for a world that doesnt exist
for a universe that stands still
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DAILY INSPIRATION:
this day, i pray
this day, i smile
this day, i wish u all the best!
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wat u want to abt me?
and why?
how much can u find out,
when i dun even know
who i am?
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Thursday, June 30, 2005
i wanted to write a short story on my blog
almost wanted
coz i was feeling so screwed up while walking home,
thinking abt life and where it would end up somehow in 3 months time,
i flipped
all i wanted is, to scream my head.
i woke up on the wrong side of the bed
and i dun work just to get alot alot of money.
so wat if u can earn 200k a month?
so wat?!
the thing abt money is, NEVER touch it.
coz if u do, u will never leave it.
love is frustrating
when u dun see him, u miss him
when u see him, u are happy.
sometimes, u just cant help but think
and he can even appear in ur dreams.
12:14 AM |
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Wednesday, June 29, 2005
i am feeling so tired right now.
i need sleep
goodnite.
sometimes i feel so tired with things happening ard me
like, i am trying to maintain a proper conversation with pple,
to only realise, there isnt at all?
maybe i am trying tooooooo hard.
but is it tat hard?
PEACE
and i should really give myself this english name
ZEN
1:15 AM |
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Monday, June 27, 2005
i know y i am sooooo grouchy
too little sleep or too much sleep
finally did some editing!
*bleaming with pride*
see see.. can u see the glow on my cheeks!
i hope i can finish it soon....
b4 my graduation commencement on 12 of july!
hehehe
who is coming ah? hahaha
orh anyway...
i am so bored that i want to start dating.
coz i am broke
so my date has to pay. hahahaha
so i guess only maybe GUYS would want to date me.
but hor, i dun even think guys would date me
so how?
tell u wat, i am just bloody bored.
sian
yawn.
elena is back! and tat girl din even bother telling us.. hahahaha...
winner
oh well...yawn.
it is 28 tomolo! hahaha...
3 more months to my bday!
and i have no idea y i am counting down to my bday...madness.
maybe becoz i am turning 23, jobless? hahaha
then again, who remembers it anyway? hahahaha....
i miss usa alot alot.
i wonder, i wonder.
hrmm
okie one thing at a time.
lalalalalalala....
today, i dunno y i was feeling so down or watsoever, tat i cried while trying to nap.
i realised, tat emptiness in me has become bigger long ago. and i just realised,
it was made bigger. i wonder if i can fill it up somehow.
it is never nice to have a big emptiness in u...
i keep telling myself tat if things are meant to be, they will ultimately
but how long do i have to sit and wait to see it happen?
for example, job hunting. i can constantly start to look for jobs i wish i would like to work but i might not get it. and in the end, it is always the jobs i din want is wat i am to work.
i dunno.
life so far, hasnt been the "ultimately it would be urs"
so i guess, even u dun think abt it, waiting doesnt work?
thus i fight. i fight for wat is good for me. or rather wat i think is good for me.
is tat good? i dunno. i fight silently, i fight with all my strength. but does it mean it would be urs?
so do u fight or not!!!??? argh.
can u believe it or not!??!!!!!
sometimes i question my gut feelings and my capability. it is pretty depressing.
torment.
i wonder if my stubborness has got me into big big trouble.
sigh, i guess only time will tell.
hahahaha...
10:42 PM |
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so bored.
i am rotting
and i am having inertia to do my editing
argh.
y? i slept like 9 hours everyday! *gasp*
see..i am so bored that i am blogging again!!!!! feel like bring this laptop out and do my thesis somewhere.....
hahaha...and have to leave mum home alone. sheesh.
feel bad sometimes.
dad is working today.
but but, she would be having her fun messing ard the house w/o her kids ard!
and y am i feeling bad abt leaving her at home alone?! hrmmmmm.
i must be mad
12:23 PM |
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Sunday, June 26, 2005
aiyo....so long never driven
hahaha.
and i miss usa
hahahah
and i dislike sunday!
always very grouchy and moody one.
then i would start to think too much
and get upset!
y?! hahaha
but it is okie. tomolo is monday and which means i need to get my butt off to do some serious work and packing (of my table... i left it untidy when i flew to usa)
can some1 can me a job in chicago right now?!
ARGH.
hahaha
11:40 PM |
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decided to blog more
hahahaha...
i guess i have decided to blog more abt USA trip this time round.
i would say, i din get to travel to many attractions which i would really like to
maybe becoz i din have the right kakis or stuff... shrug.
but anyhow, i am just experiencing something different in the country like USA
where pple are more frenly, helpful without any ulterior motive and are alwyas in for a small talk.
esp when u r chinese and u speak good english.
yeh, i am telling u this govt, we do speak GOOD english outside singapore.
yesh yesh, we are singapore graduates who are on a trip. and americans, with tons of them not knowing where singapore or wat singapore is, say we speak good english.
there. full stop.
USA has its plus and bad pts. i love the way pple buy cars overthere.
u r spoilt for choices esp when come to shopping. any kind of shopping.
u have boutiques spanning on a 4 storeys high buildings
deep interest in cultures like art and music. and they are very geninue abt their interets. not like i am going to there to show off, but coz i totally enjoy this kind of art/music.
it is a country of graciousness. well..not all parts. in NYC, u do see pple waiting for every1 to GET OFF b4 getting on the subway.
but there exists terrible road rage in LA where i was...
but the toilets are generally clean at all times, and now, u dun see cleaners ard all the time like we have in singapore. it says so much abt being more public aware
also, pple clear their trays and tables particularly in food courts and fast food restuarants.
wat i really regret is the trip lacking much of nature walks and stuff. i guess partly becoz i forgo the chance to see the st joseph/lake michigan.
but when i was in LA, i was in awe with the terrains of unlimited natural rock formation of the country while sitting on the roller coaster rides. the beauty of nature, beats alot of other things. and i do mean wat i feel. some pple just dun like to see such things.
one thing abt USA is the lack of variety in food. the crusine there are pretty limited and pretty much the same. of coz, i have cravings for singapore food every hour. esp my teh ping and more. hahaha...imagining ordering an USD 2.50 tehping in chinese cafes? which is like 4 bucks in sing. can u believe it？ i actually pay only 90cts for teh ping?! and it tastes 100 times better. hahahah..
and no roti prata for me over there. it sucks... hahahaa..
but i have to admit, the potions are huge. and yuck they dun serve chicken wings (only in chinese/asian) as they indulge in only chicken breast.
now i know y the americans have huge chests. hahaha kidding.
suddenly, i realised i have sometimes being shy and all is becoz of the culture/society i am in. as i arrived back in singapore, i realised how much i am actually more open to help, or should say more DARING to help. in the past, i would love to offer help and stuff, but always never did tat coz of how locals would be wary of ur motives. but truly speaking, they are just acts of kindess.
only back for 3 days, being VERY at home, i almost wanted to small talk with pple and offer alot of help when i could. hahaha... and i think tat's being who i am suddenly. of coz, constant random socialising can be very taxing on the brain and all. but being open has become a good thing, but of coz, being alert is never wrong.
just tat in singapore, pple give u looks if u r TOO helpful. it is just the culture of a place. i respect it. but sometimes, a little help wont kill.
and i realised, i have started to learn it hard.
i clear my trays most of the time when i am in local fast food restuarants. not becoz i have to do tat, but i volunteered to. to me, we dun have servants and we dun pay for services in fast food rest. and btw, at least i am HAPPPY to give that 15% tip to waiters in usa! they deserve it much more.
after all the hype up of how green the pasture is in usa, i realised, it is jsut another country of a different perception/idea
but it is indeed a land of oppportunities. or i would say a land where u can find more choices as compared to singapore.
but sometimes i think home is still home. i am still a singaporean girl.
but i would really love to stay overseas for a few yrs.
and i need to really sit down and hunt for an overseas job soon! hahaha.
chicago maybe? hahaha...
looking at frens who are schooling in USA, most of them do want to come back to singapore. coz to them, nothing beats having family here. i guess it is true.
coz when u r so far away from home, u only have frens to rely on.
and i wish, tat would make one grow up to be a worthy individual and some1 who learns to care for others and love the pple they lack not to have when they are away.
at least i did.
thouhg it is a month.
not say i miss family alot alot, but i realised, the freedom of feelings, aint abt being physically away, but freeing one's mind.
hahaha...now, i just want to get a at least 5 day per month Relief teaching so i can earn 500 bucks a month for my allowance. i refuse to take any $ from parents or sister. and start some self study soon. maybe i need more soon.
i want to take up spanish and my piano soon.
as long as i work at least twice a week, i would have 800 sing. tat's enuff to survive comfortably.
and i think singapore NEVER has public transport
coz they are cutthroats.
in NYC, subway passes for ANY1 for a month is only 70 usd.
coz they know, subway is the way to travel during the weekdays.
though run down, but still a good transport media
so wat's wrong with singapore being so? and i am sure, singapore is as big as NYC on the whole? (maybe i am wrong..din bother to check out the stats of the geographical size of the both cities)
coz i suspect myself for spendin 150 to 200 bucks on public transport every month if i am to travel everyday.
complains of life.
whilst trying so hard to be like them, we lack the sensitivity to humans.
shrugs. enjoy life!
12:07 AM |
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Saturday, June 25, 2005
haha...wat a nite.
oh well...
just tat my nephew likes me alot hurhur? hahaha..hangs out ard me pretty often and now, he automatically hugs me! ahhahaha..
so cute!!
hrmm
accepted pierre's invitation to partner him for dance "competition" for the votre soiree. hahha...so we are going to try to do chacha, jive and waltz. but it sure is a surprise! coz hahaha...this french guy jsut sms me out of the blue? hahaha..interesting
now i wonder if i want to try samba and rumba! hahaha.... wonder..... see if lewis want to take or not lor hahaha..but rumba confirm very funny.. samba think he cant...
haha..met tseyang on my way home and hahaha..he is so funny.
he went "wah!!! so shocked to hear a girl shouting my name and when i turned ard, i see a pretty girl with long hair running twds me and gave me a hug!" DIOANG!!!!!!
hahahaha...then he was so sweet. "u look really great, ur tan and ur hair and all. very pretty" awww.... such a nice compliment!!!!! i am so touched hehehe..
and my nephew said "ah yi mei."
hahaha....faintz.. is today's the day where i am suppoesd to be MEI?!?!
faintz.
okie i am totally amused at how pple can react to different sense of beauty
a guy who is 24 and a boy who is barely 3 yrs old.
i am excited for the coming tues and fri!
tues is girls out day with huimin and michelle! i miss them lots and lots
hehehe..
fri is the day i meet pierre up for the "competition" hahaha...
lewis said if there's no other competitione i should win jive.
RIGHT.....i think my jive sucks and hahahaha.... my stamina is gone.
time to pick it up on thursday.
i like guys who are upfront and straightfwd.
so be one
11:41 PM |
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Friday, June 24, 2005
went shopping with mum today! ehhehe
wah...we walked quite abit leh. hahaha
and my mum really can "nag" hahaha
and my erjie complained tat when i am not around, she nags at her at a much higher frequency. hahaha...see....now u see the importance of ur little sister..
BUFFER!!!! hahahaha....faintz.
and now u would understand how i would get being nagged right?? hahahaha...
i am good....
i only was looking for some kind of bra
plurge in really deep so i can wear my low cut tops hehehehe.....
slowly hehehe... i need a job
coz i wish i could buy my mum some nice tops tat she liked.
but i know she is just trying not to spend too much $$$
relief teaching here i come!
howhow? i miss some1 sooo badly that i dunno wat to do.
or rather i miss something or watever it is so badly tat i dunno wat it is!!!!
hahahahahha...
but i think this usa trip has made me grown and become a much more positive person
and more open up too..
hahahaha...
lalalalala..
it is good to slack ard hurhur?
8:58 PM |
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Thursday, June 23, 2005
lalalala....
i am once again feeling soooo dead and sick then i wanna just go and die!!!!
hahahaha...
buddy was nice enuff to treat dinner...hahah...
awwww....and glad he likes his gift from american eagle!!!
going to hug my baby pooh to sleep
and i think any1 who sees me play with my baby pooh bear (yeah.. all the way from disneyland LA) calls me a kid! hahahhahaha
of coz. ever since i stepped into disneyland, the child in me just sparked like the fireworks.. hhahaha.....erps
i should have gotten another pooh bear for my nephew..
he loves the bear..but i cun bear to part with it...coz it was way too cute and it never fails to put a smile onto my face everytime i look at it.
i love hugging it to sleep!!!! it has almost replaced my bolster's position heheheh...
lalalala...any1 who is going disneyland, try to get one for me can?
it is a baby pooh which is in orange baby suit. hahahha..with a bib tat says, baby pooh
yeh...correct..it is in orange too! ahahahahah
lalalalalalalalala
back to reality isnt all that bad! just need to get my ass down to fill up the relief teaching online appln
10:40 PM |
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finally got to write my blog..sitting in alwyn's room trying to upload the photos...i am zzzing...
hahaha....whilst he is taking his shower after his run, i am blogging from home
i miss e weather back in USA,i am missing the place somehow.
but oh well, feels good to be home sometimes.
though i lay on my bed feeling empty in many ways yet again, i am actually feeling much less depressive
i learnt to be truthful to myself, to my feelings and emotions.
till then,i am jobless...
hahahahaha
5:49 PM |
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Monday, June 20, 2005
kind of miss this place now
going to leave USA in 15 hours time?
somehow, there's only one place where i felt at ease most
hahahha...
and it was only so short.
maybe it was becoz it was the right place, right pple, right time.
maybe not?
guess in life, u learn to take it, complain abt it, and go on
life goes on all the time.
somehow i agree with something tat occurs to me.
u cant be at peace with the whole world all the time.
but u learn how to get by it.
sometimes u need the personal space and time to urself.
and u realised, life is a bitch but still good.
i love my family the most.
coz they are the ones who love me and tolerate me and accept watever and who ever i am,
and thru them, regardless all the silly arguments or bickering, it is true love tat makes them the most beautiful pple on earth.
i appreciated alot of help given along the way during this trip
esp in NJ with linnea and gary? they were really wonderful hosts who made me feel at home. and always welcome to go back and visit them...
something i learn in USA is pple are always in for a small talk and chit chat abt life and stuff. they are usually willing to help and willing to offer help and keep their place clean. the santa monica beach was pretty clean!
okie i guess i need to go.
though this trip isnt tat thoroughly enjoyable where every1 was pissed with every1 else, but we are all humans afterall. i learn to forgive and forget coz i myself cun offer much to be a saint.
okie then... till then, see u guys in singapore!
12:41 PM |
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Sunday, June 19, 2005
it was a day went fine then VERY WRONG
hollywood blvd was fine but we were so LATE for quinn's dinner hosted by his parents in chinatown area in LA tat all the relatives left by the time we were only into the 2nd dish.
faintz
oh well...we were sooooooo horrified. and worried and were so apologetic.
sigh.
oh well...
this trip is really weird.
hahahaha
i rahter keep my mouth shut though.
2:57 PM |
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into the 2nd last day of USA trip
it has come almost to a complete stop doesnt it?
an ending only means a new beinginng
anyhow,
so many things has gone through my head, yet again
and realised thru this trip, i have changed alot over the past yr
but only to realise more cruel truths abt life
and only to seek solace in innocence from places and things tat proved to be so.
turning 23 isnt an easy task
making true frens arent easy too
understanding urself and others have turned out to be ardous
coz pple, like me and u, jsut suddenly dun wish to anymore
and i refused to let tat take me down
being angst at things only make me more blind
only when i make use of my sensitivity and observation would i understand others
then myself.
i am very hungry.
the pancakes and bacons on the dining table are really tempting but i never knew if they were meant to be eaten by me
i am just going to be who i am.
a close heart, only means i am not giving myself a chance to be free.
i am only free when i am free.
and let life deals with itself.
sometimes, i realised u cant do soemthing till something else presents as a better choice, or so it seems.
i guess tat's very true.
life does only get better?
2:58 AM |
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Tuesday, June 14, 2005
there it goes tat my best baby buddy is going to NC
hahahaha
going to LA in most prob less than 12 hrs soon
alittle tired but heck it
will blog more
but i have discovered something so good
i cant believe myself
perfection is so boring
i totally agree.
i am just in to enjoy my last few days in USA and end it w a big bang
i wanna CLUB!!!! and to do the DD again. lesbian way too!
SLURP
either way i am going to be very tired! but stupid me should have emailed chicago marcus evans.
hahaha...
heck it
done and gone.
i want to make my way back to chicago to stay for a yr or 2
coz i am kind of in love with this place!
not for anything nor any1...just chicago
done...nothing much to say but realised the beauty of humans
and myself too.
the road of self discovery is taking effect and has shown different path
thanks to some1 who showed me who i was and who i can me and who i am.
yeh, it was u.
thanks dude.
12:02 PM |
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i think i am going to LA hollywood to find jesse metcalfe1!!
f
he is HOT!!!!!!!
check out his bod his looks and his tan..
i am really fantasising abt him
look at his shoulders and chest1!!!!!
12:32 AM |
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Monday, June 13, 2005
downtown chicago again.
the blues fest hit a high yesterday nite
got it, seen it, felt it.
hahaha...
i need to go to the observatory!!!! coz i refused to just go shopping!
it is this nite
it is this nite that i want to groove.
it is this nite i was given a chance to feel
it is this nite when i need a lover boy
it is this nite i need some1 to party with me
it is this nite i need some1 to blues with me!
hahha... feeling sick and NO MORE mood to make poem
and i am fucking tired.
not a good day at all.
not at all.
1:11 AM |
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Saturday, June 11, 2005
hahha..yesterday was a day full of frustrating events!
when we drove into downtown chicago, hk's front left tire busted!!!!!! so we had to stop over at addison st to get all the wheels replaced!!!! and we wasted very long!!
reached uni of chicago only at 4+!!!!
the bus transport sucks!!!!!!!!!
grrrrrrr
in the end, steph and i wanted ot get back to fox lake so we can go to srumberg? dunno how to spell it, but we missed the train coz of bad transport system1!
but actually had a great time in central chicago and ate my deep dish pizza!!!! hahaha
we saw quite a number of few things hahaha...and got really excited
again, i've got picked up by some BLACK again... hahahahaha...and one of the waiter at eino's best....hahaha
FAINTZ
saw the macdonalds, rock and roll
like the KAP but 24 hrs! hahaha..
oh well...tat's it for now
at least i can use my digicam at nite! yeh!!
and i miss racing!
i lack excitement in life
i want to dance to blues fest...i need frens who go crazy when they hear groovy music and dance with me!
where's christina!!!!!??????
tat's who i really am!
bleah
life only gets better, doesnt it?
11:08 PM |
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Friday, June 10, 2005
it was a very fun day out yesterday at chicago!!!!
FINALLY I'VE GOT TO MY BLUE FEST!!!!!!
GOSH.
it rocks!!! i need a party mat!!!!
hahaha and i need companiants to GROOVE to the music man! hahaha
ignore me
got to meet 2 diff interesting americans.
one was an afro black who was learning chinese. he is trying to break into chinese market in advertising! haha..he was a pretty funny guy...NI HAO? hahaha..
2nd guy, dave was one who took the train back to fox lake. might be meeting him for lunch today at uni of chicago. one buidling manager in uni of chicago! he jsut kept looking at me when he was telling me and stpeh abt things to do in chicago esp clubbing.... hahaha...mind u.. he is married..but sure is a charming man ahah..interesting pple i have met...oh well...time to go and wash up and head back to downtown chicago!
hahaha...
Al: trying hard to find a uni of chicago post card to send to u la!
one bad new : MY DIGI CAM DIED!!!!! all i can do now is, VIDEO AND SOUNDS
all the pictures are OVEREXPOSED! wat the FfFFFFFFFF...mind me..but i think i got this F thing from this guy stpeh and i dislike SOOOOOOO much...
eeeee....wat a guy...have never met one like him
PUKE!
sorry... i am sure i would only tell him to suck his own COCK... (his language is so bad tat i really found it hard to find his good pts...)
enuff
10:03 PM |
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Wednesday, June 08, 2005
want to go to downtown chicago but realised we are like 45 mins drive away from town... argh hahha...
but think train would be the next best thing on earth then.
it is into the 3rd week of my holidays and alot went thru my head, esp while waiting for them to pick me up along at the train station till 1130pm.
think due to fatigue from past 2 nites of restlessness over at lijie's place,
i KO but woken up and not able to get back to sleep....
and now i am having a neck ache!!
wat stays there, will just stay there.
frozen once again.
shrugs.
anyway, congrats lj for getting into grad school.so now, this person shouldnt be depressed like me!
the only thing tat makes me want to stay in usa is the ability to drive a speed monster on a LONG straight road at 140 miles/h
though u can dun feel a thing in the car, but driving a performance car does make a diff! and at least i din have a problem driving it at a carpark!!!
it was cool.... hahaha....shit..i want to drive it...
argh..
it reaches like 80 miles/h (under my hands) when it is just kick into 3rd gear..
right.....
shiok
9:22 PM |
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Sunday, June 05, 2005
been at hian kai's place for 6 days..not bad hur? oh well...it hass been lazy, fattening? yeh...my arms went bigger!!!!!!!
coz i din dance or swim at all!!
ARGGHHH
and all the american food is making wall too much layers of fat!
no more no more!!!!
PUKE
going for a road trip tomolo! would be meeting up cindy at lake michigan.
hehe..sa1 gathering ah!
then would head to indiana for 2 days then to chicago alone
the other 2 will squat longer in chicago! hahaha...
wah..2nd week is coming to an end
time flies ah!!!
another 2 weeks and i would be home.
photos uploaded...who ever wanna see some photos...email me!
7:19 AM |
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Thursday, June 02, 2005
now at hian kai's place in ann arbor
just had dinner cooked and into my stomach...
hahaha..not too bad!
and tomolo's lunch will b settled
michigan (ann arbor) is a very huge campus town..haha...really huge..
cant wait to go for road trip
and friday's factory outlet day!
hehehe....going to be movies time
i miss boogy.....sigh..the bunny at linnea's house..
hahaha...
10:32 AM |
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