for a world that doesnt exist
for a universe that stands still
contact:
relacon@gmail.com
|
|
| |
DAILY INSPIRATION:
this day, i pray
this day, i smile
this day, i wish u all the best!
Archives
counter
|
|
| |
wat u want to abt me?
and why?
how much can u find out,
when i dun even know
who i am?
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Saturday, July 31, 2004
jodarling: babe thank u so much for ur card...a surprise to me actually
thanks alot...it sort of cheered me up that much!!!! *muackz*
nothing for u as for now. i guess the only thing is to be happy hur?*winkz*
but u know la..i am much happier...today was a terrible day COZ i was bloody tired...=oP
stephie: went ktv?! then i suddenly remembered tat day we were at elena's chalet and 3 of us were listening to zheng zhong ji's songs? and how silly we were and huimin was saying we were like some lovesick pple?
gosh. it has been almost 1 year?
love ya dearie!i love those songs. we go KTV one day hor?
brightass: ooi so wed u onz? u and jo darling can really be twins liao...then i have 1 male and 1 female darling ah!?!?!? both said the same thing within 2 hrs....HOUSE OF DAGGERS??( and wat happened to my i, robot jo???)
okie wed nite onz? i have applied half day to hand up my FYP report. heeheehee....
get back to me hor...
1:49 AM |
|
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
U COMPLETE ME
may u find a a passion(dream) and/or a partner that does just tat.
11:34 PM |
|
Monday, July 26, 2004
one of those days:
woke up, slept too much isnt good too.
i slept for more than 12 hours, woke up to a very sad sunday
and trying so hard to do my report
HAPPINESS:
went out with parents b4 sending them off to golden mile, went glutton street...good good..i love to eat! ahhaha then met jodarling and brightass baby (again) with mr dino!
hahah..he reminded me of tse yang..serious but this guy is 28 and haha TALL so hrmm
maybe my er jie might have met her prince charming thru her little sister!!! muahhaha
then chatted...and luffing our heads off with green card and how to achieve them by sending jackson to USA to get it and ensuring my sister get it too.. and then alwyn can marry my sister then jo and i would marry jackson (one after another) then ahha..
RIGHT!
then dropped jo off at her place and there again, was chatting till late with brightass...hahah
corny, and he was the "relacon" for 2 girls!....the other girl isnt jo though..hahaha...
but still jo and i have this hideous plan of sending tons of VS to him.
but i might ask my sister to do it instead...she is flying off to huston in sept.
sad...maybe she would miss my 22nd bday!!!
hahaha...
guess it helps chatting with pple, thanks pple.
guess it also starts to reveal who are really there for u.
hahaha...
something i think it makes alot of sense
-- sometimes, when something is no longer present in ur life, it would start to fade and lose its importance. then u know, it is nothing anymore.--
yeah i think it is so true. such words like food to ur mind.
nothing is forced in this world
u cant force urself into happiness or sadness.
u will just end up more miserable than ever.
tat's how i feel really.
hope jo is right, every1 would be given a 2nd chance to live, in the same lifetime i suppose!
guess now, focus on:
1) FYP report...into its last week, a deadline for myself! =oP
2) work work work, and sheesh...
3) forgot abt piano...going to die tomolo BUT will hehehe..."explain" myself!
4) get cartridge!!!!! for printer...tons to print.....hahahha....BROKE!
guess tat's abt it for this week.
a new week.
think i am back in a way.
coz i can feel it, my reflexes arent as bad as then...back to 75% normal.
just tat i need my sleep soon
========================================================
it is tat sunrise that i stir up to
and that sunset tat i sleep to.
i love it when the sun is playing hide and seek between the clouds.
the blue sky trying so hard to clamoflague it.
the rays that gave the sun away, tells u not to find it tat hard
it is always there, it is whether u want to see it or not
u can close ur eyes to pretend the sun isnt there behind those clouds.
but it is there allright.
i wish i could take that perfect picture of the blue sky.
but i know no matter how perfect my skills are,
it can never match up to the appreciation i have for it right then.
that picture isnt in my hands,
it is in my heart and my mind.
1:42 AM |
|
Saturday, July 24, 2004
happiness:
1) jive was good, meeting prof was good, library was good
allen my dance instructor was so cute "u ask him(edmund) to join competition with him la!"
hahaha...then both of us started to luff..... coz hahaha....both of us will slip one.
stupid. and ahhh...finally it was fun..hahaha..but hard..but i like...but i am too tired to practice now.......then later cham did ask abt chacha medal test. but for me, i need to pass all to silver b4 i can continue. and errr...i dunno chachacha. hahaha..later in august la!
2) some idiot called me and started to speak french? aiyah....think must learn french and spanish liao..will do that....=o)
3) played with nephew and he is sooo cute, and the desire to have my own kid is there AGAIN.
hahaha.....
4) a cat's life by yves navarre, is such a cute book, by french writer, translated to english
hahaha... so cute!
MEOW
"and if there's no one to listen, i tok to myself about love"
perfect. lovely kitty.
==================================================================
i am who i am, therefore i love who i am
it is just me and him or nothing.
there is only one body, not tow or none, just one
though we never know each other at all, not knowing each other's dreams,
but we adored each other.
===================================================================
i find myself lost in some pple's eyes.
they look at u with those eyes that tok.
can i be lost in ur eyes too?
10:28 PM |
|
ladder theory
compliements from liwei
and gosh..i totally agree with it
hahahaha
anyhow.
for me to get attracted to a guy
is partly becoz i wanna to do soemthing physically hot with tat guy
so, hahahahha..if u fail tat, sorry..u r out!
=oP
2:25 AM |
|
one of those days:
felt really terrible today, esp at work.
nothing is right...just lost again...
happiness:
1) kelvin and _____ got attached this holidays! remembered like maybe last yr when kel and i were like oh well...okie lor..think wont get attached...and see who got attached??? kelvin!!!!!
came to a surprise to a few..but hahha..i was oke with that! but dude...enjoy and congrats again!
show her to us one day okie? *hugz* less one person to worry abt.....hahaha sorry la..
me and my matchmaking thingy is forever ON one...
2)watched osama. quite cool and sad and somehow, every1 in this part of the world have their own worries and problems to face. guess if u r lucky in ur own way!
and i enjoyed so much watching w my cousins!!!
3) i miss liwei quite a bit... and hahaha
we had a hell of a time chatting while he drove me to his house so i can play with his cat then my house then sitting down at the playground chatting abt wat happened to both of us for the past 6 months and stuff..
it was really heartwarming and i tell ya i love this cousin of mine. he is such a darling.
one of the best cousins i ever have. i look up to him, love him like some1 i can learn from
and he understnads me sooo well..and hahaha..he was soo mean to me! but ah...
i guess becoz of him, i got some directions back in my life. he said alot fo things tat made me feel so much better, and yeah...tat's the miracle of liwei's words. love u my dear cousin. guess becoz he cares alot for me as a cousin and always never fails to make me feel at ease.
beauty of loved ones, hur? guess one thing tat makes it different.
he doesnt blame, and we can sort of see each other's views.
and i was listening to him abt him and his life and his gf (who jsut left for aussie for 2nd sem)
and how much he missed her yet knowing tat she needs to explore to know more abt life
he is kinda like a free soul. free n easy, knowing wat he has to do and stuff yet not restricting himself to only one way. he does wat he likes better. and he learns spanish..i MUST learn from him...heeheeheehee...and yeah..he wanna go cuba too, gosh...and haha...he is going back for ballroom dancing too...hahhaa...he is getting FAT, and ultimate frisbee isnt helping!..hahhahaha..
enuff of him
alwyntan: u siao ah...sms me suddenly and go "test test" and anyway, u've gotta meet my cousin, shixin who learns french too..gosh..the two of u can..hahaha...never mind, he reminds me abit of u too....weird la!...arty farty pple or those with the interest with french..and he is trying to go sweden for SEP next jan...SO TMEPTING TO GO EUROPE INSTEAD NOW!!!!ARGGHHH
anyway...the allancise is VERY CHIO and i saw this damn cute guy over there? haha..u know wat i mean....i keep telling wat i like right?? *winkz* anyway..think the film is pretty cool. but not impressive..really.
stephie dearie: ooi..wat happened to u these days..dun be like another kel who suddenly enver go online coz suddenly some1 got attached...hahahaha...erps...kelvin is going to kill me iwht that...
ERPS.
jodarling: i am fine.just one of those days, but after chatting w cousin, i felt better. much better.
no worries. hope u r fine too..u rest more okie?
if possible see ya on sunday nite..parents would leave ard 9pm i would fetch them then meet ya or wat lor?
1:34 AM |
|
Friday, July 23, 2004
stupidity:
almost killed myself for being sooo careless.
my references for lit review was almost wiped out.
and i have to waste 1 hr just to redo it
and now i am lagging behind time for my results discussions
sigh.
happiness:
dunno if i should rate this as happiness...partly i guess
some1 keeps sasying i pretty! but sorry it is a lady at work.
first keep telling me to take part in new face (think i am TOO OLD for that)
then secondly, she went, orh..u know..u ahve a very pretty face...but u know
must get ur skin cured (for my scars from ezecem)
oh well.....errrr....thank u for ur compliments...everyday also must say pretty here n there...
until i really cannot tahan...*puke*!
realisation:
no matter how terrible or crazy the weather/world is, as long as u keep telling urself to stay focused and think of happy things (like wat i have been doing for the past 3 days),
LIFE IS GOOD, REALLY.
=============================================
cant wait for tomolo to come...meeting my cousins!!!!!!! liwei and shixin...
bonjour, moiseuir, c'est la vie
shit i cant spell for nuts...hey at least i can prononuce bonjour now..it is w/o the n....
*grinning at brightass* and u horrible...never sms me back!!!!! as usu..some1 just hates smsing...
or giving excuses like, i am busy working and some1 is slacking!!!
esp to reply if u miss me or not!muahhahahaha....
but seriously, u still wanna meet on sunday, with jo (my parents off to penang) and this time haha. i might be able to drive u home. damnit, u might not even read my blog for some time...
ade: edmund went dance practice today and hahaha...sms me at 730pm to ask if i was going??
haha..maybe i might go in august...u?
jodarling: take care my darling. be well and i wanna see ya on sunday? *hugz*
12:01 AM |
|
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
happiness:
okie la, just got 2 jokes to tell. which would come later.
this pink is haha...
think i wanna go hiphop dancing with ravi and i wanna meet his gf......hahahaha....
hrmmm
realisations/goals:
1) going to read more, and understand more. gotta grow more as a person. cant stay like this forever!
2) gotta get my butt down to do my fyp again! and get to do my accounts so tat i can see how much can be spent on shoes. i need shoes.
JOKES:
1)
jolin(colleague at work...):ooi..u bang ur forehead against something ah?!
me: no? i never..y??
jolin:wah..then how come ur forehead got a red bump?!
me: tat isnt a bump, it is a pimple........
(it is tat big that my fren can say it is err..hahaha....BUMP!!! dot dot dot)
2)
jianan:orh..ur sister is 1.77m tall ah, how old?
me: 27 lor
jianan: orh...so like ur sister married ah?
me: no...dun have bf even
jianan: intro to me leh!!! she's working liao right???
me: HUR???u mad ah...u wanna jie di lian?
jianan: i dun mind....coz she can support herself mah!!!!!...and i am 1.78m
me: dot dot dot dot dot dot dot....
9:28 PM |
|
happiness:
1) had a nice time chatting with 2 person from work
one is agnes, haha...we were like chatting and like "suaning" pple sitting ard us!
she was a swimmer and haha..she has a good body..but now she seldom swims....sad
one was ravi and his love story of his german gf..haha...met 2 days in s'pore, fell in love
together for 2 weeks b4 she flew off, and going strong for 4 or 6 mths!...orh...n she is coming over for holiday..haha..she sure is a pretty young lady..same age as me!
2) met the void deckers namely xin afrum yangen who is back from UK for holiday and gilbert
interesting place gil suggested..."settlers' cafe" a place where u can play all sort of board games and have ur meals!!! it is a pretty cool place!! suggest a small group of 4-6 pple to go..really worth it..food isnt TAT great BUT is nice to interact...=o)
realisations:
1) u know when truth is repeatedly slapped in ur face, u then realise it is time to wake up
wat's worth would be worth it coz u did something abt it. but if not, it is not worth even a penny of ur time
2) i am just an ordinary girl, and i realised i wont succeed big la, but well,
as for now, i just wanna pass and get a okie degree...trying to aim for a better honours.
tat's abt it. and save 5-6K. i dun wish to fight for anymore things liao.
*silence is not just golden, but diamondly solid*
12:06 AM |
|
Monday, July 19, 2004
dear relacon,
luv always
relacon
================================================
10:05 PM |
|
i cant believe it
i am pretty proud of myself
my lit review is 95% done.
now it is just the last part
results and discussions which will kill me!
but i will survive...(as wat teckbeng always sings, a song close to heart for every FYP student!)
hahaha
1:00 AM |
|
Sunday, July 18, 2004
now i see funny things in life.
hahaha...
guess i was really feeling really terrible again...
coz my nose was acting weird, giving me very terrible headache.
trying so hard to do my report and somehow, it worsened the situation.
i took a nap, which gave me not much of a help!
it was the lack of sugars in my blood i tell ya.
i gave up, stressed out in the process of understanding bioaccumulation and biosorption
i took a good time off washing my 2week old laundry to realise many things.
was comtemplating on words by a few dear frens to understand them suddenly
it brought me only tears and how silly sometimes, humans really are.
i dare not say, others are, but at least i was.
no pt harping over things of the past, regardless of its goodness or its bad.
cherish wat u have now and stop dwelling of the past.
i heard tat in a movie yestersday, and it was like god's words ringing in my ears
i asked myself, wat has been installed in my life? wat are the purposes of all the ups and downs i have gone thru? i read this article in the newspaper, it was one of the wellknown hindu monk who tok abt life, understanding life.
and read abt the super carrier of SARS words then i started to chew on every single notion floating in my head.
it isnt true not to be happy, u can luff it all out and cry it all out. tat could be wat is MEANT FOR ME
i cant sleep well these days, for i lack a focus tat can bring me to sleep in peace, and to wake up to a morning full of momentum, and enthusiasm. it doesnt help when u think too much, pondering on how aimless sometimes i have felt.
maybe these words were right "just give ur best shot, no need to be so perfect"
i cant say i can make myself happy, becoz sometimes, the harder u try, the more empty u r
i can only say, i am not just sitting here and do nothing abt all the unhappiness in me.
i can bottle them up to others, but not to myself
pple can run away from me and my misery, but i cant
i just have to face them, and trash things out myself.
it is not as though no 1 is helping, but even if i dun even see a way to make things work for me
i guess, no 1 or no any great advice can do any miracle for me.
i will be there for myself at least for the moment.
and tonight,
i would give myself that few moments of private time.
just me myself and i,
thinking of the dark clear sky, full of twinkling stars inviting me to watch them.
lying down on the field of green grass, listening to the sweet nothings of the wind,
observing the movements of the stars, making a wish everytime i see a shooting star.
meanwhile, just relaxing every muscle in my body, reminsincing on the life i have so far,
giving thanks to every piece of puzzle tat makes up me.
i will never forget that day, of how peaceful and beautiful it was.
nope i am not dwelling on it.
but i am just grateful i was given that chance to experience it and let it become part of me
my only problem is i think too much.
not as if i am trying so hard to change it, i cant.
but i am just letting my mind rest.
just like if i can eat w/o much and eating happily, enjoying every single bite in my mouth
chewing the food, guess, it goes a long way. it is a starting pt isnt it?
just got to remember tat it actually happened on me. so i guess, it is just bringing it in more into my life.
==========================
everywhere i go, u know,
i take u with me, sweet darling.
==========================
8:12 PM |
|
hehe...i am going to try to add colours.
think this looks weird
but heck it
been feeling good and great actually
not one of those days , just tat today
jive became pretty horrible?
it is like i din mean to do some steps wrongly?
but i was confused, tired and SICK! and head was heavy
nose was acting weird, blocked on me and dunno wat???
then alice gave me a horrid look saying, "Y UR LEGS MOVED LIKE THIS ONE?!"
err
dunno? coz i dunno how to do the chicken walk?
roll eyes
hahahahah
watever la....
then later, i din get to dance too.
with partner i mean......... thruout the whole thing,
only 2 times.
and u know..sometimes, u GOTTA SNATCH MEN
and weirdly, the men dun really go and ask u one....
and being lazy, this time i wont bother anymore......
last time i will just grab la...but now...NAH........................
sometimes, dancing with urself builds up alot of balance.
bleah!
oh well...but i can tell ya my mum is such a darling.
sometimes i think, once in a blue moon, u gotta fight!
u gotta argue to find out more, the feelings bottled inside
now my mum knows i do have problems sleeping
NOT BECOZ i sleep late..i dun like coz work starts early
but seriously coz i cant sleep...
in the end my mum n i exchanged pointers
hahaha and weirdly when i got home complaining me feeling terrible?
she was like "aiyah..not enuff sleep !!!!"
jodarling, it is true, as long as i have good sleep for 6 hrs.
anyday and everyday is a happy day.
and she cooked stew and spaghatti!!following my footsteps!
hahaha...see la she went "u should have gone for the
cooking course on perankan food!!!"
hahaha..but mum, would u sponsor me for 50 bucks
u know, maybe i would just set up a cafe
then my mum can be the cashier, her long time retirement dream
my dad can make his coffee....
hahahah....
and maybe i would bake..cooking seems..hrmm
hahaha....
see how
dreams, never stop weaving them
hahaha.
12:17 AM |
|
Saturday, July 17, 2004
wah...now blog got colour somemore!!!!
haha
today was a weird day
in all
i proposed to 4 guys.
1 rejected me as i have mentioned,
2 din reply me....silence means no, not consent in this context
the other one was thru joanna!
hahaha...this is nuts i tell ya!
DAMN
but okie..the urge has started to fade fade fade..........
met up with jo, and she passed me TONS of PANTIES!
haha..and i am wearing one of the VS!
hahaha...and it was so corny..she was too tired la.
then we were chatting abt the men over there...wanting to get green card
ENSURING we can go there to work after we graduate (as long as her uncle is still there!!!)
haha..and err some1 is interested too horhor?....*looking at my "chauffeur"*
hehehe......
next time i will jio jo out and 2 of u can tok NON stop abt NYC la.
hahaha...meanwhile jo and i will look out fo VS, GAP, old navy to send to u in USA and u will receive them and bring them back in jan...love ya my buddy....*muack* okieokie...
dun shiver k?....
hahahahaha....
jodarling: haha...meet u again lor..
i am super free next sun nite..but afternoon better do report..then can use car!
hehehe..
so fast next week would be end of july soon! which means
PIAH! sunday is report day.
argh...
hahaha
almost luffed my head off while on my way home
and stupid jo left so early saying she wanna sleep
ended up..she is still awake now
okie kill her.....
1:21 AM |
|
Thursday, July 15, 2004
okie now
i have just proposed to some1!
and damnit!
he rejected me becoz he said
"well..no money...and..so wat if i like u but not enuff to marry u leh"
WAH LAU!!!!!!
but i still remembered kelvin couldnt take it when i kept "asking"
till he went "yeahyeah..."
hahahahhahaha
okie tomolo i will ask more..hahahahahhaha
and see which guy is willing to marry me immediately
and tell ya...it is now or never!!!!
coz i only get such urge once in a very blue moon
hahahahah
orh
if u would propose to me and i would see if u r acceptable too.
just drop a tag or email or msg!
*winkz*
"drumming fingers.....*
11:46 PM |
|
forgot to mention
haha
meeting jo tomolo!!
so excited
dress nice nice hor
tomolo i will dress nicenice again
so tat JJ will die of sugar!
hahahaha....oops..i just said something uncalled for
hahahaha
erps
i am sweet okie?
*tinkz*
hey!
i am REALLY SWEET!!!!!!
!#@$%^%^*$^&*@#$%!#$
oops
heeheee
*winkz*
i also dunno y am i so excited for wat?
not as if i am going out with some hot hunk
maybe darling, we can go there and get some hot hunks to drive us home
since i cant get the darn car..
hahaha
SUGAR POWER!
8:18 PM |
|
hahaha
suddenly i wanna get married!!!!!!
okieokie..
now is time to hunt for a man
heehee...
*giggles*
lalalalalalalalala
okie i shall pray hard enuff for a husband to drop from sky
hahaha
got inspiration from heavens today..
hahahahahha.....
=============================================================
ignore me
i am just plain silly
hahahahahha
think hahaha..
nvm.
bish
double bish
triple bish!
nvm!!!!!!
hahahahah....
errrps
think steph will....
NVM!
hhahaha
oh shit she is going to kill me
hahahaha
8:05 PM |
|
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
JO IS BACK!
haha
darling will meet ya on friday?
AND I AM PRETTY IRRITATED
my tuition kid jsut stopped her tuition???????
and when i told charles?
he just went "wat did u do? nothing to teach or wat?or u insulted her intelluct?"
helo...okie so i can be a mean person? but i am trying my best to teach her??
her reason was she has too much work to kill lor.
anyway i can see her fatigue???
not as if i am tat bad, if i am tat bad, i guess u kick me out as a teacher i am fine with tat...argh....
charles u better ask properly!!!! b4 "accusing"
still sick but oh well
less one income
i have to survive on 650 and ensure my money grow till 5k?
hahaha like how? oh well..
eat air.
watever.
sleep
i dun like it when ur ears are blocked.....
u cant hear properly
watever
i need to sleep
slept the whole day,
took mc
and thinking pple were like "take mc for wat?"
mum went "but u jsut started work and u took mc?"
okie..so i have decided to give myself that break
i need tat and also, i cant pull myself to work when i will fall asleep?
i rather use the mc so at least i get to rest and do my work properly tomolo
and my mum really pulled stunt...she thot i was soo sick that she decided not to go out w my dad, and stayed at keep me company (and the whole afternoon i did nothing but zz)
i was like heh?? just go and book ur penang trip la! i am fine..i can take care
of myself bewildered me went to see doc, thinking...wah...retirement life is liek this one last time i was soooo sick till i cant even walk..also survived like
this time no fever..not so bad...hahaha...
wah...but minced pork with pickled cabbage with porridge is good.
hahahahah.....
=====================================================================
if i cant get things done properly,
i rather ensure i can do them the next day
so dun make me sound as though i wanna to slack?
hahahaha.....
and i hate to have weird dreams
i dreamt of my dad passing away
CHOOOIIII!!!!!!!!
think i sms brightass abt it? din i????
i need ot say it out so it wont come thru
anyway..i hate tat
it is a horrible dream
i rather i die than he dies!!!!!!
PUI!
11:03 PM |
|
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
it is a day like this
waking to a cold cold morning,
to a hot hot day.
to a cold cold afternoon,
to a feverish evening
u ask me why i still think of u
u ask me why i cant help dancing
u ask me why i am sick?
it is a day like this,
i dunno how to answer ur questions
i felt the pain i stabbed myself in,
the headache somehow refused to fade
warping up in the office,
i blinked to fatigue,
i sneezed to the computer,
i wish a day like this would disappear
if someone told me to let me be,
then i know he never appreciates me
if someone told me to watch it,
i know, at least he/she has bothered to be bothered
it is a day like this
i took a plunge off the cliff
to prepare for death, thinking life has ended
but it is then only how beautiful this world is
and a pair of wings sweep me off the fast approaching ground
and i flew high.
i touched down with a gentle thud, yet i know all beauty has
disappeared
it is a day like this, i wonder y i was not to die.
the work i did, the stress mounted,
the simple meals i ate,
the tons of used tissues in the bin.
it is a day like this, i asked myself
wat day is it today?
time flies past me
it is mid week
i ask again, and it is a day like this
i wish i can sleep.
i quivered in my sleep, to find myself in a pool of sweat
it was cold, it was hot.
it was everything i thot
y din the body take the blow?
yet the mind took the rest?
it is a day liek this,
i took the bus and fell asleep soundly
the wind howled beside my ear,
but i cant hear a thing
the thunder roared past me
but my ears were shut
the paper saw the eyes squint
only the song rings in the heart
it is a day like this,
i wish i knew more
it is a day like this,
i wish i could know it all
it is a day like this,
i wish i could see myself in u
it is a day like this,
i realised, it was me in u
it is a day like this
i knew i lost me in u.
it doesnt help at all to have cramps and FLU
*sniff sniff*
argh, i am listening to burn again
haha
got the usher cd once again from stephie!
i need to sleep
wonder if i can actually climb up for work tomolo
i feel cold yet i am hot.
am i having fever?
and let me tell u this,
it isnt a crime to fall sick
dun make me sound like a criminal!
it is miserable to fall sick
and as if i wish to....
*a big sigh!*
11:07 PM |
|
Monday, July 12, 2004
i have a terrible terrible headache
but argh..work is piling up from work and RP
okie must hold fast!!!!!!!!
but on a very hahah..interesting note
was on the company's bus home, was chatting w a collegue.
was saying, wah..the weather's nuts.... cold, hot, cold, hot
and i am having a big headache! (of coz i din mention i also just got my P..heehee..
not to a guy and i just knew him for a week?????heehee) then he went
"yeah lor...tat;s y sometimes, u dun even know when u will just die like this,
die in ur sleep, die while excerising!...life's short, so must enjoy while u can, while u r young!"
okie he is 31 yrs old, telling a turning 22 yr old lady.
i was like..hahaha....i know...but sometimes, u just cant help it but not live life to the fullest.
hahaha
then it brought me to remember wat alwyn and i had chatted yesterday at JP.
singlehood and how pple should deal with it and its loneliness.
coz both of us were like..hahaha...wat to do when we are old and single!
then, i remembered when i was much younger, my sister would tell me,
coz she was leaving school(NUS) and starting to work.
she told me alot of things, like if u r to remain single, u would be pretty rich in a way
coz u most prob support ur parents then only urself. but when u turn old, u would wish to die much earlier so tat u wont feel the loneliness when u r of old age.
i think i even remembered she telling me "if u have the cash and u r still in ur 20s-30s
go overseas, go study or wat...dun just stay here. since u have nothing to worry, just go." tat was when she hasnt met her current husband, abeit not having a bf then.
after which, she then got hitched!..hahaha...errps..
i guess if she never got settled down, she would have left to take masters or wat liao.
dunno. life hur?
then i mentioned to alwyn "orh..singlehood? it is pretty jialat. u have to ensure that u have sufficient cash when u r old so that when u r sick but not too sick to die of forced death, u gotta book a place in old folk's home. and spend the rest of ur life there"
and i am not kidding, coz i once watched a documentary, they were toking abt the aging population in japan and how the lonely aged spent their lives.
and those in their 40s started to hunt for old folks home to house them in the later yrs!!
gosh, and singapore would need such things soon.
haha...so i think, either way whether u wanna get married or stay single, whether u can choose or not, u just gotta save tons of money.
and ensure ur money grow....
really
GROW, and not by interest rates of banks savings. they are pathetic
but by investments.
if not, u will have alot of problems later in the golden yrs.
so how to enjoy life to the fullest when u r going to be a slave to money?
slave to money?
or slave to ur aged self?
orh crap.
so do u plan far enuff?
yet changes are faster than plans
yet u need a big picture to focus
yet u never know if ur destination changes
life
hahahaha...
*splitting headache acting again*
miraculously, i am not having MSs.......
*smacks forehead*
so either which, u better pray hard u strike toto and win the 1st group prize urself only
so at least u could be a millionaire w/o being tax for it.
hahahaha...
back to tv THEN REPORT
*groans*
DEARIE: bnig usher cd!!! of coz with the cd INSIDE!!!!!!!!!
*hugz*
7:02 PM |
|
Sunday, July 11, 2004
wat a tiring weekend but pretty fun and did enjoy myself
jive was good, somehow i began to understand
guess it is not asking too much of urself
though i really wish to master it very much..but i enjoyed it now very much...
haha..was teaching errrr...forget his name (ade, wat's his name ah?)the steps tat he din learn...he just joined...but wuold say, he really can do the tension thingy.heehee...
new move: tap heel swiver..
hahaha...so fast....hahaha..
think ade (if u r reading this) haha..got abit of rude shock when i was commenting
on her steppings for salsa..sorry if u really do. but as i have explained myself yesterday over msn....
oh well...dun mean anything much really, just felt it was different, but no worries, u dance pretty well. as i have mentioned, paps has only praises for u.
was out with brightass yesterday nite (was pretty fun walking ard hunting for hahaha...u know wat i mean!!) and today to keep him company for lunch!
but it was good though at jurong pt...coz for once, i was chilling out, toking cok and just lazing ard, not bothered with time or wat i HAVENT done.
though i din touch my RP at all today!!!!*faintz*
but well..i am definitely more recharged!
hahaha...thanks dude!..c'mon. go usa with me next yr la!!! we go cuba!!!!!!!
finally got someone to go with me. if i am not wrong, my cousin (liwei) would be interested too!!!!... argh...
okie i am tired, to bed i must!!!
sigh
it is monday again
okie i really think i gotta finish my lit review!!!!!!
argh..
hahahaha
*stressing up once more.....*
10:00 PM |
|
Singing in the Rain Lyrics
(jamie cullum)
I'm singing in the rain
Just singing in the rain
What a glorious feeling
I'm happy again
I'm laughing at clouds
So dark up above
The sun's in my heart
And I'm ready for love
For love
Let the stormy clouds chase
Everyone from the place
Come on with the rain
I've a smile on my face
I'll walk down the lane
With a happy refrain
Singing, singing in the rain
In the rain.
La...
I'm singing in the rain
Just singing in the rain
What a glorious feeling
I'm happy again
I walk down the lane
With a happy refrain
I'm singing, singing in the rain
In the rain
In the rain
hahha..i was feeling this right in the day!
it was a gloomy day but i was so ready to face any challenges
really..i was clearing m lab!!!!!! so yeah..left report only
maybe coz one less thing on ur mind.
to me, life is queer.
one moment happy, one moemnt sad
one moment both.
u can cry, luff, and feel silly
but guess, life still goes on.
the rainbow only comes out after the rain
1:43 AM |
|
Friday, July 09, 2004
i am happy and upset
dunno,
tons of things going thru my head
i dunno y?
i dunno how?
the lotus in pond stays as calm as it tries to
but a pebble was dropped into the pond
ripples were sent radially out,
no matter how hard the lotus tries not to bop up and down
it just went along with the flow of ripples
tell me how?
forget it.
i dun bother.
if something is perfect and at hands, it is worthless
coz u din fight for it at all
the beauty of happiness is because u fought for it.
u have to fight to feel the worthiness of the prize
u have to fight even if u have failed.
coz happiness is by the road of acquiring
11:06 PM |
|
Thursday, July 08, 2004
i kinda like the working place
i kinda think it could be better than school
dunno
i am tired
though somehow when i started my work proper in a way
i feel happy in a way
it is all like focused, purposeful
dunno.
it is PMSing at nite again!
hahah
how come i always seem to be PMSING?
hahaha
no la..heck it la..i guess it is just errrrr...
the cold cold nite, and i have been tired out!
hhaha...i am one who needs sleep ah!
jodarling:i miss ur emails ah...how? dun think u can access emails/net often
once again, i heard the violin.
the notes just filtered thru my ears
i sensed that sense of sadness.
violin, has tat tone of sadness, esp when the piece
is sad.
it brings out the flavour
and every note strung, is every chord in the heart
is every emotion u feel.
i love it.
it just moves me.
and i would close my eyes, and hear it all
i am the notes, i am the violin
i am the sound tat comes from it.
9:54 PM |
|
just received jo's sms
and also read her blog, she is leaving her workplace at bell labs at NJ
she is really sad...
but suddenly watching spiderman 2 gave me alot of inspirations
girl duno..u should watch tat movie
"sometimes, u have to sacrifice even the things u need and want most.
for the benefit of others"
then it all came as self sacrifice, giving up the stuff u like for others
then somehow, at the end of the show, while u thot yeah fine, i will jsut do wat i have to do, everything comes to u.
but tat's not the end
i guess, in life, many things are to be understood? not becoz u ARE trying to be UNDERSTANDING, but at least u wont freaking make urself miserable hur?
coz when i feel miserable i try to understnad, and while attaining certain level of rationality, alot of things became less painful or even depressing.
somehow i always believe in somethings, and yesh, stubbornness has got into me and make the worst blunders i have in my life
there are small regrets, just like small accidents like the car kissing car incident i have recently, but it has taught me alot b4 i get into major ones.
maybe it is that small lesson in life, (seemingly small at the later stage, yeah..alwyn u r right..but then again, dun forget, at that moment...it is BIG) would be a good reminder to reduce the chances of big regrets later in life!
dunno.
sound queer?
or rather, stupid?
i dunno,
just speaking my mind
i felt if there is a hero in all of us,
then let it shine.
at least for one moment in the whole span of our life,
we have done soemthing tat we can die for.
guess spiderman toks not just abt responsibilities, but recognising who u really are
and make it ur way. at least u were honest and sincere.
hopefully one day i can be tat.
no need to be a heroine for the world, nah, tat's impossible
but at least a little heroine to some1 close to heart, or even myself!
hahahaha
-----------------------------------------
said doesnt mean heard
heard doesnt mean understood
understood doesnt mean agreed
agreed doesnt mean action
-----------------------------------------
i guess tat was wat i said a few months back
u can understnad but not agree
u can agree but not do anything abt it
actually there is still one last sentence to tat whoel stanza
but cant remember
will check at work tomolo again.
okie going to sleep and confirm tomolo cant stay awake!
think tomolo i need coke.......
12:50 AM |
|
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
maybe it is the place, maybe it is the famariliarity
maybe it is just me
stupid yeesheng hasnt replied me!!!!!!!
argh...
stupid boy......
okieokie
back to report...
JIAYOU
sorry chris, cant meet up w u.
i am really sorry
steph dearie:hey..dun be too angry can?
how come never sms me back?
angry?
take care and glad u like the bag!
10:20 PM |
|
It's About Time
(Jamie Cullum)
Walking down to the waters edge, where I have been before
If I don’t find my love sometime, I’m walking out that door
Some may come and some may go, but no-one seems to be
The person I’ve been searching for, the one who’s meant for me
Biddin' my time, trying to find the heart that’s lonely
Looking for her, my love, my one and only
Maybe I’ll dream, tonight about the girl, who’ll be coming my way
So I’ll take this chance and celebrate the day
When I’m making my way through an open door
I got some love and so much more
And I’m ready, to make someone mine
Making my way through an open door
I got some love and so much more
And I’ll find her
'cause it’s about time
Tried to hard and it feels just like you’re running on thin air
Why does love happen by surprise, if you don’t really care
The past is gone; the flames are out from fires that have burned
New ideals and different thoughts from lessons I have learnt
Biddin' my time, trying to find the heart that’s lonely
Looking for her, my love, my one and only
Maybe I’ll dream, tonight about the girl, who’ll be coming my way
So I take this chance and celebrate the day
When I’m making my way through an open door
I got some love and so much more
And I’m ready, to make someone mine
Making my way through an open door
I got some love and so much more
And I’ll find her
'cause it’s about time
Got the feeling this could take a pretty long while, to find that smile
I’ll put my faith in another piece of good advice, well I tried that twice
Waiting for a little something more, to inspire, take me higher
And I’m ready to make someone mine
I’m making my way through an open door
I got some love and so much more
And I’ll find her
'cause it’s about time
it's about time (3x)
sorry hahaha..cant help it but going to put up
one song's lyrics a day, and they would be all by jamie cullum
okie tat would be at least a week
he is so darn good.
I LOVE U CULLUM
BE MINE?
12:17 AM |
|
started my IA today
haha...a joke tat was pretty interesting
coz currently, jian an and i dun have our own workstation
we were kinda in odd places
coz we are in same department BUT under different sections
he is in MRT (not our MRT) and i am in MTC
he is now sitting at 2nd level at the IT department...(hur??)
and i am sitting in AN OFFICE! yeah....only big bosses have offices
and i have my own office but only temporary la...but heehee
the secretary of the big boss went "wah..i worked for so long also no office!!!"
hahaha...and okie i have my really slow computer set up within 3 hrs.
then it was taking photos of random packings and readings...
pretty interesting stuff but to note, mostly all youngsters...says quite abit
for the company...anyway, it was pretty good.
can work on my own in a way. and learn alot in a way and it is one of my fav subject
maybe tat's y i guess fate runs sometimes in a queer way.
so place some faith in it i guess.
nothing much i guess.
but hell, was that not alot of stuff to blog?
gosh
i wanna dance....and tomolo is tuesday.
time flies
and i am back to my RP report!!!!!
12:04 AM |
|
Monday, July 05, 2004
every nite i listen to the wind
every day i wake up to the bright sunlight
every stressed day, i would weep in my shower
every upsetting day, i would tear myself to sleep
though things tat are unfinished,
there is a new chapter that unfolds.
may hope revives, and turn into reality
may my mind and body get a good rub and pat
slowly, the heart opens for a dream,
a dream for life,
tat takes root forever.
a direction has pointed itself to the path
r u game for it?
u can dance all ur nites away
u can cry all u want
but it is always the future i am betting on.
and i will get by today ultimately.
ever since i have gotta in NUS, life has suddenly changed so drastically
i was never as upset or depressed as this b4 and for this long
it has been 3 yrs, and jodarling, it is still fresh in my head
tat very day in NUS handing up some forms when we were trying to find eng canteen to get teh ping and the uncle goes "teh ping? nor, put ice into the cup and take hot tea gives u teh ping!"
time flies and i have once again, dug out those office wear to wear to work
it was more than 3 yrs ago.
but again, everything is so fresh in my head
PSB, straits lion, RT back in ACJC
all fresh in my head and i was then much happier,
more focus, hyped abt life.
i once told yanxu, "i wish i was tat sunshine girl u knew when we were in JC2"
hahaha...he said the same thing too.
okie i am repeating myself again.
this is the sign of turning old, mentally!!!!
hahahhahahahaha
need to sleep cant sleep! damn la..
715am tomolo..........how to survive till 8pm?
JIAYOU RELACON!
12:00 AM |
|
Sunday, July 04, 2004
finally got my 1st draft printed and passed to hian kai
HK: dear, i owe u one okie? hrmm *hugz* thanks alot
thanks gilbert for allowing me to lament
i was alone in lab today and i was soooo stressed
coz i was trying to "complete" the never be completed report
but then i managed to churn out 50 pgs which errr
somehow some dun belong to me
but heck it
i just need the chop
and now
i am so focused to finish the report, good and precise
coz i am going to show my prof i am who i am and i will prove myself right
so i have only 4 weeks left and IA IS STARTING TOMOLO!!!!
i am pretty excited and yeah, hopefully i will learn something nice, meet nice pple and
enjoy my IA while slogging my report at nites.
i trust myself, i wll get it done b4 i head to my trip at pulau ____ (hk: wat's the name of the island) on national day's weekend. tat would be one trip that i would be free from RESEARCH PROJECT!
i have lamented quite a bit and forgotten to report abt dance!!
took up 2 courses now. both on sat back to back
intermediate jive, and me and elaine were so kelian
no partners..coz half the class consisted of couples!!!!!
haha..and the guys jsut refused to help the other girls
so we danced ourselves till allen cun take it
haha
but i like this step "kick, tap, step"
hrmm...was it the chant? gosh i forgot..and it is just yesterday.
okie la...i have been dazed and rather forgetful!
oh well
i am welcoming the challenge ahead for the rest of july
suddenly i see it. i am focused once again..
=o)
jodarling: i am sooo envious of u travelling ard NJ and NY.
oh well..but enjoy urself okie?
seriously speaking i dun mind travelling USA for graduation trip
coz we still have frens there.
=o)
and i have to declare i miss dearie aka steph
but i am sooo busy and hahaha..mind is blank most of the time
even jodarling dun get much of my attention
y not email me?
confirm will reply one
10:24 PM |
|
Look What You've Done Lyrics
(Jet)
Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won
Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
i love this song!!!
brightass: heh..i finally found out the title and the singer!
gosh this is such a nice nice nice nice song...arghh...
i love it!
2:22 PM |
|
Chris is back!!!
hahahaha
okieokie...now is back to lab
argh
i am sleepy in this cold environment
9:21 AM |
|
Saturday, July 03, 2004
i shall blog nothing but the piano recital i have jsut attended
performed by Leslie Howard
beethoven:
boring 15 variations, almsot put me to sleep, or either tat i was already very tired from this whole week's events
fugue in Eflat minor was not too bad, could sit up and be more attentive
but to note, this pianist has fantastic fingerwork.
his tone, his clarity at such great length of running notes, i could hear all ornaments,
very descriptive, till sometimes it becomes very confusing to hear him play, coz it is too distinct..dunno wat to listen to sometimes..hahaha
Liszt:
guess this has gotta be his fav coz he played alot and he made tons of cds on him
variations was fine, not very attentive to it, but when it came to Scherzo n March S177
the March was pretty interesting. the theme was played over and over again with diff accompaniment which gives very focus and directive innotation to the piece which gives me alot of pleasure in listening. also i have found this piece he has played rather familiar. but as again, liszt being a very romantic period composer, his pieces spanned the whole keyboard which as again, alot of romantic pieces are alwyas very interesting to listen, but hard to master
the techniques required by the pianist is not just precision but also capability to bring out the flavour of the notes, dynamics, decorations placed in the score. and somehow, this pianist has that tecnique but sometimes, too precise to my liking at times
but his pedal work is perfect. his posture is all dedicated in allowing himself to be with the keyboard as one. thus, not much of a disaster in listening to him play
chopin:
normal muzurkas, not as grand and full, thick as Liszt played, but it came as a breather, a small peek of sunshine in all the hyped up ambience after the heavy Liszt pieces. short and sweet they can be, pretty flowy. though sweetly and gently presented, not memorable
Alkan:
the composer i have never heard b4, supposedly forgotten in his times. his pieces were only being recently appreaciated by late pianist, ronald smith (who was supposed to perform instead of leslie)
as the commentory has mentioned, pieces played was the symphony for solo piano, Op 39, No 4-9. allergo was the most distinctive and it turned to be a very structural, huge, wholesome thick piece which ended up too structural tat i found it unromantic though its moods were very passionate and overwhelming.
guess the rigidity of the piece gave it a very distinct flavour of a piece tat just doesnt flow, with a tint of unpolished sides, hrmm maybe like a supercooled glass.
not liquid nor solid, hard to decipher, but maybe this is due to the composer's character, alone, aloft, self-denial. as always believed, one composer's pieces is always reflective of his character or mood. tat is art hur? or rather, their life, their expression. so i guess, as Leslie proceded to the finale:presto, supposedly the hardest to play with all the out-of-this-world techniques required, seemed to be overshadowed by the allergo. okie this is very much my personal opinion.
interestingly, Leslie has 2 encores.
the 1st:
according to a fren, it is by liszt but i cun hear wat he was saying....
but it was the shock of my life.
he played so well, tat i was actually translated to a level of understanding of the piece instantly
as mentioned, his fingerwork is realyl impressive and thus the clarity of the tones, notes, chords gave him an upper hand in performaning this piece
guess must be his fav, if not he wouldnt have played it!
this song gave me this pic: left hand was rushing waters, like in a storm, those running notes, up and down, gave that impatience of knocking u down, bringing u down, turning ur boat upside down, and the panicky urge to get out of it
yet his right hand played the most calm, peaceful chords with direction, focus and this capability to calm the most anxious thing on earth.
with these two clashing extremes, it gave u this full picture, of hard and soft,
imaptience and serenity. it was mindblowing actually.
i sat up enjoying the right n left together, only to realise they blend in sooo well together, tat i realised, this pianist has actually brought out the flavour of the piece
and i concluded this piece was pretty enlightening.
at 3 pts (i think) transition stages where the left overtook the right. meaning
the calm scenorio has been invaded. it was disturbed, it was brought into sychronisation of diunity, unbalanced mood. it became extreme anixety yet actually gives a full ROUND sound to it coz of the oneness of both voices. just like going with the flow, and not against it. thus making me think of life once again on a whole.
it ended off pretty. in a soft, lingering manner which tells me more abt savouring the moments of ups and downs, controlling ones' emotions and allowing oneself to remain calm amidst all. guess it is just NOT a piece of art by liszt, but the greatness and deep understanding and appreciation by the pianist. guess he must have related the piece close to heart one way or another tat gave him that edge to perform superbly
tat's how a pianist should be, to give the audience tat picture the piece is trying to protray. fantastic
2nd encore:
much of a lullably..heehee, okie guess after 2 hrs of listening, and plain fatigue overtook me
12:46 AM |
|
Friday, July 02, 2004
These Are The Days
(Jamie Cullum )
These are the days that I’ve been missing
Give me the taste, give me the joy of some wine
These are the days that bring new meaning
I feel the stillness of the sun and I feel fine
Sometimes when the nights are closing early
I remember you and I start to smile
Even though now you don’t want to know me
I get on by, and I go the extra mile
These are the times when love and meaning,
ice of the heart, melted away and found the light
These are the days of endless dreaming
Troubles of life, floating away like a bird in flight
These are the days
These are the days
These are the days
I thought you said our love would last forever
Believing that the tears would end for good
I told you that we’d get through any weather
Maybe that didn’t work out, but we did the best we could
These are the days that I’ve been missing
Give me the taste give me the joy of some wine
These are the days that bring new meaning
I feel the stillness of the sun and I feel fine
Twentysomething
(Jamie Cullum )
After years of expensive education,
a car full of books and anticipation,
I’m an expert on Shakespeare and that’s a hell of a lot but the world don't need scholars as much as I thought.
Maybe I'll go travelling for a year,
finding myself or start a career.
I could work for the poor though I’m hungry for fame
we all seem so different but we're just the same.
Maybe I'll go to the gym, so I don't get fat,
are things more easy with a tight six pack?
Who knows the answers? Who do you trust?
I can't event separate love from lust.
Maybe I’ll move back home and pay off my loans,
working nine to five answering phones.
Don't make me live for my friday nights,
drinking eight pints and getting in fights.
I don't want to get up, just let me lie in,
leave me alone, I'm a twenty something.
Maybe I'll just fall in love that could solve it all,
philosophers say that that’s enough,
there surely must be more. Ooooh
Love ain’t the answer nor is work,
the truth alludes me so much it hurts.
But I’m still having fun and I guess that's the key,
a twenty something and I'll keep being me.
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
I’m a twenty something.
Let me lie in, Leave me alone.
I’m a twenty something.
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
it is always at this time of my days when i am suffering
from severe stress.
when u realised, u have no one to turn to help but urself
and yet u can hardly spare tat own personal time and mentality to urself
u r tired, u cant think, u need to ramble yet to no 1
thus u seek from music tat soothes tat troubled mind and soul
may tomolo be a better day
help me
12:00 PM |
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
