Saturday, October 14, 2006
u know, life is funny
"i think you have a lower threshold of our lousy jokes"
u know, whenever i use lousy jokes on them, guess wat their reactions are,
silence.
i wonder, who is the sorer loser? hahaha
then i guess wat PK and i have concluded? pple who love to suan others, cant be suaned by others themselves. they cant take it. hahahaha
really, whenever i crack jokes on the others, they jsut smiled! and sometimes when they do tat on me, i smiled!
but on them, shrugs, i wont even bother...
anyway, i think i require alot more time to think through things
i need to get my hormones in check!
esp my depressive PMS hahaha..
if pple do believe it gets really bad hahaha
i admit it and now i am taking action.
of coz, these are my observations!
ciao pple...
3:47 AM |
|
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
i have written this to my best fren who is now sitting in Sweden.
i think i needed to this so much
hey babe,
work is unbearable and i tink the stress is amounting when i am unable to step out of it. it is like this tornado tat swept across and just swept me up into it. i cant get out. my colleague told me it is because i am not taking a break from everything. the strain over this 1.3 years is taking its strain on me. i think whenever pms hits, it is like when shit hits the fan. i think i might need to see a doctor to supress all this and u know how i hate taking medication for such silly things. life at this workplace is hectic, and sometimes u cant fight it. i take up responsibilities which dun belong to me, and i din know how to throw them UP. maybe i am not tkaing things in my path. i need to let go. but i am going through this patch of maddening 2 weeks, fighting tears back and every1 thinks i am a mad woman who is emotional. but they have no idea wat kind of shit as a newbie is carrying, just because of a decision of mine decided to grab an opportunity to fight for the name of compnay. how noble and naive i am. and how stupid i am to let it get into the calmness i have previously finally and i almost cracked. i cried 3 times in the office toilet. and i asked god what am i fighting for? for recognition, for encouragement, for results for myself for justice for what shit? when i am not getting any justification done on my work done.
who gives a damn? who gives that kind of emotions? i dunno. i have so much running in my mind and i dunno how i can relate to any1, relate to anything in hand, in the future. it is hard to try to grab things in the dark, and maybe in the end when the lights are up, there was nothing at all to grab.
the only comfort i have was that i have tried.
i have been judged, and i have judged. and it all turned out bad. because the results were negative. just because i threw myself into a shit that i believe in. and i dun even know the outcome, my gut feeling tat came to me, i dun even know if i can trust anymore.
soemtimes i think, i use work to find myself. i use colleagues to find who i am. and i think i am losing myself in the game of nothing but office politics. conclusion, is never do tat. they and the env arent the healthy way and the truthful way to find myself.
sometimes i just want to run away from everything i have here, but thinking of the money, the debts, the "where can i go" hits me. i am not a risk taker. and weirdly, i am willing to die for excitement, for sheer death defying acts. i always never understood this part of me.
**
is all for the better good? is all for the hope that it is a blessing in disguise?
soemtimes, i lost sight of my own capability. i never like to compare, with others, but within the premises, i am being compared, by who, by what and by how, i enver know. i would love to see myself improve, but i dun even know if i have. i push myself too deep into the waters, not giving a chance to breathe and see the beautiful sky light shining just at the surface of the water. no wonder i have never found my direction in life.
i am so hungry right now, sitting in the office. i have decided to steal the chance of the long holidays that we have of deepavali and hari raya pusa to stay away from colleagues, good and bad, from all the things literally happening behind me, so wish how i have a shoulder to cry on...
maybe u r thinking of many things now.
i am too tired to think.
just think, any decision pple make, wat difference does it make anyway?
the outcome is always different. and u cant change wat you have chosen previously!
thus, dear, when you are comfortable to do soemthing, do it. b4 it is too late.
i might not even dance again, coz my dance partner might drop me.
shit does fall on me all at a time.
love u.
at least u bother to listen to a mad woman.
thanks.
and hope you study well! and sleep well!
luv
hui
11:57 PM |
|
Sunday, October 08, 2006
hrmm
i think i realised this is all it has!!!
i want to go miami and drive those damn cars!!!!!
12:58 AM |
|
Sunday, October 01, 2006
i have turned 24 this thursday!
hahaha
woohoo!
besides receiving tons of smses, and i seriously appreciated it.
i wanted to keep it down..really..even taking leave was like a hushhush except for a couple of colleagues, in the end the whole sales team knew it blahblah sheesh!
hahah i have bursted 180 bucks on my shopping spree on 28 sep 06!
nine west shoes!
love it but now seasoning it
and gee, i also have received a belated bouquet of 24 red roses at my office.
wah lau...i wanted to die. hahaha
stupid guy, must sent to my office!!!!!! sigh...so embarrasing. sweet la but i have already got a gut feeling the nite b4..so not a surprise!
anyhow, daring has occured but somehow, it doesnt feel right! too short a time and y!??? hahaha
sigh, time to be evil but this time i still have to nice for a hidden agenda. haha
sigh
1:21 AM |
|
|
|
