wat u want to abt me? and why? how much can u find out, when i dun even know who i am?
relacon and wat's next?
Saturday, April 14, 2007
realised i have been blogging for the past one month! haha.. think it is because i havent been going for dance...
but i was thinking so much this whole month, recongising my feelings on many things. even going ubin has set up a different aspects
and now i may think that heavens have sent me a message and it is time to do something about it.
1) work: it hasnt been a great year so far, besides changing to a boss i cna relate better to, and seriously it is interesting the amount i can tok with my boss. however it is more than just, which i am capable of. i am thinking of exploring deeper and further in other things! shall pursue my dreams in 3 things which i think can tie hand in hand a) market analysis b) business development c) maybe i wanna try MBA - human allocation and understanding!
hahaha can i work for management? coz i think they need to wake up. muhahaha.
of coz i have also set my goals to slow my pace down even further and listen and read very much more. by reading up more market reports and analysis will assist me in my current situation and future. 2ndly, i will definitely do something about wat i call pple relationship. the env i am in, seems alittle, i would call myself a little misfit. coz somehow, hahaha i have become one of a kind, which somewat cant really fit in somewhere. maybe la. i am just not meant to be in it. always remember wat alwyn tells me "just work, if it is so hard, just work. then they are just part of work" (something along this line!!!! cant rememebr the exact words!) hahaha. so thus, conclusion for my emotion aspenct at work 1) learn to take things in stride, listen and help. 2) heck about anything else which is NON of my business, eg, if this person does this and tat during work, tat's his or her problem unless the person comes and ask me for help. 3) emotionally detached. this is the hardest but i will do it by everyday reminding myself this phrase and breathe 5 times deeply! smile more into my mirror no matter how horrendoous i look sometimes without simple make up (dark rings are like settling in comfortably!) and i am definitely who i am, no matter how i THINK i might be so differently misfitting! too bad u r not her hahaha.
2) romance: err, hahaha i think at this age, i have realised there is no longer such thing as crush like i could have when i was 18. it is very tiring, not worth it coz u know the guy will NEVER like u back. and seriously, wat;s the point of having a crush on some1 thinking u like that some1 when the some1 is liking some1 else! silly girl! no more crushes for sure and i am going to let myself be alittle stronger than that! till the guy wants to tell me he likes me, i wont bother to do anything a) love is a bonus. and if u r the man, i think u and i are lucky pple. b) i definitely would love to have a family., but again, it is hell about luck! c) i have been through some stuff but i will learn that, i shall just be less emotional and let life flows through me. 4) i will just continue to love the world and its beautiful things!
3) life: nice paragraph from this horoscope thingy but i felt it wasnt really about the horoscope but something which presented itself worthy to be noted. "dun not let your past dictate your future. they do not seem as much worth as you think they are in shaping your future"
nice. in the past, i believe in my past shaping my future. but now i think, the past is just a time it passed and u lived and u learnt and unlearn. and it is only the current decisions and future reactions determines my future. maybe soemtimes i am always holding onto my promises i have for my dear frens (which i still do) i will make them come true of coz. but i am thinking deeper into things like the mistakes i have done are just a reminder, and yes i have the tendency to commit them again, but i am aware, with different set of attitudes and stronger capabilities, i will be going strong.
hahahah happy girl now..was feeling moody but yah think if u can think things through..it is good. and i will be disciplined!!!
hee hee hee...started off this week actually.. but i have to acknowledge bad feelings still...it is normal!!
10:52 PM |
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Tuesday, April 10, 2007
this is the song i fell in love immediately and i think she is a very talented lady. and gosh, her voice, her music, touches u to the core of your heart.
yah she belongs to the late 70s, but i think, it make alot of senses still. and she is still writing! gosh. beautiful!
enjoy pple!
it is this simplicity, the clarity of her voice that awake the soul in me the lost soul knowing the world has alot more than just the day to day little frays. maybe it is just singing the song, maybe u just sway left and right to the slow rhythm. the simple plucking of chords, set the base and all left of melody, is the voice of an angel. the softness depicts the despair and lost hopes. the deep gave the strength, tighter on the lost faith. as you close your eyes, you feel the rain pattering on your coat, and the left tip of your mouth drags up. it is this smoothness on the shakers on the move... sets me into the mood! 12:18 AM |
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Sunday, April 08, 2007
"love is a road for two. without you, it seems too big for a pair of feet"
"a child's mind seems pitless, and maybe i will hope i can be one"
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
was sitting there watching tv and then decided to check if my er jie actually email but she din. mum is worried. so i sms her...no reply! think i would have to call soon.
listening to shan's woes, i am contemplating alot of things too. sometimes i wonder if i am nosey, but sometimes it hurts me to see a person i care gets upset and i cant help.
sometimes i just say somethings not because i am picking on u, but because it is the way fact has presented itself.
maybe i have misunderstood pple. like i did about my best fren, who cun handle my almost depression state, but i knew, it was myself who have to walk out. but in the end, i slowly see the light.
but i guess, maybe times i need a break working and frens, can they mix? maybe i just dun suit this at all.
sometimes i find gossiping about who does this and y? and are they going out with each other quietly blahblah, is getting into me coz i seriously am not tat kind of girl, who giggles and start to gossip pple i am actually serious. yet fun loving. fun loving as in i will crack jokes at myself and make a fool of myself. who ever goes out with who...okay lor...go la! aiyo...it doenst excite me actually if they are good, they are good! great! less 2 single parties? hahaha seriously.
i dun like to use others as a kind of entertainment it is nice once in a while to kill boredom, but ultimately, i cant coz i get very disturbed in the end. i can misunderstand pple, i can suddenly snap. and i think i have done so, and it is killing me right now. so badly and i hate myself when i do, this is bad which is y the enviornment isnt making me a better person. shan and i agreed, we need to improve ourselves not be in something tat makes us bad. coz we arent!
but i seriously, i would love to help and i seriously think she is really a dear fren of mine. at work, she always never forget me. and she din give up on me when i sobbed there. she was there for me and i would love to be there for her. being nosey, has become a concern and i dunno if i am hurting her.
hahaha silly me, tearing alittle now coz of what she has said "i dun like the constantly crying huishan and huihui" emotional? hell yeah, but she makes me feel alittle real and me being huihui.
JIAYOU HUISHAN AND HUIHUI!! we wil be happy and strong pple!
i guess toking to suli tat day brought me to think on wat i do really want to do. and reading this thing makes me alittle happy that i knew i wasnt too wrong abut myself.
just remembering wat shan said about karma. and suddenly it struck me so now, everyday on my desktop...there's this notepad with "focus, karma and it is not your f**king problem" to remind myself.
nice
this should be accurate for this looks into my birthdate and birthtime and their are just excerpts! hahahaha
You are the humanist par excellence - equality, liberty, and fraternity" is your motto, and this is not just a phrase for you. You dislike pomp, artificiality and privilege, and are drawn to what is modest, simple and natural in life. The total picture is of an extremely well-integrated individual. You probably had a happy youth and as a result will enjoy many healthy relationships. In love you play the role of a gardener, tending to the needs of your love partner. .. If your inner growth is such that your vital energies are oriented toward spiritual rather than material pleasures, then you will arrive at gratification and happiness through inquiry into the mysteries of life and death. .. Although changeable in appearance, your life is guided by very definite and fixed principles, one of which is a constant demand for personal freedom. In love you are a strange character. You can easily be emotionally attracted to one person and yet unpredictably terminate relationships. 9:40 PM |
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Monday, April 02, 2007
well, this post shall be dedicated to a person haha sitting 2 seats in front of me i felt guilty and i think it is somewhat the way it only made me realise the silliness of me all.
sometimes i wonder how much an environment can change some1. the pple u hang out with, the pple you tok to, the pple u gossip, the all and all.
but have we have gotten a grip of everything about OURSELVES?
this is the topic of the day.
i admitted that due to alot of hearsay and alot of stuff going through my head now. it is very unhealthy and i shall not be deterred from now on.
it also brought to the point whereby maybe many things happened and sucked pple into the whirlpool which i have NEVER encountered b4.
u do learn new things everday. but constantly trying to improve yourself is harder. but i am still trying. i rememeber how last friday was like, sobbing uncontrollably in the ladies with S squatting with me i remembered very clearly wat i have said or rather rambled "as time goes by, u are always trying to change, constantly improving yourself, but it seems it is NEVER good enuff for others. pple come and go, and waves of pple NEVER stop judging u and will never find you good enuff."
and how silly it was that i said tat and i have caused harm to others. the same as others have done to me.
vicious cycle. bad bad girl.
Sorry Lawrence. i guess i have disappointed u as much as i might have disappointed with myself as much as i thot i was disappointed in you! (sure going in circles)
but hey, watever i have said, meant good still. like how u have reacted at work, blahblah...i still like the old larry... heehee..at this stage, i still want to say that i am right in some way...huge ego and so sue me. *slap my mouth* yah yah, go ahead and bish me up.
and since u like to care about me by reading my blog, there u go. this post is for you!
and this sounded weird but i am sincere about this post..not like u...sweet tougue...
by the way, i have been selling you to pk but she never buys it. i say u care about family and u care about pple in subtle ways and i told her he is a family man!
hahaha.. hey i do think good about u... bleah if tat is wat u r looking for.
11:36 PM |
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"my heart is somehow bleeding.."
been listening to music and lyrics OST just want to blog some things that hit me most of the time and how jo mentioned how some just want to find out about one's life through their blog.
and how often the pple are just ard u?
then listented to some words, to find my soul somewhere. it struck me more.
how often ppl actually managed to find their way back into love, life, frens, family? and of coz, work.
it is like committing a crime that u thot you will try not to, but u did. and u cant break free.
sometimes it bleeds when it struck me that one day if u thot u found your way back somewhere u really love and care about, it never existed.
i just reminded me of the (my) bad crush one can have in jc days hahaha. and maybe tats y i dun want to look back into that but maybe i am still experiencing the kind of effects of a bad crush.
it starts to bite. just like u think ur work sucks and u r not doing anythin about it
Sunday, April 01, 2007
What we talk about when we talk about love by uncle larry
No thoughts in their mind, just broad nothingness. Snoring lightly, he sweats a little under the warmth of the fabric, sometimes turning. As a mild contrast, she is in deeper sleep, her head leaning firmly on his arm, never once flip. Time ticks slowly, for once, the world smells of sweet nonchalence. A lazy afternoon on a Sunday.
He turns, the movement of his arm hits her lightly. "Hmmm.." she awakes briefly but quickly repositions herself back close to him ; and continue dwelling in the peacefulness of slumber. The sun keeps shining in the outside world; nothing takes these moments away, and they belong to the couple, who falls asleep peacefully, hand in hand, warm body against warm body. A moment etched in timelessness
his inspiration was drawn while chatting with PK. hahaha maybe tat's y the passage. how sweet. hahaha i am indeed dying of sweetness.
but it is indeed sweet to have sleep in some1's arm on a sunday morning, not giving a damn on anything! it would be even better on a rainy sunday just like today. with thunders, the heavily accented rain... ahhhhh 4:12 AM |
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