for a world that doesnt exist
for a universe that stands still
contact:
relacon@gmail.com
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DAILY INSPIRATION:
this day, i pray
this day, i smile
this day, i wish u all the best!
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wat u want to abt me?
and why?
how much can u find out,
when i dun even know
who i am?
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Saturday, July 30, 2005
u know
i am a bubbly girl on the outside.
suddenly i want to dance again.
i need a partner
i need a job
long story
argh.
i hate it when i have my period
esp now, when i am having it, i get cramps.
i get really upset over nothing.
the emptiness just seeps in!
lalalalala
i am going to dance right now.
bleah.
in life, there's so much to say, to do, to rest.
yet we dun seem to get it right at the right time.
so bored. want to go out also cannot.
coz i will spend money.
i think i am going to make sandwiches soon and just spend on transport when i go out
and wat's wrong going out alone on a friday evening?!?
maybe i shall go sentosa tomolo at nite to listen to jazz and dance on e beach
HA
u know, sometimes i also dunno y i would want to bother so much.
taking graduation photos at the studio seems like a chore to all of them
then y want me to go and find it?
so wat both sisters have done it? in the end? non of us are excited or at leat eagar?
it is like a chore, something dreadful to be done.
so y take it?
i cant pretend i am supposed to be excited? coz every1 seems not bothered.
even if i am excited? but do i get excited with? myself?
the only thing i can do is show nothing.
really.
i am jsut trying to remember wat gilbert says to me
really
it is like, i am, dunno
hahahhaa...
i am just pmsing then.
12:37 AM |
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Friday, July 29, 2005
test test
tset tset
y now? y today?! so sad...
my poor stomach
cramps
ouch.
sigh.
grumpy
grouchy
y today?
wat happens two months later?
same day! then i sian half half.
blink blink..
i need a new hobby...
everytime me look at rongyan, rongyan look at me.
practicing at the dance studio has become boring.
i need a new lesson...somewhere!!
argh..
12:02 AM |
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Thursday, July 28, 2005
hrmm
i seem to have alot to say, but sitting in front of the laptop now, i am almost speechless.
but i do have something in mind, stuck somehow, and getting it out of my mind
and tat is,
i dun feel as depressed as i was 2 weeks back, or the past yr
and i feel much alive, kicking and yeh
there's so much more to life than tat.
maybe i havent found a definite purpose for my life
as i would call it my purpose in life.
i am just glad i am still able to pick myself up, be in control
i dunno y but i feel it seems that?
managed to chat up with huimin, dennis and chris often these days
and began to realise many things, i am blinded to.
i have looked too far.
and i have looked too deep, vertically
ahhh, now now, my thots are all coming back
been watching vcd on tian long ba bu and i found some things in the movie very enlightening.
i guess, it was touching on alot of things on buddhist teachings and thinking.
but it isnt all boring and philosophical. it is pretty exciting!! hahaha
it is just purely, understanding urself and where u stand in life.
not all are suitable to be monks or nuns.
regardless where u r, if u hold buddha in u, u can have buddha everywhere u go.
u dun have to be in a temple.
it is all in the mind and heart
keeping tat in mind, that all have their own merits and demerits
one learns to accept and be accepting
freaking interesting, and i almost feel myself turning alive when i heard that really cool monk toking hahahahhaa.
hahaha....
and i cant wait to who would be THAT man for christina and huimin
hahahahahahaha...
and stupid dennis too. hahah..i am still wondering on his comment on me
"u look for and require a man of westernised thinking."
to add on, some1 who can dance with me lalalalalalala...
wishful thinking. hahaha..i am more into looking for a definition in life.
i feel like i am back to those days in jc hahaha...
to do watever i have set my mind on. good
psst, huimin, hahahha..if u ever read this, hahhahaha....u think dennis is tat superficial meh?! afterall, he keeps alot to himself too hahahaha...
anyhow, it was pretty fun hanging out with chris, just looking ard at clarke quay and its pubs and clubs hahaha
and we managed to get free drinks.
it was ladies nite at this club hahahah....
relaly it is a place filled iwth angmohs! hahahaha..but nah..we just walked ard,
ate satay! cool hur! hahahhaa...
hahaha...and damn it!? do i look like a bloody MALAY?
hahahahahhaa...
12:15 AM |
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Wednesday, July 27, 2005
actually i am at a loss
if i am offered a technical job
am i actually able to do it well?
coz i dun think i am technically sound
i have forgotten everything tat was taught in school!
oops.
if so,
wat's with the control engineering job?
i think i need to tok to some1 senior
maybe i would like a small chat with my former boss tomolo.
a guidance is always appreciated and given when called for!
once again i question my capability as a chemical engineer
it has nothing to do with the honours.
but being who i am,
i still can be an engineer.
opportunities knock all a time
which is the one would u take up?
follow ur heart, or follow ur head?
12:00 AM |
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Sunday, July 24, 2005
it's august soon
time flies so fast
when u learn not to struggle, not to resist, not to fight back
u realise there wont be any pain.
no pain at all..
10:50 PM |
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post got erased coz of connection problem
and wanted so much to tell the whole world how unlucky i was
and how i am so upset over it
and telling how i have added another "crime" onto my list
IE crashed
i couldnt even control c
and it died
so i guess, heavens decided i shouldnt be whining abt it.
at all
there
i will just shut up from here onwards
*feeling super miserable*
dan brown's digital fortress -- down
12:13 AM |
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Friday, July 22, 2005
there i was, sitting there, waiting for something to happen
in the end, i just stared blankly.
i just stared.
i blinked once, then twice.
wait a min, wat was in the previous thot?
okay, i have no idea..
i blinked thrice this time round.
ouch, something went into my contacted eyes.
orh i meant, eyes tat's wearing contacts.
did i mention tat i was sitting down e coffee joint, waiting for some1 to come?
i din right?
there u go, i have told u.
i blinked once.
i teared finally.
damnit! u r finally out of me bloodshot eyes!
my mind blanked out.
am i waiting for some1 to come or something to happen?
wat was it again?
the waiter came around once again, "excuse me, u want more tea?"
i blinked twice.
he poured the hot tea into the cup, with 2 drops splashing onto the saucer.
thank god, they din spill onto me!
hold on, did i just say yes?
i might have nodded unwittingly.
did i?
i blinked thrice again.
and this time, i heaved a heavy sigh.
milk or sugar babe?
or both?
or none?
argh, who cares? just drink the bloody tea.
i sipped the tea slowly, exaggerating how it would scald my tougue
right.
u r just stalling time arent u?
admit it
well, i guess my stomach cun take the 6th cup of tea.
it is just a normal reflex
damnit, stop thinking and reading so much into all!
i blinked 5 times.
and swallowed hard.
just y did the waiter ask me if i would like some food?
tat would help. the nervousness in my legs is travelling up to my body.
i blinked once.
hahahahaha...wtf? i wrote something so stupid
realised the focal point it "blink"
hahahahah
i am going nuts.
aoh yeh,
i have got an interview for sulzer.
hrmm
everyweek i would be dancing with this german guy.
hahaha..nope i am not interested. coz i guess, i am the girl ard who is not with a dance partner and danced withhim
and today was jive
god. bloody tiring.
sometimes i feel sooo shy dancing with pple i dun really know.
but at least i can improve on following lead.
getting better now. yeh!
12:14 AM |
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Tuesday, July 19, 2005
i think i was so bored...
just too bored!!!
hahaha...met up chris for a while in orchard coz i was too bored.
and finally my camera is fine! with no fee incurred hahaha
yeh!
finished the books finally
and now i am stuck of wat i would like to read! hahaha...
see how
i might just go and borrow books to read
recipe books too hahaha..
maybe i will pick up some psychology books
or philosophy, or hrmm..maybe i should go and find gilbert for his books
and eph, u still owe me my book! =o)
or hrmm...
lost
but hrmm
thailand plant is right in bangkok!
hrmm
but my mum is very against it
will see how things go then.
hahaha shopshopshop, GIRLS come and find me if i ever work there! hahaha
tat's abt it
the two books i read
1) middlesex -- jeffery eugenides
a book on hermaphrodite > one having sex organs and many of the 2ndary sex char of both male and female.. and the main char hrmm had grandparents who were actually brother and sister!? ouch, then his parents are like 1st cousins. long story and in chinese is wat we called ruan run...and ended up, there's a genetic defection somewhere. he was raised as a girl coz his penis was so short and small, and was mistaken as "clitoris" which is bigger than a normal girl. but she could not have period, had husky voice, and broad shoulders.
ouch. he has a virgina but he is still a man. ouch. hrmm hahaha....poor thing. it is an okie book i guess, knew alot more of detroit and its history and really haha...been there before has made me yearn the place even more hahaha
though the story is kind of dry, but it does make u want to read on. alot of flashbacks and different scenes from 19 century till present
2) the time traveller's wife -- audrey niffenegger
this is a very sad romance story.
i would say, i dunno, confused abt the ending but through this story
u begin to feel tat it is not the ending tat matters but the process of how love blossomed outside the box of time and space. yet i have to admit, it still occurred within time and space jsut tat, it was parallel universes.
henry, travels through time and space. he appears in the psat and the future.
he met his wife when she was 6 and when he was 30 but in actual fact tat is taking scenorio only based on universe A as a reference (yeshyesh..relativity) they are just 8 yrs old apart. so henry from universe A travels back and forth to past and future. a genetic disorder, some kind of gene within his DNA tat displaced him from the attachment to normal time and space frame. he is able to travel, though not at will unless he is nervous or very scared.
but anyway, the whole point wasnt abt the relativity and parallel universes but more of the love story between henry and clare.
lovely story i would say. sad yet touching coz of the love they have.
and it is fate, regardless of time and space, it just happened.
i guess tat's wat this whole story is abt? dunno..the constant waiting and fear the girl has jsut to ensure her husband comes back safe from his time travelling hahaha
but it just reminded me of sliders the show haha
but the setting is mostly in chicago and everything thng is running in my head! hahaa...art institute of chicago, grant park and its birmingham fountain, hyde park, blahblah...then michigan hahaha...then indiana with the lake michigan and chicago river...wah lau....hahahahaha...wish i am enjoying myself over somewhere for a holiday hahahahha
okie i wish i have dan brown's angels and demons!!!!
DENNIS!!! pass me b4 u leave usa can can? hahaha
alwyn: hey baby, i have received ur postcard! thank u! it is indeed a pleasant surprise. and interestingly, u bought it in DC? anyhow, things are fine with me =o)
hahhaa..reply to my email u crap.
but i think by the time u see this post, i am sure u have already replied to my email
hahahhaa...
"how can u dream if u dun learn to shut off the thots u dun want?"
- Jantu, the clay marble by ho minfong
how true
11:09 PM |
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Monday, July 18, 2005
dum dee dum
dum dee dum
dum dee dum
breathe in and breathe out
i am not ready, but i am prepared to be ready!
dum dee dum
dum dee dum
345678,1
paso, is interesting. i feel like i am the bull......
1:33 AM |
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Saturday, July 16, 2005
votre soiree
not too bad
pierre and i won 3rd for chacha
tat's abt it
hahaha
sad, din get to dacne much
but the dance floor was bad.
it was super slippery.
but luckily i got used to it after a while
if not, i will slip and fall ahhahaha
12:34 AM |
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Wednesday, July 13, 2005
it was commencement
or actually convocation
today
crazy day tat i just go ard taking photos.
making my parents wait
and then i just took alot of photos
to tell u the truth.
i wonder if i actually made my parents proud
i din do well anyway
and then i think the wine is getting into me!
i actually told my fren
"i dun even think i have made them proud of me in any way in my lifetime"
*gasp*
hahhaha...
it is the wine
my mind is in a mess and dazing
but i think it is the truth.
i always think i am never good enuff for my parents to be proud hahaha.
12:33 AM |
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Tuesday, July 12, 2005
it is so easy to get a job for myself actually
"well, she wants to come, come! any job she wants to try."
"pay? watever pay she wants lor....standard rates la!"
such an opportunity only comes like this, so easily
i cant believe it.
yet i know i have to try to get a job here
b4 i convince myself tat i will go thailand
i give myself till september?
yeh.
but i know it is hard over there.
but alot of pple advising me to look hard here first.
i will do my resume up first
thanks prem
can some1 just tell me more
there's no pride left in her.
crazy is the word printed all over.
severity of situation has come to naught
and everything else has to be retaught.
there is a piece of peace somewhere.
a who or a what is the heir
to the throne of her heart
and where it lies beneath the cart
its wheels on the hard mud
changing every second to a sound of tud.
she seeks the way of light
but only to find everything goes into a hide
all she ever wanted was to remove the blind
but to find herself sleepless all night
1:08 AM |
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Monday, July 11, 2005
i miss u so much!!!!
come back now now! hehehehehehehe
lalalalalalala....
i am mad
and i hate coughs!
i have been coughing for a week!!1
BLEAH
and i am lazy to see a doctor who is just 5 mins away. hehehehehe
i am really mad.
come back quick!
cough cough.
maybe wont come back
better not come back
cough cough...
and i meant the cough better dun come back the next time round
cough cough...
BLEAH
but today i am stuck
i have to consider if i really want to work in thailand
for long.
hrmmm.
no more spanish.
it is thai time.
1:04 AM |
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Sunday, July 10, 2005
i have a great time today meeting my mgs frens
first i went out with choonie!!! walking ard, sitting at coffee bean
and listening to her stories and she's listening to me stories
those were the days when we would be there for each other hahaha
and yeh, then it was the usual gang
christina, belinda, yilin, sabrina me and chun foong.. and guess wat,
wish ellen was ard...but she wasnt
but it was great!
i feel like the scenes in the dirty girls social club! ahhaa
it was really fantastic meeting them and all.
i love the feeling
hahaha...
each of us doing different things
and me bumming! haha.
yilin is an SIA stewardess, and hehee...next time shopping, hahaha..i know who to go to hehehe
choonie and belinda are helping out their family business respectively
sab is into insurance
and chris, yeh..still into her masters
and me! qualified bummer! and part time dancer hahaha
anyhow, it was great and we intend to make it a monthly thingy
hahaha..i will try...
hahaha
i am feeling really so happy and great today.
i wish all my darlings all the best in life.
a big big SMILE!
=o)
crazy mood today, but feeling very at peace.
this is a feeling i havent for a long time!
yumyum.
and i have a good appetite.
i wish i could have better food
the restaurant suckeD
bleah.
12:25 AM |
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Saturday, July 09, 2005
strive to be a better person
i guess this is a sentence i long forgotten
till dennis reminded me
and i think i sort of appreciated him breaking things down for me to understand
really
thanks dude!
it made more sense than 1 just sentence "u should listen to pple more"
hahhaha...but oh well..he is sooo funny hahah
12:46 AM |
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Thursday, July 07, 2005
hrmm
when i need to whine, i just whine. i ramble
i dun need advice
when i am desperate, i need some1 to tok me out.
i say it right away...
"wat's wrong with me? pt it out"
but how am i to put it across?
yet another depressing day!
oh well...
life
maybe i should try to go china instead.
12:25 AM |
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Tuesday, July 05, 2005
buddy going off to usa tomolo morning!!!!
i'll miss him coz no one to kill boredom during the holidays liao.
no one to go "ooi....wanna eat lunch at jp?" or "ooi, orchard to hang out?"
or "so we shall just aim to go usa to study then travel to cuba during holidays!"
(tat's wat i keep telling him these 2 weeks...dreams....dreams...)
for 3 weeks. bleah! hahahaha
kidding... i kept walking to his house bus stop till i am also sick of it hahaha..
erps.
buddy go USA and drink pink martini la... forgot to tell u...make it and drink it while u sing to ur sympatheique. hahahaha....
met meera today and she just went to central america for 2 months!!!!!
i am envious. and she said, pick up spanish (soon soon babe...coz i need $$$$) then go then and learn the language there too... hahaha...i will!!!!!!
and she went cuba too. mexico, guatemali and carribean islands...
gosh. i want to go!!!! tat's the next stop
hehehehehe....
till then.
and she is going usa to work on her research. and i think doing research overseas have opened many opportunites for pple. because they get to travel for conferences.
and i think tat's very good exposure.
there's something to work twds to, but i have no confidence in doing it.
so 2 yrs down the road, we will see yeh?
it is just getting harder...
wah!
11:20 PM |
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no me ames
-- J.Lo feat Marc Anthony
Dime por qué lloras
De felicidad
Y por qué te ahogas
Por la soledad
Di por qué me tomas, fuerte así,
mis manos, y tus pensamientos te van llevando
Yo te quiero tanto
Y por qué será
Loco testarudo, no lo dudes más,
aunque en el futuro haya un muro enorme,
yo no tengo miedo, quiero enamorarme.
No me ames, porque pienses que
parezco diferente
Tú no piensas que es lo justo,
ver pasar el tiempo juntos
No me ames, que comprendo,
la mentira que sería.
Si tu amor no merezco, no me ames,
mas quédate otro día
No me ames, porque estoy perdido,
porque cambié el mundo, porque es el
destino, porque no se puede, somos un espejo,
Y tú así serías lo que yo
de mí reflejo
No me ames, para estar muriendo,
dentro de una guerra llena de
arrepentimientos, no me ames para estar
en tierra, quiero alzar el
vuelo, con
tu gran amor por el azul del cielo
(SHORT BREAK)
No sé qué decirte, esa es la verdad,
si la gente quiere, sabe lastimar
Tú y yo partiremos, ellos no se mueven,
pero en este cielo sola no me dejes
No me dejes, no me dejes, no me escuches,
si te digo "no me ames".
No me dejes, no desarmes,
mi corazón con ese "no me ames"
No me ames, te lo ruego, mi amargura, dèjame
Sabes bien, que no puedo, que es inútil,
que siempre te amaré
No me ames, pues te haré sufrir con este
corazòn que se llenó de mil inviernos
No me ames, para así olvidarte de tus días grises, quiero que me ames
sólo por amarme
No me ames, tú y yo volaremos,
uno con el otro y seguiremos siempre juntos
Este amor es como el sol que sale tras de la tormenta
Como dos cometas en la misma estela
hahaha was listening to my salsa music burned by my salsa instructor then
and remembered this song very well, coz i would always tell him when he wanna to dance with me,
"can we just dance to this? this song is just so great!i love the start, slow and sweet"
and found out there's a slow version to this song! not just the upbeat salsa version! nice! hahahaa...
and guess wat, it is in spanish! hahaha (duh i know)
english version
Dont love me"
Tell me, why are you crying?
Because I'm happy
And why are you so choked up?
From loneliness
And why are you squeezing my hand
So tightly
And your thoughts seem to be wandering?
I love you so much
Why?
Don't be so hard-headed
Stop doubting me
Although in the future there's a large sky
I'm not afraid
I want to love you
Don't love me because you think I'm different
You don't think it's right
For us to spend this time together
Don't love me because I know what a lie it would be
If you don't think I deserve your love
Don't love me
I'm going to stay another day
Don't love me because I'm lost
Because I change the world
Because it's my destiny
Because I can't change
We are a mirror
And you are my reflection
Don't love me
To be dying in a war of regret and sad thoughts
Don't love me
Because in this world
This great love deserves to soar through the blue sky
I don't know what to say
That's the truth
If people want to want to hurt us, they will
If you and I part now
They don't matter
But in this world
Don't leave me
Don't leave me
Don't leave me
Don't listen when I say I don't love you
Don't love me
Stop breaking my heart with these "I don't love you's"
Don't love me
Because my heart is breaking
That is useless
I will always love you
Don't love me
You have suffered enough
My heart has turned cold like a million winters
Don't love me
To forget about your gray days
I want you to always love me
You and I are changing
One with the other
And always together
This love is like the sun
That comes out after a storm
Like two comets in the same galaxy
Don't love me
Don't love me
Don't love me
hahaha and wah lau..translation sounds so weird...no longer sexy!
but sad hor..but i dun understand..but i sure like the music!
the salsa one rocks too hahahaha
and i finally understood the lyrics..stupid me..
it is a conversation b/w the girl and the guy.
girl asks him alot of questions and all the guys does is
"dun love me" ahhh..there u go.
=o)
2:13 AM |
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Monday, July 04, 2005
i just purposely deleted a post
coz i know,
pple reading this blog would start to judge who i am again.
and start to misunderstand me on wat i say, wat i type my mind
and start to formulate some kind of images of me which arent me!
there i have judged my own readers too.
humans
i wish i din care.
but i do.
shrugs
anyway....
Before that, I was at Borders with Hui, attempting to teach her some basics of French since she's recently snagged a sexy cool French guy as her dance partner. Well, I thought that her knowing some sexy French sentences might send both of them to the bedroom sooner than either of them wished. lol...ok pls dun kill me now.
and nownow, hahhaa..i would like to take an excerpt from al's LJ and tell u, hahaha
no matter how cute he is and how he would compliment me when we POSE infront of the mirror, hahaha...by saying
u r a good dancer, in french wont send both of us to bedroom sooner.
but maybe a nice romantic dinner looking over the nite skyline of orchard. tat's where he stays, or, a nice slow dance in the candlelight with red wine and some fantastic cheese would do a good job and send both of us into bedroom. btw, he is a good cook. i wonder if he would cook for me one day hahaha....then maybe i will update u with the FRENCH i have learnt from HIM INSTEAD. hahahahaha
but pple, i am just kidding.
kidding.
really.
*winkz*
muahhahahahahahaha...
1:14 AM |
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Sunday, July 03, 2005
the dirty girls social club
this book is just so right for me (for once?!!)
it toks abt this 6 latinas borned and raised in USA who met in BU
they started a club and called themselves sucias.
after college, all led different lives. of coz, coz they have different characters
some love their roots, spanish, some just preferred to be americanised
interesting. spanish.
tats wat i needed.
si, mi'ja
maybe i would learn spanish in the next 2 yrs, quit my job (if i get one)
use the bloody moeny i save n hunt for a latino.
hola! como se llama? mi nombre es huihui *winkz*
career and love were the major problems they have
but in the book, they have their career, right in some WAY
and they were all looking for certain kind of happiness.
one was lesbian but all the other sucias din know till later, cun bear to come out from it and was hiding from it. has a gf who just kept quiet.
one was crazy over the actual indians in spaniards and wanted to cut an album to tell the world.
one had the perfect life, with a perfect husband (who aint tat perfect afterall)together with a perfect family
one had a screwed up fiance who cheats on her, treated her like shit and she tried so hard to be so spanish
one had everything but a man who couldnt match up with her. they were in love for 10 yrs but all they did was to spite each other.
one owns a magazine but with a husband who does nothing but tok wrong philosophy
so as usual, all the sad beginnings end with positive and happy endings.
though there were divorces, break ups but were for the better.
one finally came into light tat she is lesbian.
one really cut her album, got dumped by her useless man and made onto no1 billboard
one whose perfect husband actually is a wife beater kill his maid by rage and killed his own child in the womb of his wife, left and started to raise her kids with her own business
one dumped her CMI finance and realiesd her roots, spoke better spanish with the dominican man of hers (who happens to be liek 8 yrs younger than her...) who actually bothered to love her and make a future for both of them...right..but it is still?
one who actually finally married the man she loves for 10 yrs and whom she spited with other men for 10 yrs. they were meant for each other
one finally divorced her onlyknowhowtousehisfamilymoneytorot husband and got herself hitched with some1 who pampers and matched with her, a man who taught her to loosen up and be less uptight. kinky red lingerie hahaha...
so they were 30 when all it ended for the story tat is.
latinas.
buenos noches.
1:00 AM |
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Saturday, July 02, 2005
cun believe it tat i was on the phone for such a long time!
this time it is with christina! si tian hui hahaha...
really...we were on the phone for almost 6 hours.
really
6 hours
tat i just bathed and now trying to blog something at almost 4am
hrmm
and i think it is weird.
hahahaha... but i think i feel so "at home" chatting with some1 who appreciates and understands me...n pls girl, dun feel bad abt something u din know abt!..
i just din bother to explain or tell anyone abt it. and yeh, i am still a melodrama queen.
thanks si tian hui!!! and now i am soooooo paiseh and still contemplating if i should go for the dinner tomolo....
yeh she cordially invited me to this dinner buffet, coz she said, i want to make si huihui happy!
well, i complained that no food could actually satisfy me or make me happy at the current moment!!!
orh, have i turned out to be some kind of hahaha...food hater!? now...on the contrary. i need more food.
i am losing weight. and i know it, my fav blue skirt is getting loose. and it doesnt stretch as much till i stretch it hehehe... but by getting fat. hehehe.
forgot, haha..this is the first time i heard pple in dance, pierre (alwyn: i din say tat french sentence u taught me, i forgot actually hahahaha and he speaks french every now and then!...)
"i like dancing with u, have tat kind of connection and response..."
though he commented i have a strong lead too. hahaha...
wah...i response!!?? hahahah...err..hrmm... think alot would disagree with him.
but it varies from pple to pple hurhur?
been hanging out with alwyn too much but glad he likes the tshirt i bought him from USA!!!
and seriously, a S would be good. think the shoulders would still fit. u find out when u r over there urself.
and shopping ard with this guy is scaring. i learn alot on how to shop for a guy!
like this top with alittle tight fit at the sides blahblah.
wah.... it is an art to shop for guys esp for those who are concerned abt the length and all. hahaha....and i kid "ooi...teach me more then next time i can shop for my bf/husband, then know wat to buy and wat can try ah!" hahaha..amusing.
and i must admit, i met a group of very interesting frens.
i want to meet them again, esp suli? hahaha..is tat how u spell her name.
they are really frenly and chatty pple. =o)
i love suli's stories abt her modules back in aussie. totally mindblowing
"women and the household applicances"..."sex is better than chocolate"
..."animal sex" hahahahaha...
and tat was over dinner... hahahahaha...ivan said in his aussie fast slang "do we have to go into that over dinner!?"
YEH!!! hahaha..coz i am not eating mah. hahaha...
i can hear elena saying "hui and her R(A)ness" hahahaha
*gasp*
3:44 AM |
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Friday, July 01, 2005
JG once wrote something in Maya
"we bear n are borne by soul we do not know. when the riddle raises itself on two legs without being solved, it is out turn.
when the dream picture pinches its own arm without waking, it is us. for we are the riddle no one guesses. we are the fairy tale trapped in its own image. we are what moves on n on without arriving at understanding"
maybe words are just wat we decipher to be, maybe words are just impressions in our minds wat we want to see, to appreciate.
but many a times, how many pple get to understand wat others have in mind?
and how often do we stop and think?
i admit. i dun.
but i also admit, i think too much, i cant sleep
maybe i should learn to let it go.
coz we are wat moves on n on without arriving at understanding
coz maybe in this world, alot dun bother or dun seem to understand and yet they are the ones who have gotten it...
or maybe we try so hard, we give up, coz we never seem to arrive to an understanding.
in the end, i read too much in actions, words and impressions.
i remembered i told frens this sentence
"it is so hard to walk a road alone meant for two"
or maybe lets extend it further
"it is so hard to walk a road of understanding b/w pple alone"
anyhow, regardless the situations, i begin to see the sides of pple in a sharper light.
but i am reminding myself, now, tat no matter how or wat is the light shining on them, they are still who they are.
and so am i.
i am dealing with many problems everyday. there goes to every1 else.
each problem has its own woes and happiness. thus, does it explain y not all problems should have a resolution or solution?
written all over my face
i sing my thots aloud
my face hides no emotions.
the best actress is one who feels all in her,
yet none is shown on the face.
i am not her.
i fight in my dreams, many me(s) argue over issues,
and the core me just hates it all
angst and sadness seep onto the face.
i am just all i have, a written book of emotions.
thots are thots but tok aloud over the face.
but they are just thots of different me
and not abt u.
i guess, the pt of writing something called a poem
tat doesnt rhyme, is just a poem still hahahaha.
i dun chase big money, i dun chase power
all i want is inner peace.
i can take a lifetime to search that
and maybe never find it.
as i was finally at the dance studio practicing, i have seen things i din see it last time.
i was so glad to see shaun, though not his longer hair, who gave me a big hug as i threw my arms ard him. and he gave me this look, "so r u feeling better now?"
thanks for the chopstick! but i have to say, i might have difficulty pinning hair up with tat. hahaha....
thanks lewis for buying me milo again. and listening to wat i have to say and giving me honest replies. the buddy who gives silent support hur? and u just know i wont give up on things till it is truly gone hurhur? *winkz*
thanks my bestest buddy alwyn, for not hanging up on me when i was sobbing over the phone. and really, i appreciated ur reassurance. i know there's nothing major wrong with me, just tat i seriously think too much and put myself down way too much.
thanks jo, for telling me tat i should learn to listen to pple more.
but seriously babe, i wasnt angry with pple all the time. if so,
it wasnt meant for others at times, really, but at myself. hope u understand tat side of me. internal struggle is something, i do with everyday..sometimes, when u dun feel at place with certain things and pple, things turn haywire in me. tat's all i have to say.
hair is drying up. and jobs are dying away too.
12:55 AM |
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