nites of thunder, the world is rising but i am slipping under
i think i fell in love with the 8th world wonder
hahaha....in a week, u just got swept under by the power of love
u get in fast, u get out fast
was it passion u got hooked on to?
was it just the feel u have got, sent u to heavens
maybe every1 yearns the heavens, but not to die.
but to be loved
women can stupidly allow themselves killed in love
men stupidly take any to fill the emotional void
1:26 AM |
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Monday, March 01, 2004
gosh looking thru the photos my sister took,
snowcovered roads....the trees
that white blanket is soooo beautiful
cold beauty, forever icy and pure
and it gives me a piece of calmness and serenity
i would travel to see those snow
tat white scene i have dreamt.
hahaha
maybe i go USA end of the yr w jo to find hian kai hur?
(wont i be a big lightbulb?!?!)
hahahaha
hope not lor.....
=oP
life is a dream, dun bother to try to wake up from it,
no pt at all.
everything seems like a dream, miracle or not. who doesnt want a miracle?
maybe it is how we view chances and happenings
haha..toking to sister online now!
hahaha..wah lau
i am waiting for her to make me nachos with dips!!
and her nasa food pack?..hahahaha
EEEEEE
=oP
11:20 PM |
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today is such a crappy day...too dazed to be considered AWAKE!
haha...and becoz of that....i cut my poor right thumb and hahha
i was washing this conical flask with a chipped mouth...then!
ouchocuh...i see tons of blood gushing out....my gloves din help at all
oh well..they r rubber anyway!!!....then wah lau
i see like i have cut myself, cut away a big chunk of meat lor!!!
haha....cant stop then i started to curse and swear...and went
ouchouhcouhc....haha..till my post grad, mohmoh, went
wat's worng?!
then i showed her and she went "AIYOH!"
hahaha...oh well....bleed profusely.haha..but then again, it wasnt as bad as
the last time when i was younger, i cut my toe w a scissors!
haha...so corny ah...then moh moh doesnt know wat to do, so she went to fengmei
who is lab officer..haha..then i went to the lab office, with 2 pple fusing over the cut
*faintz*...haha..then fengmei was trying to dress the wound, coz the finger is still bleeding
then..hahah..u know wat happened? she was so freaked out that she exclaimed
"aiyoh....luckily i am not a doctor if not i will faint to see such blood.."
hahah..but hey, it wasnt TAT BAD?...hahaha...jsut a small but deep cut..
haha..can see the flesh of my thumb actually
it din stop bleeding for haha..err....half hour?...ouch....think i need to replenish those blood!
hahahaha
oh well....now now, it was even more comical when i was trying to continue my lab while
applying sufficient pressure on the thumb using my index finger..haha...so technically
i am using 8 fingers to do the rest of the work while trying to apply pressure..
hahahaha
gosh..this is soooo corny,
then i woke up...literally..hahaha....wah..see those deep red blood...very exciting actually
hahahaha...
dunno...suddenly nothing matters anymore..haha...i was like..ooi li huihui
u cut urself?!?!...so careless!!..now pple have to fuss over it!! FOR U!
hahaha...err....not as if i wanna to cut myself..i wonder if i still can play piano
haha...confirm will take some time to recover..hahaha..it is sooooooo deep
hahahaha...poor me....i wanna dance..can dance right?
okieokie enuff..back to piano liao...
jodarling:err...the quiz how to know if he/she cheats?
hahaha...
mizle: howhow...ouchouchouch..hahaha...
5:17 PM |
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You're Elemant is Wind. You're light-hearted,
care-free, kind, sensative, and mysterious. You
have friends and most absolutely love you. You
can be calm and soothing one minute and ragging
in anger the next so no one wants to get on
your bad side. You're beauty is inspiring and
magical.
What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla
jodarling:
same same heheh..but so err...really meh?
hahahaha
1:29 AM |
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