for a world that doesnt exist
for a universe that stands still
contact:
relacon@gmail.com
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DAILY INSPIRATION:
this day, i pray
this day, i smile
this day, i wish u all the best!
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wat u want to abt me?
and why?
how much can u find out,
when i dun even know
who i am?
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Saturday, October 30, 2004
this is so queer
something tat was buried was brought alive
but never did i realise tat it was already buried till forced to dig it out
then i realised, it doesnt seem as painful as it was.
it was already gone.
then it was then, when i got home, received that my 2nd uncle's wife passed away
she was in hospital for a month, and doc cun find out wats wrong with her
and i guess she passed away peacefully today.
life and death
i was shocked
but it was overcame immediately when i started to worry abt my cousin
whom i hardly communicate.
he is the only child, and he is very close to his mum and dad.
i just want to go to the wake and be there for him.
liwei knew just now and got a shock
guess now wat we can do is do something for the living ones.
hopefully they can tide over this.
then it showed how one can bounce back to life path and continue to walk
yet some cun
some needed help when down,
i would say mostly do.
but some just cun do it
some could
attitude
is wat all it takes?
not likely.
but i am just praying
tat at least we all know wat is impt to us and wat should be cared for.
not just for ourselves.
but for them
all of us are just pieces of the puzzle
some similar some so different
so belong to extreme sides of the puzzle, not alike at all
yet linked by the pieces surrounding us.
to find the matching pieces not just abt pple who are like us
but pple who can make us a bigger entity
to make the picture more complete than ever.
life and death have their purposes
life is to celebrate, a new hope
and death, is a reminder to care for wat and who's left.
sigh
1:52 AM |
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Friday, October 29, 2004
finally watched the movie
it is really a weird movie
so in the end? did matiue love her? were they in love??
cant be
he is the female gay for he exclaimed he has found the love of his life
ceilia was a woman who lost her husband to an accident whom she loves very dearly, but not ready to face his death and their child, lucas.
she tried a few times to commit sucide only to land herself in a gay community, and yeah in the movie, she is the only woman walking down the streets....but tats the whole pt
she wants to start a new life, to think she is already dead, lucas and thiery (her husband) also dead with her. but she isnt.....so i guess not fallingin love with any1 is a good idea
gays ard her are like supports but they are men yet wont fall for her...apparently tat wat i think eh???
she stumbled across matieu a gay who loves paso doble and apparently loves the man he sleeps w....and this girl was trying to find herself, was helping others?
matiue wanted her to forget her husband and get a life.
but ceilia refused.
confusing movie really
coz to me, it seems the r'ship they had was more like a sister to a brother or a mother to a son.
all lack the sense of security, needing love, not sex.
coz in the show, the gays like wanting sex,
there's this guy, tiago, was trying so hard to want happiness
said "wanting happiness is already being happy.."
and he proved himself wrong, or tat's wat i thot.
coz when he saw this gay couple on the streets, with one baring his butt, the other sucking his cock (mind u this is an art film and yeah...it si R21) then started to get relaly heated up, kissing and groping each other. he got turned on (coz i think he hasnt have sex for a long time....think a girl or a guy would do the job) wanted to join in but only to be pushed away.
he was left there, yearning for comfort yet unhappy.
so wanting happiness seems not equating to being happy
ceilia cun just go back to find her boy.
i guess tat's becoz, he just reminded her of her deceased husband
then wat i really udn get it or rather 3 of us (me liwei and shixin) din get is
how come matiue wanted to give ceilia a child (though she totally din like the idea...coz she has already abandoned one)
coz somehow, when matiue was sleeping with his partner...he suddenly withdrew....and tat was weird...coz he said he was the love of his life. apparently not.
i guess both were pacing to and back the line of having comfort, having love, having sex.
matiue loved his partner for the sex.
ceilia loved the husband for the love.
or was there something else to this movie?
or rather both of them were already dead, dead in their own world, in their feelings,
in their loves?
WAT THE HECK?!
but it started off very morbid
very morbid
her husband walked out into the bedroom naked, starting to "tok" to her and then slowly walked away....okie tat was his spirit.
it was very queer.
either is i dun understand part of the culture they have
or/and it is really an art film
yeah it was shown in Cannes 2002
hahaha
too CHIM for me la!
1:16 AM |
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Wednesday, October 27, 2004
this is the day when i realised
i sort of have let things go!!
sooo cooooollll
hahaha
no longer anything, or getting upset
i am just being ME! and little me wanna be happy for who i am
i know pple esp family and frens love me, always tolerating me!
but it is okie. coz u are not facing me 24/7 mah! heehee
but thanks for loving me as a family member and a fren.
at least i know u pple care
i will always love myself and love u pple always
hehehe....
i am pretty happy for wat i am now.
ahhhh...hahha...okie enuff said...rather keep the rest to myself...
but i see wat my life would bring in the future! and nope
it isnt pessimistic or low self esteem either!
in the dream i see a light,
and the light is my future.
i woke up to reality,
i see the light again.
it wasnt a dream
it is there all along.
though i am SURE no 1 can tolerate me all their life
sometimes, i pity jo (esp in the past few months) hahaha....rening me
erps..
but thanks ah...
no worries...
and hey jodarling...take care la..i know u r stressed.....need some1 to "tok" just call me ah
*hugz*
steph: yeah..i read ur blog... it is sweet sweet memory? tat's wat u like abt some1 hur?
alwyas there in ur heart, that place never been replaced. am sure it is a very good thing to have happened too...so look fwd to ur tomolos!!! coz tat's wat he wants to see u, being happy the next time fate brings u 2 close frens to meet again. find ur future, like he is finding his.
stay chirpy girl...think of JB in late nov.....*hugz*
okie...time to hibernate again
think this IA reminded me how to draw out and look at things at the big picture then take part to fill in details. not much of engineering related stuff
but it is lessons tat go really far... human relationships.
=o)
life is worth living as long as u know wat u r working for.
cheers!
11:30 PM |
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have u ever felt tat something is creeping into u?
and it is like an withdrawal syndrome if u dun do it?
but u know it is just amusement?
i think i have to come out with an excuse of
"ooi..my sms reduces to 700..so no more 1000...we better not sms each other too much"
hahahah....
this is so weird
but heck it
it is just pure boredom tat led to this
cant believe myself either
hahahah
for looking at it, and went "hur? i did that? again........"
but it was comfort in a way, when i saw that eyes
good nite my dear fren.
1:27 AM |
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Saturday, October 23, 2004
17 fois Cécile Cassard
this is wat i am going to catch on thursday!!!
the story line is good
goodness gracious
i think i have a busy week ahead...dotdotdot...
think i hibernate for only like err 2-3 weeks?
sunday: going all the way to serangoon just to keep the BORED and "one legged"JA company, no mahjong!!!!ARGHH.....but he offers prata....dotdotdot.....he is getting fat...not me....
monday: piano...and heehee..i like the geshwin song alot alot..classical jazz..okie...fine..it is ragtime actually..
tuesday: REST!!!! i hope
wed: dance practice..hahaha...and stupid allen knew my name by heart...and keeps toking to us abt competiting...while looking at me? eh..no time liao..hahaha..i want..but sigh..no time
qouting from pierre, a french guy who is learning interchacha..."when u r a student, u have alot of time, but no $$, but when u r working, u have the $$$ but no time.." totally agree!
thursday: yeap..the french movie...kinda interesting...alwyn..so sad, could have asked u along too and listen to u and one of my cousin "frenching" (nope..not kissing...but speak french...)
friday: meeting CHOONIE!!! heehee....i miss this babe...and this girl?? she told me she managed to save abt 4-5 months of salary and they totalled up to 10 k????? okie, she will be my teacher...goodness...at this rate, i can actually go take masters in less than 5 yrs!
sat: last interchacha I dance class..haha..i kind of like pierre's chacha...like social chacha..and he loves tennis and taekwondo...goodness..and he is working as a trader..cool hur? must know this guy and somehow...he hates france...hrmm hahahha
y am i toking abt this french guy?!? heehee very nice blue eyes...getting lost in it...ahhhhh.
sorry...*giggles*
I WANT SPANISH GUYS...NOT FRENCH MEN!!!!
ERPS
*giggles*
10:51 PM |
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gilbert and his camera! haha...funny....but we look fat in here....haha 
12:04 AM |
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me and my gor...hahaha...got sibling look?!
12:02 AM |
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Friday, October 22, 2004
blur but CHIO!!!!
11:48 PM |
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heeheee
H:"beware....dun fall in love with me, u will then be helplessly in love with me *evil luffter*"
JA:"wah!!! ur love potion so powerful ah?! hahaha...."
errrrrrr
i wonder...
of coz, if u hang ard me..u will be in love with me! *winkz*
coz as wat liwei says, i am such a lovable girl!
*PUKE*
i know i know....piangz...cant i just pretend that i am such a desirable young lady?!
*poutz*
hahaha
i am turning mad
i miss u, ephraim gor!!!!!
and hahaha
alwyn tan, if u r reading this...i do mean every single word i said in my email!
i want to punch ur ******/*****
hahahahaha....NO i wont **** u all over ur **** but hahaha..i would punch ur *****
and the smaller punching bag i found cost 66 bucks....so i guess the next best thing is u as the punching bag and it is free..... MUAHAHAHA
y do i feel so evilly sadistically, nonsenically, violent and seductive?
hahahaha....
ignore me.
=oD
11:01 PM |
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Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Auditory : 21%Visual : 78%Left : 47%Right : 52%
Huihui, you exhibit balanced hemispheric dominance and a strong visual preference. It is the intensity of your sensory preference which may more determine your learning style.
The balance of left- and right-hemisphere usage is very helpful to a highly visual learner. You absorb your environment, selecting out details and simultaneously embedding them in a context, an overall perspective which adds nuances of meaning. Given the prodigious rate that you input information, you naturally utilize the services of both hemispheres more or less equally.
You are active and searching, which produces energy. Because you can process multiple inputs comfortably, you do not experience the indecision of a person with mixed sensory preference. You are able to focus on more than one aspect of a situation and push for resolution.
You can tolerate ambiguity, which is good, since you will experience a lot of it due to your input style. While a part of you will always seek completion, the other part will accept the process as it is. You may occasionally get impatient with yourself. You will always be able to work through problems in a logical sequence or given order, but you will have other options available to you as well.
You may find that you have insufficient time to reflect on your experiences and thus lose a sense of meaning, not appreciating your "inner being" as much as you might otherwise.
Many people would envy your combination of characteristics. Constantly seeking stimulation, you are artistic without needing to be "odd," an active learner and yet reasonably logical and disciplined.
Imagine that the Girl Next Door moved to the big city. Think of Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally. She's America's sweetheart with an urban sensibility. She's a post-Christian spiritualist, a pre-Monica Clintonite, and a dues-paying member of at least one social-change organization like NOW, Planned Parenthood, or the Sierra Club. You won't find her at an Earth First or PETA meeting, though. Those are the Granola Girl's stomping grounds. Progressive Girls want the world to be a better place, but they live out their politics in a moderate, left-of-center way.
If you are going to date a Progressive Girl, the one sin you can commit is to be a chameleon. Molding your opinions to fit hers will lose her respect. One very positive thing you can do is offer her new experiences -- the Progressive Girl is fearless about trying new things. Whether it's pluralism, skydiving, Asian peanut sauce, or this book, the Progressive Girl is always looking for new ideas.
She Might Be a Progressive Girl if:
She drives: a small SUV but really wishes it got better mileage; once she can get a good hybrid, she will.
She can talk for more than ten minutes about: just about anything.
She begins her sentences with: "Susan Sarandon says..."
She'd never: pass up the chance for a new experience.
She owns any of the following: a water filter, a tabletop fountain, an acre of rain forest, a mutt from the pound.
9:41 PM |
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Monday, October 18, 2004
ugly duckling
will always be tat ugly duckling
QUACK!QUACK!
geshwin....
i LIKE
hahaha
maybe i should drop by ACJC on thursday
hahaha
since i wanna take half day off....
10:39 PM |
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Saturday, October 16, 2004
hahaha
think madness
i am going to put tat photo of my nephew in my hp
learning tat from JA (who now sits on my hp photo)
hahahaha
"tat's my son!"
hahahahahah
erps
never mind
by the time 2046 is here
i would be... 44+22=66!!
eerrrriieeeee...but u know...think i like the soundtrack of the movie
ahahaha....
"i have learnt tat there's one thing i can never lend!"
and he meant love.
y do i still look like i am in yr 1 of NUS..
DOTDOTDOT
and i am bloody yr 4!!! graduating class!!!!!!!heehee...
haha...think i really prefer ballroom to salsa....dunno y??(ade: this is the truth..but which u like better? haha....hopefully u can find ur latin dance partner!!!and pls take care of urself yeah?)
but i think it would be interesting to go cuba and have a look at the authentic rumba and chachacha... hahahaha....
10:49 PM |
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Wednesday, October 13, 2004
just another food of thought
girls out there? okie, lets say if u r quite a good looking gal,
*looking at some1*
tat u would attract attention when u walk down the streets
okie never mind..
then u r definitely an eye catcher hur? *winkz*
but the pt is, wat makes u an eye catcher?
ur good looks? ur figure? that fair smooth long legs?
of coz...only the guys who drool over u would know wat attract their attention
comments like "long silky black hair, with that curvy body, toned arms with long legs, and expressive eyes, nicely shaped face, sweet smile with tat pink top and black skirt!"
but it is scaring to "hear" when pple do tat,
not say scaring but shocking.
they scrutinise u from head to toe, every inch and every cm. and they do it pretty sharply
it is okie...coz i do tat too..but i dun go to every inch..it is more like the overall thingy
but....hahah...never mind....hair, shape of body, tone, legs even the clothes...hahah
okkkkiiiieeeeee ignore girls!....alas! fantasies.....
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when i am going to meet gilbert the next round.. i will RUN!!! hahaha..kidding
he goes "i never see u for a long time (and i dun think 2-3 weeks is long) hahaha..miss u leh!?"
and he goes "haha...now everytime i see u i wanan hug u coz ur figure turns better liao eh...."
and he compares mine with xin...helo...she hardly excerise mah and me? dance like no 1 business
dotdotdotdot...but this is soo gilbert....till the time he stops doing tat, it would be time he only does tat to his wife..i am so DARN SURE.
YAWN
11:21 PM |
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Tuesday, October 12, 2004
hrmm
i think, i have lost something...
hrmm
dropped it somewhere along the way.
oh well.
it isnt the 1st time.
it hurts when u seem to have lost something dear, but guess u will get numbed one...*shrugs*
if it is meant to be urs, it will be there all the time isnt it?
nothing lasts forever
anyway steph!!!
ur bday coming...wanna meet up or not???
=o)
i never forget leh....
if not free never mind okie....u take care...enjoy ur bday with things u wanna to do, pple u want to spend w...
tat's more impt....=o)
8:47 PM |
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i think this is pretty appropriate tat at this pt
and decided to blog it down
was "chatting" with JA abt something
and it came to an interesting light to both of us
"y u never tok to A? scully later A thinks u r angry"
i replied
"i am not angry with A? tat's the pt. even so, A will never think i will ever get angry and seems tat A has taken things for granted"
JA went "but A doesnt know mah....."
i went "sometimes A doesnt need to know. maybe i know is enuff, like again, nothing lasts forever!"
JA " guess so.... hur? hahaha"
me "yeah..hahahha...."
boldly, JA doesnt even know who A is.
yet he thinks so far,
then both of us realised, humans truly take every1 for granted.
including the both of us.
it is only the next time we SHOULD learn to cherish, to only forget the same thing again!
just like
dad "i felt watever i have learnt in school had gone to waste...i studied in chinese, but everything is in english, the education has failed me"
(yet he picked up english beocz he was forced to...so i wonder how much education has failed him
rather, be glad he allowed himself to fight..i always told him, ur english can be better than any1 on the streets...)
my sister was arguing with him tat pple have to learn. the chinese came here with no prior experience with english and in the end, their english standard were higher than the local singaporeans..
but dad continued to argue his pt, thinking it was all education and the change in society causes him to face a predicament.
i told him straight in the face
"just like me, i was promised tat with an degree, being an engineer, i would have a bright future, but to put it bluntly, tat's not the truth. i dun have an instant bright future with tat eng degree. so watever i have studied for the past 18 yrs have gone to waste??? wrong, learning is in the process, not the results. just like the guy i told u who was asking the minister of education wat happenes to us when we were once garuanteed a good future? and u r just like him"
that shut him up.
and i am thankful tat this society and education in a way, that made me think differently from my dad and my mother.
becoz i dare to admit tat education isnt just a degree, but to learn.
though society makes it seems harsh, but i am willing to make a future MYSELF.
1:07 AM |
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Sunday, October 03, 2004
lalala
forgot zhian is actually in chicago!!!
gosh....i must go in june
coz besides blues..
there's this gay/lesbian fest!
cool!!!!!!!!
must find places to dance
realise quickstep/rhythm uses very nice jazzzzz soongs in our dance studio
hahaha...
gosh..i am so hyped up..
now found a website on ballroom dancing which might have dance floor to dance on!!!!!!!!!
of coz must pay..but got free lessons..hahaha...wait...must able to persuade jo and hk and eugene to go..hahaha.....and zhian..then poor hk has to deal with 3 girls..never mind..go hook some cute guy...(hopefully not gay.....*winkz*)
wah lau...like this...think hk will die planning for me..
hahaha....i might stay there like the whole bloody week?(no $$$)
err..jazz..blues...dance...then see the city..bursting with life..
then getting bored with it...
hahahaha....
sad to say i am not there in sept
if not i can go for jazz fes...
they even have chinese new yr fest
guess the number of chinese is on the high side....i guess this city bursting with life
http://www.chicago.il.org
only bread and water..
i am going on a diet.
for wat?
USA trip
how to survive???
NYC, DC/Boston, CHICAGO, Michigan....
and maybe disneyland... okie....4k isnt enuff...i think i need 5 k
die...air tics is like how much??? 2 k...then left 3 k?
taking exchagne rate is abt 1.73 then i have abt 1.9k of usd
okie...how on earth am i to travel from NYC to MICHAGAN????????
i know...FLY........
with my own wings....
and u know wat?
i think i am very irriated with some things
sometimes, i dunno if i sohuld say...forget it.
if i say, i say, if i dun, i dun!
lets say
sometimes i can be understanding but when u really hit the cap and i will explode
i can REN, i ren alot liao...u wanna know wat i was like last time?
i am already very patient.
i listen and i still can be patient.
i usu dun do selective listening, unless u force me to.
and do u know how f**king tiring tat is?
and do u know how f**king tiring it is to keep a conversation alive
with only me toking? while trying to think how to keep u toking by asking
questions?
okie i dun blame u, i just blame myself for hating that moments of silence.
there u go
*swallowed*
12:00 PM |
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Saturday, October 02, 2004
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finally seems to have kai qiao
oh well. but a long way to go
if i am to have so much, i need to find another,
more than me. and where am i to find everything
to fit in so perfectly?? tat's impossible
i cant understand everything, but doesnt mean
can play a joke on me!
even weirdly, it should get better.
and i shall wait for the turning pt.
everything is predestined
and it is really in ur hands.
or rather on ur hands.
then if it is true to them, so it would to mine.
40 yrs down the road,
i would only know if everything is predestined.
queer.
queer.
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1:18 AM |
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Friday, October 01, 2004
when something isnt worth it,
seriously speaking,
you just know it isnt.
y bother when it isnt shown or proven tat it is?
it doesnt deserve it at all.
stop deluding urself.
oh well
hrmm...never mind
so sad tomolo no genki sushi..gotta go for the dance competition meeting
which means..JA cant treat me!!! argh..
never mind..meeting beng for sushi tei and he is treating!!!
hahaha.
beng:some1 said how come u so nice? hahahhaa..
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many a times, u wonder y u hope for so much,
when u know, it wont happen.
if life = hope, then let life lives in its dream.
then hope is only a dream.
in the end, it is all emptiness
with all in the world u can have,
but it is just void prevailing.
it is intangible, it is nothing in your hands
each letter spells misfortune.
each touch only means apart.
feel and spread your arms
in the comfort of your hopes.
one touch, it fades away
a cut, only scar stays.
where's the joy in crying?
where's the sun after rain?
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1:28 AM |
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