Wednesday, August 16, 2006
i have found out shrewd pple ard me and my workplace.
and it is only 3 months to find tat happening.
i feel i am being unlucky.
really!
all i want is to work, no some pple just want to make life harder for u.
sometimes, i face pple at work, most of my life now.
yet i have to deal with them all the time.
when is the time when i cam just treat one person or two, with true heart and also, being given that kind heart too?
it is so hard, really. i almost wanted to die.
5 days a week, 9 hours a day, and all u deal with can be pple who are stabbing behind your back, or just making use of u?
i dun see the fucking point at this place, seriously. but go ahead.
i just want to get my job done.
and ta;ts wat i aim for
all i need sometimes, is just a pure heart, to be there, to listen, and it is so hard. sometimes, dun have to be there, but with a pure heart. tat's all
once a week is hard, a fortnight maybe possible, but it always seems hard.
i find it so hard to adjust, to adapt, to grow up.
i just wish to keep quiet, to learn to let everything pass.
coz it is already so hard out there to work, and i still have to deal with pple right ard me.
i am not cut for such a world.
i know.
jo: at least i know wat i am not good at, since i cant find wat i am good at.
12:37 AM |
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Monday, August 14, 2006
how how?
how how??
how how???
how do i survive?
am i even good at my job?
shit man.
i think i am the worst appln and sales engineer in my department, and possibly the worst in the whole sales!!!
shit man. i am going to screw up everything.
11:49 PM |
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Sunday, August 06, 2006
i feel like shit now
y?
esp after a gathering at hk's house.
i feel like shit?
hahaha.
life like this.
"waking up to an empty house. all right, not really empty but i was home alone. i feel alittle peaceful. then i slowly took my time to doll up, then out to town. sitting along orchard road, reading my the economist, i ate my lunch. it was a warm afternoon and all i chose was al fresco. i felt so calm, zen. just me myself in my own world. i dun have to look wat i was doing, as in, be careful of my actions, my words. i am not speaking to any1, not rushing to meet any1, just random doing wat i need to do. to be with myself. i enjoyed the simple pleasures of walking, looking.
i eat the eat. i drink the drink and i even shit the shit.
the simplest pleasures in life, excerise to the max. shopped alone, eat alone. but i dun feel alone. i like this feeling. i dun have yearning of being with some1, i dun yearn that companionship nor do i need to answer to any1. i dun tok except basic social interaction. i din have to call any1, besides texting twice to kelvin. simplicity to the max. it is so hard to maintain. yet it gives a direction, a purpose, a sense of belonging, not to anything, but myself. no i am not trying to sound as though i am living in my own world. but i am just seem as non existent. i feel a sense of serenity amidst the hustle and bustle of the city. maybe tat is wat i was looking for some time ago. aloneness. walking the walking. not being anything, but just be. it feels, i won't say great, but not terrible either.
the gathering wasnt bad. ate, drank.
but i suddenly lost the zen. i gained form. i became myself once again.
then i felt lost, terrible and feel all sort of feeling. tok too much? eat too much?
drink too much? sweat too much? care too much? insensitive too much? wires are off.
lost control and sucking myself into this world of selfishness...
on my way home, i feel sucky, tired, and like shit."
listening to love songs, it feels good, groovy, suitable to chill out.
i still feel like shit.
i want to be formless again.
i want no emotions.
tell me quick.
how?
1:43 AM |
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