Sunday, February 27, 2005
i am really very grateful
all i know now is
no matter how shitty i am
i guess pple who are still around me care for me still
and i am grateful!
i think
i really dun wish to say more..
11:19 PM |
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Saturday, February 26, 2005
i think
i really rest my case
i wish
i wish
i really wish
this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my whole entire life
i have lost myself
lost confidence
lost my principles
lost my self-esteem
accumulative of 22 years, maybe seems short, but it is as said, 1/3 of ur life.
when one develops wrongly, it is already wrong, fundamentally
forget it
wat's the whole pt
what's the whole pt
reasoning even along the same lines
wont work
it just wont work.
12:58 AM |
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Friday, February 25, 2005
suddenly it was all so peaceful
really peaceful.
*taking a deep breathe*
i guess,
again, it is still my fault
think at home, outside, i have not done a single thing tat is right.
it is okie
i would slowly get used to it.
i just need time alone.
*taking another deep breathe*
as time goes by, u can never recover from your mistakes.
when u try do, doesnt mean others have let it go too...
i dun wish to fight anymore. not as if i must have my way.
i just let others have their way then.
just wanna thank pple who cared..really
jo, afrum, ade, JA, alwyn, shao, shaun..blahblah...
i am eternally grateful that i do have frens still by my side.
just hope i wont irritate u pple in the future..
12:11 AM |
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Thursday, February 24, 2005
i suck!!!!
i cant dance samba.
very busy
cant get the tension
and suddenly i realised, i dun trust pple anymore
not abt the lessons they teach me...
but the words they gave for reassurance.
i simply dun trust them.
oh well..
i shall not get back into that.
oh well
i think i just do my work
and be satisfied with wat i have.
i am already grateful i am not kicked out or something.
really
not as though i have no ambition.
but as i told my erjie, sometimes, u know know it.
u just can only reach so far.
i dunno...now it seems tat i dun have the time to rethink abt life and all
maybe i would when i end my exams and jsut b4 i leave for grad trip to usa
i would think abt wat i can do and wat i cant do.
i am such a loser!
faintz.
guess been on the lows for too long,
nothing can bring me down further i guess.
it just comes in all at a time.
i think my er jie and i are so similar in many ways.
and we just know wat will happen to ourselves, in our own ways.
12:13 AM |
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Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Nobody's home
--Avril lavigne
Well, I couldn't tell you
Why she felt that way
She felt it everyday
And I couldn't help her
I just watched her make
The same mistakes again
What's wrong, What's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs
Chorus:
She wants to go home
But nobody's home
That's where she lies
Broken inside
With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside
Open your eyes
And look outside
Find the reasons why
You've been rejected
And now you can't find
What you've left behind
Be strong, be strong now
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs
Chorus
She wants to go home
But nobody's home
That's where she lies
Broken inside
With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside
Her feelings she hides
Her dreams she can't find
She's losing her mind
She's falling behind
And she can't find her place
She's losing her faith
She's falling from grace
She's all over the place, yeah
Chorus
She wants to go home
But nobody's home
That's where she lies
Broken inside
With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside
she's lost inside, lost inside
oh oh
she's lost inside, lost inside
oh oh oh
i guess this song is so true....
solace.
but i guess, there's a home right here.
it is right here.
12:30 AM |
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Monday, February 21, 2005
woke up to a happy day,
to only suffer a blow right after that.
i was then, forced to face the problem again
and got all depressed.
but i guess, i just cant be bothered by it
but i cun.
as usual, being an expressive person, i just din wish to tok too much
and in my head it jsut went "it is just all my fault! i should have just shut my bloody mouth!"
till i met him, and i was really upset, and he felt it.
he gave me a hug, then suddenly i just cried.
yesh, in the middle of the corridor where EVERY1 in NUS would walk past
i just stood by the railings and teared.
he held my hand, held me and just went "hey girl, it is okie..u cant satisfy every1"
i just told him my problems and how much i felt and how upset and confused i am.
and how much i wish i could deal with it, and stop shelving it.
but i just cun.
the only conclusion i have is that
1) i am not understanding
2) i am too inquisitive
3) i am too stubborn
4) i am just not good enuff for anything
5) i am just plain stupid
and he scolded me "ooi, u r not stupid okie...and just happened it turned out this way!"
by then, i thot i have controlled my emotions, but tears just rolled down, till i have decided to stop..
he just held my hand and go, "u know, it is tat it happens all the time?"
and i just went "i dunno. but it is disturbing.... everything i am in such situation i get super depressed...and i start to withdraw myself."
and i started to think of watever happens in my family too when we have heated arguments. but it wasnt as bad. then i told him again, "sometimes i dunno wat's wrong with me... and in the end, i just think i am stupid, stubborn and just very picky."
then he scolded me "u know, sometimes it isnt much of tat, but maybe u just dun take it too hard! such things happened and it is not going to end ur everything!"
i just turned to him, "i dunno, maybe i am jsut being too harsh on myself. i understood y they are like this, so in the end, i jsut stepped back for i see it was all my fault."
and i wish i did shut up then. but i din, coz i wanna to tok things out.
he went "ooi...hahahahha..when u have bf...cant do tat often eh!!"
but i went "it is a problem existing in ur face....everytime u tok u argue...good meh?"
"true... just be more careful?"
"it is not tat i cant handle stress? i am jsut the way i am, i need to tok things out, even if it is to myself, i tok it out!...but how many could understand? i am mad, i am weird, but tat's how i sort things out. so i walked away, so i turned away. if not i will turn out in a worse state?"
"then walk away my girl...if u need to.."
i wish too. and i actually told him, all my life i have been thru my own kind of shit and mind u, i did say my own kind of shit. i dunno abt wat others have.
different pple just have different difficulties and experiences. when i was much younger, it is crying urself to sleep everynite, thinking of suicide every other nite and only to say i cant make the livings suffer for my own stupidity, i would be more stupid than ever. so i tried to stand tall, tok to myself.
how often do pple willing to listen? and really give u a comfort and tok things out better? and i am so lucky, suddenly i met him just like this, and he gave me not just encouragement and comfort as a fren, but showed me the direction once again to walk on.
all i can say is thank you.
and he is alwyas willing to listen to me.
though we arent tat close.
but i felt certain affinity towards him.
and imagined i just told him watever i felt and all.
thanks dear, and i know u wont be able to read all these.
but i want to thank u from the bottom from my heart
coz for so long, i havent tok to some1 like this.
though i might be disappointing u, coz rewriting all these brought back tears in my eyes, but i felt alittle stronger for some1 understood me and cared.
i would love to pass this on too.
i would try very hard to take things easy.
thanks shaun
i am really grateful for that shoulder and ressurance.
sorry to lose my emotions on u...
hehehe..i barely did tat...
=o)
11:45 PM |
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Sunday, February 20, 2005
finally got my senses back!
and my appetite back..
imagining urself not eating much?!
it is pretty scaring....tat i could come back from dance
and not eat anything till 10pm
and for the whole day, u FORCED food down ur throat.
it was pretty unbelievable. Tat was the first time, eating became so hard
just because i was not in a cherry mood.
it was grey, tired, and very very emotional.
but today was pretty cool, finally got down to NTU dance studio to see!
they were having some kind of dance camp. and my dear cousin was so bek chek with himself?.. hahaha....c'mon dude...relac...the more pressure u have, the more u cant improve!
okie. somehow, hahaha..i need to see how shaun teaches
and i think borna should ask gladys to help her look for a dance partner!
think it is always very hard, without some1 to dance with u. and woah....
dancing in USA aint cheap too!!!!...imagine private lessons, one on one, is err 75 USD...faints!.... where got the money ah?!
but i am sure excited to go CHICAGO!
and luckily, borna actually knew how i looked like... hahahaha...
coz i din even know how she looked like. ERPS...i even resorted to ask joanna!
but it was all good.
i just need to improve on my chachacha
i am weird, i can do jive, and basic samba, but NOT chacha walk
??!??
and i am indeed having short term memory
i dun like tat
11:00 PM |
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Saturday, February 19, 2005
it is a terrible saturday
sigh.
think i am falling sick
and i actually forgot wat i wanted to lament
sigh
11:11 PM |
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Friday, February 18, 2005
i just irritate the shit out of pple
i am very tired...
from up and down...
everytime.
i am very tired.
i am jsut not good enuff. i know
but not as if i am not trying.
i am really trying
try this and tat
then i found myself just be at either ends
then it is never good.
so i change again, then not good.
then i TRY again,
to roll down once again.
and now, i think i give up on even preventing myself from falling further
i jsut fall
coz wat's the pt of climbing up?
if u r not good enuff,
u r just not good enuff.
guess i see it again.
and again.
i really dunno wat to do
all these yrs
i dunno
i really dunno
already a failure as a person i guess.
really...
i dun wish to feel all positive and all
coz in the end, it is not going to work u know.
i have already disppointed alot of pple.
esp my family
jialat.
breathe...
sigh..
wat's the whole pt...
i have so much to say..
i think i just eat my dinner
and sigh..
i have to finish it...
i really need to finish it
10:07 PM |
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Thursday, February 17, 2005
i wanna cry!!
my hysys cant converge suddenly!?!?!??!
HELP HELP HELP!!!
never mind
i will understand it and eliminate the ZERO MATRIX!!!!
CRAPPY
but something went so wrong with me today.
sigh.
i should be happy in a way, yet i am not....stupid relacon
i was trying to do my samba wisp again...and cant!!! either i draw my circle too big or just need more practice..
then today, for the last round of samba warmup, i was the one left with no partner...tat's no problem.....coz one of the guys left..
then i was trying very hard to get the wisp..then hor...i ran to the "front" so to see my movement in the mirror...stupid allen, yes my instructor saw me w/o a partner...had decided to lead me...
8 bars of basic samba and 4 bars of wisps....i was like.....err....scared..coz..haha..dunno can follow his lead or not!!
then...he was very "impressed"...and went "very good..u have e movement! (and he is referring to my basic and not wisps mind u)...very good"
and i din even know wat he meant? meaning, i could follow his lead.
then later he said in class "if u can follow my lead, means ur counting and samba movement is synchronised with mine, thus u have the correct movement.."
hopefully
but so wat?!
hahaha...
never mind
hysys and CSI
i so need to rest.
12:52 AM |
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Monday, February 14, 2005
want and need
something was hovering at the back of my mind.
wat do i want?
and wat do i need?
i ask myself these questions and i realised, the answers were pretty simple
want : dance, career
need : employment
so i guess, they go hand in hand. having a cup of cold fresh milk in one hand, coughing and trying to cover my mouth using the other, i thot, "God, i am going to die..."
then i realised how much of emotional dependent i have become on certain things, pple and reasons, or excuses, if u know wat i mean.
although i have not given much thot of y it dawned on me, it sure is a truth, standing pretty naked.
i walked past this book stall at forum just this afternoon where i saw this book on painting, and wat caught my sleepy eyes was "impressionism" ahh...
yesh, when have i become so arty farty? or maybe i am, just tat i just cun draw!
i can sing, but not goot enuff to qualify for singapore idol, i can dance, though i need more than just practicing at home every night, i can play the piano, with the silencer more silent than ever.
so, i asked myself again. who r u exactly? wat are my plans for the whole yr?
yes, short term goals are in my basket, almost. yet i am not givne much of the opportunities i thot i would have seen. i am utterly disgusted by my blindness.
where has the focused huihui gone to? nowhere, right here, right now, typing this piece of post comtemplating wat has been blinding this hyper active girl?
then again, i realised, it was nothing but a sense of longing of stability
while waiting for msn to update itself, i was hoping it could be faster. yes, i am still on dial-up, yet it hasnt down my spirit of typing this long reflection.
coz i am stuck at this 1st question of my piano theory paper, and sadly, exams are just 1 month away. how great.
but it din really bother me, but i am supposed to have done at least 2 papers over the break. unsurprisingly, i din. i think, i have given myself too much of a break.
time to get my ass down for some serious hw.
seeing myself, not able to settle the impending dangers i am facing, i told myself that i am not going to give myself any more excuses for procrastination. no, i am not going to punish myself, but atone for the unforgivable sin.
wat a pun.
yep. i havent really given much thots to wat i really want to do. i do know, i see mroe visible roads. to put it humourously, my character has given myself away for who i could be, but i chose not to follow my heart this time.
i shall give my long lost dream another last shot.
chemical engineering.
i may be turning 23 this year, but i am not saying i am wasting my time doing something i might not excel in! but who knows, i do enjoy wat i am doing, okie only the final year project, i will still hold on. 4 yrs aint tat short either.
but i do know wat i would like to further my studies on. but i just need more insight to it.
happiness comes when i see the light.
if i do, i do.
if i dont, i just dont.
no pt deluding urself when u just dun see it now.
coz u dun have much time in comtemplating.
i am taking a respite which is turning into rehabilitation.
tat's something i think, i might have to get out from.
peace.
and i think i just got my samba proper.
back to business girl...
unsolved mysteries!
11:22 PM |
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Sunday, February 13, 2005
passion
wat's passion all about?
i cant say i am good at anything at all, except to tok a whole lot of nonsense, and thinking tat i am so great to know so much abt life, abt EVERYTHING.
sorry, i dun, but i have this really bad habit of rambling to myself abt anything and everything. it is not by choice, but maybe by a force reacted on me when u face 4 walls a day, hearing ur own breathing echoing back to ur ears.
i am not going into retrospection today, nor am i going to tok much abt life.
hell i wish i know alot more of my life, but i dun, and i really wish tat i could wake up to everyday knowing wat i can avoid and do, but i know, by then i wish i could have surprises instead then. sheesh
i spent the past few nites, during this CNY period, pondering over many many things.
and further confirmed to myself, nothing lasts forever. And this is the first time that i have felt so strongly abt many things happening in life.
is tat such as a thing as BEST? where that BEST thing or person, could change over times?
i was trying very hard to get samba "wisp" and i dunno if i have spelt it corrrectly?
in dance class today, which was really hard, 1 a 2...where 1 was to step to the side, n within the a 2 beat, u have to glaze ur the other foot over, get ur engine up and then ensuring ur knees lock, without bouncing and changing ur height of position.
this is the first time, i find it so hard to understand a dance move.
and i find it a challenge.
though i admit i am bad at chachacha, but i think my rumba is improving my dance moves.
and i am going to ensure i get samba right
so, toking abt passion, it drew the light back onto the movie "shall we dance"
then i would contradict myself once again. i would have to tok abt life in general. but a stagnant life, doesnt equate something unhappy, but just unsatisfying. u dun feel ur blood being pumped ard, with a tint of insatiable sensation of defying the law of nature, wanting more than just a breathe of air to keep alive.
i want the peace in doing something i enjoy thoroughly.
weirdly, y do i say peace?
how often can we dance in our own pace, learning at the very minimum and hoping to see the moves in our bodies.
it is not in the body, it is in the feel.
so how much can we feel abt a dance, as J.Lo in the movie has said, "it is like when she pulls away from u, it is like ur heart is being ripped apart, and u have to get it back."
so is life just like the peace we wish to yearn all the time? i think i am just drawing a parallel, forcing it down my own throat.
i love dancing.
it keeps me alive.
and i am sure it has done that to many people ard, some talented, some just enjoy dancing.
i do feel a sense of peace, when i dance.
i lost all senses of anger, sadness, happiness.
but just dance.
looking at my movement in the mirror, sometimes with music, sometimes not, how much to move, how to step, it is like doing a sports, like who to guard.
but when i dance, i dun think of anything, it is just everything sets into place and u see it as a big picture. and i have decided, u cant push urself too hard on doing just one step, or one section, but take time off to give urself peace.
then when u dance, it flows.
maybe life is indeed an enjoyment, i shouldnt have given much thots, given much of analysis, but i totally see something tat gives me a sense of achievement and life
"there is nothing wrong with ballroom dancing"
and hell it is.
and
"there's nothing wrong being u, really"
not saying i am of a great person, i wish i could, really very much.
but no matter how much praises u have on how u LOOK,
it doesnt matter at all, and wat matters the most, is ur heart, and ur soul
how u go in sync with the rhythm of life, beats of ur destiny.
maybe we all already have accepted who we are, it is who we are in front of others, we cant bear to see. it is how pple judge us affect how we decide to look at ourselves. self reflection is based on wat others have viewed and commented on us.
yet it is still a matter of choice to listen or not. i have been told many a times, how bad, terrible i am. i admit and i am willing to change. i have been put down not by others in the end, coz how much can they condemn u? but it is the self tat denies it own existence. tat's when i seek in a peaceful dance.
i am not perfect, but i am just trying out for a dream.
just like i am not a talented dancer, i just want to fulfil a dream of competing and winning something.
maybe whether or not, i am able to fulfil to be a competitor, i keep reminding myself, maybe in the end it is the process to TRY to be one, makes this whole path a worthy one. and thus, may my life path be takes up the same attitude i have.
we all want results, and when we dun get wat we WANT to see, we are not at peace.
when we arent at peace, we cant do things properly, and definitely, unable to iron many issues out. as u grow older, the higher ur powers, the heavier ur responsibilities.
guess sometimes, we just want to be recognised to who we are, and of coz, i wish i can be accepted by others, maybe just at least one person, besides myself to who i am.
as said in shall we dance, marriage is a vow, to take the other partner who they are, and loove them like they are the only thing on earth. this place is already so big, so vast, humans barely stand significantly, but tat one person, is making u the centre of their lives.
how sweet.
but how many, can do tat?
i guess we are all suckers for love, for companionship.
i do too, but now, i really yearn is the love of peace.
self peace.
with or without, it doesnt matter
then whether i can have the peace, wont matter too
all i remembered telling JA when we were watching tat movie was
"hey, remember, when u r married, get ur wife, to go learn ballroom dancing, if possible, do the waltz or rumba on ur wedding nite" n a person like him, who claims he cant dance for nuts, was touched to dance. guess there's the beauty of dance aint it?
life is dancing.
getting into the pulse of the music.
there are fast moves, slow ones.
even when u dance alone, u feel the beat too.
it's the path to perfection, not the perfect path.
in the trembling hands hold the key to the gems.
for all the hilly climbs to the rushing rivers,
to the gain of joy, and loss of senses,
in the end, the treasure is already in the bag.
not within the lock.
1:22 AM |
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Saturday, February 12, 2005
sigh
not worth to lose a frenship over an arugment
been thru shit together and gave each other support
and becoz of something, it is going downhill is not worth it?
sigh
i dunno wat else to say now.
kind of very sad now.
i hate growing up
shall we dance is an easy movie to watch
but it reminded me of my dream to compete.
but i dunno
argh
i really do hate growing up.
12:58 AM |
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Wednesday, February 09, 2005
these are my dance frens! our busking photos..and stupid shaun tries to look cool...hahaa...stupid ACJC junior... 
2:11 AM |
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HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR EVERY1!!!
may in the year of the rooster be a great one!!!! *cockero*
but be careful when walking on the streets, might get injured...
hahah
i miss something terribly!!!!!
haha...Lin Zhi Yuan's bak kwa!!!!!
arghh...
need to do more samba to burn off the fats and
i look weird doing jive
2:03 AM |
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Tuesday, February 08, 2005
USA trip has created alot of problems
due to one factor
MSN
i knew it b4 tat sat
and it has turned out to be so too
too many factors, too many pple involved.
so wat can i do?
can i even whine here for both read my blog?
not saying anything, but all the arguments started from MSN
not when we meet.
not becoz i dun wish to listen, try reading 2 pple asking u same questions
giving u 2 different set of ideas at odd times like this, with other pple bugging u for hysys info and yesh, blame myself for not able to handle the situation once again, yesh, i cant handle stress as andy states.
i have given my answers, and the way pple present ideas through typing, like now
would be misterpreted in any OTHER forms than the intended one
so wat say u?
i dunno
words are just words i guess.
i dun listen to opinions.
as HRM lecturer said, diversity in life can change ur life.
it can build r'ship, it can break too.
it is not as if it would be very bad
but it is very saddening.
coz if not i wont be even be typing this post at this time when my head is already spinning.
try taking every1's opinions to a situation.
would u decide now? immediately?
orh would u do selective listening?
would u jsut dun bother and do watever u want?
i am only an extremist i can say.
the only thing i cna say is
nothing in this world is perfect.
i am already trying accomodate to big ideas
not detailed ones maybe.
sorry, i just cant do it?
maybe for tat matter, turn to some1 else for help i guess.
i would be of an irritant.
really.
~~HAI
demands and expectations.
weird times, mood swings.
every1 is already trying very hard to make it work
maybe u know wat, WE HAVE TRIED TOO HARD TO PERFECT IT.
again, sorry for being a bitch. i failed again to be more discerning.
i would say it the next time i see u 2 pple together for the meeting for the trip
maybe we wont even have it.
how to compromise? we just have to brainstorm once again and clear those bloody heads. really, our head are too tainted to care.
NO MORE DISCUSSIONS OF USA TRIP OVER MSN, PLS!
really..pls.
and not over ungodly hours.
i just dun wish to fail a dream.
tat's all
i dun wish to destroy ANY1's dreams
not OUR dream.
just make it work okie pple?
pls?
and u 2 should know y we want this USA trip to work
it goes back alot more than just a trip, bigger than just a bloody air tics with free 2 nites lodging.
2:50 AM |
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Sunday, February 06, 2005
how come my resume isnt authenticated yet?!?!
argh.. and guess wat i have sent it a month ago?
dotdotdot
time to send to my sister's fren instead too...
i need a miracle...
i cant just go be a teacher like this?
exposure is wat i want.
and hey, i am not whining... i am already looking for jobs!
and i am not sitting there doing nothing.
maybe i should just rot.
peace
i need to zen
pms really sucks i think.
i shant shed any more tears at nite.
thou shall not harp over my shortcomings and overcome them with my strengths, tat is if thou can identify them. thou aint perfect, but thou shall learn to be less demanding on thyself and others. maybe life is more bearable tat way. thou shall try to listen, but in times of pms, thou shall not let nitty gritty things affect me. thou shall not allow snowballing to occur. thou shall just blog my unhappiness away, and dun bother others. if yesterday speaks of ill intentions, let today be the day to start a new beginning of repentment, yet only when thou lands thyself into same predicament would i understand completely. may god grants us not just wisdom and peace, but the ability to question and patience to listen even in time of crisis. thou must remind thyself to step back for 5 mins at least to compose thyself and settle thy thots. it is not tat thou cant handle stress, it is the seriousness of each circumstance thou faces each oncoming day deepens, and the quic pace of each oncoming challenge denied the present thou to react in time. thou has slower reflexes than b4. thou is getting old. the equation of higher level of stress each day and slower reflexes never exists......
i realised i would have gotten some weird nerve system problem on my left shoulder
nope it is not rare, if i ever lose my nervous system, god just let me die than be a burden. coz usu, such dieseases cant be cured.
3:13 PM |
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think going to blog alot, alot
yet i have nothing else to say
1) we should have come out together to tok over it
2) i guess it is in ur blood/gut feeling when some1 decides that he doesnt want to partner u anymore.
3) it is all ur own doing. u have brought it upon urself actually girl. dun complain and whine...
4) everything surrounding u, doesnt belong to u, including ur life.
5) the smile of the kid, spells only innocence and happiness. make u just want to cry and hug him and go "thanks dude, u've made my day a hopeful one and made me realise, how beautiful life still can be...i just have to keep an open heart like u, right?"
6) many a times, u question urself what kind of person u r? and u arrived at different answers at different times. but somehow, i cant run away from condemning myself. though i know this is who i am, but being who i am, irritates pple.
7) imperfection is a way of perfection, yet when u know, u r just SO imperfect, NOTHING matters anymore.
and i know
alot of pple are going to condemn the above.
8) i am so grateful to have at least some1, so happy to see me and would run to me with his arms wide open, accompanied by a very beautiful smile and he goes "CATCH U!"
sadly, i wont be able to perform latin dancing for nus open house, which is showcasing all the clubs...could have, but i would be having a 3 hr exams.
and this is my last chance and it slipped by.. again.
argh... i guess forget it. i dun even think i can go for competition b4 30yrs old..
hmmm...
1:33 AM |
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Thursday, February 03, 2005
it is e start of true PMS
i am down with slight sore throat, with an irritating running nose
with so many things on my mind.
wat am i to do?
and i should have stayed in school to do my hysys.
and be completely alone.
god, grant me peace and clear mindedness.
this isnt a time to have wires not connected properly up in my head
and argh.. i have fucking many irritating things bugging me NOW at this disgusting time
i just cun wait for everything to end.
i need a control over my life once again.
i really need to.
i am already living in my own world.
and so is every1 else now.
no one cares abt everything except to get things down at the shortest time possible.
every1 leads their own life, and wat's the so-called own life?
just me myself and i and no1 else.
and i think i am toking abt myself now too
this is the downside of growing up.
it gets very cold, very very cold.
time to bathe.
BUCK UP GIRL!
there's nothing to waste except ur youth.
self reflection is only precious to u, live it.
basic principles in life cant be forsaken. and i think LKY is right.
u have to be flexible in times like this, but there are just some things u cant change.
so live it right.
2:30 PM |
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got the disc of our busking event!!
hahaha i havent really see myself jiving...
hehehe..
oh well..
tell u something abt me.
things always happen to me at the weirdest time and weirdest situation with the "werid" pple..
while i was coming home from dance, thinking nothing but life, distillation column, life, stripper, life, vent gas rate....
then i finally got home, tired, and very sian.
coz i was thinking how to meet my specs of EO
then i was waiting for my bus...so tat i can go home...
this half black i think..."excuse me, can i know wat's the time?"
weird la..but i jsut dug for my hp and told him anyway.
he started to chat with me!... fine la..i am jsut tok lor..
he asked i answered...from texas, in singapore working in kranji working.
then asked me if i was malay and chinese...dotdotdot....
then he went "u r very beautiful..."
dotdotdot...must be the stupid orange streetlight mixing with the busstop white light...and the red top i had on me.
then i just being courteous, "thank u"
then he went on trying to get my hp no...which is a big nono from me..
i have a bottom line principle. no hp no to strangers who try to pick me up.
hahhaa...
so luckily any bus came and i took it!
hahaha...he was so disappointed..but sorry dude...i forgot ur name, but yesh, that's me
and u r one of those who have sleek pick up style. normal, but at least not pressy.
oh well..
back to thinking of hysys.
hrmm... how do make it work? i am just going to try.
argh...brain dead for the moment..since huimin cant go school..just come home and do it!! and better get it right!.... ahhaha...
samba was hard..but i love it..the music gets me going.. but i dunno...movement like jammed....hehehe..will work on it!
1:17 AM |
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Tuesday, February 01, 2005
i am a massive net try to catch alot of fishes
wat the @#%%&@?!?! hahaha...
forget it..till this day it is an insult
argh.. hahahha...wat the fuck? so wat's next?
orh some1 who snatches pple's husbandS?
argh
just becoz u r frenly?!
wat the fuck
live w it...
yesh.
LIVE W IT.
baby brightass: u know...it is like? u r just wanting to know more pple
WAT THE HECK? hahaha..i know wat i mean right? i told u b4..
how narrow minded pple are!!!!!... it is just an impression to me!
oh fuck!...doesnt make sense anymore
i actually used tat sentence tat jo seemed to have used it b4
"it was an insult tat came from some1 who i thot knew better than tat, apparently not!"
and to think, bao was enjoying chatting w me!...and bloody hell, she is a GIRL!
fuck...i need to rest.
i have just turned into a nasty bitch who will NEVER stop lamenting till i have gone to bed....over-sensitivity sucks, but it sure hurts alot when u know, u shouldnt have flared up, but u did anyway and u just cun control coz u felt misunderstood!?
start of routine again --> WALK AWAY
1:28 AM |
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